"Show me your thorns and I'll show you hands ready to bleed"

I am seeing them Friday and I’m going to ask them to make it official between us

Im sitting on my deck, looking up at the stars and wondering how you are. If anything new is going on?

How is everyone?

My heart is still heavy from losing you, even right now. I know this ache will never go away. You were and always will be my best friend.

I hope you are doing well. I hope you are happy and healthy. I hope you are getting everything you could ever hope for.

But through all of that: none of it compares to you. I’d give it all up just to be able to talk like we used to. I still think about you every single day. One does not go by where you don’t intrude into my thoughts.

I don’t know how prevalent I am in your mind still, but you’re still always at the forefront of mine. I miss you so, so deeply still and I don’t think that will ever change. You were and always will be my best friend.

I’m always here. I always will be here. I know you can’t reach out to me but if you ever can: don’t hesitate. I’ll always answer.

I miss you.

I was just thinking about you.

I broke things off. I don’t know if it’s permanent or not but right now it feels like it is. It’s been tough, given everything that’s going on but I’m hanging in there and doing my best.

She doesn’t know what happened those almost 2 years ago. I never spoke about it and she never questioned me on why we stopped talking.

You’re right about out putting things into a different perspective. My heart feels like it’s been ripped out of my chest yet the only person I want is her. It’s funny, really.

I don’t know what to do here, kid. This isn’t as easy as I’d assumed it’d be. You can never really be prepared for this I suppose.

I saw you were online in your server so I thought I’d write this in hopes you’d see it. I could use some advice here. You’ve always been good at that.

I know a long time ago you’d mentioned that I can comment on your posts but I’ve been hesitant to comment or even like them. Though I see them all. Can I? And can I respond to your comments? I don’t want to mess up anything so I won’t do it until you give me the Ok.

I’d take you up on your offer to watch if it wasn’t at 3 unfortunately. I’ll hop in if I ever can. (That begs the question: do you know who I am in your server? Or are you still unaware?)

If I may ask: how did you do it when it happened to you? How did you forgive and keep going?

It’s strange how certain moments still feel like they belong to us. A dumb joke. A specific song. The way a conversation used to flow so easily at 2AM. I don’t linger on it but it hits sometimes. Quietly. Unexpectedly.

I’ve caught myself wanting to tell you things, small things, stupid things. The kind of stuff no one else would care about, but you always somehow did. Then I remember we don’t talk anymore, and I carry it alone.

I had a weird dream about you. Are you okay? Physically? Is something wrong?

I’m sure it’s nothing.

I hope you’re doing well

Not a day goes by that I don’t miss our friendship. I still miss you every day.

I think I’m pretty anxious perhaps, stressed. There’s a lot on my plate right now. I actually didn’t sleep at all just night and I’ve got work in a couple hours haha

How’re you? Are you well? I heard you had some complications with everything going on. It worried me.

I miss you kid.

I made a lot of mistakes inside of our friendship. I know that now. I’m so sorry. I truly hope you can forgive me. If it means anything, I want you to know that I am doing better. A lot better. I just wish… I just wish we could have talked about it. You know?

It still hurts. So many things remind me of the time we used to spend together. So many little things. Things that don't matter and should be unnoticeable are always there to remind me of you.

But hey, what can you do, right?

I hope you are doing well. I wish I could hear from you. I’d like nothing more than that. I really hope you are happy.