Newly into 2025, I had hoped to come into the year with a bang, or at least with the force of a bb gun. Then, my dog died, and my energy and fucks to give ran out. *Womp womp*
Since having insurance I can actually afford, I've been going ham on getting myself seen to. I'm talking to the point where I realized recently that I need to slow down, otherwise, I'll burn out very soon. Can you blame me, though? I've been dealing with a disability for years that hasn't been taken seriously by six out of eight doctors. I finally found a primary that cares about getting me to a healthier place; not only in regards to said disability, but my all around health. You gotdamn right I'ma over do it! But, no, for real, I gotta calm it down.
Starting last week, one of the services I've been taking advantage of this month has been physical therapy. For about two years, my right knee in particular (even though both knees are a bit worn) has been only fairly usable. I've had to use crutches to get around before, but usually, using two knee braces (I'm just now learning I shouldn't have been using) suffices. My killer, I mean, therapist (?) has been working me to the bone. Believe it or not, though, I find it encouraging. I'm so close to the brink of death by the end of our sessions, it reminds me how important it is for me to get back to building my stamina. I went to the gym recently to do some of the exercises in our routine, and it felt great to put that intention behind taking care of myself even further.
More often than not, getting back into working out helps my momentum and gives me the push I need to become more productive. Has it been helping lately? If you consider switching between reading a book, watching my favorite shows, and planning for the time I'm finally ready to work towards my goals and cycling between all of these activities everyday "productive," then sure! It's been helping! (Were you able to get through that long ass sentence without taking a breath? Just me? K, anywho.)
With all that being, I'm patient. I would love to rush the progress, but the truth is, I'm still not okay mentally or physically. My heart still hurts for my babygirl, and I still struggle with chronic aggressive fasciculations taking over my entire body 24/7. I trust that when things get better, I'll hit the ground running and make my dreams happen. But, for now, I'll continue to do exactly what I can and appreciate myself for it.
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Pitchforkâs Album Review on âEmbryaâ by Maxwell
â The reissue of Maxwellâs second album from 1998 showcases the mercurial spirit that followed the R&B auteur down new, aqueous corridors.
In 2011, during the filming of his âVH1 Storytellersâ episode, Maxwell attempted to describe his second album, 1998âs Embrya, and its uneasy position in his discography, the way it wriggles away from the more concrete and clarified R&B statements that surround it. âItâs one of those records where youâre like, âShould I have done that or should I have not done that record?â,â he said, seeming to pose the question to his own audience.
When Maxwell arrived on radio and MTV in 1996, he brought a sound back with him, the quietly storming soul music of the late-â70s and early-â80s, a genre that could hover politely in the air between neighbors at a cookout or totally collapse the air between two people in a bedroom. His debut, Maxwellâs Urban Hang Suite, modeled itself after records like Marvin Gayeâs I Want You, linked sequences of seduction that either blossomed toward or shrank away from the possibility of love; it eventually sold two million copies and earned Maxwell a Grammy nod.
Now he wanted the sound he had pulled from the past to follow him and bend around whichever corner he turned. As he told the Sydney Morning Herald in 2016, âWhat I did with [Embrya], on purpose, was that it was the anti-Afro â70s funk-soul record.â He resisted the notion that his music could be pinned down and examined, and he seemed to want to write music that could circulate forever, that slipped away from any attempt to capture it, like a wave of water or an anxious thought. The songs he wrote for Embrya respond to this inner stubbornness, loosen themselves from their points, spread and pale like watercolors. It was as if had he had opened a window in his urban hang suite and the ocean poured in.
Made primarily as a reaction to his own debut album, Embrya has few previous models for its itself. It is the only R&B record Iâve ever heard thatâs submerged as it is. (Even the Sade records that producer Stuart Matthewman worked on periodically come up for air.) At an hour long, it spills itself across four sides of vinyl on its new reissue, released on the occasion of the albumâs 20th anniversary. It can be difficult to focus on its individual hooks; they rear up and break apart like waves in bottomless lakes of songs. Flamenco guitar solos ripple and die off like pulses on a radar screen. Strings stir and resettle like clouds of silt at the bottom of an aquarium.
Thereâs simply not enough water metaphors on this green earth to describe Embrya. This is by design; few R&B albums, let alone albums in general, embody the liquid rush of desire as completely as it does. Maxwellâs piercing tenor is double-tracked so often that even its edges seem watery, and his lyrics crumble from the direct romanticism of Urban Hang Suite into impressions and feelings that arenât necessarily certain of what they are; he sings words like âplushâ and âblushâ almost interchangeably, and they melt away in pale petals of near-meaning.
As each song wades gradually from chord to chord, it grows harder to determine oneâs position in them, whether at their middles or near their ends or slipping away into new, just-forming instrumentals, as when âMatrimony: Maybe Youââa pop-jazz track smooth and untroubled as the skin of a pebbleânarrowly forks into a funk workout called âArroz con Pollo.â Which isnât to suggest the sound of the album is uniform; its songs are as various and vivid in their depth charges of color as Monetâs âWater Lilies,â which he painted as his vision was failing and the world itself was melting into streaks of color. There are indeed verses and choruses on Embrya; thereâs a deep mysterious pull in the groove of âLuxury: Cococureâ from which the chorus seems to bubble upward. âDrowndeep: Hulaâ is one of Maxwellâs tenderest yet murkiest ballads; if its drumbeat were a little slower and dilated it mightâve produced an early draft of Massive Attackâs âTeardropâ instead. âGravity: Pushing to Pullâ finds Maxwell descending to a pressurized depth, his voice riven with low distortions. But as Embrya advances it can feel just as often like a lens is dwelling over different gatherings of soundâhands swimming up the keys of a synthesizer, basslines played so flexibly theyâre invertebrateâbriefly snapping them into focus before they sink back into the texture of the record.
In this way Embrya somewhat foreshadows DâAngeloâs 2000 masterpiece Voodoo, both artists searching for something even beyond the outer limits of their debut albums, both records achieving something close to perpetual motion in the slow circulation of their grooves. But where Voodoo stretches time out until itâs crisp and brittle, Embryaâs time feels thick and immeasurable and seems to pass in gradual stirrings, the liquid counterpoint to Voodooâs spare, desiccated funk. Itâs an album of traceless, amnesiac swellings, never seeming to quite know where itâs going or where itâs just been, flowing without ever seeming aware of its flowing, which is its truly remarkable achievement. According to Maxwell, Embrya is âa story that unfolds,â but itâs impossible to pick up a single thread of it and follow it to its original source; itâs all source, a concept album in which there is no concept, just feelings, impressions, intimacies and their absences, wave after wave after unending wave of them.â
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