May 8th 2002. Wednesday.

She woke up before him- not from a nightmare, but because she knew he’d tell that man he would take the job on the boat. He hadn’t said it outright, but she knew. She also knew she had no right to tell him not to go. He wasn’t the type to just work a job doing the heavy lifting at a bar day in and day out. They both had today and tomorrow off. She understood that, even if part of her wished she didn’t. So, taking advantage of being awake before him she just looked at him as he slept. His hair was growing closer to the length it was when they met and that alone made her grin. She fought the urge to touch it, knowing he’d wake up. So, she just looked.

He hadn’t shaved; she wondered if he would before he left. That thought lingered longer than she liked. The idea of being here without him was a little daunting but there wasn’t much she could do about it. Jack was close by and so was Jo but they weren’t Rust. They never would be. A part of her didn’t even want to know what being on a fishing boat was like. The idea of him on the ocean was heavy enough. An even bigger part of her wondered when he became the only place she seemed to feel safe. That thought lingered too. It was just a few days. She was overreacting because the last time she was without him, it hadn’t been by choice. When she really thought about it she hadn’t spent a day away from him since. He had found her in Arkansas and carried her to the ambulance in February of last year. That was a year and three months of falling asleep next to him, of one coming home to the other every night.

She had survived the unimaginable for five years without him so why was the idea of a few days so difficult? She didn’t want him to think she couldn’t handle it. Definitely didn’t want him to see her as weak or someone who couldn’t stand on their own. She could handle it. So she would. A question came to her mind then. One she wasn’t sure what to do with but it lingered; quiet and heavy.

How did you find me?

Not just in Arkansas but before that when she was just some sad lonely girl living in the bones of a home that Maria left behind. Back when she thought all she needed was Lily. He found her anyway before she realized it, before she even knew what she needed. So seeing him real in the same bed as her taking deep breaths in his sleep felt like something she didn’t have a word for. Something akin to a miracle with a looming unknown on her chest. Burying it she moved closer; he lifted his arm and pulled her to him in his sleep. She closed her eyes when he spoke into her hair without moving from where he was.

“Been startin’ at me long?”

She huffed a soft laugh but didn’t move. “You always know.”

“Mhm.” His voice was still rough with sleep; she loved that sound. “I meant it when I told ya I never felt anyone’s eyes the way I feel yours.”

She grinned cuddling up to him just to feel his bare skin on hers but opened her eyes to see him. “I didn’t wanna wake you up, you never sleep in.”

He looked at her as if he were trying to read what she wasn’t saying, his mind always five steps ahead. “You okay?”

She nodded and he paused studying her gently moving her hair from her temple.

“No, you ain’t. I know when that pretty head of yours is going a mile’a minute.”

She grinned grabbing his hand kissing his knuckles. “I’m fine.”

“That ain’t what I asked.”

Her jaw tightened as she looked at his hand that she held, not out of irritation but at how easily he could read her. “I was just thinking of how we haven’t spent a day away from each other since Arkansas. That was over a year ago.”

Looking back to him she continued. “I know you’re gonna go on the boat. I just worry about you is all.”

His thumb moved back and forth over her wrist. “It’s just work baby.”

She nodded. “I know.”

“I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

“I know that too.”

Taking a moment just to look at her he moved to lay his head on her chest so she could hold him like he knew it’s what she needed. She pressed her lips to his head scratching his scalp and rubbing his back. He sighed relaxing against her and she grinned thankful she was able to give that to him.

She kissed his head feeling how warm he was and whispered to him. “As long as you’re careful and come home to me.”

His thumb moved back and forth over the side of her ribs. “Whenever you are is home to me, Genevieve.”

Closing her eyes she grinned to herself thinking it physically impossible for anyone to love one person more. He whispered so gently like the sound would hurt her if spoken too loudly. “I’m sorry.”

She opened her eyes and furrowed her brows. “What are you sorry for?”

“For Louisiana.”

Now she was really confused. “What do you mean?”

“Not doin’ things right the first time.”

She took a moment to think of what he meant then it came to her prompting an exhale gently through her nose. “You didn’t leave Rust.”

Why was that weighing on him now, because he was leaving? “I almost did.”

She turned her head into him closing her eyes again. “But you didn’t. You’re here.” Gently pushing her fingers through his hair, she continued. “You don’t gotta apologize to me baby.”

He paused for a moment before answering. “I’m gonna anyway.”

She smirked to herself. “Quit being a stubborn ass.”

“You first.”

She giggled remembering the first time she said that to him and how easily it began a pattern. Kissing the top of his head nestled against him whispering as she rubbed his back. “I forgive you. I forgave you that night baby. I love you.”

He grabbed her hand kissing the inside of her wrist holding it as he relaxed again. “I love you.”

Since neither of them had anywhere to be they stayed where they were.

Together they had lunch when they eventually got up and he told her to get dressed so she did. It was in the low fifties today so she made sure to grab a jacket as they left. Getting in the truck she turned to him. “Where are we going?”

“Gonna check out this place right here.”

Looking forward she looked at the only place there was. “The sea life place?”

“Mhm.”

“It’s so close, we can just walk.”

“It’s cold.”

She laughed. “It’s not too bad, just cloudy.”

“Get over here and keep me warm.”

Moving over to sit next to him thankful for the bench seat she smirked. “It’s only right up the street.”

“I don’t care.” He put his arm around her kissing the top of her head. “I can grab as somethin’ for dinner after I meet Finn later tonight so you don’t gotta cook.”

“I don’t mind cooking.”

“Well you can cook tomorrow. We gotta go to the grocery store anyway.”

The parking lot only had five or six cars in it when he pulled in. “What made you wanna come here?”

“Figured it gets us outta the house.”

Walking inside he held the door for her where they were greeted by the girl behind the ticket desk. After paying they walked up the stairs where there was a big glass tank that went up to the ceiling with fish in it. It was quiet aside from the ventilation system and the pumps for the tanks making them feel like they had the whole place to themselves. Maybe they did but even if they didn’t she would’ve taken her time either way.

She stood in front of it watching them swim. “Is what you’ll be fishing in here?”

He looked and pointed towards the bottom. “Right down there, see em?”

She crouched slightly. “That flat fish?”

“Mhm, that’s halibut.”

“Both its eyes are on the top and it’s flat.”

“Cause it’s a flatfish like flounder. They live on the bottom and blend in with the sand. Pacific halibut are the biggest flatfish in the world.”

She righted herself staring at it. “That’s what you’ll be fishing for?”

“Yup.”

Halfway tilting her head, she couldn’t understand why anyone would want to fish for such a creature. “It doesn’t look.. mean.”

A faint breath of a chuckle came from him. “They ain’t mean. Just big and heavy.”

“Heavy?”

He nodded shifting his weight before looking at the fish while she looked at him. “Mhm, you gotta haul em up from the bottom and they’re fightin’ you the whole way. Ones we’ll be after can get up to 500 pounds.”

“By hand? Do they ever pull people in?”

He shook his head. “Nah they got hydraulic gear.”

“Is it dangerous?”

Looking at her his eyes moved over her face. “Not him. But the boat and the weather have more say. You just gotta watch yourself, that’s all.”

She nodded slowly logging that to memory and understanding. “You better watch yourself then.”

He nodded back. “I will. I told ya I got a damn good reason to, didn’t I?”

The corner of her mouth lifted slightly and he did the same back reaching for her hand as they continued walking. Threading her fingers through his they stopped in front of window that overlooked a pool with a seal in it. It swam freely doing various turns and spins but seeing it alone made her sad.

“Why’s it by itself?”

He nodded to writing off to the right. “Says she was brought in by a fisherman with a hurt fin. They probably got her in there while she recovers then they’ll put her with the other seals.”

Looking closer she noticed the fin in question but it noticed her swimming over. It had long whiskers like a cat, big eyes, and a black spots all over its body. She smirked watching as it did a flip into the water in front of them. Leaning her head against his arm just watching she sighed quietly. Something as simple as a seal swimming through the water with easy grace despite it being hurt settled something in her chest she didn’t know needed to be settled. Her thoughts slowed down. Not gone, just quieter.

As if he could read her thoughts he pressed his lips to her head and spoke. “You’re thinkin’ too much.”

It wasn’t a question but she nodded anyway because there was no use in denying it. “I usually do.”

Putting his arm around her he kissed her head. “I know.”

She glanced up at him studying him the way she had that morning. “You bring me here to shut me up?”

The corner of his mouth pulled upwards slightly. “You been talkin’?”

That made her smile, it was small but real. Tucking her hair behind her ear he brushed his thumb over her cheek. “If I asked you to kiss me in front of that seal would you?”

He smirked hopefully remembering the first time she asked him that question. “I reckon I’d be happy to do that.”

She smiled. Of course he remembered. There wasn’t anything in the world that could take the memory of seeing his smile for the first time after she asked the first time. Gently resting his fingers under her chin, he kissed her letting his lips linger like they belonged there.

Pressing his forehead against hers he whispered. “You know I’d do anything for you baby.” She smiled and nodded before he kissed her again.

Holding his wrist as he lifted his head to look at her she remembered that first time in her head and what he had told her. “That night you told me you were a bad man and I have yet to see him. I see you and you’re the furthest thing from a bad man, Rust.”

He was quiet for a moment just looking at her while he grabbed her hand moving his thumb back and forth. “Not to you, Genevieve. Anyone but you.”

Someone that worked there walked by and she was reminded they weren’t as alone as she thought. Burying her face in his chest he chuckled. “Shy all the sudden baby?”

She giggled. “Shut up.”

Pulling him forward by his hand she couldn’t help but smile. Together they had taken their time walking around and she had enjoyed herself. He was right as usual; she needed something to get her mind off things for a little while.

“Hey look at this.” He led her forward to a tank with no top that was as up a little higher than her waist. The sign said it was a touch tank and you could actually touch whatever was inside with two fingers.

Looking over the side the things in the water looked like aliens. “What are they?”

“Starfish. They’re invertebrates that live in the tide pools. Wanna touch em’?” She hesitated with a nervous grin. “It’s alright they won’t hurt you. C’mon.”

He rolled his sleeve up and put his fingers in the water touching a red one with one finger. Seeing him do it she rolled up her sleeve and walked over to him. “Gimme your hand. Put two fingers out like that..”

Holding his hand over her own they went below the water line touching it gently. It was rough and bumpy but somehow soft at the same time. She smiled with a giggle as he had his head next to hers moving her fingers for her. “What do they eat?”

“Mussels, clams, oysters.. they got eyes at the tip of each arm. They’ve been on earth for about 450 million years.”

In awe at such a small creature she didn’t know existed until today at the tip of her fingers she smiled. “They’re beautiful.”

He looked at her watching her own fingers under the water. “Yeah you are.” She looked back at him smiling for an entirely different reason. “You wanna get outta here?”

She nodded letting him take their hands out of the water. Before they did she went to the bathroom first and they walked to the truck. As always he opened her door climbing in after her. “I got you somethin’.”

Looking over he had a small stuffed whale in his hand. “Where’d you get this?”

“Gift shop while you were in the bathroom.”

Taking it from him she looked at it. “What kind of whale is it?”

“Orca. Figured it’d hold you over until I can take you to see a real one.”

If her heart could’ve gushed it would’ve at how sweet he was. Moving over she put her hand on his face kissing him harder since they weren’t technically in public anymore. He chuckled but she didn’t stop despite grinning against his lips before pulling back. “Is this what I’m supposed to cuddle while you’re gone? Huh?”

He chuckled. “Think you can manage?”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

He kissed her again gently. “You’re welcome baby.” Not bothering to go back to the passenger seat he started the truck.

He was going to get them takeout after meeting with Finn down at the harbor so while he was doing that she cleaned up the apartment. Throwing in a load of laundry and doing the dishes to stay busy. She had even gotten a grocery list of things to get tomorrow before he came back with dinner. He set it on the counter and headed back towards the door. “Where you going?”

“I gotta bring something up.”

Carrying a small TV and a table fan she paused as he took it in the bedroom. “What’s that for?”

Setting them on the counter he plugged them both in making sure they worked.

“To help you sleep.” She leaned against the counter as he turned to her. “I’ll clean em up and put em on the dresser in the bedroom before we go to bed.”

He came over to her kissing her forehead as she grinned softly closing her eyes. “C’mon. Let’s eat.”

On the couch next to one another they ate while the TV filled the space of white noise until one of them decided to speak, it was her. “So, you leave Friday?”

He nodded.

“What time?”

“Three in the mornin’. I’ll get a ride down the dock so you got the truck.”

