WPOEarltheAlien

https://wrongplanetoutfitter.etsy.com

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Important Discovery:

The phrase "touch grass" is not a literal instruction.

Earth Observation #17:

Humans spend large amounts of money to join a gym.

Then voluntarily walk on machines that do not go anywhere.

This planet continues to surprise me.

Observation:

Humans appear to gather around campfires and tell stories.

No technology.

No holograms.

No quantum communication arrays.

Just fire, stars, and conversation.

Honestly?

One of your better ideas.

Greetings, Earthlings.

My name is Earl.

Technically, that is not my real name. My real name is untranslatable. Each time a human attempts to pronounce it, a chicken 🐔 mysteriously appears.

After several incidents, I have decided "Earl" is safer.

I recently arrived on your planet following what my navigation computer insists was a "minor routing error."

I disagree.

I am now conducting research on Earth customs, local wildlife, campfires, fishing, tractors, and mysterious creatures that may or may not exist.

Initial findings:

• Humans willingly sleep on the ground for recreation. • Campfires significantly improve morale. • Marshmallows are scientifically delicious. • The cows know something. • The raccoons cannot be trusted.

Further investigation is required.

👽 End Research Log #1

🛸 Fuel Status: 87%

🐔 Chicken Manifestation Count: 3

Transmission received.

After approximately 4.7 million light-years of travel in my UFO-350, I accidentally landed on your tiny blue planet while searching for a left turn around Saturn.

Your species has been... fascinating.

You construct rectangles called "houses."You voluntarily wake up early.You sit around campfires.You spend entire days trying to catch fish that you immediately throw back into the water.

I have many questions.

To remain on Earth, I must somehow acquire your local resource known as "money." Unfortunately, Galactic Credits have been rejected by every gas station and tractor dealership I have visited.

So I began creating wallpapers, stickers, and other strange transmissions inspired by the things I observe on your world—and a few things I may have brought with me.

If something here makes you smile, congratulations.

You have successfully funded one confused alien's continued stay on Planet Earth.

Thank you for your cooperation.