Belladonna felt rushed somehow, even though her now former lover, wasn’t exactly physically rushing her out the door. She felt frazzled somehow, like her pride and ego were demanding that she make the perfect dramatic exit that she could not quite get a handle on yet, for her heart and her Damned soul knew that she was too upset for her usual dramatic flair today. She was losing the love for life, how could she still care about appearances? Because she was a selfish being, that’s how. Belladonna had lived centuries burying her feelings deep beneath her surface, the way her mother had always taught her to. Feelings were for humans, a weak thing that showed your flaws and failures to the world. She would never be caught dead showing her emotions, but right now she couldn’t seem to control that urge.

     She walked over to a pile of spell books in the corner, some of them hers and some of them belonging to the woman across the room, clumsily sorting through them to figure out which were hers and which were not. She couldn’t risk leaving something of hers here, she knew that she could never come back. She had just picked up two spell books of her own, ones that had belonged to her mother, when she heard the other speak of how only her people could love her. She almost froze, bent over in front of the pile of books, as if she couldn’t believe what she had just heard. She stood up straight, though her pace was slow, the books slipping between her fingers like sand between your toes at the beach.

     She turned to look at Mab, the look in her eyes almost unreadable. They were like a pool of hurt and betrayal, the ice blue color almost darker now with rage. “How can you say that to me?“ She asked, looking up at the other woman. “How can you say that only they can love you? Have I meant so little to you? Have our years together meant so little to you? Truly?“ She asked, her hand moving up to her stomach, a strange feeling that she may be sick within her. “You cannot tell me that I have not loved you with every fiber of my immortal being. I have come as close to death as I ever could for you, I have bled for you, I came to this place for you. I spent my entire life alone, promising myself that I would never attach myself to another person. But I allowed myself to tangle with you, body and soul. I have been here for you every day since the moment I met you. And still you say I do not love you? Heartless I may be, but to you… I have been anything but“ she said, her voice harsh with pain.

perhaps this was how she was supposed to be. was she always supposed to be alone? everytime she felt as though she had someone at her side, they were soon gone in one way or another. well, anyone that was not of her kind that is. eyes were sparkling beautifully as she watched the other. gods she loved her. she hated her just as much for loving her. she honestly couldn’t even remember what their argument was about anymore, all she knew was that she was feeling such a pain that it couldn’t just be gone by a simple apology or anything of the such. she couldn’t believe she had someone get so fucking close to her. this always happened, no matter who it was! that included her own family. her own sister didn’t talk to her, and her elemental brothers of both earth and fire did not speak with her either. morgana spoke to her from time to time but even she drifted away back to the lake with her mother, and then there was her own mother– the earth goddess, who fell silent. not just to her but to her sister and to the rest of the earth. she was there, but she wasn’t talking to any of them. she was completely and utterly alone. she began to believe that she was cursed to be unhappy for the rest of time. she met her gaze with her own eyes, that were filled with such fury but of course tears began to slowly stream down her cheek, and so she stormed over to shut the curtains and shut the door. she couldn’t let any of them see her like this. she couldn’t afford to look so fucking weak. “i’m sorry i screwed that up for you. so you can go. you can start again and just forget i even exist belladonna.” her voice was as cold as ice, and her fingers drummed over her end table. “i don’t think anyone truly loves me. i’m not destined to such a thing. i am so stupid to even think i had a chance of such a thing. fate is a cruel thing, and it was cruel for having me fall in love with you.”

     “Do you really believe I could forget you? Forget us?” she asked, her gaze searching the face of the other that had contoured in pain. “That I could forget what it feels like to love you, to be loved by you?” she asked, her tone almost accusatory. She walked closer to her, mostly to get her attention, hoping her movement would force the other woman to look up at her as she spoke.

     “What it felt like the first time you kissed me...and the whole world seemed to stop for us” she breathed, the memory so fresh it felt like yesterday. “The first time you touched me and the skies seemed to split open and swallow the stars. The feeling of being pressed against you in the dead of night, the lullaby of your breathing in my ears...feeling as if the gods built you to fit perfectly against me in every way” she said, her voice barely above a whisper now. “No...I don’t think I shall ever forget that. I don’t think I shall ever forget you...and I don’t ever want to” she admitted. 

     Belladonna had been moving about through their home gathering her things, mostly spell books or potion ingredients she was staking claim on. “Don’t be such a martyr Mab!” she hissed looking up at her. How had it come to this? How had they become so miserable, so broken? It seemed like only yesterday she had first met the other in a village of Christians that she had burned to the ground purely out of boredom; where had the last two decades gone to?

     “Do you believe me to be happy about all this? If so you are more foolish than those God loving simpletons of the mortal world” she said, moving away from the door and she began angrily bawling up her dresses and throwing them into a bag she had enchanted to hold all of her belongings without ever getting full. “Do you think I want this? Any of this? I never wanted to love you, to need you. I was raised to believe love was a myth that was created by mortals to make their meaningless lives a little more bearable” she said looking up at her now ex lover, her own icy blue eyes full of tears. “I made it centuries just fine, never needing anyone but myself. And you ruined that! You made me love you, made me want you, made me need you; made me question everything I knew!” she shouted, the fireplace in the corner suddenly raging as her magic began to get away from her. 

     “I hate you, you know. I hate you for making me love you so deeply that I can feel you every time I breathe, so fiercely that you run through my veins like the cursed blood my mother gave to me-so hauntingly that I will spend eternity in my own personal hell because I ever let you in.”

     She walked over to a pile of spell books in the corner, some of them hers and some of them belonging to the woman across the room, clumsily sorting through them to figure out which were hers and which were not. She couldn’t risk leaving something of hers here, she knew that she could never come back. She had just picked up two spell books of her own, ones that had belonged to her mother, when she heard the other speak of how only her people could love her. She almost froze, bent over in front of the pile of books, as if she couldn’t believe what she had just heard. She stood up straight, though her pace was slow, the books slipping between her fingers like sand between your toes at the beach.

     She turned to look at Mab, the look in her eyes almost unreadable. They were like a pool of hurt and betrayal, the ice blue color almost darker now with rage. “How can you say that to me?“ She asked, looking up at the other woman. “How can you say that only they can love you? Have I meant so little to you? Have our years together meant so little to you? Truly?“ She asked, her hand moving up to her stomach, a strange feeling that she may be sick within her. “You cannot tell me that I have not loved you with every fiber of my immortal being. I have come as close to death as I ever could for you, I have bled for you, I came to this place for you. I spent my entire life alone, promising myself that I would never attach myself to another person. But I allowed myself to tangle with you, body and soul. I have been here for you every day since the moment I met you. And still you say I do not love you? Heartless I may be, but to you… I have been anything but“ she said, her voice harsh with pain.

IMPORTANT REMINDER <3

RIP Diane Gaidry (1964-2019)

Anyone with a name that starts with a “Z”, ends with an “i”, and isn’t some kind of Italian pasta, IS SERIOUS

Due to the banning of NSFW content on Tumblr this month, some of you may want to backup your blogs if you’re concerned about having them deleted. Here’s how to do that:

“Written content such as erotica, nudity related to political or newsworthy speech, and nudity found in art, such as sculptures and illustrations, are also stuff that can be freely posted on Tumblr."