ƒαя-єαѕт cσммαη∂єя

requited    feelings     and    shared    affection     prompts    the    span   of   growing    curve       /        nose    and    ears      FLUSHED      with    embarrassment            ,               yet    her   mouth    becomes    the   bridge   that    connects    them               ,            pushing    ‘gainst    the    soft    of    his    lips     while    hands    grip    tighter    at    the    fabric     on     his    shoulders       .         if    heaven   exists    ,      she’s    sure    it’s    not   as    blissful    as    this    moment         .          it      might      be    the       LAST    TIME       ,          future    uncertain        ,        so    she    carefully     treasures      this            ,           savours     every    second     and    studies    every    movement    he    makes         :        the    way     he     holds     her           (       TENDER    AND    ADORING      )           ,           how     he     matches       such      gentleness      with    the     soft     touches    of    his    mouth                                 please       ,          god        ,        don’t     let    this    glimpse    of    happiness     end     .

she   wants    to    cry    out    of    joy          :              the    thing    she      wished    for     most       was     finally     happening           .            whether    pity    or     some    form    of     adoration        ,          she’s    in    his    arms      ,        tucked    and    held      within     in    a      PERFECT       form                                         she      belongs     here      .      this    will     have    repercussions       ,       she’s    sure    they’re     both     well     aware    of    that      ,        but     to     deny     their     feelings     was     a     crime     in        itself        .           chibiusa    is    the    first    to    pull     back         ,          lingered     mouth    hovers      bellow      his         ,           sooty    eyes     fluttering     open     and      peppermint     sigh      waning       .              wah           .      .      .            dainty    palms     grip    gently    at    his    shoulders          ,           noting    how    much   broader    than     hers    they    are       :       a   man     .         poppies     suddenly     bloom     on     her     cheeks     at      the    realization            ,        feeling   self-conscious    of    her     own    feelings    and    the      KISS       they’ve     just    shared       .                ❛               c-can   we    do    that   again        .       .       .           ?              ❜  

his   mouth   was   on   her   before   she   could   BLINK        ;        saccharine  daubed   and   velvet   borne    ,     just   as   she    remembered     it        .        eyes   fall   shut       ,        accelerated   heartbeat     that    pounds    heavily   in   its   cage                            was    she    DREAMING       ?        for   a  moment   she   considered   it     ,     that   lightening   had   struck   and   she’d   been   sent   to   heaven    .      but   his   presence   was   so   prominent    ,      his   touch   so   real      :        this    was    happening       .         let   go   of   your   worries      ,       insecurities   set   aside    ;     they   can   deal    with     karma      later    .        for   now     ,      she   wraps   her    arms    ‘round   him      ,     palm    at   the   back   of   his   neck   to   bring    him  closer                         let   the   wall   betwixt   them   crumble     ,        walk   the   bridge   to   reach   him   on   the   other   side    and   don’t    let    go       !           for   if   they’re   to   defy   the   heavens     ,     it’s   better   to   do   it   right   and   without   regrets      .

to say this was the point of no return seemed like a dramatic exaggeration; however for all intensive purposes after this there would be no going back. he wouldn't be able to part from her lips and tell her it meant nothing or carry on as though nothing had happened. this was the beginning of their doom. and yet the only thing jadeite could think of was if that was the case then why did it taste so sweet? despite all her words a part of him had still feared she might push him away or pull back, refusing to go down this rabbit hole with him. but when her arms wrapped around him the blonde couldn't help sinking deeper into the kiss, hands sliding from her shoulders to her waist to ensure that there was as little space between them as possble. surely enjoying such a sweet sensation as this was not allowed to go unpunished but for the moment he allowed himself to forget all outside factors, forget the discussions that would be had and focus solely on the girl in his arms until his lungs cried for air.

memorise   his    scent       ;       how    golden   curls    ghost   over   his   forehead   when  he’s   leaning   down    to     reach   your    height       ;      the    way    his   mouth    moves   when    he’s    mumbling    unwanted   apologies       ;       the    LOOK    he’s   giving   you   as   he’s   apologizing   for   something    he   didn’t   do     .      sigh      .       eyes   close    as   his    breath   hits   rose   petals    and   she   felt    a   single   TEAR     trailing     sun-kissed    cheek      .      was    this    it      ?       his    way   of   rejecting    her    turned    into    apology    ?      felt   fingers   curling     (     GRIPPING     )        ‘round   the   hem    of   her   skirt      ,     fighting    the   urge    to   just   lean   forward   and   stop   his   apologies   from   slipping             -         that’s   not   fair    to    him     ,     though      :        he’s    REJECTING    her    so   she   should   leave   it    at   that     .      but   hands   move   north    ,      dainty   palms    cradling   his   cheeks    with   gentle    care      .             ❛         mhm   .     you   have   nothing   to   be   sorry   for   .          ❜                whispers    in    that   sweet   voice   of   hers     ,     masked   sorrow    with   a      small    smile     .                ❛        thank   you      .      .      .      for   being   so   kind        .     .     .           ❜  

