I’m so overwhelmed and overcharged with my life right now
Since a few weeks I’m working again and it just is so hard i work at an hotel and everything always has to be perfect there and as an employee u always have to be soo happy and kind and friendly and smile all the time, i love my job i really do but i just don’t have the energy to be like that anymore but no one understands it because it’s ‘normal’ to work so much and everyone has there ‘garbage’ to carry, i understand but it really just is too much for me right now
Normally i have 9/5 job but my chef wants me to give up my free days and work 6 or 7 days a week and 10h a day like i did yesterday but on Wednesday - my free day i have therapy so i don’t really wanna miss that but i also don’t really wanna go to therapy anymore because i feel like she isn’t kinda really helping me and it’s really expensive tbh i live on my own so it’s really hard but i need help i really need help because my depression ed and suicidal thoughts are so loud right now
My best friend is also really sad and kinda puts a little pressure on me because she wants to party every weekend wants to go out have fun and just do what young people in my age would normally do and she feels like her time is fading away and all that, yeah i have the same feeling but i just can’t do it all anymore I don’t want to drink cause of the calories, i don’t want to go out, meet new people, or talk to people i just don’t want to do it and i really don’t have the energy to do that after 10h of working with people i just don’t want to see anybody, it isn’t fun for me and i feel sad that she doesn’t really understands that just because she never had to deal with mental illness, i mean i’m happy that she hasn’t cause it’s really shitty but she just doesn’t understand how hard it can be.. besides always being available at work and always being available for my friends i also wanna see my family sometimes, spend time alone, also go to the gym and do my workouts so i finally will loose some fucking weight but also have to do some work at home cleaning and all that stuff, grocery shopping and just everything but i honestly just want to lay in bed all day cause i don’t have energy for anything anymore I’m just so stressed and don’t know what to anymore.
I feel like no one really cares about my feelings and I’m just here to function, i don’t really feel like a human being anymore I’m more like a machine


















