The Game Is Never Over

Okay so clearly after all of the speculation and hostility in the fandom recently, some people are interested to learn how exactly Trixie Mattel: Moving Parts portrays Katya. I was at the premiere at Tribeca, and I’m happy to give you a brief overview of what was shown and my opinions on it.

FROM THIS POINT ON THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR TRIXIE MATTEL: MOVING PARTS! SCROLL PAST NOW IF YOU DON’T WANT ANY SPOILERS!

So while this is a film about Brian Firkus, the lynchpin of the whole film (the underpinning that holds the story together) is really Trixie & Katya’s relationship. Which is perfectly reasonable! They are a huge part of each other’s lives, and they just happened to be filming this documentary while all of Katya’s health issues were going on. To completely strike what happened from the record would, frankly, probably mean they couldn’t use a lot of the footage they had- to the point where I really think it could’ve scrapped whole chunks of the movie.

One of the first things they show in the film is Katya gifting Trixie with dolls that look like the two of them; it really portrays their friendship in a lovely light. Trixie also talks about how much she loves Katya and loves working with her, and about how everyone got to see their friendship develop over the course of filming UNHhhh. For those of us who know what’s coming, this obviously produces a lot of anxiety. But I have to tell you: that is just good filmmaking. To create a level of suspense like that is almost Greek Tragedy-eqsue with its dramatic irony.

The next part I’m going to talk about is one of the parts everyone is worried about: Katya’s last day on set at the Trixie & Katya Show. You can tell she’s unwell; she has a very short temper and very little patience for anything happening around her. But she also says “What I need is to quit, but she [Trixie] is my friend and I won’t do that to her.” Even though Katya is clearly unwell, the perspective of the film also paints her as sympathetic. Trixie’s reactions to what’s happening really does indicate that Katya is not in her right mind, and it’s not her fault. Obviously it hurt Trixie, for multiple reasons: one of her best friends is unwell, it seems like an important relationship in her life- and we learn that she doesn’t have a lot of them- is unraveling, and in addition to that, what’s happening could potentially permanently damage her career. The fact that she handles all of those issues with such humility and grace, while still trying to be understanding towards and a good friend to Katya really, REALLY speaks to her character.

The part that is most unflattering to Katya are the text messages she sends to Trixie after the premiere of All Stars 3. She says some incredibly nasty things about Trixie. She is downright mean. For those of us who know Katya though, that is just a clear indicator of how sick she was. I think we all know Katya in her right mind would not send someone- let alone one of her best friends- messages like that. But yeah, I can see how someone might feel hostile towards Katya after seeing what she did. But again, this is a thing that happened. It’s not made up for the sake of the film, and it’s not anyone slandering Katya’s name; it’s a real thing that really happened, and the only difference is that now you know about it. And again, I would like to remind everyone that this is a film about Trixie, not about Katya. So while you do walk away from the scene feeling sad for Katya (because obviously no one wants her to be unravelling like that), you mainly feel bad for Trixie. She clearly doesn’t deserve any of the ire Katya is throwing at her, as we’ve seen her trying to be a good friend. And that is what is expected! This is a film about Trixie, you know? Of course she’s the protagonist!

Overall, through the whole arc of the film that focuses on the dissolution of Trixie & Katya’s friendship the theme is really that Trixie wishes Katya was better, because she misses her friend. That’s the take away. Not that Katya is evil or anything, but that Trixie misses her friend. So do I think the film portrays Katya in a negative light? No. I think it shows the things she did- and they were not good things by any means- but, 1. It doesn’t blame her for her mental illness or addiction, and 2. It isn’t focused on the things that Katya did, but the way that it affected Trixie.

By the end of the film, we see that Trixie and Katya are friends again. It shows them having some funny- and at times tender- interactions backstage at Trixie’s LA Moving Parts show. Katya mentions that she’s better now, and we wrap up the film with Trixie & Katya back together again, and ready to take on the world. In terms of the storyline, it does feel like there’s a bit missing, because it goes from Trixie & Katya not being friends- and the uncertainty in the air over that- to suddenly they’re friends again with no explanation. From a story standpoint, I wish they would’ve included something about how they started on the road to recovering their friendship, rather than just jumping to it recovered.

