you are your own memorial

Might just be me, idk, but I mean if you’re in a relationship with someone for this long and still don’t feel in love with them, nor feel they’re in love with you, why stay together for the sake of the kid? That’s toxic. And maybe I’m toxic for letting it go on for this long.

I don’t post on here much at all anymore but I wanted to share. When I was 6 years old my mom walked out on me bringing my brother with her and leaving me to the care of my grandparents. Ever since then she was in and out of my life and I would sometimes go 6 months to a year without seeing her. I resented her so much growing up but also just wished she would love me and be my mom. I went through multiple psych units and struggled with heroin addiction for about 7 years. After finally getting sober in 2020 and having my daughter in 2022, our relationship has done nothing but grow.

Last weekend she found out her biological father passed away. Just like her and my father, he abandoned her as well. She last saw him nearly a year ago after 16 years and got him to meet my daughter. She didn’t tell me when the funeral was or where but after finding out, I left work and showed up when she needed me most.

Despite what we’ve been through, holding a grudge would only keep me sick. What matters to me is the effort she puts in today, and I don’t want to be angry anymore. I don’t want to hold her past against her just as I wouldn’t want someone to hold my past against me.

For the people that have been following me for a long time, like since I was a hardcore heroin junkie, I got big things happenin!

I’m officially running process groups at an outpatient level of care for substance abuse and co-occurring disorders!

I still feel like a person like me is not qualified for this sort of thing but it’s motivating to continue learning therapy theories and techniques at an individual and group level. Also have the experience of being a drug addict, being a toxic person, having different mental health disorders, trauma, co-dependent relationships, etc helps a lot too.