She didn’t like the idea of her being in bed while he was leaving. “Why so early?”

“The tide and get a jump on the fish activity early in the morning.”

She paused. “Why don’t you just take the truck and I’ll come with you so I can drive it back?”

He looked at her. “I gotta be there at three baby.”

“I know, I don’t care. I’ll come home and take a nap before work.”

Thinking it over as he still looked at her he nodded slowly. “Alright.”

She hadn’t taken her eyes off her food afraid to meet his eyes. “When do you come back?”

“Wednesday. Earliest we dock is four, latest would be 8.”

She nodded to herself taking a drink and wiping her face with a napkin despite not needing to. “I’ll be there to pick you up.”

“You sure? I can get a ride.”

Looking at him, she grinned remembering all the times he was there for her when he didn’t need to be. “I’ll be there. Does Jo know you won’t be here?”

“Mhm. I met Finn down the bar and told her. After we drove down the docks and he showed me around the boat.”

Her curiosity was as strong as her fear in that moment. “What was it like?”

He sat back with the cigarette he just lit. “Wasn’t bad. 68 feet, functional. Living quarters are small but won’t really spend much time in there. Our beds gonna be somethin’ to look forward to when I get home.”

She arched her eyebrow. “Just the bed huh?”

He smirked pulling her against him where she got herself comfortable with her head on his lap. “Smartass. You know I’m gonna miss you.” Petting her head as she looked up at him he looked back, his smirk slowly fading. “I ain’t spent a day without you since I got you from the hospital in Arkansas and brought you back to that shitty motel room. Slept next to you every night since.”

Holding his hand, she brought it to her chest using her thumbs to massage his palm. “It’s crazy to think about isn’t it?”

He shook his head. “Every day I got left breathin’ with you wouldn’t be enough Genevieve.”

She was in awe at the fact that he simply existed and those beautiful blue eyes were looking at her. “Why’re you so good to me? I mean even before the way things are now with us. You were good to me when we first met.”

He grabbed her hand bringing it to his lips kissing her knuckles. “Because you’re my girl. You’ve been my angel since before I even realized.”

She grinned sitting up to straddle his lap. Taking his cigarette, she pulled on it herself before putting it in the ashtray putting her hands on his chest. “Thank god you’re an insomniac like me.”

He chuckled and she giggled along with him taking a moment before continuing.

“I love you. More than you’ll ever know Rustin Cohle. I survived hell to get back to you so don’t you dare let the god damn ocean take you from me.”

He gently pushed her hair back from her face tucking it behind her ear and rested his hand on her face. “I love you. I’m comin’ back.”

He paused and his voice got softer. “Always for you.”

Pulling her down to him he kissed her. All she could do was kiss him back with everything she ever had and ever was because no one meant more to her in the world than him. Sliding her fingers into his hair arching her back into him she felt him grin against her mouth. With ease he rolled her over onto the couch on her back making her laugh.

Leaning over her with that smirk only he could make he looked down at her. “You’re beautiful.”

“So kiss me.”

He smiled and did just that.

May 9th 2002. Thursday.

They had gone to the grocery store and did their usual errands. He had got his things together since she did all the laundry yesterday. He hooked the TV up in the bedroom while she cooked dinner for them both. Chile rellenos and banana bread like she made on his birthday last year. She knew he liked it and was happy to do it for him knowing he couldn’t get food like that on the boat. Feeling his eyes on the back of her she grinned to herself but let him stare. She did the same thing sometimes and he knew that. It didn’t take him long to come up behind her putting his hands on her waist kissing her shoulder. “Smells good.” He kissed her cheek then rested his chin against her. “You don’t gotta do all this ya know.”

She smirked. “I know, I want to. Also, it’s just dinner.”

His thumbs found the spot where her shirt met her jeans moving slowly over her bare skin encouraging her to lean back against him which she did. Threading his arms around her just holding her she exhaled through her nose.

“I’m not sure how sweet the banana bread’s gonna be since they weren’t as ripe as I want.”

“It’ll be just fine baby.”

Kissing her cheek again he let himself linger there. “It’s almost done if you wanna get plates out.” He kissed her cheek yet again twice in a row before letting her go.

Side by side they ate at the coffee table from the couch which she liked because it meant she could be next to him. He nodded when he cleaned his plate. “God damn, that’s good. Thank you.”

She pointed her chin towards the kitchen. “You’re welcome. There’s more back there.”

Looking at her plate and how she had picked at her smaller portion his eyes met hers. “You gotta eat.”

She looked at him. “I am.”

He reached over with his fork tapping her plate. “Little more than that.”

Staring at him trying not to smirk he nodded. “C’mon, eat.”

He got up going to get more and she chuckled to herself taking a bite for him.

Sitting back down he saw she had taken another bite with a small grin. “Atta girl.” She rolled her eyes. “Look at me. You got some sauce right here..”

Taking his thumb, he wiped her chin chuckling as he licked it off. Smirking she nudged him with her shoulder before finishing their dinner. The plates sat longer than they needed to on the coffee table, neither of them in a hurry to move. They didn’t really talk much. When they did it was about anything except the one thing looming over them. Eventually she got up and took both plates to the sink washing them where he followed putting the food up. With warm soapy water rinsing off the last dish she felt him before he touched her. She always did. His hands settled at her waist like it had earlier not asking for anything, just there.

“You don’t gotta help, that was the last dish.”

He spoke against her shoulder. “I ain’t helpin’.”

Her mouth curved with a smirk as she dried her hands. For a moment they stayed just like that, him holding her and her being held. Eventually when she turned in his grasp she reached to put her arms over his shoulders looking up at him. “Did you have a good dinner?”

He nodded. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

She looked at him, really looked at him like she had yesterday morning, and he did the same. His hand came up, he brushed his thumb slow and gentle over her jaw. “C’mere.”

He didn’t pull her closer, didn’t need to, she would always be drawn to him. His lips weren’t urgent and neither were hers. Hurrying to bed meant morning would arrive sooner. So, they kissed like neither of them had anywhere to be trying desperately to slow down time. When she slid her hand into his hair a small exhale left him, pulling her against him with both hands. They couldn’t be close enough to one another in that moment. Even when they separated it wasn’t far, foreheads still touching sharing the same breath.

He bent slightly, picking her up and carrying her the few steps to the bedroom but it felt shorter than it ever had. Setting her down she was still smiling as her hands moved over his chest. Her hands worked at the buttons of his shirt slower than usual paying attention to each one. He didn’t rush her but just watched letting his hands settle, one on her shoulder and one on the back of her neck.

“Hey..” She looked up at him. “I love you.”

She grinned softly undoing the last button. “I love you too.”

Kissing him again she pushed the button up off his shoulders. When he lifted his arms above his head letting her take off his wife beater. He grinned down at her once it was off and she giggled putting her hands on his bare skin. Gently kissing the tattoo on his chest her lips lingered. Brushing her hair back from her face with both hands he kissed her inhaling like he was breathing her in. Similar to her, he was in no hurry and took his time before reaching for the hem of her t-shirt pulling it over her head. When they got in bed his skin was so warm pressed on top of her.

Nudging her nose against him she exhaled her words at a whisper. “Thank you.”

He lifted his head looking down at her. “For what?”

She touched his face seeing those beautiful blue eyes trying to read her mind. “Cruelty has touched my body more than love.” Her thumb brushed over his cheek. “And then I met you.”

Soft eyes looked back before he kissed the inside of her wrist. “I’m right here baby.”

Reaching for his neck she pulled him down wanting to kiss him more than wanting to breathe. All the times they’d slept together had been intense but this felt different. It felt heavier with the realization he’d be leaving tomorrow. She put that out of her mind trying to focus on sensations and logging them to memory. The muscles under her palms were strong, rippling as his hand moved over her while his lips drifted to her neck.

“Just relax.” She closed her eyes and sighed. “Don’t think, just feel. Stay with me and feel baby.”

Nodding slowly threading her fingers through his hair he silenced her mind in a way only he ever could. He kissed her like their lives depended on it, the intensity taking her breath away. He cradled her face humming against her mouth and she could’ve wept but whimpered instead. She wanted this man all over every part of her at all times because he had so thoroughly infiltrated her heart. Gentle yet firm his lips moved back to her neck taking their time down her sternum. Closing her eyes she sunk into the mattress and deeper into his touch. He was agonizingly unhurried with his mouth between her legs utilizing his tongue and fingers until her mind went completely silent. The only thing that crossed her lips aside from whimpers and moans was his name.

When he crawled up to her she plunged both hands into his hair kissing him like she could take back the orgasm on his tongue. He groaned grabbing her ass grinding his hips down onto her. “I could make you cum all night.”

She giggled against his mouth and he smiled. Reaching for the spot behind her knee she looked at him. “I wanna taste you.”

He gave her a smug grin. “You think we’re only goin’ once?”

She giggled again but it turned into a gasp when he slid himself inside her. Under his breath in a gravelly voice, he spoke with a groan. “Fuck baby..”

There was only one word she thought of that could describe how she felt with him inside her. Complete. Not moving he took a second to find his bearings and for that she was grateful because her head was dizzied in the best way. “Fuck you feel so good.”

Looking at him she spoke against his lips. “I wanna keep you here forever.”

He grinned kissing her but quickly went back to looking at her. His hips were slow keeping her entirely centered in her body but also taking her out of it at the same time. Momentarily letting her eyes roll back with a moan she wrapped her legs around him feeling every single sensation he brought to her.

“Look at me.” When she did he put his hand on top of her head gently. “Atta girl, stay with me. Keep those beautiful eyes on me.”

Running her hands down his back slowly with the rhythm he set he was moving like he wanted this to last all night. There would be no complaints from her because of how beautiful he looked, how good he felt, and how badly she wanted to avoid him leaving.

Lying on his chest she had her eyes closed listening to the steady beat of his heart. His hand moved rhythmically over her back and they hadn’t said a word since finding their breath. He kissed her head not taking his mouth far from where it rested. “You okay?”

It was a murmur, rough like he was fighting to stay awake.

She nodded. “Mhm.” A pause stretched. “I’m gonna wake up when you do.”

His hand stilled for a second but continued. “You don’t have to.”

“I know but I’m gonna.”

He kissed her head again stilling his hand but continuing with his thumb. “Don’t know how I’m gonna sleep without havin’ this.”

Tightening her arm around him his breathing evened deeply. “I love you.”

“I love you too Genevieve.”

She felt his thumb slow before stopping entirely. Staying awake for a while listening to him breathe she was so thankful. The spaces between each breath he took made her thankful she loved someone so much that made goodbye so hard. For the first time since he had come for her in Arkansas over a year ago, she found herself praying to God to keep him safe.

May 6th 2002. Monday.

She liked Jo, a tough woman who took no bullshit. She liked the bar as well because it was simple. Everything had a place, had certain stools occupied by certain people, and a usual way things ran. The regulars she met were nice, asking her name and where she was from respectfully without prying. Jo had Rust doing the work of a bar back once it got busier saying to him he needed to learn inventory first. A part of her had a suspicion it was just to have her separated from Rust to see how she handled her own. It didn’t go unnoticed that whenever a regular roped her into conversation there was a certain set of blue eyes keeping a hawk’s gaze in her direction. All she could do was grin to herself because she didn’t mind the feeling, knowing he was close made her feel safe.

Come eight o’clock when the usual bartenders came in Jo approached her. “Y’all go on and get outta here. See you here same time tomorrow.”

She turned. “Are you sure?”

Jo grinned. “You’ll do just fine here, honey. Now take your watch dog and go on home.”

Looking at Jo her grin turned to a chuckle. “Is that bad?”

Jo arched her eyebrow. “Depends who you ask. Bar like this, people know you’re off the market early you’re liable to have less problems.”

“So, we’re both welcomed back?”

Smiling with a nod towards the door Jo answered. “Get outta here.”

She couldn’t help but smile back before looking around for Rust finding him walking towards her with her coat. They said goodnight and walked out the door together where he spoke first.

“Well, how was it?”

She smirked. “I like it so far. Jo’s nice, regulars are nice, it’s simple. What about you?” He nodded lighting a cigarette. “You looked bored.”

“Wasn’t bored.”

She giggled. “You hate not being where you can see everything.”

He looked at her not denying it with the slightest smirk while she breathed the air outside in. Alaskan air felt like it was cleaning her lungs from the inside. “She called you my watch dog ya know.”

Exhaling smoke he responded casually as they walked the short walk home. “Well, I made Lily a promise I’d look after her mama.”

Smiling she nudged against him and he chuckled. “I miss her.”

