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“I am exhausted, I am exhausted - Pillar of white in a blackout of knives. I am the magician’s girl who does not flinch” - Sylvia Plath, The Bee Meeting

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miracle mutt
The young girl’s parents anxiously pace the halls
Test after test with long nights in the hospital,
The doctors tell them the cells are abnormal
That cutting out the mass would be a puzzle,
But not trying would be fatal
A downhill battle
Fight for survival
They pray for a miracle
But know deep down it will end in a funeral
-
The young girl overhears her parents quarrels
Heated emotions they can’t meet in the middle
One outraged the other has been unfaithful
Dad visits, then Mom – just not as a couple
A room too quiet and fragile
A downhill battle
Fight for survival
She prays for a miracle
But knows deep down their separation is final
-
The diagnosis came as a huge shock
A young girl with little time on the clock
The mutant cells gnawed on her support,
Resulting in her parents’ divorce
She tried to stay strong,
Hoping she would meet an angel
Who’d make her days here less painful
-
After the operation, her strength crumbles
But when the therapy mutt comes on his cycle
And jumps on her bed rails for cuddles,
She can’t help smiling at a spirit so gentle
She’s not alone with her angel
A downhill battle
Fight for survival
She prays for a miracle
But knows deep down this mutt by her side is special
-
The diagnosis came as a huge shock
A young girl with little time on the clock
The mutant cells gnawed on her support,
Resulting in her parents’ divorce
She tried to stay strong
She met her miracle angel
Who makes her days here less painful
-
The disease robbed her childhood and her parents’ livelihoods,
But failed to overcome someone as innocent as a mutt
With her miracle mutt resting on her chest,
she closes her eyes and takes her last breath
-
The diagnosis came as a huge shock
A young girl with little time on the clock
The mutant cells gnawed on her support,
Resulting in her parents’ divorce
She tried to stay strong
Thankful for her miracle mutt
Who made her final days less painful
And gave her hope for a better eternal
Person A: “Fuck, how drunk was I last night? I just woke up in my bathtub, stuffed to the brim with pillows and hugging a tree branch… I don’t even own half that many pillows.”
Person B: “Well, you tried to make out with a tree, spent twenty minutes crying when one of it’s branches fell off, then picked a fight with a garden gnome to ‘Avenge them’.”
Person A: “…….”
Person B: “…….”
Person A: “…Who won?”
Person B: “A traffic cone that (Person C) yeeted at you in their excitement, it knocked you out for a solid half hour. The gnome was exiled for its crimes.”
I am teaching myself how to take up space. How to not apologise constantly for the way I live and breathe. How an apology isn’t something I am supposed to say before I speak in a conversation. How I’m so sorry, isn’t something I have to say before I just allow myself the basic right of speaking about anything. I am teaching myself that I am allowed to exist on this planet without thinking of myself as a burden. How to not apologise for things that are out of my control. How to understand when people are trying to manipulate me into thinking the worst of myself and most of all how to stop thinking the very worst of myself as I deserve better than that from myself. I am teaching myself that humans can exist without assuming the very worst about themselves and how the people around them perceive them. How to not apologise when someone bumps into me and I immidiately assume it is my fault. How to not apologise when I ask a question because I think others will think I am stupid. How to love myself for these flawed bits of me no one has ever wanted to love before. I am teaching myself that all the lies my abusers told me about myself were so very wrong. How I am allowed to make mistakes. How as long as I apologise and amend things, anything is fixable if I still have love in my heart for the other person. How not everything that has ever gone wrong in every relationship is my fault. I am finally learning how to take up space as a human being. It’s taken a long, long road to get here. And I still have a very long way to go before I am done understanding that it is my job to take up space, that I am not just an afterthought or a secondary character in this gift of life I have been given. That who I am is not an apology, that who I am is not wrong.
Nikita Gill, On Learning How To Take Up Space (via meanwhilepoetry)
romance is foreplay, too.

