Hi.

it's also weird thinking that in another year or so i'll hopefully be in a position i've constantly longed for. i've almost always had a plan for my future or at least a good idea in which has changed very little since my last deep reflection. this time around.. i just have an oddly good feeling about what's in store. as long as i stay focused on my goals everything will fall into place.

everyday i'm reminded to strive towards setting myself up for success and i can't wait for the day i get to look back and finally say i did it.

i don’t even know what to say half the time. it’s hard venting. it almost makes me feel worse. my psychologist says it will take time. but i’m unsure if i’ll ever get over this. i’m at a point in my life where the types of opportunities that are currently presenting themselves to me may only be a one time thing. i’m not guaranteed another chance. i’m getting older and i need to really get the ball rolling on my future. there’s no specific time frame but i do have a plan.. a plan that requires a very strict work ethic that seems almost impossible given where i stand with my family (and bank account).

i’ve been crying all day. so overwhelmed..

with how pesimistic i am in regards to myself and most things around me, it’d be nice to be proven wrong.

life is beautiful and i have so much to be grateful for yet here i am continuing to feel passive aggressive and unsatisfied.

i need a break. i don’t have the energy to keep this up and i hate myself for using whatever energy i have left to fake it.