His arm went around her shoulder kissing her head. “I know. I’ve been called worse things than your watch dog. And between you and me..” He spoke beside her ear. “I think she split us up on purpose.”

She laughed. “I thought the same thing.”

He shrugged. “Can’t blame her. Wants to see if her pretty new bartender can hold her own.”

“I guess. Do you like her though?”

He nodded. “Yeah I do. Matters more if you like her though.”

“Why?”

At the garage door now, he pulled out his keys unlocking the door with his cigarette between his lips. “So you feel comfortable and safe.”

He opened the door for her but she didn’t go in looking at him instead. “I feel comfortable and safe with you. It feels like you’re readying me for you to leave.”

With a pause he took the last drag off his cigarette, putting it out on the bottom of his boot.

“That’s not it at all.” He looked at her. “I’m just lookin’ out for you Genevieve, I always will. I’d never leave you.”

Looking at him unsure of what to say he nodded towards the garage.

“C’mon get in here.”

Unable to hide her smirk she walked inside and they went upstairs to the apartment. Hanging up her coat she pushed her sleeves up going into the kitchen.

“You hungry? There’s chicken and asparagus in there. I can make some pasta with it.”

He came up behind her as she stood with the fridge open putting his hands on her shoulders talking into her hair.

“That sounds fine to me. You want me to help?”

She grinned shaking her head leaning into him. “No, I got it. I know you wanna get a shower.” Turning around she shut the fridge running her hands over his chest. “I’ll try and have it done when you get out.”

He shook his head. “No rush. Gimme’a kiss.”

Standing on the tips of her toes he grabbed her chin with his thumb and index finger kissing her gently. When he pulled back after stealing one to put on her cheek he winked at her making her giggle before disappearing into the bathroom.

They had eaten dinner and he did the dishes letting her get a shower. On the couch she combed her hair afterwards while he sat with a beer and cigarette with the TV on in the background. She was looking out the window seeing the water in the distance. “You alright?”

She nodded towards the window. “That’s so beautiful.”

He chuckled. “You’ll be wishin’ it was dark come next month.”

Turning to him her brows were furrowed. “Whatdya mean?”

“Once summer solstice rolls around there’s almost twenty-four hours of daylight.”

Turning with her whole body now folding her legs under her she was confused. “What the hell are you talking about?”

He smirked. “You know what a globe looks like right and how it sits on an angle?”

She nodded.

“Well, the Arctic circle at the top and the Antarctic circle at the bottom, north and south poles, experience prolonged periods of day and night as the earth moves around the sun. The closer you are to the poles the longer night or day lasts. At the pole itself the sun only rises and sets once a year staying up for six months. Polar nights are when the sun doesn’t rise for weeks or months. It isn’t like that here but June and July are the brightest for longest.”

Looking out the window and back at him she pointed. “So those lace curtains won’t do shit. It’ll just be bright all the time?”

He nodded with a grin. “Mmhmm. We’ll get new curtains or nail up some blankets like I did when I was a kid.”

Setting her comb down she lit her own cigarette leaning against the back of the couch.

“What was it like living here as a kid? Did you like it?”

He shrugged. “I liked some of it. The nature I liked. Huntin’ and fishin’ is different when you do it to survive as opposed to people who do it for fun.”

“Like how Jack said?”

He nodded. “I took down my first caribou when I was 8 or 9.”

“You did??”

“Mhm. Learned how to ice fish, build all kinds of shit and set different kinda traps. The time my pop spent in Nam taught him plenty of shit.”

He hardly mentioned his father but she wanted to know what he was like as a little boy.

“Is he still alive?”

“Last I heard.”

He took a sip of his beer and she noticed his jaw clench slightly. “You don’t want him to know you’re here, do you?”

He shook his head.

“Why?”

Putting his cigarette out in the ashtray he exhaled the last bit of smoke. “Cause it ain’t his business. He don’t need to know shit about me or you.”

Slightly tilting her head sideways her voice was soft. “He wasn’t good to you was he?”

He simply shook his head again.

“Was it all bad?” Slowly he turned towards her. “Was there any good times you remember I mean.”

He sighed quietly. “A few. Wish I didn’t.”

Not pushing it any further she took a final drag off her cigarette. “You wanna go to bed?”

He nodded.

She got in bed before him lying on her stomach facing him. They slept naked, like always, and he sat up on his elbow facing her running his hand down her back. Looking at him, she could tell when he was deep in thought because his eyes almost glazed over like they were now. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “Just lookin’ at ya.”

She noticed his eyes followed his hand whenever it touched on her, tracing the scars on her spine where her tattoo used to be. Remembering that moment she spoke softly.

“He tried first with his knife, that was part of my first punishment. I was tied face down, no pillow or strap to bite on so I just had to deal with it. When he realized it wasn’t working how he wanted he resorted to burning it, that’s when I..”

“Passed out.”

Looking at him, she paused wondering how he knew that but he answered before she could ask.

“He videotaped it.”

She closed her eyes exhaling through her nose hating the fact that he had seen it with his own eyes. Opening them he brushed her hair from her temple.

“Did he..”

He shook his head. “No. No baby. That’s why I finished the tape, to make sure.”

She exhaled into her pillow. “Would you..”

“Feel different about you if he had? Love you less if I watched it?” He shook his head again. “Absolutely not. I told you even before I watched anything it wouldn’t change how I look at you and feel about you.”

Moving over to curl up to his chest she curled one fist under her chin and the other held onto him.

“Hey look at me.”

When she did he touched her cheek.

“I mean it.”

The corners of her lips lifted slightly. “I know. I love you.”

He kissed her gently before doing the same to her forehead. “I love you.”

Grinning to herself she closed her eyes focusing on the steadiness of his heartbeat.

Jolting awake her heart was racing and she felt a cold sweat at her hairline. She looked over at Rust thankfully not having woken him up. After taking a sip of water from the nightstand she tried to go back to bed but it didn’t work. Her heart was so loud she could hear it slamming against the pillow under her ear. Slipping out of bed tossing her robe on she tiptoed out to the living room turning the TV on. Whatever was on she didn’t care she just needed the barely audible volume on. Silence made her feel like she was crawling out of her own skin and unlike Louisiana, Alaska had hardly any white noise at night. Not that she had noticed so far anyway. There were no bullfrogs, tree frogs, crickets or katydids that made nighttime feel alive. At Maria’s house when she couldn’t sleep she’d crack the window or go sit on the step because it seemed like the bayou beyond the fence was attempting to sing her back to sleep. Here? She’d have to deal with whatever was coming out of the TV speakers.

Sitting on the couch with her ankles crossed and her knees to her chest she lit a cigarette. She stared out the window but redirected her gaze to her wrist after asking her cigarette. The scar tissue raised and dented like in so many other spots on her body acting as a constant reminder of where she’d been. Missouri, Louisiana, Arkansas, back to Louisiana and now Alaska. Whenever she thought of her time in Arkansas she hurt for a different reason. Not because of what she experienced herself but because he was on the outside with her dog wondering if she was alive. It hurt her to think of him in his empty apartment in Louisiana, with a mattress on the floor and Lily at his feet. Did he think of what she did all those nights on that uncomfortable twin bed? Surely they both lost plenty of sleep over those years considering one of things that brought him to her was the lack of sleep. They both clung onto the pills that somehow managed to quiet their brains just enough for a few hours of sleep before they clung onto each other. Aside from how they came to be she was here now while he slept in the other room. Alaska was beautiful, the people were nice, and she was safe here so why did she feel so scared at something as simple as silence?

“How long you been out here?”

Looking away from the window she saw him standing in the doorway of the bedroom. “Not long. Couldn’t fall back asleep.”

The look on his face told her he already knew making his way over to the couch. Taking a seat next to her she shook her head. “It’s so quiet here. Like something’s supposed to happen..”

It came out as a whisper though she didn’t mean for it to.

“C’mere baby.”

Putting out her cigarette she slid under the arm he had open for her but he decided to move her to his lap himself. Easily wrapping his arm around her and pulling her feet into his lap so she was in a fetal position against his chest he covered her with the blanket on the couch. Wrapped up warm and safe with her face buried against his neck he kissed her shoulder slowly rubbing her back.

“You’re not there anymore, you’re here. Nothing’s comin’ for you here. And if it does it’s gotta go through me first.”

She closed her eyes and smirked to herself. “You’re doing a good job. Lily would be proud of you.”

He chuckled resting his head against hers with a heavy sigh. Focusing on the steady rhythm in his chest thankful it wasn’t her own slamming against a pillow.

Rust

He could tell she had fallen asleep by the depth of her breathing but he didn’t have the heart to move her. Making sure she was completely covered with the blanket he just looked at her. He’d have to get a fan or another TV to put in the bedroom so she could sleep. He had anticipated she’d have trouble getting comfortable here. The silence didn’t help. To her, silence was a threat. It always had been. Her body only permitted sleep when her brain and her body together felt safe enough. It wasn’t lost on him what her feeling tired around him let alone being able to sleep meant. That wasn’t something he took lightly. Kissing her hair, he rested his chin on top of her head with a sigh remembering the first time he fell asleep on her couch in Louisiana. Whenever he thought back to those early days the intrusive thought of how he nearly ruined it all the day he quit. The mistakes he couldn’t take back. In her sleep she made a small noise nestling against his chest which broke those thoughts.

Instead, he remembered how she said his name, how she smiled at him while trying to hide it, and those aurora green eyes that looked up at him. Holding her tighter steadily moving his hand over her back he couldn’t help but imagine nights like this when he wouldn’t be here to do this for her. The things they did to her went deeper than her skin. Whatever was buried in her, its roots ran deep. Maybe deeper than she could reach herself. Then again he spent most of his life convinced peace of any kind simply didn’t exist but here it was, asleep on his chest. If anyone could pull through anything it was her. She didn’t realize how strong she was. But alone left in silence with her own thoughts.. that worried him. It wasn’t a battle he could fight for her, all he could do was hold her through it so he did. After shifting slightly under her, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He didn’t risk moving her. A stiff neck didn’t mean much if she got some sleep.

May 7th 2002. Tuesday.

Genevieve

She first heard the TV still on and his breathing second. The steady beat under her ear with the warmth enveloping her. Opening her eyes she was lying on the couch under the same blanket as him curled up to his chest. His facial hair had grown in to the point it wasn’t really scratchy. As much as she loved his clean-shaven face she liked seeing him like this. It reminded her he was a man and not only an angel in her eyes. How he had grown to call her an angel when he literally saved her life was beyond her. Studying him and the man he was, he was peaceful. His jaw wasn’t tight and his brow wasn’t pulled together in thought, he was just soft. It made her chest ache a little to remember this man somehow came to love her out of everyone else. Just listening for a bit, it wasn’t quite like last night was. It was still partially silent but the quiet in the day time didn’t feel like it was strangling her. It felt lighter but seeing him on the couch instead of bed where it was comfortable with his arm around her. Maybe it was just him and maybe that made all the difference.

Curling back up to his chest he tightened his arm around her resting his chin on top of her head. “You sleep alright?”

She grinned to herself at two things, how he knew she was awake and the way his voice sounded in the morning. “You should’ve woke me up so you didn’t have to sleep out here.”

“Did you sleep good?” She nodded. “That’s why so I don’t mind.”

Wrapping her arm around him she scratched his bare back slowly so thankful for him and his thoughtfulness. He hummed and relaxed back into the couch. “Magic nails.”

She chuckled. “Still better than any sedative you ever taken?”

He nodded. “Damn right.”

Closing her eyes just savoring how it felt to have him hold her she reminded him how lucky she felt. “I’m so grateful for you, Rustin Cohle. Don’t ever forget that.” Gently kissing the tattoo on his chest, she nudged her nose against his jaw. “I love you. Don’t forget that either.”

Cradling the back of her head he kissed her forehead. “Couldn’t if I tried Genevieve. Not a chance.”

“Want me to make coffee?”

“Not yet, just lay with me for a little bit.” Hearing him exhale he relaxed into the couch. “I love you too baby.”

She smiled because nothing could possibly have made her happier in that moment.

Working at the Yukon was like no place she had ever worked. It never seemed to be dead or empty; there was always people coming in and out. Some came to have a drink and then leave while others came for the food which was surprisingly good. Rust would flow in and out from behind the bar making it a point to touch her whenever he would walk by her. He was in the back when a man she’d never seen before walked in. Once the door closed and her eyes adjusted to the bright flash of sunlight he came to the bar where she could see him closer. He wore a hat that was just as weathered as he was. An older man with a bushy beard that seemed to carry the ocean with him looked like he had a story to tell anyone that would listen.

