crash;

even times worse than the Titanic? Worse than when Rose let go of Jack when there was clearly enough room for two on the rift? I’m just messing with you. Your wedding’ll be perfect, trust me. You’ve got enough people at your back and call, making this the best day of your life, which it should be. She is. She’ll be at your wedding, by the way. She wanted me to pass that on instead of picking up the phone to RSVP. She’s been busy working at the hospital. Twenty hour shifts, sometimes. Oh my god. The male thing. The male thing. How the hell did you pass health class in high school, Arden? That’s a legitimate question because I have no clue how you would without being able to say the word penis. How am I supposed to help you? Give you a life lesson on sex? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a guy and I don’t know how the female body thoroughly works. I’m not a highly educated porn star. If you’re not ready for marriage then why are you marrying Chandler? The frick frack. Why the hell are you my best friend? Honestly. Tell me, because as this conversation furthers I’m having a hard time believing that I would befriend you. Can’t you just text me pictures of each dress on and then I’ll respond with a response, letting you know which one you look better in? Throw a bitch fit, then. I’m not bringing up my pure hatred for that asshole you’re marrying in a couple of months. I met her the first week of classes, actually. We managed to become pretty good friends and we’ve been going out for almost half a year now. No, no, I mean. It’s important that you meet her and like her. You’re my best friend and you’ve got a good judge of character.

Yes, much worse than that part where Rose screwed up and was so selfish. I mean, the could have both fit and they could have cuddled for warmth. Yes, well, you've now made me more worried about the wedding, so thank you. But what if it's not the best day of my life? Oh my god, what if this ends like Stella and Ted in How I Met Your Mother and he ditches me at the altar? What if he leaves me at the altar for another girl? Oh, thank god, your mother has this great way of always being there for me and calming me down. I admire her so much. Working so much. Not to mention, she raised you, of all people. I.. Yeah, the male thing. Believe it or not, I got an A in that class. I just never spoke. Kind of just sat in the background, trying not to vomit with disgust. Don't say the word! It's.. It's weird. Yes, give me a life lesson on the use of the reproductive organs! I'm about this close to hiring a hooker to help me with the frickle frackle. But you've seen porn, haven't you? And I don't believe you're a virgin, because.. Well, look at you. How do I even correctly do oral? Or the thing with the hands and.. butts. Because I.. He's the best I'm gonna get, Eli. I don't think anyone is gonna love me as much as he does, so I don't wanna risk losing him. You're my best friend because I'm one of the coolest people you will ever meet. I just.. don't know how the frick frack works. No! You have to see them in person. Things look different in person. Plus, you have to witness me twirl around in the dress and then we can dance around together. Elijah Rhodes! I will never understand why you hate him so much. In like forty or fifty years, I want you and your wife to sit across from me and Chandler on the porch of our beach front vacation house. Oh.. Wow.. You two.. You two have been together for almost half a year and I'm just finding out about her? Oh.. Yeah, I'm sure.. I'll love her as long as you love her. I'm actually shit at judging character, but I'm sure she's lovely.

I don’t think every woman, persay, is needy, and  I don’t particularly like to think that I’m very needy person. But, I guess there are some people who just need to be needed and that’s something I’ve never understood that. Like, why can’t you just be yourself without feeling like you need someone to make you, you. No one defines you. You, your actions and your thoughts are the only things that should define you. Not whether or not someone’s in your life that can paint a pretty picture of your future of white picket fences, rose gardens and the perfect little family or four with a dog. That is true. Love is kind of this emotion that’s cheap to me. It’s too easy to fall into and easier to fall out of. Falling out of love, despite how painful or painless it is for some people, is one of the most rational topics that all poets and just writers in general tend to write about. I’d rather give people the truth than lie and say falling in love in a beautiful process. It’s terrible and painful. Maybe even more so than falling out. My sister always told me to never just jump into a conversation a random stranger but honestly, you seem like the antithesis of what everyone wants to stray away from. I’ve lived by the beach my entire life and it’s almost become this big part of me. Lots of key moments in my life happened there. Being on the water or near the water in general just has this calming sense that no one I’ve met here really understands. So, you’re Australian? That’s actually really cool. I’ll always have a soft spot for Italian food and I’m sure genuine Italian food is ten times better. 