GRIP    BECAME    TIGHTER    AND    HER    RESOLUTION    LOOSER       .       to    let    him   go       ;        let    these    feelings    go      ,      for    she   doesn’t    know    whether    he    feels    the    same    or    not      .        she’s    in    a    love      LABYRINTH      with    no   exit    and    nothing    but    obstacles       .        silly    child    who    has    nobody    to    blame    but    herself      .              ❛          .      .      .        ok         .      .       .             ❜            when    he    pleads    like    this       ,        whether    platonic    or    romantic      ,         guilt    builds   inside     :       should’ve    kept     quiet       ,        let    him   walk    his    path    without    bumps      .       let    his    feelings   for   another    grow   without    complications     ;        she   wonders    if    she   should    start    avoiding   him    .      would    it    make    him     SAD        ?            they    were    friends    before    after  all                     chibiusa    wasn’t    being   fair       .         spearmint    sigh      :     the   day   wasn’t    even   finished   and   she’s   already   tired     .

He stayed like that for a long moment, letting time pass as though it were just the two of them. If someone were to see them it might seem completely odd. by the same token if he were to step back after this long embrace and say goodbye it wouldn't be completely unexpected. one last embrace before finally letting her go - wasn't that how all the sad stories about romance went? it was simply the wrong place at the wrong time; perhaps in another life they could have worked out. and yet . . . jadeite pulled back from the embrace, putting pressure on her shoulders so she would turn to face him again. a part of him wanted to apologize again to her for getting her into this mess despite the fact that she had told him to stop doing such things. besides one couldn't control what the heart did. maybe if he had been meaner to her or noticed her less she would have never fallen for him; but the blonde could never do that to her. “i. . . “ apology started to form on his tongue as his head craned down towards hers. his gaze had gone to her lips, etching them into memory as he drew closer until his own were nearly on top of hers. “i’m sorry. . .”

how    am   i    supposed    to    answer       ?           heart    wants   to    leap    out    of    its    cover        ;        to   turn    and    hug    him        ,          KISS    HIM         in     a     sempiternal    bliss      .         but    what    if    this    was   nothing    but    a   platonic    hug    and    words    that    were    just     dropped   with   the     mood      ?       a    few   minutes   ago    he   was   telling   her    to    FORGET    about    the    kiss      ,      after    all     .           ❛           y-y-you’re    confusing   me      ,       jadeite     .         the    things    you’re    doing    and    saying     .     .     .      i - i    don’t    know    what   to    think   of    them    or    how    to    react     .     .     .           ❜            voice    low   and   sweet      ,      body    heat    rising    and   wanting   nothing    more    than    to    pull    away    before    her    heart   gives   out      .

❛        did   you   not  hear   me     ?        if   blaming   you   if   impossible    ,    how   could   i   ever    do   any   of   those   things    ?        ❜           strangled   sort   of   cry   caged   in   her   throat      /       how    UGLY    ,     to   be    her       .        to   still   expect   something                        she   must   be   a   terrible   person    .      this    is   god’s   punishment   for   her   sin      ,     she    thinks    .       at   his   words      ,       she   turns   ‘round   albeit   locked   hands   lingered    (       a   sinful  warmth   she   doesn’t   yet   want   to   let   go   of     )      .         ❛         .       .       .     this   way   you   won’t   see   my   face    .    .    .      it’s   probably   all  ugly   and   swollen   from   crying    ,    anyway                        ah    ,     that   was   not   an   invitation   for   a   pity   compliment    ,     though    .        ❜        sighs     ,     exhausted    :      she   had   thought   he   would’ve   rejected   her    and   left   things   at   that   by   now     .        ❛        but   this   is   why   i   said   i’d   do   my   best   to   avoid   you    .    .    .     i’m   not   confident   i   can   smile    normally    when   you’re   around   so       .     .      .     just   give   me   time      .     .     .      to   get   over   you     .     .     .          ❜

shakes   her   head   to   disregard   his    apology       ;      she   didn’t   want   to   hear   it       .        apology   equals   rejection      ,      so   she’d   rather   he   didn’t   say   anything   at   all      .                 ❛        that’s   a   very   cruel    thing    to   say       .     .     .        ❜                no   .     CRUEL   were   the   latter   of    his    words    :      question       .         made   her    ache   so   terribly                        girl    once   aware   of   PURE   LOVE    only   now   dreams   of   those   innocent   days       .            ❛          you   are        .     .      .        if   you   don’t   like   me   then                           ❜              palm   overlaps   where   his   hand   stood   at   her   shoulder    ,      lissome    fingers    wrapping   ‘round   to   grab   hold   of   it    and   lingers     ,      unable    to   finish   her   sentence     .                 ❛          i         .    .     .      don’t   know   what   you   want   me    to    do       .     .     .             ❜ 

