falling from cloud nine

“I’ll guard your – okay, no. Can we pretend like I didn’t just say that?” Billy shook his head, thankful that he at least didn’t finish that train of thought. “Like I said, it was a joke. I like you the way you are.”

“I don’t know if I want to pretend that I didn’t hear that. Man, you should have used that as your senior quote. ‘I’ll guard your ass,’ quote, Billy Kaplan.” He laughed that time practically doubling over before standing up to look at his boyfriend. “Aww. I like you the way you are too, you little cheeseball.” 

“Sorry, it’s just... I still can’t get over that you’re the actual Scarlet Witch. You were totally Billy’s favorite Avenger, even before he knew that you were his mom.”

“I don’t want my sense of identity to rest on the idea of self-sacrifice. I don’t want to be constantly expected to be perfect. I don’t want that label.” He brushed away the direct questions with a tirade of words, hoping to distract the boy from asking any more. “Damn right I did. Get in, then. I promise I won’t tell.”

“Well, yeah, I get that but, come on, you get to be called a hero by others! You get, like, buildings named after you and people that look up to you! The pros outweigh the cons.” Teddy waled to the passenger’s side of the car and opened the door. “I’m totally going to regret this.” He mumbled. “You have to swear not to tell.”

“That was mostly a joke, but sure. Why not? I still kinda like Asgardian.”

“I’m not looking like Thor, Ass Guardian.” He snickered. “Beards aren’t my thing. For now? And I don’t think I could dig the long hair.” 

“Good thing I don’t pretend to be one, then. We’re also teenagers, Altman. Besides, I’ve never called myself a hero, nor do I aspire to be one. Your loss, man, this thing is amazing. Passenger seat has a heated back massager.”

“Are you trying to tell me you don’t try or want to save people? That’s what a hero is, dude. ... Did you say heated back massager? Okay, maybe just one ride. We’ll return it right away, though.”

“Now that you mention it, I wouldn’t be opposed to you looking more like Thor…” 

“Does this mean, if I shift to  look like Thor, I can start calling you Asgardian again?” 

“ Just extremely hazardous. ”

“What kind of hazardous? Like, morally, physically, or radioactive decay-y?”

“Eh, it’s just more to love, right?”

“I guess. Would you prefer it more if I stay the same, though? Or what if I had green eyes? I can be anything you want, technically, so.”

“Just eat your cronuts, Casanova.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll eat my cronuts. Will you still love me when I’m fat?”

“Ugh,” Billy groaned dramatically at the display, his nose scrunching up a bit in mock disgust. He reached out after a moment and shoved Teddy playfully, chuckling all the while. “I don’t think I’ll ever get hot and bothered again. Gross.”

He swallowed the bite of the cronut he took. “Never again? Not even if, like, I kissed you and put my hands under your shirt?” He smiled at Billy, tilting his head a bit. 

“Clearly.” America chuckled. She pulled off a piece of pizza and and bit into it. “Mmm.” she hummed out before taking another bite. “Sounds like the storm is dying down.” she commented before grabbing for another slice.

He finally picked up his pizza and bit into it again, making an appreciative noise when it didn’t scald his mouth again. “Is it?” He glanced outside the window. “Sounds like it is the key word -- er, words. It’s still raining a bit.” 

He really should’ve been expecting that response, but it hadn’t occurred to him just how wrong his statement really sounded. At Teddy’s question, he let out a soft laugh and shook his head. “Definitely not in the way you’re hoping,” he replied with a roll of his eyes. 

“Oh, booooo. You stink. Is watching me eat cronuts not sexy?” He asked, taking a bite and chewing with his mouth open. “How is this not getting how hot and bothered?”

“I never said you weren’t cute,” he pointed out, finally looking back towards the larger boy. That proved to be a mistake however, because within seconds he was focusing on those sad eyes and found his willpower evaporating entirely. “Fine. Take them. My pants are starting to fit a little tight anyway.”

“Yes!” Teddy beamed, quickly kissing Billy’s cheek as he reached over to take a cronut. As he was about to bite into one, he paused, looking at the other with sort of a blank expression. “Tight in, like, the sexy way or tight as in the ‘oh god, I’m getting so fat’ way?” 

“Nope. They really don’t. So uh, you can stop doing it now… because it definitely isn’t working.”

“Are you sure they’re not? C’mon, B, don’t deny it. You know you think I’m cute.” 

“It depends on what you plan on giving me in exchange, because those puppy eyes don’t work on me as well as they used to.”

“I can offer kisses? And what are you talking about. The eyes totally work on you.” 

“Teddy!” America brought her hand to her mouth to stop her from laughing too loud. “Oh gosh, are you alright? Chico, you gotta give it a minute to cool off.” she  laughed some more, shaking her head at the boy. America poured him some soda and then handed it to the boy “Here drink up.”

“I... forgot. I got excited... and hungry.” He took the soda and drank some of it, letting it sit in his mouth for a moment so it could cool off his tongue, before swallowing it. “I can’t believe the pizza betrayed me like that.” He looked mournfully at the pizza, resting it on a napkin on the table. 

“Of course I stole it, Teddy, who do you think I am?”

“I forgot for a moment that you’re not actually a decent person. Come on, man, we’re supposed to be superheroes. Even if normal people don’t know it, we should still act like it.”