Oh no, I'm sure there are some women that aren't needy. I just somehow ended up with one of the most needy girls out there. But she's actually great. I'm just.. not used to being needed that much. I've always kind of been independent so I'm just not really used to having another half, I suppose. You're extremely thoughtful, and it's nice. I honestly believed that the whole thing about needing someone to be complete was kind of.. I don't know. I guess I think it's just a bit useless. I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of people who are perfectly happy without having someone else. Personally, I don't know if I ever see myself in the kind of life where I'm tied down with kids. Maybe I'd like a bearded dragon instead of a dog. I'm honestly not sure if I even know what love actually is. Sure, I've seen people in love and everything, but I've never experienced it myself. Falling out of love is definitely painful, but I think it's just another part of life. It might not be enjoyable, but I think that's it's necessary. If we didn't fall out of love with the wrong people, I don't think we could fall in love with the right people. I'm currently at this point in life where I'll talk to anyone I meet if they seem nice enough. Recently had a very nice conversation with a hooker. She was a lovely person. Great conversationalist. I understand. I miss the beach. Even though I didn't grow up there, I had my first kiss on a beach. I miss going to the beach. It always made me more relaxed, so I definitely get what you mean. Yeah, I'm Australian. The accent does wonders with girls. Definitely. My mother's friends tried to teach me how to do genuine Italian food, and even though I haven't really mastered it, I think I've got enough down to make a decent Italian meal.

It’s such a relief to know that I rank higher than your feelings on the Titanic. Really, it is. The perfect bride? You may be beautiful but I guarantee you that you’ll have a bridezilla moment. Every bride eventually does. When my mom got remarried she was worried about every little detail and eventually ended up bitching out the bridesmaids, remember that? You’ll probably flip out over a wrinkle on your dress or the wrong type of flowers being delivered and I’ll be there to laugh and say that I told you so. Look, all I’m gonna say is that if he only makes you lay there and make noises, he’s not doing it right so he’s gonna need to step up his sexual prowess. Maybe watch some more pornography videos online. Anything, really. That’s it. That’s the end of that part of this conversation and if you bring it up again, I’ll completely ignore it. You know I’ll always be there for you but sitting with your bridesmaids and hearing them squeal is not the life I was made for. Busy? That’s what he told you? I — actually, nevermind. This isn’t a god forsaken topic that I wan’t to bring up. I’ll have you know that I’ve found lots of girls in the past but this one is actually someone I see myself having a future with. Maybe, possibly. I’m not sure if I’m ready to do the whole introduction thing.

Pfft, you're my best friend. If you ditched me again, it'd be seven times worse than the Titanic. Nice to know I'm beautiful, but I do think I'm a near perfect bride. Okay, but it'll probably just be one bridezilla moment. I mean, I'm sure my wedding will be fine. Ah, yes, that day. I remember it very well. Your mother is a lovely lady, though. Besides, I'm not worried about every detail. I'm just worried about the food because the food is the most important part. See, I won't have to worry about a wrinkle on my dress if I don't wear a dress. Honestly considering just going nude. No, no, no. If I have a bridezilla moment, you have to buy me ice cream and calm me down. It's the nice thing to do. See! This is the kind of thing I need help with. N-No! I'm not watching porn. It'll make me feel weird. I'm scared. The.. The male things look weird. I swear to god, if you don't help me now, I'm going to remain a virgin for the rest of my life and blame it on you. Holy shit, I'm a virgin and I'm getting married. What if I'm not ready? For marriage or the frick frack or.. Oh my god, I'm going to be a horrible wife. I hope you realize that your opinion means more to me than the rest of the bridesmaids. Scratch that, not just the bridesmaids. The rest of humanity, Elijah. Your opinion on what I'm going to wear on perhaps the third best slash most important day of my life really matters. Yeah, busy. Hey, no, you're not allowed to "nevermind" me. Tell me what you were going to say or I'll throw a bitch fit. W-Wait.. Y-You see a future with her? Oh.. I.. That's.. That's great, really. I mean.. I'm.. Wow, I mean, I'd love to meet her, but I'm not forcing you to introduce us.

