Letting go has never been my thing.

I should have listened to you when you said, “Nothing will make this easier.” I should have listened to you when you said, “Running won’t get you away from this.” It follows wherever I go🥀 #tigersjaw #snapchatfilter https://www.instagram.com/p/CfzUv8_OkbF/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

It’s with a heavy heart that I make this post. 9-27-21 is the day that I sadly had to say goodbye to my precious angel Norris. It took so long for me to post this, because it’s never easy, and it also took a couple weeks for her ashes to come back. She had suffered with hepatic lipidosis for over a year now, which I believe is a form of liver disease. Sadly she spent a good part of a year in an enclosed room away from the other cats so we could monitor her food and bathroom habits. She spent about 6 months out of the room finally. Then she started to decline again drastically out of no where. I feel so guilty, because I was away at my shows when she started to decline again out of nowhere, and I’ll never shake the thought of feeling like if I was at home and caught it even a day sooner it could’ve helped. I will be the first to say that Norris did NOT like me at all haha. I don’t know why exactly. I could go over and just pet her and she’d start to growl, hiss, and swat at me. I think I smothered her with love, and she hated it haha But I loved her just the same. My precious baby girl went by many different names, just like all of my cats; Norris, Noball, Nosnees, Noballer, Noballz, Bitchface Noball, Tweezen Peasen, and the list goes on. I’ll never forget her beautiful blue eyes and just how gorgeous and sassy this precious girl was. I’ll never forget the way she would cross her paws when she would lay down (like in the video shown as I baby talk her❤️) or how she would literally and purposely smack her head into things as she would rub up against them as she was trying to be nice and ‘flirting.’ I only just started to get keep my cats ashes, and that’s something I’ll never forgive myself for and will never understand why it didn’t cross my mind sooner than with Murby’s passing. I’ll always feel like my cats whose ashes I didn’t keep will feel less loved, and I know that sounds silly, but I can’t help it. I love all of my precious babies the same, and even though I didn’t have a great bond with Noball like I have with some of my other cats, I love her just the same and will miss her terribly and hope she’s no longer in pain💔 Rest In Peace Norris, I love you❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/CVbJv0rvGR4/?utm_medium=tumblr

Happy Edge Day! I claimed when I was in junior high, so when I was about 13 years old or so. 16 years. Never touched anything in my life. I’ve never had any urge or wanted to try anything. I also have an addictive personality, so if I wasn’t Straight Edge and wanted to partake in any of that shit, I can almost guarantee I would’ve been long dead by now. Some people have stories about family with addictions or addictions themselves or seeing it destroy the lives of friends. Luckily, I never had any of that. For some reason there was just always something in me that wanted nothing to do with that my entire life and completely rejected what was so normalized in society. Still here. Sincere. XXX And as always, a Happy Birthday to Mister Bone Daddy himself @chrismotionless!💀 #straightedge #edgeday https://www.instagram.com/p/CVJYQkYgoUj/?utm_medium=tumblr

If for some reason you wanna see me be a sentimental and emotional baby over Motionless In White’s tour last month, you can click here https://www.instagram.com/p/CVECBo5vXU-/?utm_medium=copy_link

I’m super late on posting this, because life was very hectic when I got home, but last month, I was extremely lucky and eternally grateful to have been able to see @miwband at 6 dates during their September tour. The last show I saw them at before this was January 27th 2020. This past year and a half has truly been the hardest time of my life, and I’m sure many others feel that way too. Not just because of covid but everything else life throws at you as well personally. It’s always a struggle to stay positive, but shows and animals make me happy. Those 2 things alone and that’s it. During this time, more times than I’d like to admit, I felt as if shows weren’t enough to keep me going any more. Sometimes you just feel so out of control with life in every facet that you feel so overwhelmed and exhausted that you question things you feel so sure about. Whenever I found out the Creatures 10 Year Anniversary tour/show wasn’t going to happen (thanks covid) as dramatic as it sounds, it went downhill from there. I don’t even need to explain how much that album means to me etc. But as soon as I started the drive to the first show just boppin along to 50’s music knowing my first show in over a year and a half was about to happen, it started to hit me. Standing in line for hours having to hear the dumb and ridiculous shit people say around me was bringing it all back. As soon as the show started, and I started singing and screaming along with @chrismotionless to music that I haven’t seen live in what seems like forever, it hit me. I was sure. It was absolutely enough. That adrenaline. Screaming my fucking heart out along to the lyrics. (Although if you listen closely to some of the videos, you can tell how me not screaming for over a year and a half took its toll on my voice😅). It was all enough, and it means the absolute world to me. This band and these people mean the absolute world to me. (Continued in comments) #motionlessinwhite #miw https://www.instagram.com/p/CVECBo5vXU-/?utm_medium=tumblr