“What can I get you?”

“I’m actually lookin’ for someone goes by Rust.”

The polite smile slowly dropped from her face. “Who’s asking?”

“Name’s Finn.”

She had never heard that name mentioned which made her weary. “Whatdya want with him?”

He chuckled. “You must be his lady. Jack sent me over.”

Before she could even turn around he was walking her way so she met him in the middle. “What’s wrong?”

“This guy named Finn said Jack told him to come look for you. Do you know him?”

He shook his head looking over her shoulder. “No but if Jack sent em it should be fine.”

Walking by her he kissed her head letting his hand brush against her waist. She watched as he went over and shook the man’s hand. There was nothing else she could do so she went back to work despite her chest feeling tight. Being far enough away not to hear them she had to fight herself from looking over at them. Jo had to grab something from behind the bar and paused looking over at Rust.

Immediately realizing what was going on she nodded over to them. “Finn’s been leaving this harbor since before you were born and he’s always come back.”

Jo looked at her and continued.

“He ain’t the type to disappear on you.”

She shook her head. “That’s not what I’m worried about.”

Jo pointed down the opposite end of the bar away from Rust. “Wipe down that end before you make a hole where you’re standing.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Rust shake the man’s hand before he stood and left the way he came. Rust just stood there for a second before looking at her and she looked over trying to ignore the fact that something was shifting and she didn’t have control over it. He didn’t say anything until he was next to her.

“You hear any of that?”

She shook her head. “No, not really.” Meeting his eyes her voice was soft. “I don’t think I needed to.”

She wasn’t accusing him and the look on his face told her he knew.

“I’ll tell you about it when we get outta here alright?”

She nodded and he put a hand on her back rubbing his thumb back and forth before kissing her temple. Heading back towards the stock room she watched him walk that way.

When they got back to the apartment with the food from the bar, they sat down on the couch. Picking at her food they ate but she found she wasn’t really hungry. The waiting to hear what his conversation with Finn was too heavy and it had her fiddling with the cross around her neck. She pressed the base into the pad of her thumb in intervals hard enough her hand shook slightly.

“Guy that came to the bar that Jack sent over has a boat in the harbor. He’s running halibut this season and needs another set of hands. If I want the spot I gotta let him know by tomorrow.”

She looked at him. “Why so soon?”

“Seasons already started. We’d leave the dock on Friday morning.”

She sighed as quietly as she could glancing back down at her hands. “What’s that like?”

He took a bite of his food swallowing first. “Long days, lotta work. Lines, hooks, fish. Nothin’ I can’t handle.”

She looked at her takeout container unsure if she could finish it.

“Might be gone a couple days at a time though.”

Falling silent she really didn’t know what to say because truthfully the idea terrified her. It felt like she had just got to this place where she didn’t know or trust anyone else but him. This was a safe place with at least one other person to look after her if need be but without him around it would feel anything but safe.

“Talk to me.”

She looked at him offering a small grin. “I’m alright.”

He didn’t look away reading her with ease. “No, you’re not.”

She swallowed, her jaw felt tight but she tried to sigh it away. “It’s just.. I’m not gonna tell you to not do it. But I feel like we just got here and now you’re gonna go somewhere where I can’t talk to you or see you and won’t know you’re okay until you come back.”

She glanced down at her hands, still busy without her noticing.

“I know what that feels like.” She paused. “I felt it before.”

Leaning forward he took the hand that fiddled with her cross and held it. “I know you have, so have I. This ain’t that Genevieve. I know what I’m doin’ out there.”

“I know and I don’t doubt you do Rust but..”

Gently touching her face with the back of his knuckles pulling her chin up he tucked her hair behind her ear as she looked at him. “It’s just work baby. Same as the bar or CID just out on the water. And I’m comin’ back to you. Every time.”

“You don’t know that.”

He nodded. “No.”

Resting his hand on her face he made sure her eyes stayed on him. “But I know I got a reason to.”

She held his wrist closing her eyes with an exhale.

“C’mere.”

Lifting his arm, he held her not hesitating to hold her without saying anything just kissing her head. “I don’t like it.”

When he answered it was at a whisper. “I know.”

He rubbed her back slow and steady, the same way he did when she couldn’t sleep. “I didn’t care for you at CID either but I knew you were smarter than everyone and had a gun every day. A gun doesn’t mean shit to the ocean.”

He sighed keeping his voice soft. “I know.”

She exhaled heavily with acquiescence. “I don’t like it but I like you so I guess I’ll manage.”

He chuckled and she sat up so she could see it, the faint hint of a smile pulling at his lips as she rested her forehead against his cheek. “Promise me you’ll be careful. I need you to come back to me.”

He nodded turning his face towards her so he spoke beside her ear. “I’ll be careful.”

Sitting back slightly she looked at him running her fingers through his growing hair. “You better because you still have to show me the whales.”

He laughed softly and she grinned at the sound; it was one of her favorite things she’d ever heard. Leaning forward he grabbed some of her food and held it up. “C’mon, you hardly ate anything.”

He brought a piece of chicken to her mouth and she took it even though she didn’t want it. Before he could wipe his fingers she grabbed his wrist putting his fingertips in her mouth. Thumb first, index, and middle looking at him while she did it. He exhaled through his nose and clenched his jaw but that only made her giggle. “Wanna get a shower?”

He chuckled lighting a cigarette leaning back against the couch stretching his arms over the back. “After you eat some more.”

She smirked. “That sounds like bribery, Rustin Cohle.”

He smiled, the sight so agonizingly beautiful it almost made her sick to realize he was doing it at her. “Nah, it’s leverage baby. There’s a difference.”

She giggled shaking her head taking another bite of her food.

April 28th 2002. Sunday.

She heard him breathing slow and steady before she opened her eyes. From her stomach next to him she saw him still asleep on his side facing her. She didn’t think there’d ever come a time where she’d didn’t find him beautiful but in sleep it was impossible to ignore. His face was relaxed, peaceful, but she knew that what went on inside his head was anything but peace. Maybe there would come a day he saw himself the way she saw him. A good man, fiercely loyal, with a heart that not enough people had the privilege of seeing. He hadn’t shaved so the stubble on his face was starting to grow in. Curling up to his chest she threaded her leg with his draping her arm around him. He hummed before clearing his throat pulling her closer running his hand up her back. Looking up at him she scratched his back lightly just taking in the image of him resting. She was losing her heart to this man if she hadn’t already. “I’ve never felt anyone’s eyes the way I feel yours.”

She grinned to herself. “Good thing because I like looking at you.”

He chuckled and she smiled touching his cheek, the stubble was rough under her fingertips. “Want me to shave?”

“No. I like you no matter what’s on your face baby.”

He grinned still keeping his eyes closed. “Might feel different when I leave you beard burn all over ya.”

“What’s that?”

All he did was chuckle. “Oh, you’ll find out, I promise.” Giggling she kissed his neck hearing him hum the way he did when he was completely relaxed. “Keep it up you’ll find out sooner than later.”

She smiled. “That sounds like a threat, Rustin Cohle.”

He rolled on top of her making her laugh. As he looked down at her finally revealing those blue eyes with a smirk, he leaned down kissing her nudging his nose against her so her face turned. Pressing his cheek against hers the rough stubble drug across her skin as he moved. “You feel that?” She nodded threading her fingers through his hair. “More I kiss you the more it’s gonna scratch. Your face, on your neck.. between your legs.” When he kissed her neck just below her ear, she exhaled a sigh feeling him smile, the slight sting coupled with the softness of his lips.

“Don’t tease me, it’s not nice.”

Slowly kissing up her neck to her face he chuckled. “I’m not teasin’ you baby.” The alarm on the nightstand went off and before she could even kiss him back, he rolled out of bed shutting it off heading towards the bathroom.

Throwing a pillow at him she groaned. “Asshole!” He laughed but she wasn’t amused. “You are teasing me and you know it.”

When he reappeared in the doorway completely naked the same way he went to sleep, he wasn’t unaffected in the slightest, that smile she was thankful to see whenever it appeared was on his face. “It’s not funny.”

“I ain’t laughin’.”

Rolling over pulling the blankets up to her nose she heard him come back over. The bed dipped under his weight and she felt him holding himself over her, the stiffness flexing between his legs. He pulled down the blankets from her face kissing her cheek. “C’mon.. gimme a kiss.”

“Go away, you’re so mean.”

He chuckled. “You don’t mean that baby. I know you don’t do ya? Hm?” Kissing under her ear he nipped at her earlobe making her giggle.

“Oh, now you wanna climb back in bed and be all over me?”

The soft laugh beside her ear was airy, even if she wasn’t pretending hearing that forbid her from being angry. “I always wanna be all over you.” Climbing back under the covers with her he kissed her neck speaking against her skin. “You still want me to get off ya?”

“Never. I want you to get me off.” He laughed softly and she couldn’t help but giggle turning her head to kiss him but she saw his eyes. How they seemed to shine when he smiled a real smile or laughed a real laugh. It never failed to astonish her how beautiful he was. Putting her hand on his face touching the stubble there she shook her head. “I wish God made our paths cross sooner.”

His smile slowly faded as if he saw everything he deemed a failure in his life. “I don’t.” Her brow furrowed. “I wouldn’t’ve been able to love you the way you needed. To be honest I still don’t know if I can, let alone how you deserve. But I’m selfish.. I can’t be without you so all I can do is try. I was a broken man back then Genevieve.”

Running her fingers through his hair she exhaled through her nose. “You still are baby and that’s okay. I’ve never been whole my entire life either.. but I feel that way when I’m with you. For that I’ll love you until you love yourself and forever after. I promise.”

It wasn’t a smile but a grin that came back to him and that was enough for her. Leaning up she kissed him running her hands over his shoulders to hold onto him the way she always did, as if her life depended on it. In a way, she supposed it did, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

When he spoke, he did so against her mouth. “What am I gonna do with you huh?”

“I don’t care but you can start with stop talking and fuck me.”

He chuckled looking down at her. “We have somewhere to be. I do that now and we ain’t gonna have a job.” Burying her face into the pillow she groaned. “C’mon. I’ll start the coffee.” He kissed her shoulder before getting up and throwing his underwear on to head into the kitchen.

Sitting up in bed she sighed looking out the window through the sheer curtains. They could see the water since the garage under them sat up so high. Wrapping the blanket around her she got up moving the curtains to the side just looking over a new place she called home. It was beautiful, there was no denying it, but the unknown left her wondering if she’d fit in. The only person she knew was Rust and when she thought about it, the only other person to know as much as he did about her was Maddy. He came up behind her wrapping his arms around her shoulders kissing the side of her head. “You alright?”

She nodded. “Just thinking.”

“Bout what?”

“That you’re the only person alive who truly knows me.” Sighing to herself she leaned her head against him. “I’m glad it’s you, I trust you more than anyone, but it almost feels..”

“Scary?” She nodded again. “I feel the same way.”

Turning to face him she looked up. “You do?”

He nodded back. “Nobody else’ll know me the way you do, Genevieve. Never again.” Kissing her forehead he nodded towards the kitchen. “C’mon, I’ll get ya coffee.”

Grabbing his wrists so they didn’t move from where he held her head, she looked up at him. “I love you, Rust. Don’t ever forget that.”

His eyes searched hers as if he were trying to figure out what she was thinking. “I won’t baby, I won’t. I love you.”

When he kissed her, it was gentle before letting her go as she swallowed the uncertainty in the back of her throat. She didn’t know why but all she wanted was to be held by him so it would go away. Throwing on whatever shirt of his was on the floor she went out into the kitchen where he was making her coffee for her. She wrapped her arms around the back of him but he picked her up and set her on the counter kissing her before handing her coffee. “You sure you okay?”

Taking a sip, it was perfect as always when he made it. “I guess I’m just nervous.”

He stood in front of her rubbing the side of her thighs. “I know but you don’t gotta be.”

“It’s scary.”

“I know but you got me. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise. You believe me?” She nodded but he gently tucked her hair behind her ear. “Lemme see that smile then, c’mon.”

It was impossible not to do just that for him and when he did it back, she giggled. “There it is. I’m gonna hop in the shower, okay?”

She nodded closing her eyes as he kissed the side of her head before watching him walk away. He didn’t bother shutting the door as he turned on the water and taking his underwear off. “Nice ass.” Throwing a smirk over his shoulder he shook his head and got in.

After getting out of her shower she stood in the bathroom putting a little bit of makeup on her eyes. Rust came up behind her quietly moving her hair from her neck kissing the crest of her collarbone. “It doesn’t matter what you do ya know?”

