yeah buddy

oily josh is a guy who died but then took a whole extra 3 days and a long detour to go to heaven. these days he comes in lil cracker form but the crackers arent very good. people like him SO much they will kill you about it! you can drink his blood if you want. he never loses his keys cuz he can just clip the carabiner through his palm. and thats everything i know about oily josh

my favorite meme of jesus is the edit of kramskoi's "christ in the desert" where he is smoking a cig. yeah. that's a good one.

guy who says "it's okay im reclaiming it" when you tell him not to take the lord's name in vain

oily josh is a guy who died but then took a whole extra 3 days and a long detour to go to heaven. these days he comes in lil cracker form but the crackers arent very good. people like him SO much they will kill you about it! you can drink his blood if you want. he never loses his keys cuz he can just clip the carabiner through his palm. and thats everything i know about oily josh

The pope made a new commandment

lol this slaps

HOLD BABY JESUS RANSOM UNTIL ST. ANTHONY RETURNS YOUR FREAKING KEYS

immediately tempting god a second time right after you walk off the consequences of the first time. based strictly on the assumption that god won't tell the exact same joke twice in a row

surely three times would be pushing it, lord

lord, a fourth time would no longer be funny in the least

all right, lord - you won, the twenty seventh time was priceless

the power of christ compels YOU. im ok though

i always give a lazy two finger salute when cars stop for me at a crosswalk and it's devolved so much that at this point I feel like an icon of jesus whenever I cross the street

The catholic church has a secret menu just ask for the body of Christ monkey style and they’ll give you a wafer with peanut butter on it

My cousin who works at the church gave us this huge bag of butter fried wafers from the leftovers of the blessed sacrament.

not to sound like a fundy but i hope u know this is sacrilege of the highest order, not a joke, and if it’s true, you will have a shitton to answer for at the gates of Heaven

Even as a prot who does not believe in transubstansiation this is awful, the sacrament is sacred and one should treat the materials with care

personally i eat the wafers and wine together in a bowl like cereal

unmistakable scent of bloodlust radiating off the priest as i make the communion wafer appear from behind his ear for the sixth time, to the endless delight of the congregation

*points at Catherine of Sienna’s foreskin wedding ring* If she can do it why can’t I