Personally, I think the reason some fans are so freaked out about the way Katya is portrayed in the film is because they hold her up as this beacon of perfection. She’s mentally ill, but she’s still so funny and personable. She’s an addict, but she doesn’t appear to struggle- or if she does, she turns it into comedy. I think she’s what a lot of people who view themselves as broken hope they can be. But she’s not perfect. She is capable of hurting people. She’s capable of making horrible decisions, and getting sick, and relapsing, and ruining friendships, and honestly that is just the reality of it. We’re all capable of things like that! But you don’t love Katya because she’s perfect, you love her because she’s real. So if you’re angry in the name of your love for her that her reality is being shown, it’s possible that you love the idea of Katya, and you love what she represents, but you might not love the man himself. Just some food for thought.

Can you imagine if Katya heard everyone freaking out about the film portraying her in a bad light? The kind of pressure that’d put on her, to feel like her fans will only like her or support her provided she doesn’t slip up? Certainly that is not conducive to being supportive of her. Personally, I think holding celebrities to a level of perfection is just unfair. I think we as a fandom need to accept that sometimes Katya may not be well, and sometimes she might make mistakes, and it’s okay to acknowledge the things that have happened, and to still continue to love her.

One thing I can tell you for certain is that Trixie is NOT exploiting or taking advantage of Katya. From a purely legal standpoint, the filmmakers would have had to get Katya’s written consent to have her in the film. Katya quite literally would have had to sign off on it. Additionally, Trixie said that Katya had already seen the film. Katya was already aware of what was going to be shown. People seem to forget that Katya is a grown-ass man with autonomy, and that it wouldn’t have gone ahead without her foreknowledge. And after watching the film, I can say with certainty that Trixie absolutely wouldn’t have kept in anything that Katya didn’t okay; she’s too good and too thoughtful of a person to do something like that.

Another major thing people are forgetting, it seems, is that this is not a movie about Katya! This is about Trixie! There is a part in the movie where she says something along the lines of: “No one will want me without Katya.” It absolutely breaks my heart to think that Trixie has no idea how much we love her on her own, how much she means to us, how funny and talented she is by herself, and how much worth she has by herself. And the fact that all anyone wants to talk about is Katya- regarding Trixie’s movie- really irks me. Because she’s basically being proven right.

My last big point I’d like to make is directly related to something Trixie says in the film. She talks about how she gave all of those vague answers about Katya because it wasn’t her story to share, and she didn’t want to make the issue about herself when it clearly wasn’t. She points out that other queens were like, “we all struggle with things! Personally, I’ve dealt with [blank]!” And while the other queens were trying to demonstrate that Katya wasn’t alone, what they were really doing was making it about themselves. I can’t help but see a parallel in the fans that are angry over Katya’s portrayal in this film; the issue is about Katya, and Katya is clearly fine with it, so when you’re freaking out over it, aren’t you really just making it about yourself?

So, there are a plethora of reasons I think people should stop sending hate Trixie’s way because of this movie:

1. This is Trixie’s story. This is really what happened over the past year. To cut half of it out would be doing a disservice to Trixie and to the filmmakers.

2. The filmmakers had final say. They shot all the footage and edited it all together. Trixie really had no part in the creation of this movie aside from being the subject of it, and it’s not fair to throw hate her way for something she had very little control over; that’s like being mad at an actor for a decision the showrunners made.

3. To cut out the parts where Katya is unwell would be a disservice to Katya, because it says “we only want you when you’re perfect.”

4. Maybe someone who is struggling with addiction or who has a loved one struggling with addiction needs to see something like this! No one is being helped by just sweeping all the ugly parts under the rug.

5. Both of them have seen the movie, knew what was going to be shown, and were clearly okay with it because it went ahead and made the final cut.

6. It’s not anyone else’s business how either Trixie or Katya live their lives, or what they choose to share with their public.