The most hideous piece of work I’ve ever written was two years ago, and I swear to you, I was ashamed to even write my own name at the bottom of the page so I’m pretty positive your poem about banana’s couldn’t have been so terrible. I know what you mean. Recently, I haven’t been getting so much inspiration from my relationship and it’s kind of been kicking me around. When we first started going out I was completely fully of inspo and would stay up all night to writing away in my notebook but now I can barely get anything out that has a happy, inspiring meaning to it. Everything I’ve written in the past two weeks is just a bucket of bullshit and falling out of love. Not the best times, and I think things are only going to blow up in smoke like Pompeii pretty soon. Sometimes it’s great to just talk about things with a complete stranger, but my past is definitely not something impressive so I’ll wait to spill it until we’re closer and I’ve got a couple of margarita’s flowing through my blood. I can never come up with ideas in the shower. I’m always worried about what I need to buy from the grocery store and when I’m supposed to be at work. God, it was the best. Just watching people living their lives and enjoying days off with the most important people in their life. That honestly sounds amazing. Australia is on my top ten places to go, as is France and Italy. Greece, too. 

No, trust me. I just cringe thinking about my banana poem. In all my years of being a poet, I have never witnessed anything as horrific as my banana poem. I couldn't even show it to anyone. It was actually disgusting and I'm.. so ashamed of myself. Ever since I met this girl, my inspiration has been gone. She occupies every second of my day, too. I didn't know women could.. be so needy, especially when you date them. I mean, I used to be great at writing love poems and shit like that, but now that I'm actually with someone, I can't seem to write anything with depth. But hey, some of the best poems are about falling out of love. Even I've written a handful of poems about falling out of love. As sad of a topic as it is, it's also kind of beautiful in a way. There's probably been worse times, but I'm sure that things will be fine when it's all over. My parents were always wary about me talking to random strangers when they weren't around, but you seem like nice company. Now that you mention margaritas, I think I'd actually love one right now. Or really any type of alcohol would be great for me. I come up with all my ideas in the shower, mostly because being alone makes it a lot easier for me to think. I might spend way too much time in the shower, if I'm being honest. That was one of my favorite things about beaches when I was younger. Seeing all different kinds of people. Oh, and I used to do that thing where I got as close to the water as I could and then run away from it when it got closer to me. Australia is amazing. My parents are from there. Italy was definitely one of my favorite places to go. The food was absolutely great.

That’s what you think. I’ve got plenty of friends in the city, thank you very much. No matter what you think, I can actually defriend you. I could just stop talking to you all together but that would have to happen in another lifetime, really. No one is really the perfect bride. Somewhere down the line you’ll worry about a little wrinkle in your dress and burst into tears while I sit there, proceeding to laugh my ass off. Oh no, no, no. I am not educating you the birds and bee’s. Ask one of your sisters. I didn’t not sign up as your best friend to reassure you if having sex hurts or if it doesn’t. Besides, I wouldn’t know how it really feels for a woman. Hey, you said dresses, flowers and wedding invitations and after that I zoned out. I’m sorry, but how can someone be too busy to help their fiancee with wedding related things. It seems like a huge cop out to me.  Are you sure you even want to marry this tool? Thank you muchly. I’ve — uh, actually been seeing someone lately so maybe I’ll bring her to the wedding but you have to promise not to embarrass me with stories about when we were younger.

