welcome,
to my pride and shame.
I'll explain:
I recently learned of personal esssays, and the idea appealed to me. What wasn't to like? A way to share my unwanted thoughts and experiences while getting to feel self important.
A dream come true: a way to make everything about me.
But, I think that would be far too simple, don't you? If there's anything I hate, it's dry and normal ideas. And while I was originally looking forward to fabricating my own flatteries, I conceived another idea that was more satisfying to a masochist like me.
Why crow about shallow successes when I could supply readers with many instances of my failures?
So, consider yourself challenged.
By the time I'm finished with this blog, I bet that you will wish you never came across my pretentious post that introduced you to a mildewed ass-rag of a human.
And if you win?
Well, unfortunately I've been informed that I cannot, in fact, guarantee you access past Heaven's Pearly Gates.
Worth a try.
Instead, what I can tell you is that not only are you a disgustingly patient and virtuous person, but you also will have restored my faith in myself.
Good luck.
We'll both need it.
P.S. Feel free to ask me any question you like. I'll answer as truthfully as possible, unless I decide that doing so would be harmful to me. Cheers.
