CC ☆

I feel quite weird still at the moment. I guess I have a lot on my plate, I love my life and I want to enjoy it 24/7 but that's not realistic. I've got health issues that have been on my mind more lately after a consultation two weeks back. I had a reality check with my partner of 4 years and I'm still recovering to an extent, but sometimes I wonder if he's not what I'm worried about... I compare my life to others too much and I should be happy that I'm trying to make new starts and challenges in my life and not stop growing. I'm back on a pill that gave me depressive symptoms, and I feel moodier than usual but can it affect me that fast in a week of being on it? I'm waiting to hear back about placements, and I've had interviews that seem to go well and nothing comes of them... what am I doing wrong? I'm worried I'm not going to graduate April next year and finish classes this year because I haven't done placements. These thoughts have been on my mind for nearly a month straight. I'm honestly sick of them, I've done my manifestation heaps this past week and I'm going to do it consistently. I want the universe or a high being to acknowledge the shit I've gone through this past year and know that I'm not a lazy shit, I get anxious and stressed and have depressive symptoms and feel like giving up. I try to pick myself up again instead of relying on others but it's more draining that way honestly. I get tired and it makes me more moody, I fight with my loved ones and pick up negative vibes people send my direction or to people I love and their behaviour and opinions annoy the fuck out of me. But it's a waste of energy, unless they're the people I love why do I care what they think? I've honestly been dealing with all this shit all at the same fkn time for a month. I'm trying to be resilient but I'm getting honestly frustrated and anxious about it all. I need a good outcome, I want my health to get back on track or to figure what's wrong, label it and work on it. I want to have a placement give me a chance and for me to actually experience youth work. I want to go on adventures with Mann, I want us to work towards our trip at the end of the year but have it booked like we were meant to last week. I just want some positive outcomes, my head is heavy, I have a bad feeling about being on this pill again for my mental health and liver. I want to have some achievements. Please universe help me haha