Sure, you've got plenty of friends in the city. But they aren't as great as I am, so... If you defriend me, I will actually cry. I take this whole best friends thing very seriously. I will honestly spend hours watching Titanic if you defriend me, just because Titanic is a lot less painful than that. Yes, well, I'm the perfect bride. For one, if that ever happens, you better not be laughing. You better help me. Second of all, it won't happen because I haven't even picked out a wedding dress and I'm about this close to going full on nude to my own wedding. Eli! You're supposed to be my best friend. I'm a poor, uneducated virgin. Just the word.. describing the use of the reproductive organs freaks me out. Like asking my sisters would be any less awkward. I don't even know what to do during the thing. Do I just lay there and make noises? Oh my god, please help me. I honestly don't understand why you wouldn't want to go to the dress shopping thing. Hot bridesmaids, you know. He's.. He's a very busy person. He has work and other things. He works a lot, yeah. He's not a tool! Of.. Of course I want to marry him. Oh yeah, only speaking the truth. Really? Can I meet her? I want to meet her. My not so little Eli found a girl, aw. Oh, no, I'm not promising anything. There's so many amazing stories to tell.

Maybe you should try writing things down without really worrying about how they sound together just for general ideas. I’ve noticed that the main reason writer’s block hits be is because I worry way too much about how it’s supposed to sound or if it’s even if it’s good enough but I think we completely always underestimate ourselves all the time. Then again, maybe you just need someone to inspire you, if you haven’t got somewhere already? You’re the first person who hasn’t attempted at prying me open about my past, so thank you. It’s just not something I want out there for the public to have knowledge of, you know? Yeah, it’s not very glamorous but the beach by my house was always a safe haven for me. I used to go out there and admire the stars and that’s when all my best idea’s came to me. You traveled a lot? I’ve never been out of the country, much less out of Massachusetts so excuse me if I constantly ask you about what every state or country was like in future. I’m hoping so. I mean, I’ll be here for the next four years of my life, if not the rest of my life. 

Eh, I've tried it. It ends with me writing down horrible poems about fruits. Raspberry wasn't so bad, but banana was actually pretty terrible. I think I'm just too uninspired at the place where I'm at most of the time. That's a good theory, though. I mean, it's been the reason behind my writer's block before. Now it's like I never have the time to write, and when I do, I can never write with passion. People do that a lot. We don't understand how good we are at anything, but we'll always see the good in others.  I've tried getting inspired by the poeople I know, and it's gotten me nowhere. I'm on the verge of banging my head against the wall. Figured it'd be best not to ask about your past, seeing as we just met and I don't even know your name. But I understand. Feel free to keep your past hidden from me as long as you'd like. A house by the beach, huh. The beach is always one of my favorite places t be.Of course, the last time I went to the beach was a while back. My best ideas only came to me when I was standing in the shower. Nice place, but it's not really the beach. I traveled all the time. It was great, though. Mostly went to South and Central America, Europe, Australia, and New Zealand. Nice to know you'll stick around for a while. I've been here for what feels like forever, and I've seen quite a few people come and go.

Well, what if I just defriend you? I hear that you can’t take me anywhere. Let alone count on me to be in charge of your bridezilla moments. I’m pretty sure one of them will find a way to get her into bed by the end of the night having tons of slutty wedding sex. There’s at least one couple having slutty wedding sex, minus the bride and groom.  Didn’t your sister decline a proposal a year ago? It’s her fault, really. You see, you never told me any of this. Whoa, whoa whoa. Hold the phone. Cake tasting? Where was that when you asked me to be your maid of honor. Isn’t cake tasting something you do with the groom, anyways? Yeah, total difference. 

