Half Alive

He mirrors Peniel’s actions slightly, picking up his cup of hot chocolate as the older boy picks up his snack. He’s about to bring the cup to his lips when Peniel speaks again. Kinda relate? That could mean so many things and it was sending Kwangmin’s head spinning. Kinda relate as in Peniel often had people coming up to him thinking he’s a psycho? Kinda relate as in Peniel was also a shaman? No, that couldn’t be – then Peniel would’ve seen the spirit as well. Then… was he a mutant? Kwangmin quickly looks up upon realizing what the other is trying to hint, and he’s about to ask him what powers he had, but decides that that’s probably not the best choice, considering how the older boy seemed to be skirting around the topic. Peniel’s next words confirms Kwangmin’s thought process, and Kwangmin nods, leaning back in his seat as he sets the cup of hot chocolate down. Peniel was right – plus, Youngmin has always been nagging him about being more cautious about revealing his powers to others and about anti-mutants lurking around. Perhaps Kwangmin was just too excited to find another mutant, but he inwardly chided himself, nevertheless.

He’s counting down the days till this dumb exchange programme ends. So much for “making him more open to his peers”, Kwangmin couldn’t help but think that this school was an exact replica of the nightmare he had back in Sori. Then again, he probably would have been left alone if he had not tried to play hero. Perhaps it was because he could see himself in the boy who was constantly being picked on and never seemed to be able to escape the ring of bullies surrounding him, but Kwangmin felt the need to help the kid out, and he did. Except he himself wasn’t an expert in dealing with bullies, and so all he managed to do was to divert their attention to him.

He falls in pace with Jaebum, opting to walk beside him rather than in front of him. It’s slightly awkward, considering what had just happened, but Kwangmin tries not to seem too uneasy. He kind of wants to start talking to break the tension, but he doesn’t really want to discuss anything until they are seated down. Starting some small talk about each other’s lives would be a bit strange as well if he would have to interrupt that with a rather touchy subject. So, he decides to make their journey short by leading the way to a café he remembers seeing on the way to the train station. Again, a sense of guilt pricks at his conscience as he remembers the list of nice food places he was planning to bring Jaebum to.

He feels awful. Youngmin has always protected Kwangmin, be it from bullies at school, or punishments by their parents back when they were kids. But now it felt like the brother he had known since the day he was born was his enemy. He wasn’t even sure if he could trust him now.

The mention of the Brotherhood sets off blaring alarms in his head, and Kwangmin feels as if the whole world had turned upside down with him in it. He does remember his uncle being involved with that organization, and vaguely remembers what they did. But his uncle never really opened up to him, especially since he was weaker than Youngmin and couldn’t keep up with training. But what makes his throat constrict and heart beat faster is the conversation he had overheard just now on the streets. About the Brotherhood and the gang of anti-mutants who had been brutally murdered. There’s a bitter taste in his mouth, and all Kwangmin can do is shake his head in disbelief. He snatches his hands away from Youngmin as his brother reaches for them, only able to imagine the amount of blood that has stained the very fingers that were about to touch him.

Kwangmin felt sick.

He doesn’t really understand what Peniel is asking at first, and blinks blankly at the other for awhile before it finally clicks. “Abilities? Like…” he looks around before leaning in slightly, “like a mutant?” He’s cautious, only because he’s heard many warnings from his brother about anti-mutants and such. He doesn’t really even need a warning, actually, considering the fact that he has been a victim of anti-mutant activity before. Kwangmin figures that it was pretty much a given that he was a mutant, and didn’t really see a point in trying to hide anything. Besides, he had already made his mind up about telling Peniel, so this was a point of no return. “Yeah, I am.”

“What do you mean ‘what did he tell you’? I think you know full well what he told me, unless you think you can still hide anything else from me,” he looks straight into his brother’s eyes, hands clenching the edge of the coffee table as he wills himself not to back down, not to look away. He might have let Youngmin off the hook earlier, but this was different. “So is that why you’ve been coming back with wounds and bruises so often? Is what Jaebum said true? Are you really a…” Kwangmin trails off – he can’t say the word, he just can’t. He curses himself for letting his voice tremble, for letting himself appear weak in front of Youngmin. He’s pretty sure tears are welling up in his eyes now, and all he really wants to do is run away from everything. But at the same time, there were so many questions that Kwangmin was dying to ask. Why was Youngmin doing this? When did he start doing this? What could he possibly gain from doing this?