7. Katya is not painted as some kind of monster. She’s painted as someone who is mentally unwell, sometimes sympathetic, sometimes not, but ultimately as a flawed human being, who does in fact get a redemption arc!

8. This is a movie about Trixie, not about Katya, and I think people need to respect that and stop shifting the focus.

Treading Water

Missing the (Fixed) Point

Whirlwind

Something Sherlock Holmes and I have in common: We both managed to get our hands on John Watson’s birth certificate.

[Also on: Twitter / Pillowfort]

Yep, this is a scan of the actual prop from the show. Full transcript under the cut.

Escort

“You’re still looking.”

“I’m not looking.”

“Yes you are.”

“No I’m not.”

“Why does it matter if I think you’re looking?”

“Because I’m not looking. If I was looking I would admit I’m looking.”

“There’s only one person over there and your face is facing that person. You’re looking.”

“Well look at him.”

“I’m looking.”

“Men don’t do that.”

“Clearly they do.”

“Well not any men I know.”

“That’s not the same as saying men don’t do that.”

“Do they? Do they do that?”

“They do.”

“Why?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I don’t. I just…it’s just…I’ve just never seen a man do that.”

“I like it when they do that.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s pretty. I’m gay John, not blind. Like you.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“I heard you say something confusing.”

“Which part was confusing?”

Silence.

“Because from what I can see you can see, so obviously you’re not blind.”

John Watson’s eyes shifted back and forth fast. His sister does this to him. She always does this to him. She plays word games. No, not games, ploys. No, not ploys. Fishing. It’s fishing. Harry will say a lie so that he corrects with the truth, a truth that’s his business, but before he knows what he’s done he’s blurted it out and so no, just no, he would not fall for that again.

“I’m not falling for that again, Harry.”

The long-legged man doing that did it some more. This time with open legs. John cleared his throat so sharply he got saliva in his sinuses, then sneezed so hard his ears popped.

“Go talk to him before you have an aneurysm.”

“I don’t want to. I mean, I don't…I’m not… And he’s a… Isn’t he?”

Harriet Watson blinked, blasé. “A high-class rent boy? I have no clue. Maybe. Probably? I’ve seen others here.”

“This is some fancy local you’ve got.”

“Yeah it is. The drinks are fantastic, the girls even better, and the decor—” Here Harry raised eyebrows toward the reclining man. “—leaves very little to be desired.”

Ha. John Watson was not going to be fished thank you very much, so he didn’t respond to this, his sister’s eighth attempt today to get him to admit he may, just may, probably does, definitely absolutely sometimes does notice men. Especially pretty men on chaise lounges with their legs open and pink socks on and slicked back hair and were those gold-tipped Oxfords or—

Harry shouldered John in the back. He tripped forward and was about to whine his petulance at her—which Captain John Watson does not do ever anywhere, but this is another thing Harry brings out in him, along with too many inconvenient truths—when the man with the thighs that were not together looked right at him.

And didn’t look away. Or move. He just kept looking at John, one big hand holding the sofa, and John didn’t ordinarily think thoughts like he’s so…open but he was and did and clearly it showed on his face because the man dipped his chin and smiled.

John was halfway across the room before he had discussed this plan with his feet and by the time he let his feet know he wasn’t technically, precisely, completely gay his feet had brought him to nearly within touching distance of the man.

“That’s it.”

John tilted his head and only then realised he was, like some old codger, aiming his ear at the man to better hear him amongst the bar noise.

“Come now, don’t be shy.”

Well the aiming thing worked because John heard that deep-voiced purr loud and clear and that made heat rise, incandescent, up his neck and down between his legs.

Then the man held out his hand. John blinked at it a few times as if near-sighted and then the good doctor took it. Didn’t even discuss the matter with his own hand, just took it.

The man grinned up at John and said, “I’m Sherlock.”

“You’re beautiful.” John replied, flushing scarlet, betrayed by his mutinous mouth. Apparently his whole body was going over to the other side. As if no one had ever told this man he was gorgeous. (No one ever had.)