She smirked. “Technically this is a job interview so it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Like I said it don’t matter what you put on. You’ll still be beautiful.”

She chuckled. “You’re biased.”

He grinned kissing her cheek looking at her in the mirror. “Damn right I am.”

Chuckling as she gazed back at him, she reached down to grab the hand he rested on her hip. “Are you gonna be able to reintegrate back into the normal person workforce? You could be a cop here.”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t wanna deal with that bullshit here. I’ll be at the bar with you or on a boat.”

That idea made her stomach sink not just because it was dangerous but because she’d be alone. “I don’t like that.”

He kissed her shoulder. “You don’t gotta worry for a bit.”

Kissing the side of her head he walked into the bedroom and she paused. “Wait a minute.. Can you swim?”

Peering his head back through the doorway he was grinning. “What’d you say?”

“I don’t even know if you can swim.”

He chuckled. “Yes Genevieve, I can swim. Wouldn’t’ve taken you down the bayou if I couldn’t.” She grinned at the memory from her birthday but that grin slowly faded when she remembered Lily was with them, the air was warm and thick with humidity, and he held her while she cried. Yet when they stepped outside it was the opposite, around 50 degrees if she had to guess leaving her grateful, she grabbed her coat. The snow had melted leaving everything wet and the road they walked on muddy since it wasn’t paved.

Naturally with his long legs and wider strides he was in front of her but stopped turning towards her holding out his hand. She grabbed it with a smirk because she could wrap her hand around his finger and hold onto that since his hands were so big. “You still nervous?”

All she could do was shrug. “Do you know these people?”

“No, Jack does. Says he went to school with her old man.”

“It’s a woman who owns it?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Well, that’ll be a nice change.. if she likes me anyway.”

“She will, everyone likes you.”

She scoffed. “I can think of a few people who don’t like me.. but as long you do, I don’t care.” He chuckled and she went quiet while they walked hating the fact that she was nervous.

As always, he held the door for her grabbing her hand guiding her as he kept her close to him. The inside was smaller than she expected, an L shaped bar with several high-top tables that were long and skinny instead of round. Bills were tacked onto every inch of the ceiling, most she saw were American, and there was a small stage along with a pool table. Hanging from the exposed beam were orange life rings in all stages of faded declaring their age. Upon first glance most would say it was a dive bar but she didn’t see it that way at all. Almost every inch of every wall and surface was covered with something. Whether it be an old photo, one of the many guns above the cash register, or the taxidermy polar beer head to the right of it; this place felt lived it. Similar to how Maria’s how was decorated, it wasn’t practical by any means but it was hers. It told her story and once she learned what that story was it became a safe haven of comfort because just knowing made her feel like she belonged. She had always wanted a home but since that wasn’t in the cards for her as a child, she found little pieces of what she imagined a home would feel like as she moved through life. A piece in Maria’s house, a piece with Lily, a piece with Rust, and hopefully she could add this place as well as their little apartment above the garage.

A woman with long black hair like hers pulled back from her face but greying around the hairline came out from the back. “You Evie and Rust?”

She nodded the same time Rust spoke. “Yes ma’am.”

“Have a seat. You want some water or anything?”

Rust declined and took a seat but to be honest she wasn’t really paying attention, she was too busy looking around the room. “What’s the story of this place?”

The woman chuckled. “Seward was founded in 1903 and the plot this place sits on was the first purchase. It was a hardware store, liquor store, and then a bar as of 1942 and we’ve been here ever since.”

She looked up at all the money with things written on the bills. “What about that?”

“Started with the sailors. They’d leave money for good luck or to have something to come back to when they docked. We’ve kept with the tradition since 42.” She smiled looking at the woman who smiled back. “I’m Jo. Jack had a feeling you would get a kick out of it.”

Finally taking her seat next to Rust she couldn’t stop looking around but was forced when Jo spoke. “He told me y’all came in from Louisiana. Why’d you end up here?”

Rust spoke. “Used to stay up north as a kid. Jack’s an old friend.”

Jo nodded slowly studying Rust. “Jack’s good people. If he vouches for you both then you must be too. He tells me you’re the one with the experience.”

Jo looked at her where she nodded. “Since I was 16.”

It was her turn to be studied under Jo’s gaze. “You with him?” She couldn’t help but grin slightly when she nodded. “Well, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t need another bartender. And what about you? You know your way around a bar?”

Rust nodded. “Not as long as her but I know it. It’ll be mostly her since I plan on findin’ a boat.” The idea made her clutch her hands together as they sat in her lap. Not just him being away from her but her not being able to keep him safe from something as vast and wide as the ocean.

Jo spoke snapping her out of her nervousness and ended telling them about the bar with a proposal. “Well, I’ll give you the rest of the week to settle in, find your footing here. I’ll train you both starting next Monday. We’re open seven days a week noon to two in the morning. Free pool on Tuesdays, karaoke is usually on Saturday’s unless we have a band in. We do trivia sometimes too, it’s fun.” Jo looked at her with a grin. “You’ve never been to Alaska before, have you?”

She simply shook her head. “Is it that obvious?”

Jo’s grin turned to a smile. “You remind me of a bird who just got let out of a cage you been in your whole life. The landscape is overwhelming at first but you just gotta let it remind you to breathe. You’ll be just fine.”

Jo turned to Rust talking about phone numbers but she only halfway listened. No one had ever described her that way before let alone at first glance. Is that how she appeared to other people who didn’t know where she came from? Was there some way that she knew? It seemed implausible to think Rust would tell anyone so she was left wondering if that’s really how the world saw her. A scared bird finally free of a cage she didn’t know to fly from.

When Rust stood, she refocused and shook Jo’s hand thanking her. Letting him guide her back outside she was quiet and as always with him, it didn’t go unnoticed. “What’s wrong? You don’t like it?”

She was silent for a moment as she followed him. “You didn’t tell anyone where I came from did you?”

He looked taken a back she would even ask. “No, I wouldn’t do that to you. Why?”

“Do you think that’s how the world sees me?” He just looked at her and when she looked back, she stopped. “Like a bird in a cage. Is that what they see?”

He quietly sighed stopping silently. “I mean could they have read it somewhere and..”

“Stop Genevieve.”

She swallowed and clenched her jaw unaware why that idea made her want to cry but she swallowed that feeling too. He put his hand on her face brushing his thumb over her cheek causing her to instantly soften. “Listen to me. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks, how anyone sees you, not even me. Only persons opinion that matters is yours.”

“That’s not true. Your opinion matters to me. Do you see me like a bird in a cage?”

He shook his head brushing her hair back from her face. “I see a pretty bird that don’t even know she has wings yet but god help us all when she realizes she does.”

That managed to make her grin and based on the one he gave back to her, that was why he said it. Grabbing her hand he continued to walk. “C’mon. Let’s look around.”

Seward Alaska had a population of around 2500 people that lived year-round but during the summer you’d find more thanks to tourism. Seward highway, of which they came in on from Anchorage, acted as the main artery on land to only a handful of businesses and homes. It was small, they walked up and down both sides of the avenue but it felt comfortable. The water in front of them and the mountains behind them keeping them safe tucked in Resurrection Bay that Rust said never froze. Sitting on bench behind the sea wall it was warm in the sun and she couldn’t help but close her eyes to tilt her chin up taking a deep breath in through her nose. “You were serious about going on a boat, weren’t you?”

When he didn’t answer she turned to look at him with her eyes now open. All he did was nod as he pulled on his cigarette. “It’s good money.”

“If it’s about..”

“We ain’t usin’ what you got left. Bad enough you didn’t let me take care of all the bills back in Louisiana.”

She turned her body to face him pulling her knees to her chest cradling them with her arms. “So, tell me what it’ll be like then.”

He shook his head. “Not sure yet but Jack said he’d make some phone calls.”

Pausing she almost didn’t want to ask. “Is it dangerous?”

He looked at her. “That water right there is dangerous past your knees when you don’t know what you’re doin’.”

She looked over at it afraid of what that meant because there was so much she didn’t know.

“Hey.” Redirecting her gaze, he grinned slightly. “I’ll be alright. I ain’t leavin’ tomorrow so don’t worry.”

Her eyes rolled at how simple he made it sound. “I’ll always worry about you, Rust. I spent five years doing exactly that and I don’t plan on it stopping anytime soon.”

He tilted his head slightly. “What were you worryin’ about me for?”

“I didn’t want you to run yourself into the ground trying to find where I was. Lose your job or your mind..” He chuckled. “I’m serious. You were all I thought about because I know you are. Even then I knew.”

Reading her face with infuriating ease he grabbed above her ankle squeezing gently before rubbing his thumb back and forth. “I’d do it all over again, you know that? I could never just forget about you Genevieve.”

Turning her attention back to the water and how the sun painted sparkles over the top, the mountains that stood firm in the distance reminded her how far from everything she’d ever known she really was. “Ya know if someone told that little girl in the middle of nowhere Missouri she’d be in Alaska, she would probably ask where it was on the map.”

A bird flew by, using the wind to its advantage, sure in what wings were capable of. The metaphor from earlier wasn’t lost on her. A bird in a cage with the door wide open, a bird unaware she even had wings, for whatever reason she felt tethered to the ground despite being surrounded by freedom. “Are you ready to go back?” He nodded after a brief pause like he was surprised she asked. Standing she waited for him to extend his hand but he put his arm around her shoulders instead kissing her head. Against his side they walked back to their tiny apartment above the garage unsure why such freedom made her felt so anxious.

May 3rd 2002. Friday.

The week had flown by entirely too fast when she looked at the calendar noticing it was Friday. They had both spent the whole week settling into their new life. Entirely too much cleaning and unpacking despite not having much. She felt the overwhelming need to nest, make the small apartment feel as much like a home as she could, as if making it appear like she belonged there would make her feel that way. Rust had gotten them new phones with a new number and discovered where things were in town. Two grocery stores, two gas stations, and one post office. It was sometime around noon when Rust came up from working on the truck in the garage. Something about the two 87 Chevy pickup kept fighting with him, what it was she didn’t know and she didn’t ask. He washed the grease from his hands in the sink and turned to her as he dried them. “Jack called me. Asked if we wanna come for dinner.”

“Where?”

“His place.” She paused and he continued. “We don’t have to if you don’t want.”

“I don’t have anything to bring. Isn’t that what you do when you go to someone’s house?”

He grinned coming to sit on the couch next to her lighting a cigarette. “Not to Jacks. He likes to cook, not bad at it either if I remember right.”

The idea of leaving her safe place wasn’t ideal but she liked Jack and Kaya. “Does he keep the dog inside?”

He chuckled sitting back in the couch pulling her against him. “Dunno. Wanna find out?”

Lying on her back she rested her head in his lap holding his arm. “Yeah, we can do that.” He reached his hand up to her face moving his thumb over her cheek like he was trying to make sure she was real. Oddly enough she found herself doing the same thing to him sometimes. “What’s wrong with the truck?”

“Nothin’ I was just goin’ over it.” She stared at the tattoo on his forearm that was draped over her chest running her fingers over it. “What are you thinkin’ about?”

She shook her head. “I’m just tired.”

“You sure?” She looked up at him and nodded kissing his wrist before burying her face into his shirt bunched around his stomach.

“What time did he say to come?”

“I gotta call em back and tell em we’re comin’.”

She grinned like she always did hearing Texas come through his voice. “Okay.”

Feeling his touch rub her back after petting her head forced her body to relax when she was completely unaware, she was tense. “I love you; did you know that?”

That got her to look up at him seeing him looking down. “I love you too. Promise you won’t ever forget.”

He shook his head. “Couldn’t even if I tried.” She sat up kissing him gently trying to mentally log how his lips felt as to never forget. “I’ll call him alright?” She nodded and let him get up.

Jacks house sat back off the road in the woods where the surrounding environment couldn’t decide if it wanted to completely give in to the upcoming spring. Things that grew looked like they wanted to do just that but the half-thawed earth wouldn’t let it yet. Kaya came out once the door opened as Jack let her out and Rust shut the truck off. She was barking until she realized they were familiar and came up to them. “Hi pretty lady.”

Jack made his way down the stairs coming over to her giving her a hug. “Hey sweetheart.” He hugged her the way she imagined a real father would hug a daughter, at least that’s the impression movies gave her, and she didn’t pull away from it. After he let her go, she looked around trying to find the source of the soft chiming she heard. A wooden swing was across the yard with metal pipes hanging beside it, the sound made her want to go towards it. “What you see kid?”

Jack looked at her but Rust followed her eyes before he turned to her and answered. “Wind chimes.”