They finally reach the store, and Kwangmin sends a soft greeting the shop owner’s way, bowing slightly as both of them enter. He glances at the clock behind the store counter quickly – it’s barely five, which means he probably has some time before Myungsoo has to leave, that is, if he’s even willing to spend the rest of his time with Kwangmin. The store isn’t very big, so finding the aisle with the various candies was no hard feat. Kwangmin glanced around the store, waiting for Myungsoo to choose his lollipop. It was kind of weird – the store seemed so… empty. Everywhere did, actually. Not seeing any spirits around was pretty strange, but he was very sure he could and would get used to it.

Only managing a weak nod, Kwangmin cleared his throat. He was going to accept the other’s apology and say that it was okay, all is forgiven, but there was a small grudge that has nestled deep in his chest, preventing the words from forming. Was it really okay for someone to just attack him like that in public? Granted Jaebum had mistaken him for Youngmin, but what frustrated him to no end was that he had no clue what his brother had been up to to have made an enemy like that. What in the world was his twin doing and why didn’t he have the slightest clue? His eyes narrowed slightly, not really appreciating Jaebum’s joke at the current moment, especially not with his dampened mood. But then again, the other boy really wasn’t to blame – Kwangmin was taking his frustration out on the wrong person. So he sighs, this time with a hint of resignation, and shakes his head. “I thought my relationship with my brother was good… but apparently not because I just found out that he might very well be an assassin and hiding that fact from me.” Then, he thinks of something really crazy – what if this was all a test? After all, he’s known his brother for all his life but the boy before him? He’s only known him for a few minutes in real life, despite all the other times they’ve talked to each other like best friends online. Was he really going to trust Jaebum at the expense of his relationship with Youngmin? Kwangmin really feels like screaming, or perhaps jumping down onto the train tracks and getting run over.

“Oh, it’s fine – I don’t mind at all,” Kwangmin smiles, reassuring the other boy. As Peniel left him to find a seat, Kwangmin’s mind began to wander. Should he bring up the whole talking to himself thing or should he leave it as it is? The older boy seemed to have forgotten about it, and Kwangmin didn’t really want to ruin this nice atmosphere by reminding the other that he could be mentally unsound. Then again, he felt like he should at least give trying to explain himself a shot, especially since Peniel seemed like a pretty understanding guy. Kwangmin was soon snapped out of his little daydream as he reached the front of queue. The lady manning the counter seemed pretty irritated, especially since Kwangmin’s brief stupor had managed to hold up the long queue. The shaman could only smile sheepishly, hastily placing his order.

Carefully weaving his way through the people standing around the counter waiting for their food to be ready, Kwangmin began to look for Peniel, cautious about not bumping into anyone or upsetting the tray in his hands. He soon found the other boy seated at a table at the corner, and made his way there. “Sorry it took a little long – I think the office crowd is starting to come in,” Kwangmin says, setting the tray in the middle of the table before taking a seat.

He picks up two bowls from the dish rack, briefly rinsing them because he wasn’t entirely sure that they were clean. Kwangmin’s not really up for helping his brother out – especially after he had ruined the most important part of dinner. But hey, beggars can’t be choosers and Kwangmin really should’ve known better when Youngmin had offered to cook in the first place. Kwangmin sets the two bowls filled with porridge on the table, laying the utensils out neatly as well before taking a seat on the couch. “Okay with what? Dinner? I’m really not,” he jokes, his words holding no bite to them. “But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?” Kwangmin grins, taking a bite of the piece of chicken. It wasn’t… that bad.

Kwangmin felt a small wave of embarrassment wash over him when he realized that Peniel wasn’t from Sori. A visitor knew more about his hometown than he did! That was slightly humiliating. Ask the young shaman what nice cafes there are in Sori and you can expect a puzzled look. Granted, Kwangmin never cooked at home and often ate out (given his brother’s lack of ability to cook and his own laziness), he has never had the luxury to visit cafes, or take note of the best ones in town. His daily meals usually consisted of ready-made food bought from convenience stores and on happier days, he’d splurge at the nearby night market. “Is that so? I’ve been living here all my life and I had no idea that we had good food places,” Kwangmin smiled sheepishly. “Although the night markets do have really affordable and good food! You should visit them one day.”