Sherlock’s gaze slicked past John. His grin faded. He went dead-eyed. He dropped John’s hand, stood, and walked away.

Jaw unhinged, the good doctor Watson turned and watched the pretty, maybe-prostitute sidle up to an elegant, bearded man in a perfectly-tailored suit. They talked briefly and then, his hand pressed to the small of Sherlock’s back, they walked together out the door.

Right about then John Watson contemplated bursting into flames of annoyance and embarrassment. This, however, was apparently where his willful body drew the line. He remained resolutely unsinged.

And then Harry was there, handing him a double of something brown and expensive and exactly one hour later Harry was chatting someone up at the bar, and John was drunk, slouched in a back booth, and—

“Well hello again you gorgeous little shit.”

The man in the expensive suit with the pink socks and slick-backed hair was standing beside the good doctor’s table.

John rose, swayed, then stilled himself with an index finger to the tall man’s chest. “Imagine I said that without shouting. Or swearing. Or calling you…” John looked to the left, as if the word he needed was—

“Gorgeous!”

Sherlock Holmes smiled. “That just leaves ‘little.’

John looked up and up and was busy not discussing things with his nose now, because he sniffed loudly, then giggled and said, "You smell like excitement.”

Can you know the moment your life changes? Can you? Because right then Sherlock knew, he absolutely knew.

“He was jealous of you. The informant. He wouldn’t show himself and then…you touched me.”

John was drunk, drunk, drunk. But somewhere deep inside John Watson was quite sober, somewhere that mattered. So he whispered back, very carefully, very sweet. “Imagine I said that other part. The nice part. Let’s leave that in, all right?”

Sherlock’s grin grew. “What,” he said, on this the first day of his new life, “is your name?”

 Previous: That Holmes Guy | A Shot in the Arm

John: *chuckles* You're lucky Mrs H made enough food to feed an army, Honey. Hello Maya, nice to me you.

Maya: Nice to meet you, Mr Watson. Rosie told me a lot about you.

John: I hope only good things and not how annoying or embarrassing I am. Stop rolling your eyes, Rosamund. And Maya, you can call me John if you like. *shouts* Sherlock, lunch is ready. And wear some clothes, Rosie brought a visitor.

Maya: I can't wait to meet your famous Papa, Rosie.

John: Papa?

Rosie: Oh, I forgot. Maya, you can't call him my Papa here. Daddy and Sherlock are still pretending they're just "good friends".

John: Preten—?

Maya: Didn't you say they were dating for three years?

Rosie: Nearly four, but they're still trying to figure out how to tell me. It's quite funny to watch them pretending. So please, don't let them know I know.

John: You know I can hear you? I'm literally next to you.

Rosie: I know.

John: Since how long did you know?

Rosie: About from the beginning. But Uncle Myc said I should wait until you tell me and enjoy the show in the meantime. He said it'd be fun and you can always trust Uncle Myc to know the fun thing. You'll like him, Maya. Uncle Myc is the best.

Sherlock: Hello Bumblebee. Hello friend of Bumblebee, I'm Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective, Rosie's godfather and John's good friend.

John: Sherlock, we can stop pretending. She knows.

John: What's wrong?

Sherlock: Nothing.

John: You sound like my mum. Spill.

Sherlock: You're dating Molly.

John: She just asked me—

Sherlock: She asked you and now you're dating her.

John: I'm not—

Sherlock: If I'd have known that all it needs is to ask you, I'd have done that.

John: Are you saying you'd want to date me?

Sherlock: Obviously.

John: How is it obvious?

Sherlock: I haven't destroyed any of your jumpers in months. And I ask before I use your laptop. Occasionally.

John: Ah, yes. The universal signs of attraction.

Sherlock: Indeed.

John: Listen, Sherlock. Molly asked me if I'd accompany her to her sister's wedding this weekend. That's all.

Sherlock: This means you wouldn't date me if I asked?

John: I didn't say that.

Sherlock: So you'd date me.