I’m super late on posting this, because life was very hectic when I got home, but last month, I was extremely lucky and eternally grateful to have been able to see @miwband at 6 dates during their September tour. The last show I saw them at before this was January 27th 2020. This past year and a half has truly been the hardest time of my life, and I’m sure many others feel that way too. Not just because of covid but everything else life throws at you as well personally. It’s always a struggle to stay positive, but shows and animals make me happy. Those 2 things alone and that’s it. During this time, more times than I’d like to admit, I felt as if shows weren’t enough to keep me going any more. Sometimes you just feel so out of control with life in every facet that you feel so overwhelmed and exhausted that you question things you feel so sure about. Whenever I found out the Creatures 10 Year Anniversary tour/show wasn’t going to happen (thanks covid) as dramatic as it sounds, it went downhill from there. I don’t even need to explain how much that album means to me etc. But as soon as I started the drive to the first show just boppin along to 50’s music knowing my first show in over a year and a half was about to happen, it started to hit me. Standing in line for hours having to hear the dumb and ridiculous shit people say around me was bringing it all back. As soon as the show started, and I started singing and screaming along with @chrismotionless to music that I haven’t seen live in what seems like forever, it hit me. I was sure. It was absolutely enough. That adrenaline. Screaming my fucking heart out along to the lyrics. (Although if you listen closely to some of the videos, you can tell how me not screaming for over a year and a half took its toll on my voice😅). It was all enough, and it means the absolute world to me. This band and these people mean the absolute world to me. (Continued in comments) #motionlessinwhite #miw https://www.instagram.com/p/CVECBo5vXU-/?utm_medium=tumblr

I’m super late on posting this, because life was very hectic when I got home, but last month, I was extremely lucky and eternally grateful to have been able to see @miwband at 6 dates during their September tour. The last show I saw them at before this was January 27th 2020. This past year and a half has truly been the hardest time of my life, and I’m sure many others feel that way too. Not just because of covid but everything else life throws at you as well personally. It’s always a struggle to stay positive, but shows and animals make me happy. Those 2 things alone and that’s it. During this time, more times than I’d like to admit, I felt as if shows weren’t enough to keep me going any more. Sometimes you just feel so out of control with life in every facet that you feel so overwhelmed and exhausted that you question things you feel so sure about. Whenever I found out the Creatures 10 Year Anniversary tour/show wasn’t going to happen (thanks covid) as dramatic as it sounds, it went downhill from there. I don’t even need to explain how much that album means to me etc. But as soon as I started the drive to the first show just boppin along to 50’s music knowing my first show in over a year and a half was about to happen, it started to hit me. Standing in line for hours having to hear the dumb and ridiculous shit people say around me was bringing it all back. As soon as the show started, and I started singing and screaming along with @chrismotionless to music that I haven’t seen live in what seems like forever, it hit me. I was sure. It was absolutely enough. That adrenaline. Screaming my fucking heart out along to the lyrics. (Although if you listen closely to some of the videos, you can tell how me not screaming for over a year and a half took its toll on my voice😅). It was all enough, and it means the absolute world to me. This band and these people mean the absolute world to me. (Continued in comments) #motionlessinwhite #miw https://www.instagram.com/p/CVECBo5vXU-/?utm_medium=tumblr

🍒 #snapchat https://www.instagram.com/p/CRNT4q9hroR/?utm_medium=tumblr

I just want to be happy.

Don’t you want somebody to love?♥️🖤🦇 #foreverbitteronvalentinesday #me #self #selfie #valentinesday https://www.instagram.com/p/CLVkI4nhEdx/?igshid=1ept19jbseiht

And that is something very hard to live with.

Today’s going to be great.

I’m so sick of abuse.

Went to one of my favorite places on Earth last month @phippsconservatory ♥️ Unfortunately, they didn’t have their outside lights set up which is one of favorite parts, but it was still magical nonetheless🌹🎄 #phippsconservatory #pittsburgh #botanicalgardens (at Phipps Conservatory and Botanical Gardens) https://www.instagram.com/p/CJmLoklhtKf/?igshid=18wnsu2vdncfh

Happy New Year!🎊 Hopin 2021 sucks less than 2020. A little late on this, whoops! Also it has a watermark, because I don’t care enough to pay $2 to have it removed lol. #topnine #2020 #happynewyear https://www.instagram.com/p/CJfcE_fBuqH/?igshid=1kx9hx69ovwr5