The thought of caffeine sounds incredibly tempting, especially after a long day of work, but the headache that Kwangmin is sure will follow afterwards? Maybe not. The mutant has never been able to drink coffee, which he finds a real pity because a booster like caffeine would be really useful, given his job. “Ah, I can’t take coffee – it always gives me a headache,” he finds himself flashing another sheepish smile at the other boy. “I think I will take a hot chocolate and… yeah, a chocolate croissant sounds good.”

He flinches a bit as he sees Jaebum reach a hand out towards him, not expecting the flick on the forehead at all. Not wanting to seem like too much of a pushover, he swats the other’s hand away, a frown on his face. Kwangmin is trying to look as serious as his late father, as menacing as his late uncle, and as tough as his older twin brother. But he knows that the amount of malice behind that frown of his is barely enough to scare a kitten away. The nudge gets on his nerves, and he swats that arm away from him too – what, you flip a person over your shoulder and then you act all buddy-buddy with him?

“Like I said, I have no idea what you are talking about. I’m 500% sure that you’ve gotten the wrong person – I’ve never seen you before in my life,” Kwangmin is exasperated and out of breath, heart rate rising to dangerous levels – out of anger or out of fear, he wasn’t so sure.

Assassin? Wow, okay – if Kwangmin’s brows could go up any further, they would be off his face. He’s definitely not an assassin and is starting to wonder if the person before him has gone bonkers. Do assassins even exist? Weren’t they just comic book characters and whatnot? The circle of people starting to surround them doesn’t go unnoticed by Kwangmin. In fact, it made him even more flustered, ears turning a deep shade of red. The young shaman scanned the crowd, searching for a gap in the sea of people through which he might be able to make a quick escape, that is, until Jaebum’s words catches his attention. Red hair? Now, Kwangmin has never had red hair, but he is pretty sure he knows of someone who does, and looks like him on top of it all.

Everything made sense now.

“W-what?” he stuttered, slowly opening his eyes, only to find himself in a very… awkward position. Immediately, Kwangmin scrambled to push himself away from Jaebum. He put in all his effort to push at the older boy’s chest, and ended up with his back hitting the ground rather painfully.

Kwangmin was so confused. Mr Hot-Tempered-Assassin? Alter ego? He would be lying if he said that Jaebum’s words didn’t hurt him one bit, but this wasn’t the time to get all sensitive. The person whom he has talked to for the longest time, albeit through the internet and without knowing his face, has just attacked him! That’s probably why they are so active in promoting cybersafety, Kwangmin muses.

The rolling of eyes doesn’t go by unnoticed by Kwangmin and it ticks him off a bit but he doesn’t really do anything about it. He briefly wonders if this is the worst wound Youngmin has ever gotten, and starts to freak out a bit because he’s not sure what he’d do if his brother were to come back with a bullet wedged into his flesh one day.

The teasing only deepens Kwangmin’s frown, and makes him decide that if Youngmin doescome back with a gunshot wound, he’ll let him bleed to death – but not on the carpet. Maybe outside their apartment. “Sure you do,” he finally says.

The compliment takes Kwangmin by surprise, and he just knows from that stupid smile that his twin was up to something. He groans as Youngmin calls dibs on taking a shower first, but can’t help but laugh as he watches his brother make his way to the bathroom. Technically, if he wanted to, Kwangmin could totally overtake Youngmin at the speed he was going at. But since he was the nicer out of the two, he’ll act the role.

Considering that their TV has been broken for the past four months, Kwangmin doesn’t really have anything to do as he waits for Youngmin to finish his bath. So his mind starts to wonder again, to all the issues that he can’t help but think about – the murder today, The Brotherhood, his brother… A soft thud snaps him out of his thoughts, and as he looks at the towel on the couch and his brother, arm still outstretched from throwing it, he rolls his eyes and scoffs.