Writer Girl goes to college

Lolo, my paternal grandfather, was a small-town boy who walked to school barefoot only to become the first orthopaedic surgeon in the country. Lola, my paternal grandmother, went to study in the US during a time when people of color meant everyone from African-Americans to Filipinos like her, and as we all know they were segregated from Whites. She came back to the Philippines and became one of the most prolific choral conductors of her time, and maybe even now.

They beat the odds, and set the standard for our family. They were the ones who taught me that hard work and passion are the perfect recipe for success. They showed me that hardship now means comfort in the future, that I shouldn’t be afraid to start small, because all great people do. By the time I was born they were leaders in their fields, and they had more than enough to provide for their children to pursue their passions. 

My grandparents are the root of the reason why I went to UP. Not just for college, but for my entire education.

My dad wasn’t a super smart student apparently, and he shifted from pre-med to broadcasting in college. Despite that, he’s become a living legend in the Philippine music industry, sweeping awards and accolades for all his productions. And that not-so-smart student went on to finish his PhD. My mom though, was the perfect Chinese daughter—valedictorian of her class, went to UP and majored in Philo. But it was only later that she realized her passions were elsewhere—in the arts.

I used to be intimidated by my family, but now I realize that growing up with successful parents and elders served as my motivation.

I’ve written like five different things about graduation since yesterday, all equally cheesy. But I guess there’s room for one more?

Throughout college, all I ever wanted was to avenge my high school self. Everything I did was motivated by the fact that I had so many failures and “what ifs” in high school. And all the medals, the honors and achievements I received in college meant I had succeeded. But I realise that I gained so much more from what happened in the process. Making up for my past was my motivation, and college was my reward.

We’re one of the most successful CL batches (according to us and our recent memory TT_TT)—all of us are honor students (3 magnas and 2 cum laudes), and this year’s CAL best thesis is from us (not me though, but I wasn’t counting on it anyway!!). Beyond our academic achievements though, I’m so so thankful to have met these five (six counting Kelly who’s graduating next year!!) amazing people. They’re all ridiculously smart, that’s a given, but they taught me so much about real life and the outside world. I didn’t enjoy high school because everything was so cliquish—college was the exact opposite. We’re five of the most different people you can imagine—we like different things, read different books, our theses were WORLDS apart— and yet here we are all, together.

That’s one of the most important things I realised after these for years—that it’s possible to bring together people who seem like they have nothing in common. And it’s also one of the things I hope to achieve now that I’m out in the real world: bringing people together.

So unlike all the other (self-centered) cheese posts I have up elsewhere, here I’m not only going to say goodbye but leave something for whoever reads this now, and in the future. 

Stay motivated. Whatever it may be, whoever it’s for, channel your passions and motivations for the good. Not just for yourself, but for as many people as you can possibly include.

Before I went to college I thought “social justice” and “activism” were very specific terms—I didn’t think what I was doing was socially relevant in any way. What does music writing have to do with our world’s problems, right? But one of the many things I learned these past four years is that there are so, so many ways to help. There is no limit and no fixed definition to “serving the people,” as many in UP will say. 

So what does music writing have to do with social problems? Well, through it I want to show people that popular art reflects our society, no matter how brainless or “cheap” it may seem. Popular art is the link between the academe, people “up there,” and the masses. Popular art, at the moment, is not a reflection of what the masses want, but rather what the people on top of media conglomerates think the masses want. Popular art opens up discussions of class, gender, and racial inequalities. Popular art takes these seemingly theoretical, “intellectual,” discourses and translates them into a medium that can be understood by all, regardless of class, race, or gender. 

It’s hard to answer your first question because there are too many that are tangentially related to CL, and therefore none.

Tim Cook

There is so much to take away from this, where do I even begin.

In college, I learned to take a good look at the world around me. I started a rather self-centred “pop music blogger” freshman who just wanted to learn how to judge a work of art, how to read theory. But I came out an award-winning (aaaah) music blogger who understands that art is a social phenomenon, it’s created by people—whether it’s the “high arts” or popular culture.

College gave me the skills I need to make “great progress” possible. Or at least think of it as an option.

My career goals as a freshman were simple—I wanted to write about music, because I liked it and because I was good at it. Those have changed too, for the better. I still enjoy writing about music, and I’d like to think that I’ve gotten better at it in one way or another. But now I also want to help people who aren’t in music or the arts, to understand that there is so much more to art than just putting paint on a canvas or playing a few notes on a piano.

You reap what you sow.

Just when I thought nothing could top last week’s countless victories, this week has been pretty amazing, to say the least. If last week was a matter of finishing everything that needed to be finished, this week was spend basking in success.

I passed the bound copies of my thesis on Wednesday, along with six (TT_TT) additional copies because my adviser is nominating me for the college’s best thesis award. It’s been a year of stress, lots of actual tears shed, and having to constantly face my fear of revisions (it’s a legitimate anxiety okay TT_TT). I’m glad it’s over, and even more thrilled that my efforts are slowly paying off. Now I just need to overcome my fear of having my parents read it, because I’m afraid they’ll put their prof radars on. But more so because I’m scared to have them read what I wrote in my acknowledgements:

Finally, this thesis is dedicated to my parents. To my mom, for immersing me in Japanese culture and thought, and my dad, for teaching me that popular art forms are worthy of academic pursuit. My parents not only teach me but show me, day in and day out, what it means to be an academic. I can only hope to one day become half as accomplished as them.

I don’t know when I’ll be ready though TT_TT

But anyway, apart from that HUGE milestone, I was also inducted into Phi Kappa Phi this week. I was never really brilliant in high school, so even in college I never saw myself as an honor student-type. Sure, I cared about my grades, but only because I thought I had to go the extra mile to compensate for my shortcomings. So the idea that I’m in the top 10% of my graduating class is still surreal. I guess all these years of hard work have finally paid off? I feel like I’m finally at par with the rest of my (scary smart) family, in one way or another.