ruby   irises   expand       ;      shoulder   touched       ,       followed   by   kind   words   that   she   somehow   couldn’t   believe    in        ;         falling   in   love   with   someone   who   already   had   a  girlfriend   was    wrong   enough     .                ❛         i’ll     .     .     .     find   a  way   not   to   make   it   look   weird    .     .     .         ❜          summer   flush   swept   countenance   at   the   latter       ,       heart   doing   what   it   SHOULDN’T      ;       hand   grips   skirt   and    gaze   drops   to   his   chest         (      oh  so   tall   in   comparison   to   her  :    small   details   that   could   get   her   into   trouble     )      .                ❛        please   stop         .     .      .       when    you   say   that    you   just   pointlessly   raise   my   hopes    .        ❜             meets   his   gaze   once   more     ,     gloom-borne   smile    and   a   sigh   waning   past   bruised   lips    .            ❛       you’re   silly    .    .    .     it’s   physically   impossible   for   me   to   blame   you   .       ❜ 

feet   shift      ,     watching   their   continuous   appearance   and   disappearance   as   she   swings   her   legs   .    grip   tightens   ‘round   the   chains        ,         his   compliments      (    one   after   the   other   )      partnered   with   the   latter   comment    only   squeezing   her   heart                          OH   HOW   IT   HURT      !        cruel   fate   that    plays   games    with   her   feelings       :      the   one    person    she   wanted   most   is   the   one   she   can’t   have      .                   ❛           stop    that       !            stop   being   kind   to    me     !        i   know  you’re   just  a  kindhearted   person    ,      alright      ?          but  you   don’t   need   to    pretend   i’m   not   awful    .     .     .      why    else   would   you   have        ?       ❜           there’s   no   reason     ,     she   knows     ;      it  was   PITY       .         bites   down   on  her   lip   so   hard    a    pinch   of   blood   draws   out     before   jumping   out   of   the   swing    ,     turning   to   him    in   an   apologetic   bow      .            ❛           anyway    ,     i’m    sorry   .    i -  i   won’t   see   you   again   .     if   we  do     ,    i - i’ll   make   sure   our  eyes   won’t   meet   again    .     .     .       ❜            gaze   avoids   his   for   she   knows   tears   threaten   to   spill   if   she   meets   them     .

sits   down  on  the  swing   with  hands   on   her   lap       ,       gripping   them   tightly   when   he   mentions   the   kiss    .      like   preparing   for   the   inevitable   hurt   of   practically   being   rejected                            why   else   would   he   want   to   talk  to   her   now    ?      he’s   a   good   person     ,     chibiusa    knows   this     .      

THERE   IT   WAS     .       expected   and   yet      ,     the   unbidden   tear   that   crossed   blush-kissed   cheeks   betrayed   all   she  hoped   to   be        .         STRONG       .         hand   quickly   wiped   it   and   composure   was   regained        /        oh   young   one    ,    do   you   hear    your    heart   shatter       ?            ❛           i’m   sorry     .            ❜                no    .     she    isn’t   sorry   about   the   kiss    .            ❛           i’m   sorry      .     .     .        that   i   fell   in  love   with   you    .            ❜            eyes   dropped   to   her   feet   as   they   began   swinging     ,    rocking   her   body   back   and   forth     ;    now   she   looked   like   she   felt    ,       a   child    .              ❛           you  pitied   me     ,     right    ?        that’s   why   you  didn’t   push   me   away   from   the  kiss       ?         you   thought   i  was   pathetic    .      .     .            ❜ 

he freezes when the words i'm sorry leave her lips. part of him wants to run, he doesn't want to have the weight of this on his shoulders and yet even if he wants to his legs have turned to stone. there must be a special place reserved in the afterlife for people like him. those who unknowingly toy with the emotions of others until it doesn't suit them. 

smile   ?    fake   .     feelings   ?    locked   in   their  cage   where   they   belong       .        tossed   and  turned   all   night      ,     GUILT    devouring   her   insides   at   her   actions       ;          what   had   she   done     !     chibiusa   hated   herself      ,       not   only   for   her   sin    but   for   remembering   how  soft   his   lips   were    and   a   desire   to   do   it   again   blooming   in   wrecked   bones   .       she   can   predict   why   he   wanted   to   meet   her    :     most   likely   felt   as   guilty   as   she   did                       but   ah    ,    there   he   is     ,    heart   chanting   what’s   FORBIDDEN     . 

❛          mhm      .    .    .       not   really   ,   i   was   sort   of   expecting   it    .        ❜                where   did   the   confidence   to   look   him   in   the   eye   and   speak   clearly   come   from         ?         perhaps   some   hidden   wish   to   make   him   see   her   as   a   proper   adult    or     perhaps   a   need   to   act   like   one    to   fix    this   .              ❛          things       .    .    .      is   that  what   we’re   calling   THAT   now    ?       ❜ 

she seems to be on the same page as him and in truth jadeite isn’t sure if that’s a good thing or not. in large part because he’s on two pages. his mind seems to be torn in two different directions but rather than explore that he tries to focus on what he knows he should say and do. when she speaks it doesn’t reek of bitterness ( not that he would blame her if it did ) but more matter-of-fact. “the kiss” he states plainly and it almost feels like he’s confessing to a crime when he says it out loud. the kiss, the sweet kiss that had been her lips pressed against his own. the sinful kiss that could doom relationships.