She grinned to herself. “It’s been a long time since I’ve heard them.”

Holding out his hand towards her he grinned back. “C’mon. Let’s go see the dog.”

She took it realizing that no matter where she was in the world, she would feel safe just by touching him because he was the only one who ever did so safely. Following Jack into his house Kaya came over to greet them which instantly made her smile. She took the time to look around realizing a glimpse into someone’s home was a glimpse into their mind, their heart. People surrounded themselves with things they love, Maria taught her that, and with Jack it was evident what he loved. The land in which they lived on and the creatures that shared the space with humans. Everything about his space was warm and natural with wood that could whisper stories if you listened closely enough. He came up next to her as she stood in his living room looking around. “Now I know what you’re probably thinkin’. Every mount you see on the wall fed me and mine. Nothing suffered, nothing went to waste, and nothing was ever dishonored.”

She paused before answering. “Can you tell me what they are?”

He pointed and explained while he did. “Those are moose antlers up there. That right there is a pelt from a grizzly that weighed 950 pounds. And over here is one of the most beautiful grey wolves I’ve ever seen. He’s been with me since I was 32. You can touch em if ya want.” Hesitating Jack nodded. “It’s alright.”

Reaching up to the wolf head on his wall she touched the fur that was coarse and thick under her palms. It was huge, she couldn’t imagine how big it seemed when it was alive in the wild. “I shed a tear the day I got him.”

She looked at him surprised. “Really?”

He nodded. “Mhm I ain’t gonna lie.”

“Because you felt bad?”

“A part of me did but I was more grateful. He fed me well past winter. I put my hand on em and said a prayer before I thanked him. When you hunt and you take something from the land, you owe something in return. A promise to protect the land and every animal that lives on it because they’ll know more freedom than I’ll ever have.”

Looking on a shelf to the right she saw a bird in its entirety. “What about that?”

“This a rock ptarmigan.” He took it down off the shelf holding it. “They turn white in the winter and brown in the summer. The males have this black spot by their eye.”

“Can I touch it?”

He nodded with a grin. It was one of the softest things she’d ever felt. This beautiful bird that once had all the freedom a creature could obtain was now at her fingertips. For some reason she took her hand away at the thought of how easily she could’ve ended up just like it. Jack put it back on the shelf before going into the kitchen where she turned looking at Rust. He was the only reason she didn’t end up like the bird on the shelf but rather one that didn’t know she had wings let alone how to fly. Without saying anything he came over to her kissing her head when she leaned into him. He grabbed her hand and led her back into the kitchen as if he knew her thoughts got too loud.

She went to sit down but paused turning to Jack. “Can I help with anything?”

He grinned. “You sit there and enjoy yourself. I haven’t hosted in a long long time.”

She almost felt wrong just sitting while someone else cooked for her but Rust grabbed her hand nodded towards her seat. When she did take it he put his hand on her thigh squeezing gently always silently reassuring her. “You like salmon?”

She paused again. “I don’t think I’ve ever had it. At least not that I remember.”

“If you did it was probably pink but this is a bright red since its sockeye salmon. Now we don’t get it fresh this time of year but this one was in the water last July, been in my freezer since then.”

Looking at him in the kitchen at the stove she spoke. “You can’t fish for them all year?”

He shook his head. “Wouldn’t last if we did. They’re protected most of the year. There’s only certain times you can fish and how many you can fish.” He pointed towards the direction resurrection bay was with his knife. “If you fish em year-round, you’d wipe em out.”

She looked at the photo hanging by the back door of him holding a fish that was the size of his torso while he continued.

“Alaska teaches patience. You take it when it’s offered and the rest of the time, you wait.”

Tossing that thought around in her head she was curious because all she had known was gluttony. In Missouri she killed deer, rabbits, and birds year-round. In Louisiana you could get as many crawfish as you wanted all year round but this place was different. “But why? Why are the rules different here?”

Jack grinned not amused but endeared by her curiosity as opposed to making her feel stupid. “Salmon feed almost everything here. Bears, eagles, humans, forests.. even the trees need em. You take too much and the whole system collapses.” He looked at her with a smile. “Ain’t about what you can do. It’s about what you should do. You treat the land and the creatures that live here right, it takes care of you. If you don’t you gotta go without. Gotta plan ahead here because winter don’t give a shit if you’re hungry.”

Tilting her head to the side slightly she was confused. “How do they feed the trees?”

He continued what he was doing and answered. “Every year they head in from the ocean, push upriver to where they were born, the same water every time. They fight the current the whole way and everything waiting there to grab em. Bears, birds, us, everything. Some make it and some don’t but the ones that do spawn. And that’s just that; they don’t turn back. When they die after they spawn, their bodies breakdown along the river banks. Animals drag em in the woods, birds pick at what’s left, and the rain carries the rest into the soil. All that ocean life gets absorbed into the dirt. Nitrogen, phosphorus, all of it.. feeds the roots and that’s why trees near salmon rivers grow taller, the rings get wider. And the cycle keeps going on and on but that’s how the land keeps movin’. They feed damn near everything on their way through. Even in death, they’re doin’ their job.”

Quietly rubbing the tip of her thumb to the tip of her index finger she thought it over, watching the steam rise from the salmon as Jack seared it. “Do you think they know they won’t make it back? That they’re swimming to their death?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know if they think about it the way we do. They just go where they’re meant to go. They spend their whole lives at sea. Then they come home and turn into forest.”

She nodded slowly halfway whispering to herself. “Nothing goes to waste.”

In a way that was as beautiful as it was tragic and if something were to ever happen to her, she wanted it to mean something like that. Feeling Rusts eyes on her she looked over at him. She looked up, grinning, and grabbed his hand. Somehow, she knew he understood the way she did. He kissed the side of her head, rubbing his thumb over her fingers. She liked Jack — but this moment, the salmon, the land, it all meant more than food. It meant something alive, something enduring and she felt herself wanting to be part of it despite feeling somewhat afraid.

Rust

“Hard to tell who’s enjoyin’ themselves more, her or the damn dog.”

Looking up from his cup of coffee at Jack he followed the nod he threw to the couch. Both her and the dog were curled up to each other asleep like they’d known each other for years. When he really looked it reminded him of the way Lily would use contact pressure whenever she sensed a potential nightmare. It surprised him in a way; she wasn’t one to just fall asleep anywhere but he assumed he could attribute that to the dog as well. He swallowed a pit in his throat at the thought of having to leave her or the land she was on for a boat. “Alright. Tell me what happened.”

Lighting a cigarette, he shook his head turning back to his coffee. “It ain’t my story to tell, I told ya.”

“Not with her, with you.”

Exhaling a long breath of smoke he paused. “Ain’t much to say.”

“For someone that was hell bent on never comin’ back here I call bullshit.”

He wasn’t in the business of explaining himself to anyone but Jack had earned it the same way she had. Keeping it as brief as possible he shared what he needed to know but hesitated when it came to her. Jack grinned and he didn’t know why. “What?”

“You’re protective of her. Of her dignity. You really love her, don’t ya?” Taking another drag off his cigarette he nodded because there was no use in trying to deny it. “You said you went without her for five years. She in prison?”

The irony wasn’t lost on him. “Not like how you’re thinkin’ but to her it was worse.” Jack just stared waiting for him to continue. “The place she came from, how she grew up, she was lucky to get away once. It took me five years to get her back and just barely made that.”

Jack sat back in his chair letting understanding settle between them. “That’s where’s the FBI comes in?”

All he did was nod before clearing his throat.

“She alright?”

He sighed, not meaning to- but it was a loaded question, and the pressure needed to come out somehow. “Good as she can be I guess. Listen. When I get on a boat, I want you to look after her. Can you do that for me?”

Jack chuckled. “You talkin’ like you’re gonna go out and not come back.” He didn’t say anything waiting for his answer while Jack looked surprised he even asked. “Course I will. So will Jo down the bar.”

Looking over at her sleeping on the couch curled against the dog like the little girl she was never allowed to be, the idea of something happening to her while he was gone made his chest tight. Pushing that thought away pulling on his cigarette instead. He hoped she’d come to trust Jack or Jo enough to be alright whenever he left. “She’ll be just fine Rust.” He knew that wouldn’t be the case so he didn’t answer. He just watched her breathe. Slow and even.

I hope those of you who’ve read the first chapter of part II of ℭ𝔯𝔬𝔴𝔫 𝔬𝔣 𝔗𝔥𝔬𝔯𝔫𝔰 enjoyed it so far! With that being said, I know for part I we were on somewhat of a schedule for uploads however with part II I’m not restricting myself to deadlines.

However that means longer chapters (more than likely because I have no chill). Part II is very psychologically dense considering outside of Louisiana, Rust and Evie have time to breathe. With breath comes the settling of emotions, realizations, and dust of events in the past. I am so excited to share my deeper dive into these characters and what that means for them. How they interact with each other, new people they meet, and the landscape that surrounds them. I don’t intend to rush this story because it means far too much to me & I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it!

Chapter 2 is currently being worked on as we speak. Find me on my other socials to stay updated if you wish!

Instagram, YouTube, TikTok; @woundedwhitewolf

AO3 & Wattpad; @x_justanotherjanedoe

All my love

April 26th 2002. Friday. 

They touched down in Alaska after seven hours in the air and managing to fall asleep with him after eating a meal that wasn’t half bad. It wasn’t a good sleep so she didn’t feel rested and neither did he, she could see it in his eyes. While everyone started to stand, he grabbed their duffle bags and handed her his. “Get your coat outta here, it’s 45 and cloudy outside.”

She paused rubbing her eyes. “How’d you know that?”

“The pilot just announced it.”

“What time is it?”

“Ten past seven.”

Thankful to be up and walking around they got off the plane walking into the airport. She looked out the windows that looked over the tarmac seeing mountains with snow on top of them in the distance and she stopped. She’d never seen mountains so big that from here looked halfway to the sky where they just came from.

Realizing she stopped he came over to her to see what she was looking at. “Those are the Chugach mountains.”

She grinned to herself. “They’re beautiful.”

He took her hand and led her because he knew where he was going while she looked around in awe at this new place. Finding their luggage, she walked next to him.

“Does it look different from the last time you were here?”

Having a cigarette in his mouth waiting to light it he handed her one. “Not really. Don’t really remember it that well to be honest.” Outside the air was cool but smelled crisp, like it was clean. He lit her cigarette for her before lighting his own. “I didn’t miss this shit.”

She smirked. “That’s why I’m here ain’t it?”

He grinned at her before pulling his phone out. Unable to stop looking around at everything she felt so overwhelmed but intrigued being in a new environment. It wasn’t that cold but it was definitely different from Louisiana. “He’s pulling around. Said he’s in a blue Chevy truck with a white stripe down the side.”

Just about finished her cigarette when she heard a diesel truck pull up. A bigger man stepped out that looked like he was a former lumberjack but hadn’t done it in sometime. He had a big smile, long black hair that had started to grey, and walked with a limp. “Well, I’ll be god damn. You’re all grown up huh?”

Rust nodded walking over to him. “How you been Jack?”

Jack hugged him slapping his back stereotypical of the way men hug. “Hanging in there. Good to see ya boy.” Pulling back Jack put a hand on the side of his head smiling before looking at her. “This must be your woman.”

She grinned feeling herself blush at the mention she belonged to him as Rust nodded. “This is Evie.”

Jack smiled holding his arms out for a hug which she offered him. “Good to meet you sweetheart. Welcome to Alaska.”

She chuckled. “Thank you.”

Pulling back, he put his hands on her shoulders looking at her like he was studying a piece of art he’d never seen before. “I’ll be damn if you aren’t the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. What the hell you doin’ with this guy huh?”

She giggled looking at Rust and Jack chuckled letting her go slapping Rust on the shoulder. “Good for you boy. C’mon let’s get on the road.”

Jack took her suitcase before she could and loaded it in the bed of the truck before she could even fight to do it herself. “I got the dog with me; she’s in the back so I hope ya don’t mind.”

She looked toward the back window that was rolled up. “Dog?”

Rust chuckled and Jack nodded looking at her. “You wanna meet her? Her name’s Kaya.” Opening the back door, she saw a big dog though not as big as Lily that was impossibly hairy that resembled a bear mixed with a wolf with very thick hair. “Come say hi Kaya.”

Smiling she held out her hand and when she licked, she giggled when she was allowed to scratch behind her ears. “What kind of dog is she?”

“Akita.”

“She’s beautiful. Can I sit with her in the back?”

Jack nodded with a grin. “Of course. She’s been taking to women since she got pregnant.”

“She’s gonna have puppies?”

He nodded again and offered his hand helping her in the truck sliding her duffle bag by her feet while she pet the dog who started to lick her face. Laughing she had beautiful dark brown eyes that were warm and, in a way, reminded her of Lily’s eyes.

“Watch your legs sweetheart.”

He shut the door and she smiled at this big dog. “You’re so beautiful Kaya. Yes, you’re so pretty.”

When Jack and Rust got in, she put her head over the seats smelling Rust where he looked at her. “Hi. Hi pretty girl.” He looked at her next. “You okay?”

She nodded with a grin and he winked at her before turning forward. “How long is the drive to where we’re going?”

Jack answered putting the truck in drive. “Just a little over two hours.”

Settling into her seat the dog nestled next to her putting her head in her lap. She had missed that feeling of having a dog cuddle her and thought of Lily in the duffle bag between her feet. Scratching the long, thick hair on her head she rested her head back looking out the window. The mountains were so beautiful she had never seen anything like it. She wondered what Maddy and Maria would think seeing these hoping that they could see through her eyes. Resting her head against the door frame she continued to look until those same eyes got heavy.

Rust

“Mind if I smoke?”

Jack nodded towards the wing window. “Go ahead.”

Opening it he lit a cigarette offering him one which he declined. “Looks like someone’s catchin’ some shut eye.”

He looked behind him seeing her asleep using the dog as a pillow the same way the dog was her. Grinning to himself he sat back in his seat exhaling. “We dozed but I don’t think either of us actually slept.”

“Other than that, how was gettin’ here?”

“Had an interesting time going through security in Lafayette that landed us in first class over here thanks to the FBI.”

Jack looked over. “FBI? What the hell you runnin’ from Rust?”

He ignored the last question. “Some assholes wanted to give her a hard time goin’ through TSA.”

“She alright?”

All he could do was shrug because he didn’t really know. “Good as she can be I guess.”

Jack sighed heavily. “Things ain’t what they used to be, that’s for damn sure.” Looking out the window pulling on his cigarette he loathed the fact he was looking at what he was seeing, loathed it even more that he was familiar with it. When he realized he couldn’t stay in Louisiana or go back to Texas, he couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. “She’s beautiful. You happy?”

He nodded. “Happier than I deserve to be.”

Jack chuckled shaking his head. “You ain’t changed. You always thought you deserved the worst of anything that got thrown your way but I don’t blame you. Your old man made sure‘ta beat that into you young, I guess I hoped you’d realize he was wrong one day.”

His father was the last person he wanted to talk about. “Do me a favor and don’t tell anyone I’m here with her alright? I don’t need anyone else knowing.”

Jack looked at him. “I didn’t plan on it. I wouldn’t do that to you. Besides I hadn’t talked to him in years.”

He swallowed nodding slowly. “I appreciate it.”

Feeling Jack look over at him bouncing his gaze between the road he finally spoke. “You gonna tell me what happened?”

He nodded. “I will. Just not today.”

Jack smirked. “Fair enough. And what’s the deal with her? What’s her story? Looks younger’n you.”

He exhaled heavily thinking of all she’d been through so far and all he was currently putting her through as a result of one stupid mistake he made. “Cause she is. But it ain’t my story to tell.”

Jack just nodded. “The apartment above the garage y’all are gonna be up in is on the older side but furnished. I got a little bit of food in there this morning just to get you by, blankets and pillows and what not. It’s between third and fourth downtown so you can walk to the bar that I got y’all in so if you decide to go out on the boats she won’t have to drive and she’ll be safe.”

“It ain’t no dive bar, is it?”

Jack shook his head. “No. No no.. Woman who owns it, I went to school with her ole man. She’s tough, takes no shit, but she’s got a good heart. Has thanksgiving and Christmas dinners every year and turns the pool table into a serving table. You can take fourth all the way down to the harbor and it’s a couple minutes away. The garage is heated so you don’t gotta worry about the truck not starting come winter. We’ll get ya a crew member license if you wanna work down the harbor.”

“What about guns?”

“There’s two Glocks. A 19 for her like you asked, 22 Winchester pump action, and a desert eagle.” Not saying anything he looked in the rearview mirror at her asleep. “She runnin’ from somethin’ I take it?”

He shook his head. “No. No she made the decision to come.”

“So, it is you who’s running?”

Pausing he pulled on his cigarette trying to avoid answering. “Not exactly.”

“You give her a choice to come here?”

“Not at first. I fucked up and almost lost her.”

“But she’s still here, that must mean somethin’.”

“Ain’t got a clue why.”

Jack chuckled. “You don’t gotta know why. When a woman loves you, she adjusts and this is just about as big of an adjustment you can get.”

Clearing his throat he ashed his cigarette. “Where are you at?”

“Outskirts of town far enough away from everyone to keep me sane. Probably about fifteen minutes away from where you’ll be at.” Jack looked in the rearview mirror at her sleeping with the dog with a chuckle. “I’m actually surprised; she’s not much of a cuddler. Won’t even sleep in bed with me. She’s fixin’ta have her litter come end of May if she wants one.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle thinking of Lily and just how well trained she was. A Akita wasn’t a cane Corso by any means but trained the right way it could be a good idea especially if he was considering spending time on the boats. “They good protectors?”

Jack laughed. “A bonded male would protect her just as well as any gun.”

“Her last dog was professionally trained, knew commands in German. You know anyone who could manage that?”

Jack looked at him with a grin but didn’t say a word.

Genevieve

 Feeling a hand on her knee she jolted awake realizing she was leaning over. She sat up and saw Rust standing next to the door that was opened. “We’re here.”

Rubbing her eyes he offered his hand helping her out trying to grab her duffle bag before her. She took it from him and slung it over her shoulder. “I got it.” Jack was holding her suitcase in one hand and keys in the other. “I can carry that.”

“No worries sweetheart. C’mon, let’s get y’all inside.”

Kaya came over to her and let her pet her head before following Jack towards the side door. Unlocking it he led them into a garage where a truck was parked and a staircase was to the right. Up the stairs was another door he unlocked which took them into the apartment. It was a one bedroom with a full kitchen and bathroom on the older side but she liked it. The door brought them into the kitchen with a small dining room table to the left. Straight ahead was the bathroom with a washer and dryer outside of it. The door on the left was the bedroom and the living room was on the other side of the kitchen wall. Walking into the living room there was a couch, a recliner, small coffee table, and a television but she was focused on the windows. Outside she could see the mountains and water.

Jack stood next to her and pointed. “That’s Resurrection Bay right there.”

“Why do they call it that?”

“In the late 1700s Russian explorer Alexandr Baranov had to come in on his ship to avoid a bad storm in the gulf so the bay and the river were named in honor of it.”

The sun was starting to go down and it was something she imagined an artist would paint. “It’s beautiful.”

“It is. Behind us is Mount Marathon, behind it is Harding ice field, and across the bay between those mountains over there is Godwin glacier.”

“What’s an ice field?”

He smirked at her curiosity, at least she hoped that’s what it was. “Valley glaciers that live up to their names. Just a big field of ice. If it weren’t for ice and glaciers places like Resurrection Bay wouldn’t exist.”

She grinned to herself not moving from the window even when he did to talk to Rust. Looking around at her new home it needed a good cleaning but it was warm. The wood paneled walls reminded her of Maria’s house and it was a comfort she was grateful for. Kneeling down seeing the dog was still next to her she smiled. “I fell asleep on you. Sorry about that pretty lady.”

Sitting on the couch resting her elbows on her knees she gave her scratches behind the ears. “Lily would’ve liked you I think.” She turned her gaze towards the window, the sun going down starting to set fire to the sky. There was an uncertainty in the air but it was exciting in a way. She had no idea what the future held but it was with him here in this beautiful place. After everything she’d gone through it would be easy to fall back into that jaded outlook on things. After running away the first time she did. She was in that same cycle when she met Rust but when he came for her the second time and she ran right into his arms a different cycle started. Having survived twice she found a strange foreign optimism in everything. It was scary but it was better than living in a deep dark hole where it was comfortable.

Jack pulled her from her reverie with his voice standing between the living room and the kitchen. “There’s some food in the fridge, enough to get y’all through the night. Same with blankets. Call me when you get up tomorrow and we’ll get ya everything you need.” He handed Rust the keys and grinned at her. “I know it ain’t much but it’s safe.”

She stood and went over to him. “I love it. Thank you.”

He smiled giving her a hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow sweetheart.” Giving Rust a hug it was obvious he wasn’t used to such casual affection with anyone but her but Jack didn’t seem to care. “Y’all have a goodnight.” Kaya followed him out the door leaving them in silence between new walls.

Taking off her boots and coat, she walked into the bedroom where there was a bed, dresser, closet, and two nightstands. Unzipping her duffle bag, she set Lily’s box on the dresser kissing it before running her hands over the wood. Rust was leaning against the doorframe lighting a cigarette watching her look around the room. The windows that framed the same view as the living room had a door going out to a small balcony that hung over the garage door. Blankets were folded sitting on top of a bare mattress and all their things were still packed in suitcases. “You still feel like you made the right decision?” She looked at him. “By coming with me.”

She sat on the edge of the bed. “Did you think I would change my mind once I saw where we’d be living?” He shrugged. “Talk to me.”

Pulling on his cigarette his smoke danced in the light of one bedside lamp and the setting sun outside the windows. “I just.. I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize you’re unhappy.”

“Why do you think that’ll happen?”

He looked down at his feet. “Because you left everything to come here.”

When he finally looked at her is when she spoke. “What did I leave? A house? A job? A truck and some shit in a storage unit? You might think that’s everything to me but you’re wrong. You’re everything to me.”

“And what if that changes?”

She almost recoiled but furrowed her brows instead. “I already told you the only way you’d lose me was if you change.”

“What if I do?”

She stood and walked over to him putting her hands on his chest. “You aren’t afraid of changing Rust, you’re afraid of what I’ll find that’s already in you. That’s not change, it’s always been there buried deep down. You’re scared of what damage loving me can do to you and what damage letting me love you I’ll find. I know because I feel the same way.”

Moving a hand to his face she made sure he was looking at her and really listening with more than just his ears. “I know this isn’t gonna be easy. But if I wanted easy, I would’ve stayed in Louisiana and kept on being miserable. I’ve been through entirely too much to let the one good thing that came out of it go. And I hate to break it to ya baby but if you wanted a quitter, you got the wrong girl.”

He smirked and that made her grin.

“I’m here and I don’t care how hard it gets. You stayed with me at my worst so let me do the same for you.”

Grabbing the hand that rested on his face he nodded kissing the inside of her wrist. “Alright.”

“Besides I fully intend on seeing some whales and I haven’t got the first fuckin’ clue on where to look other than the water.”

He chuckled pulling her into his chest kissing the top of her head before resting his chin there. “I love you.”

She smiled against him rubbing his back with both hands. “I love you too.”

He kissed her head over and over speaking against her hair. “You hungry?”

She shrugged. “Not really.”

“You gotta eat. There’s Mac and cheese in there, want me to make it?”

She grinned looking up at him. “Can we go to bed after?” He nodded pushing her hair from her face. Standing on the tips of her toes she kissed him. “I’ll make the bed.”

He kissed her again going into the kitchen while she watched him walk there. Making the bed thankful for the thick quilt that she draped over the comforter. It was handmade by the looks of it, the beauty and effort unable to be ignored. Taking their toothbrushes out and things they would need before bed she put them in the bathroom. The sink and bathtub were both porcelain with the original taps. Most would find the entire place dated and ugly but she liked old things. She liked things that felt lived in with a story in the floorboards as if the wood held the memories.

“Well, there’s no bowls or plates but there’s silverware so.. fork or spoon?”

“Fork.”

Bringing the pot and two forks to the couch she followed him sitting down as he handed her one. He pulled the coffee table closer and set the pot between them letting her get a forkful first. Looking out the window, the sun had gone down in a new state as she sat on a new couch in a new house. Not new in the traditional sense but new to her, the feeling was daunting as well as exciting. She thought coming her would provide a lightness, maybe a weight off her shoulders, but it didn’t. Instead, she felt heavy like her words mattered more here.

Finishing a pot of Mac and cheese between them she pulled her knees to her chest cradling her legs. “Can I ask you something?”

He nodded taking a bite.

“Do you feel heavy being here?”

“How do you mean?”

“Like in here.” She touched her sternum. “Does it feel heavier being here or is it just me?”

He paused before he nodded. “I feel it too. It’s not just you.”