I admit that there was a (really) short period recently when I suddenly didn’t want to leave school. After building my whole life around the idea that one day I’d be able to graduate and do what I want to, suddenly leaving the comforts of UP didn’t seem very appealing. Suddenly, UP seemed comfortable.

But not anymore.

I’m going for a job interview in a few hours (4? The nerves T_T), at a place I just realized will be a perfect fit for me—what I want to do and what I’m willing to do.

Initially I was both looking forward to and dreading the idea that after June 28 I’d have nothing to do. After fifteen years of slaving away in school, it’d nice to have a break. But at the same time I’m not the type of person who can just sit and wait around for things to happen. I guess I’ve gotten used to slaving away. T_T

And if (if!!) I get accepted at this job I’m interviewing for today, honestly I’m prepared to start days after graduation. I’d start immediately if I didn’t have thesis and papers to deal with.

And speaking of thesis, my adviser told me that she’s nominating me for best thesis!!! Of course I’m just one of many, and it’s a college-wide thing, but the idea that she thinks I have a shot at winning, that I’m one of the best in CL—I don’t know what to say. (Yesterday was a great day, as you may have noticed :D)

Today was the beginning of what’s possibly my last week in school, and it started so much better than I thought it would. It may be hell season, but somehow there are things that make up for that.

I passed three papers today (!!!), had my first full thesis manuscript bound and ready for submission tomorrow (fingers crossed I don’t need any major revisions before final binding T_T), and finished another paper—that leaves me with one paper to freedom! On top of all that, I found out that I got a 1.0 on a paper from a prof I respect and who has literally been my prof every year since freshie year but has never given me anything above a 1.25. Sorry, my GC tendencies are showing.

I’m still pretty far from the real end (which is when I submit my thesis and 3924823094 other papers, obviously)—but this is one of the most significant “lasts” in a sem that, in itself, was one big last.

It took some time for me to realize that this novel would be my last (300+ pages in to a 300+-page novel T_T), but when I did I was suddenly overwhelmed.

Not knowing what it was exactly, I chose to major in CL because I loved reading. And over the course of these four years, my love for reading has been questioned and tested practically every day. Most days my default thought is that reading for class has sucked all the joy out of something I once loved.

But looking back on everything I’ve read—on the boxes and boxes of readings I’ve accumulated—I’m... I really don’t know how to explain it. I’ve learned so much about the world, about other people and about being human. I learned that people are more alike than we think, that a scientific, hegemonic, society has ripped us apart and caused us to forget that we’re people too.

It’s been ages since my last post, I know. But to say that this semester has been a struggle from day one would be an understatement—it’s been multiple struggles, all at the same time. From starting the sem without the drive that sustained me last year, to literally getting sick from writing a ridiculously long thesis chapter (that was this week, and I’m still recovering T_T), to real life and jobs and programs abroad knocking at my door. The thought of this all coming to an end is both comforting and terrifying. Terrifying because I don’t know if I can make it out of this alive, or at least get everything done in time.

But amidst all of the chaos, I know I need to take time out to remember why I came here in the first place. I need to remember what got me to this point, and why I even chose to take a path so unlike my personality. And for all the new high school graduates who are entering the liberal arts unsure, hopefully I can convince you that you’ve made the right choice.

One of my CL professors this sem called me “the most systematic CL major ever,” (in front of the whole class!) and told me to be more creative with my paper titles. In the liberal arts, I have a work ethic to die for—I keep track of deadlines, I meet every single one of them on the dot, I never lose my notes or readings, my papers are impeccably structured. I’ve been told more than a few times over the course of my college life that I’m more cut out for something like economics or the social sciences, or even engineering. But I could never.

Not because I don’t think I’m physically able to do it, and definitely not because I look down on them. I could never go into anything outside of the liberal arts because I don’t think like them. And even moreso, because I don’t love it.

In the introduction to the English edition of Umberto Eco’s “How To Write A Thesis” (Yes, I read it. An entire semester late T_T), one line stuck out for me: “The humanities are intrinsically creative and innovative. They are about originality and invention, not discovery.”

I’m taking a free elective this semester, outside of the liberal arts and social sciences I’m familiar with. And honestly, I don’t like it. I don’t like how you’re supposed to derive generalities based on specifics, how everything is reduced to numbers and simple statements. Because I’ve spent my entire college life bringing out the anomalies, the individualities, and, as cheesy as it may sound, finding out how there is beauty in individuality.

My thesis is precisely about that—how you cannot totalize human experience into systems, into numbers and generalizations. The women I write about are marginalized. They’re poor, oppressed for their gender and social standing. And they find solace in something as unconventional as crime. My study started as a clean concept: prove that the novels I’m writing about can be placed within the Japanese tradition and not a Western one. But as I write it, I realize that the experiences of these women are telling of just how oppressive, how inhuman, contemporary society has become.

Liberal arts taught me all of that. And honestly, as someone who spent her entire high school life just wanting to conform, to be “normal,” it took a lot of courage to realize that there’s nothing wrong with deviating. Science seeks to totalize, but what happens when we reach that point? When everyone is the same? That sounds like a dystopian scifi novel—we’ll all be robots.

So why did I go into the liberal arts? Because it’s human. Like the quote I cited, the humanities are about creation. In CL, professors will always ask you: so what’s new? What have you said that hasn’t been said before? What can you say that someone else can’t? Anyone can do numbers and systems if they study it hard enough, but creations are different. Creations are individual, they look forward.

In no particular order and (obviously) DECL-biased ;P

I know some CW majors and I've also been classmates with a lot, pero 'di kami close D: