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As a man, not a Christian ,I thought maybe you should find out which life you actually want. Which job you prefer ,I mean,which career you want to devote to, all of the things you might have a thought. Sometimes you can put down the role as a Christian ,try to ask yourself.why you are confused ,what make you upset. And then just follow you heart ,do the things you desire. Just be yourself , never-mind how colorful the world is.