Negative.

/he probably stares at the text message once every few minutes, but leaves it unreplied to for at least two days-- mainly because it makes his stomach hurt, mainly because it reminds him of the unavoidable loneliness to come. something in him just wants to shatter the phone, slam it against something, drench it in the bath tub, drop it in the garbage disposal-- but, instead.

[ SMS ] thanks! don’t let your schedule wear you out too much. eat well too!

There's rhythmic beeping and fluorescent lighting and the first thing Kyungsoo sees are ceiling tiles as his bleary lashes part. This wasn't hell. This wasn't heaven, either, though he had always been kind of positive he wasn't gonna make it there in the first place. There's a raw, empty ache that's radiating throughout his stomach and ribs and chest and he turns his attention from his grandmother sleeping in the arm chair to the wires and tubes connected to his arm.

And he starts sobbing at his failure.

                        ________________________________________________________

By the time he can leave the hospital he's sick of being there. The psyche evaluations, getting forced to eat when everything feels like grainy dirt in his mouth. It's exhausting. He's tired of seeing the same fragile, worried expression on his grandma's face, too. But she's made it clear that he's not going back to that apartment. He's going to have to see that fragile expression a lot. Kyungsoo knows she's scared. But he's weary.

There's one place he asks to go on the way back. One stop. The animal shelter. And he finds it amusing underneath everything, because nobody questions him. It's like when you do something so terrible and so serious, the people around you are more delicate and willing to give you what you want. He's garbage.

Do Kyungsoo | Soo

• WHAT WAS YOUR: 
Last Beverage: Water. 
Last phone call: Grandma. 
Last text message: "Gross, you’re closing then?” from a friend.  Last song you listened to: Sound System by Operation Ivy. Last time you cried: Been a while.

• HAVE YOU EVER: 
 Dated someone twice: Ari. Been cheated on: I don’t think so. 
Kissed someone and regretted it: Nah. 
Lost someone special: A handful of times. Been depressed: This is a struggle. Been drunk and threw up: Yes.

• LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: 
 lavender, mint, yellow.

• LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU: 
 Made a new friend: Mm, and lost them too-- 
 Fallen out of love: Yeah. 
Laughed until you cried: “99% of the time when I hang out with kyungsoo” Leaving this here. 
Met someone who changed you: Yeah, but for the better. Found out who your true friends are: Meh, I’m a good judge of character usually. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah.

• FIRSTS: 
 First surgery: Tonsils. 
First piercing: N/A. First best friend: Well I thOUGHT my best friend was Baro but he didn’t list me as his bestie so I s’pose my best friend is Kyo. 
First sport you joined: What is sports even. First vacation: Mountains with grandpa and big brother. First pair of trainers: I dunno? Vans sneakers probably.

• RIGHT NOW: 
 Eating: Taquitos.   
Drinking: Water. 
I’m about to: Cuddle Denny to sleep. Waiting for: nothin’.

• YOUR FUTURE: 


Want kids: only with Denny. 
Get married: super only with Denny. Career: Eventual restaurant owner.

• WHICH IS BETTER: 
 Lips or eyes: Lips. Hugs or Kisses: Hugs. Shorter or Taller: Taller. 
Older or younger: Denny is younger than me, but.. Usually, older men.  Romantic or Spontaneous: Spontaneous. Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms!!! 
Sensitive or Loud: Loud. Hook-up or relationship: This varies. . 
 Trouble maker or hesitant: I’m hesitant with a dash of confrontational.

• HAVE YOU EVER: 
 Kissed a stranger: Nah. Drank hard liquor: Once upon a time. Lost glasses/contacts: Sunglasses, but I found ‘em. Sex on first date: Rarely.  Broke someones heart: Unfortunately.  
 Been arrested: Nah. 
Turned someone down: Yeah. 
Cried when someone died: No. Fallen for a friend: Denny.