sort of feels like im running out of time

no “carrd.” you learn things about me based on what you can piece together from the vague details of my life I disclose in rare moments of vulnerability

Always bear in mind that there is absolutely no legitimate evidence that Luigi was actually the one who killed the insurance company guy.

Of course he wasn't. He was at a party with me that day.

happy Barely Keeping It Together Wednesday to all who celebrate

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

.. <- two ants kissing

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

brought nothing to the gun fight. whatever man

@alpenlibae