You can't defriend me. I'm your only friend. You're my only friend. Don't leave me. Please, I can take you anywhere I want. I don't have any bridezilla moments! I'm a perfect bride. Yes, well, make sure only the nice guys gets into her pants. Last time we went to a wedding, she hooked up with the groom's brother. He was married. It didn't end well. Oh.. God, please don't remind me. I'm not sure if I'm ready for sex. It sounds.. scary. What if it hurts? Oh my god, Eli, does it hurt? Is there going to be blood? What if I bleed out and die. She declined the proposal because the dude ended up cheating on her with her best friend. You can't marry someone who cheats on you. Yes, you idiot. Cake tasting. This proves how much you don't listen to me. I offered to let you help me taste all the food, including cake. Chandler said he's too busy to help with all the food tasting, anyways. He helps with the important stuff, but he's.. Busy. A lot of the time. Plus, you're cuter than Patrick Dempsey. A lot cuter, actually. Amazing smile, nice eyes, great laugh. How are you even single?

I’m sure whatever’s got you down will turn around soon. I’ve always thought that nothing can really stay horrible forever despite my drastic childhood. Oh god, I know. Some of these people, god bless their souls, but some weren’t really the best. I probably shouldn’t be judging them since I haven’t actually gotten up there and for all you know, my writing could be ten times worse. I actually just moved here from this small town in Cape Cod so being in the city is kind of overwhelming a bit, but I think I’ll be able to handle it. That’s actually pretty cool you feel like this is your second home. I never had a place like this back home.

I'm hoping so. I stared at a blank page for hours on end the other day, and absolutely nothing came to me. That's quite an optimistic view on life, and I'll avoid prying about the childhood part. I've made friends with quite a few of them, and I don't think I'd ever be able to actually tell them that poetry is really not their thing. Great people, horrible poets. I look forward t the day that you do get up on that stage. Even if your writing isn't great, even though I'm sure it's wonderful, this stage has probably seen a lot worse. Cape Cod? Never been there. I grew up everywhere, actually. My parents liked to travel, so I was home schooled up until I was sixteen and moved to Washington. It's a new city here, though. It's a great place to be. Great people, great food sometimes, and just a great environment. If you stick around long enough, maybe it'll become your second home too.

Nuh-uh, don’t even think about guilt tripping me. C’mon, your sister was far better for the position. What do I know about damn dresses and lilacs? Nada. This is not the movie with Patrick Dempsey, Arden.

Too bad, I'm thinking about it. My sister? She's too upset that I'm getting married before she is. Speaking of which, she's single. So if you or any of your male friends need a one night stand at the wedding- she's there. Well, you do know when I look nice. Plus, we could have gone to taste wedding cakes together. Do you know how good wedding cakes are? So good I haven't even decided on which one I want yet. Of course it's not like that movie. Wasn't Patrick Dempsey in love with the girl in the movie? See, there's the difference.

In weeks? God, something’s definitely got you trapped. If it helps, I think it was impressive. It’s the first one that stood out to be, if I’m being quite honest. I guess you could call me that. I’m more into a whole freelance ordeal. Whenever something inspires me, I write. This is actually the first time I’ve joined in on a reading since I’ve moved here.

Stuck in a rut, honestly. Worst writer's block I've had in a while. Thanks again, though. Eh, nights like these sometimes boost my confidence. They remind me I'm not the worst poet out there. That probably sounds horrible, but it's true. Freelance ordeal? Interesting. I'd love to hear or read anything you've written. Ah, so you're new around here. No wonder. I'm always here. It's practically my second home. Tonight, however, was not one of our best nights, I suppose.

Yeah, I’ll say. When you were ten you were not a picky person. 

If anything, I was more picky when I was ten. I knew what kind of flowers I wanted back then. And now? I can't even decide which wedding dress I want. It's all your fault, too. You could have been my maid of honor and helped me with all this decision making. But no. You left me on my own.

You actually liked that? Well, thanks. Been going through massive writer's block lately, and that's the best I've had in weeks. Are you a poet too?