hooking up and cigarettes

Cocking an eyebrow at him, she cracked a smile as she watched one creep onto his lips — it was almost contagious to her most of the time. “Oh please, you know you have the best girlfriend ever.” She half joked, tugging him closer by the hem of his shirt as she spoke. “You’re so demanding why can’t you ever listen to me when I tell you to do things?” Violetta questioned, pouting her lips briefly as she leaned in closer to him. Momentarily, she had brought herself close enough to him that she could feel his body leaning into hers in return. Yet, instead of giving in to what she knew they both wanted, she pulled away with a smirk as she let her hands trace the skin on his torso as she pushed his shirt further up. 

You mean besides a kickass mural of the galaxy on your body, right. Let’s see…. An adorable girls absolute adoration, plenty of chances to messy makeout, and the possible chance to paint on her in return? 

“A mural and a make out session? Shit, I think I might have the best girlfriend ever.”

Just take off your shirt, Alexander. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to find someone else who will let me paint on them.

And what will I get in return? 

Of course I want to be with you. Leaving you was probably the hardest and most painful thing I’ll ever have to endure in this life time, I want you to know that. Oh really? Twelve hours a day, hm? I just —

I don’t want to think about that, it doesn't matter anymore. Fourteen hours if you’re up for it. 

I’m sorry, you know I can’t help it sometimes. But that’s the thing, it isn’t simple. Things with us have never been quite that simple. I’m not going to pretend it didn’t happen, wait — let me rephrase that. I don’t want to pretend it never happened, it did, and I’m not one bit upset over it. I just… How do I promise I’m not going to leave? What if we get back together and then you decide maybe you want to leave in spite of me? I love you with everything I have, X, I do — you know I do. I don’t know if I’ll ever shake that feeling. But you scare the hell out of me, you know? It’s like when we first got together and I couldn’t muster up enough trust to give to you, but then one day I woke up, and it was like everything was in place…. the trust that wasn’t there, was suddenly written in everything we’d ever done. I’m rambling again, aren’t I? Fuck. 

I know it’s not simple, but it’s not that hard either,you either want to be with someone or you don’t. Now I know what I want, the question is, do you? Great because I’m not upset about it either, I like kissing you and having sex with you, in fact if it were up to me we would be doing both of those things twelve hours a day. You can’t promise anything, I get that, but you can to promise me you won’t leave the way you did last time, You scare the hell out of me too, so I guess we’re even. Okay just...... shut up and let me do something....

What the fuck, what? I’m just asking! I’m not sure — did you want it to mean something? I mean… I am psychically able to stay, I know that, I just… maybe I should’ve left last night, you know? But then you kept talking, and I kept looking at you… Now look where we are — confused and waking up like nothing’s even changed. I’m going to have to make the walk of shame out of my old house, oh my god. 

Okay, V, you‘re rambling again. I’m not confused, I know exactly what happened, I told you that I loved you and then we had sex. It’s simple. The thing I don’t get is where we go from here, I don’t want it to mean anything if you’re going to leave the house and pretend like nothing happened. And I don’t want to get back together if you’re going to leave again. If you want to pretend last night didn’t happen I’ll understand, but if you want to stay and talk about it     I’ll be willing to listen. The ball’s in your court. 

So it wasn’t good enough before then? I um — we just, I guess we reverted back to old habits. Should I go? You look like maybe I should go….

How did you get.. what the fuck? You guessed correctly. Is this supposed to mean something or ...?  V, come on. you know you can stay for as long as you want.

No, I’m not saying that all, in fact this was surprisingly better than the last time we did it     it’s just that I don’t know what the hell just happened. 

You fucking better.

That’s weird, because I miss seeing your clothes on the floor next to our bed.

Say it again….

I. Love. You.

There’s not even an ounce of alcohol in my system, if I could take a breathalyzer I honestly would. I’ll remember, but I sure as hell hope you will too. Forever and always, Alexander. 

Good. I have no reason to forget. I love you. Forever and always, babe.

Because I love you.

You’re not drunk right now, right? Because if I tell you that I love you too, I’m gonna need you to remember that tomorrow morning. 

Yes, I’ve possibly changed my mind. Please, you’re the only ex that comes to mind when I’m highly intoxicated and that’s only because when I’d wander off you’d always come find me like you had a tracking device on me, it’s also because you’re usually the only person I want to be around but that’s beside the point. 

I never thought you would. It’s not a tracking device, I just happen to know better than other people do, being able to find you while intoxicated is both a blessing and a curse. Why are you telling me this, V?

It doesn’t matter if I did, remember? I was leaning a bit towards both, but fine, as long as we don’t get any weirder than usual I’ll hangout for a few more minutes.

It matters to me. I don’t want you to do anything stupid, who knows how many more exes you’re going to drunk text?

No, no — I understand. Please don’t explain further, it’s okay really, it wasn’t important. It was stupid of me to even bring it up especially after our heated conversation that involved it. You’ve changed your mind in a way, and my mind should’ve stayed the same. I was just simply weighing options…. Nothing has changed yeah and I’m just, I’m really going to go. 

Wait, did you change your mind? You have that Violetta look that tells me you’re either going to drink too much or commit a homicide .......you should stay for a little bit. 

You don’t seriously think I’d leave this world without leaving you something. I mean, who gets to take care of all my debts? I’d only want you to be burdened by them.

I was hoping you’d leave me money or other valuable possessions, but whatever, I’ll take what I can get.