Hello there!

petplay but it’s hot as balls out and you’re spraying me with the hose while i try to eat the water

The thing is every step of the situation does actually make perfect sense if you follow it more closely. Why is Farage stepping down and immediately re-running? Well he's trying to delay the investigation into his finances and also pull a PR stunt. Why is no-one else running? Well they don't actually want him out of parliament yet because they want the investigation to continue. Why is his main competitor a man with a bin on his head? Oh that's just Count Binface, he runs every time there's a high profile by-election. Why is he Count Binface? Well he used to be Lord Buckethead but he had to drop the character due to a copyright dispute. Why was he Lord Buckethead? Well in 1977, Star Wars was released in cinemas,

saw a comment that misspelled “kind gesture” as “kind jester” and am now imagining a beautiful world where we praise good samaritans by calling them kind jesters. good on you, you gentle fool. you’ve made the world a sweeter and sillier place.

how far into his term as mayor does zohran get the big top hat and monocle. i kind of thought he’d have them by now

why is it that when you buy a ticket to see a movie, it is promtly destroyed, your precious movie ticket, by the movie guard??

friend who went to bed is a type of dead wife