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The Last Swap
Part 2: Logan
The swap. Every time the earth revolved around the sun, everyone swapped bodies. It was as simple as that. It was normal. It was how life was supposed to be.
And quite frankly, Logan Rubix loved it. The only person Logan had ever swapped with was Roman, his insufferable roommate. They’d made a pact since they were little kids to only swap with each other, and so they always had. And despite the teasing and arguing and not always seeing eye to eye (especially since Logan happened to be the smaller of the two this year), Logan could say he was content. Logan was in Roman’s “first body” this year, or the body Roman was born into. Most people never saw their bodies mature, but because of Logan and Roman’s parents being close and making them swap when they were kids and them continuing to do so, they could see their own bodies mature well. Logan was about three inches shorter than Roman this year, with beach blonde hair, freckles, green eyes, and a muscular build. Roman made Logan exercise every day so his muscles didn’t deteriorate over the course of the year. Likewise, Logan frequently lectured Roman about eating healthy whenever Roman was inhabiting Logan’s first body. What Roman did in his body was his business, but Logan felt connected to his true body. Every year he got to spend in it made him content and happy, knowing that he was… himself. Himself being tall with dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and square black glasses. When Logan was in Roman true body he wore suits, ties, and glasses, much like what he wore in his own body. But the crooked grin, tan skin and blonde hair never really completed his look. Roman, on the other hand, tried to wear extravagant clothing and makeup that didn’t compliment Logan’s professional look at all. He even tried to exercise to make Logan less of a twig, which Logan quickly shut down. He was uncomfortable enough with people checking him out in Roman’s true body, he didn’t need that in his own too.
It was August 5th, the beginning of another fruitful year. While Logan was going to miss Virgil’s sarcasm coming into the flower shop every day, he hoped that when the shop reopened after renovations (which would be done in two days) that the new person inhabiting Virgil’s body would be just as fun. He hoped Virgil would make his way back to the little flower shop he ran. He always had in the past, even if sometimes it took him longer than others.
Despite being perfectly content with his life, there was one thing that always bothered Logan. Roman was always looking for love, even if he always looked for it far away. He didn’t look at the flower shop, he didn’t look at the apartment, he didn’t look at the flower boxes in the windows, and he didn’t look at Logan.
Which Logan was fine with, of course. But no matter how many times Roman started dating a new boy, Logan couldn’t fathom why he thought love was necessary. In a world where marriage was of little consequence, and love could only really last a year, why should Logan participate? Why should his flower shop be successful? Why did people think romance was, to quote Roman, “a force unavoidable and underappreciated”? Logan didn’t know.
But like every problem and puzzle he loved to solve, he was determined to figure it out.
(I’m going to write all the intros today, does anyone have a preference of which I should write next…?)
Taglist:
@stop-it-anxiety @littlewolf432 @winterrs-child @ms-top-hat @idunnosong @scared-ghosthunter @anxiousvirgil13
imagine your otp
1. otiyr2!jk and first meetings
“I wanna meet your mom,” Jeongguk decides at the coffee shop across campus.
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Beyond –
The veil thins, a gauzy sheen
so close to nonexistence
that I could almost reach out
and touch my fingertips
to the upturned corners of your lips.
I wish my neurons could carry
a message through the air itself
ever so gently, into your mind from mine.
The darker half of time greets me
with a kiss on both cheeks
autumn equinox and winter solstice
leading me away – Samhain, the cloak
and dagger, the gorgon of my dread.
I have no pride, no price. Just barely
subsisting off the dregs of your love
self-abasing even as I beg for more.
- K.U.

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Imagine your yandere in this scene:
— 💌
Just an appreciation post for my boyfriend, Ian. I’m sure he’ll this one, I think he is being notified to all the stuff i’m doing here (talking about creepy) lol joke. Anways babe, I love you.
I know I’ve said before that we should just be lowkey and we should keep things private as much as possible but sharing here my feelings for you here on tumblr, the site where we first met, is within my safe place. Of course, this is where we started. This is how we went to just being strangers, then friends, to being in a relationship. Very millenial.
But I met you, for the first time, last month. And nothings changed. I was in love with you behind these letters, in the distance and became more in love with you when I saw you, in real time. It’s such a heavenly feeling. You are a spell. A honey. A human version of perfection. And I love you. So much. Babe, thank you for everything. My heart is full of you.
Person C: How can you not see that A is a demon.
Person A: *covered in ash and rubble, hair is on fire* Hi!
Person B: I know that but they're my little angel and I love them.
“I am deeply sorry”
I know nobody asked me for Blackwall x Trevelyan angst, but I did it anyway. Apparently I can’t write fluff right now, so here’s some mid-way through Revelations my attempt at Blackwall POV angst.
—————————————————————–
It’s late - late enough that even the most hardened revellers have long since stumbled from the Herald’s Rest and retreated to their beds. The moon is well past its peak, though still bright enough to dull the stars that scatter the mostly clear sky. It casts an eerie spotlight across the deserted lower courtyard, illuminating nothing more than the rustling leaves of trees that seem caught in an eternal autumn. Silence reins, save for the occasion shifting of horses in their stalls on the barn’s lower level, and the rhythmic footfalls of patrolling soldiers on the battlements above.
Thom Rainier - that is who he is, after all, and it’s well past time to goes back to his old name, to stop hiding behind the mask of another man - he dresses as quickly and quietly as he can manage. Perhaps he should have run when the noble at the Winter Palace recognised him. He definitely should have scarpered when the very institution he hid behind as a guise of nobility and purpose became corrupted. But he didn’t, fool that he is, he clung on to all that he’s made Blackwall with tooth and nail, because, for all his failings, Thom cares about what they’re doing. Really cares, for the first time in a long time. And he cares about her.
But then the news about Mornay arrived, and the decision was made for him. He can’t delay any longer.
With every creak of the barn’s aging boards he freezes stock still, silently cursing the building’s desire to expose his cowardice. It’s a strain to pack while attempting to barely move a muscle, even more so to try not to look back at the source of his immediate guilt, radiating from behind him. He packs only the essentials, nothing more than he arrived at Haven with all those months before - anything else isn’t his to take.
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A kind stranger asked me today how to stop loving someone. And I said “I don’t think I’ve ever really stopped loving anyone and that’s the complexity of love. I think I can let go of someone and turn that love into a fossilised version of itself in memory. But trying to repress it never worked for me. So instead, I gently placed it behind glass in the museum in my head. I only access it now when I am strong enough to remember that love without the intensity of the pain and hurt it caused.”
Nikita Gill, Extracts from Life