“I don’t know if I like it. What’s it mean?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. Just tells me things won’t be easy.”

Looking at him she was quiet for a moment. “Are you scared?”

He looked back at her and gave himself a moment as well. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. I’m scared of what that weight’ll do to you, me.. to us. What it’ll destroy.”

She sighed as quietly as she could looking down at her hands. “Can you promise me one thing?” When he didn’t answer she looked back up at him. “When things get hard again, because they will the same way we ended up here, promise me you won’t leave. Promise you’ll stay. And don’t ever forget that promise.”

His eyes searched hers for a moment, he nodded tucking her hair behind her ear resting his palm on her face. “I promise. I make that promise every time I tell you I love you and it’s true. I do love you, Genevieve.”

She smiled speaking softly almost at a whisper. “I love you too.”

He leaned over kissing her gently pressing his forehead against hers she couldn’t help giggle making him chuckle. Nudging her nose against him she looked at him. “I’m tired.”

“So am I. Come on let’s go to bed, I’ll put the pot in the sink.”

She brushed her teeth, her hair, and was braiding it when he came in. Closing the lid on the toilet she sat down watching him as she braided over her shoulder. When he looked over, she giggled making him chuckle before he spit in the sink.

In the bedroom she took off her clothes tossing them crawling into bed that was surprisingly comfortable. He did the same thing lying on his side facing her. The moon looked almost full as it shone in through the sheer curtains that hung on the window. “You warm enough?”

He grumbled his answer. “No, get over here.” She giggled when he pulled her against him nuzzling against her neck with a hum. “Mmm you’re so warm.”

Wrapping her arms around him she threw her leg over his waist. “No, you’re the warm one you fuckin’ lizard.”

He chuckled against her kissing her jaw. Scratching his head feeling him relax against her she closed her eyes with an exhale. “Sing me somethin’.”

She couldn’t help but smirk to herself.

By the way the land is layin’ I think I’d be safe in sayin’.. that over the next hill we’ll be home.

Feeling him smile kissing her cheek.

It’s a straight and narrow highway, no detours and no byways, and over the next the hill we’ll be home.

He whispered next to her ear. “Home is wherever you are Genevieve.”

When he kissed just under her earlobe, she melted into him forgetting how to speak let alone sing. Slowly moving his hand over her calf that was draped over him to her knee and up her thigh. His lips on her neck were warm the same way his exhale was but it still gave her goosebumps. The curls of his hair slid easily through her fingers before she fisted a handful of it whimpering a sigh. Moving his way up across her throat he found her mouth kissing her as her lips were parted.

Not moving on top of her but staying face to face side by side as equals he pulled her close with a hand on her ass grinding his hips against her with a groan. Clutching at his shoulder she dipped her tongue into his mouth feeling his. It was welcoming, familiar, and she wouldn’t ever get enough of it.

The hand he had on her ass squeezed as he spoke desperately against her lips. “I need you baby.”

She nodded. “You have me, Rust. I’m all yours.”

Moving down so her hips were more aligned with him she reached between them finding his cock stroking slowly. He closed his eyes clenching his jaw exhaling through his nose. Nudging her nose to push his jaw up she kissed his neck, the hand he had on her moved up her back pressing his fingertips in. “I need you just as much. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, I promise.”

Her voice was soft nearly a whisper as if speaking too loudly would be too much of an admission of truth. “I love you. Maybe more than you’ll ever know.”

He grabbed her face sliding his hand into her hair kissing her hard while she guided herself onto him. The way he angled his leg between hers allowed him to push his hips up at the same time. Her eyes rolled back and she let out the same noise she made when he rubbed her back. It was a complete and total relief to have him this way; her body longed to be as close to his as possible.

Not realizing her back had arched he pulled her gaze back to him gently. “Look at me.” Opening her eyes she did and he spoke breathlessly. “I love you..”

He watched her face react as he pulled his hips out slowly and pushed them back in. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Genevieve.”

She took a moment to look at his eyes before kissing him again pushing her fingers through his hair. Moaning at the sensation of his pubic bone grind against her clit she wanted more so she took it.

Rolling him onto his back she put her hand on his face kissing him. The feeling of his huge hands moving over her back made her whimper and buck her hips. When she sat up, he grabbed her hips watching her plant her hands on his chest. Rocking and lifting her hips simultaneously was the perfect sensation she chased after.

Her eyes rolled and her head leaned back moaning softly the same time he groaned, letting his hands move up the front of her body. “Slow, slow.. go slow baby.”

Grabbing his hand, she brought it to her mouth wrapping her lips around his finger savoring every feeling. She set her rhythm leaning back down putting her fingers in hair kissing him until she couldn’t focus on doing that thanks to the noises she was making.

He kissed her neck to her cheek groaning next to her ear letting his fingers trace over her spine. “Fuck you’re so beautiful angel. Don’t stop, please don’t fuckin’ stop.”

She’d never been called an angel before but hearing it from him sent a visceral reaction throughout her body because she believed him. “Rust..” His name came out as a whimper, her words a mewl. “Touch me. I need to feel you.”

Moving his hand to her neck she closed her eyes tilting her chin up letting him grab the entirety of her throat. Simply moaning at the feeling she put her hand over his. “Harder.”

He squeezed the sides offering the perfect amount of pressure letting her press her hands into his chest. The friction between her legs coupled with how she moved her hips made her grateful he was holding her up.

“Look at me. Hey, c’mon.” He clicked his tongue twice and she loved when he did that. Looking at him with heavy lids he nodded. “Atta girl angel. Good girl, keep your eyes on me when you cum.”

Losing herself completely she never took her eyes off him seeing his jaw clench with a grunt his other hand gripping tighter on her hip. Her body started to tighten with release as she cried out after gasping feeling it radiate down the length of her spine. Grinding out the strong aftershocks he let go of her throat moving his other hand to the opposite side of her hips quickly.

He jolted with a groan holding her in place. “Stop stop stop, stop moving. Stay still or you’re gonna make me cum.” Trying to catch her own breath she kissed his face down to his neck and didn’t move. With a heavy exhaled groan, he pushed his hair from his face shaking his head running his hand up her back. “Christ you feel so good it almost hurts.”

When she found his lips, she could still feel herself clenching around him slightly shakey. He rolled her over gently keeping himself inside her, she whined and he groaned before settling on top of her looking down.

Dragging his lips over hers he exhaled as her hands moved up his chest to his neck. “Loving you the way I do is the scariest thing I’ve ever done but I won’t ever stop.” He grabbed her left leg hooking it over his arm grinding down into her making her cry out. “The sounds you make me for baby.. music to my fuckin’ ears.”

Kissing her neck he did it again as she moved her hands to his back. “Ugh god..”

He nudged his nose against her temple. “I love you. God dammit I love you.”

Turning her head, she kissed him with everything she had and everything she was gripping at his ass with both hands to pull him deeper. “You feel so fucking good inside me Rust. Please don’t stop please please..” Spoken against his mouth he grunted pushing his hips harder against her making her back arch. “Oh my god.”

The tone in her voice was filled with desperation and disbelief that anyone could make her feel this good. He kept going even as she dug her nails into his ass rocking with the pace he set. Hearing him moan just as overwhelmingly frantic with need she looked up at him in awe. He was so beautiful in pleasure it was hard to believe he was here with her in the same bed and loving her. Overwhelmed by her body reacting to his and how she felt for him she clutched onto him, one hand on the back of his head and the other on his ass, letting him bury his face in her neck.

Suddenly she was feeling too many things at once and she broke holding onto him for dear life while her body sent her over the edge. Her body clenched in every way it could plunged into orgasm as his hips got slow and deep before stopping. He was shaking and occasionally twitching making the most beautiful sounds next to her ear. Moving her hands to the sides of his ribs feeling the muscles corded across his abdomen ripple with every breath she felt the corners of her eyes where tears had gathered. It was impossible not to be present in every feeling having vulnerable moments with him. To be so present was so overwhelming her body involuntarily reacted with tears and she didn’t really know why.

Swallowing she spoke wrapping her arms around him. “I love you.”

He kissed her neck up to her face reaching her temple answering breathlessly. “I love you.”

Wrapping her leg around him he rolled onto his side still holding her to his chest. She still held onto him as he covered them both back up with the blankets sighing heavily while he rubbed her back. He didn’t ask why there were tears in her eyes just held her quietly for a few moments as they both relaxed. “Can I tell you somethin’?”

She nodded.

“You remember when I went to go to Beaumont off book before we found them kids and I called you about that steak dinner?”

“That was the night you told me you’d teach me to shoot.”

“Mhm. Once I got back to my place, was able to breathe and all that adrenaline finally wore off first thing I did was call you. You were all I could think about.” Pulling back, she looked at him, he wiped the corner of her eye where tears had gathered. “You smiled at me even when I told you I didn’t bring you flowers. Maybe that’s when I started to love you and I just didn’t realize it.”

She grinned feeling tired with heavy eyes. “It doesn’t matter when you realized it as long as it’s true.”

He nodded. “It is Genevieve. I promise.” Leaning forward he kissed her letting his lips linger before doing the same with his forehead. “There’s no weight with you. All the heaviness just disappears when I’m here with you. You’re the first good thing that’s happened to me in nearly twenty years. Like an angel. My angel.”

She smiled and he chuckled.

“You like that?”

She nodded. “Just from you. The only angel I’ll ever be is yours. I can be that.”

He smiled kissing her forehead pulling her against him letting her cuddle up to his chest. Getting comfortable again she closed her eyes. She was warm, safe, and loved so for the first time in a long-time sleep came easy.

Rust

Pulling on his cigarette he was exhausted and based on how fast she fell into sleep she was too. He exhaled looking at her asleep on his chest with her hand curled under her chin protecting her neck even in sleep. Moving her long braid over her shoulder he had a feeling that being here in Alaska would be more difficult for her than she realized. That adrenaline dump he talked about after Beaumont never really came for her since he found her in Arkansas and he didn’t think she realized it. She was too focused on reintegrating back into normal human life after surviving for five years. The scars on her back he constantly felt under his palm were a reminder but thankfully she could only see them in a mirror. He hated the part of himself that saw those VHS tapes played in FBI headquarters when he looked at her. His own memory was torturing him but he had to see the truth for himself. Whether that was to justify all he did over those five years, how he felt about her, or both he didn’t know.

Then came the nightmares, equally as tortuous as his memory, just providing a different viewpoint on what he’d seen. Only in the nightmares could he feel what his brain told his body she felt. The bite of ligatures around the wrists and ankles, cold air leading to screams that could be seen, burns that seemed to go down to the bone that followed a snap of a wet makeshift cane, and the warmth that came after the skin split. He had seen his fair share of torture tactics thanks to the time he spent with the cartel but the difference between them and the people that did those things to her? The cartel had a reason behind it, a confession they were after but her reason was simply because she was born.

Penance as they called it was escalated severely once they got her back. The lack of documentation worried him because she hadn’t spoke about it, hadn’t even written it down. Along with what few videotapes he saw, he read Connor Thorne’s diary which was filled with disturbing delusions he disguised as the will of God offering excuses as to why he did it but never what he did to her exactly once she taken back. Thorne was determined to break her since she was an infant. Years of those experiences were starting to settle in the way murky water does. Once that water cleared and everything came to rest at the bottom is when she would feel them, have to work through them. He could only be there for her during but he couldn’t do it for her. Years of compartmentalization, dissociation, and fear would fade letting reality rear its ugly head into her line of sight. The more settled she became the more emotions she felt and she felt them stronger than anyone else he’d ever seen.

Putting out his cigarette he took the time to just look at her. Gently pushing her hair from her face near her temple with a single finger to not wake her up he stared. She was so beautiful, something so beautiful should only exist in a fictional paradise not curled up next to him after going through hell on her hands and knees. Despite everything she’d been through she still found it in her to smile, laugh, and love him the way she did. All he could do was hope that never changed about her. Kissing the top of her head he nestled against her making sure she was covered up by the blankets. He closed his eyes listening to her breathing pulling her close. No number of blankets could keep him as warm as he was with her on his chest and her leg over him letting him drift off to sleep.

April 27th 2002. Saturday.

Waking up she heard a horn in the distance that wasn’t a train horn, it was deeper. The light coming through the sheer curtains had her rolling over to look. A bright blue sky was all she could make out through the haze of the curtains. Before she even knew it, he was pulling her back to the middle of the bed against his chest. “The hell you doin’ over there? You want me to freeze woman?”

She giggled. “I just rolled over Rust.”

“It’s cold and you’re keeping me warm. You’re not allowed to leave.” She laughed but stopped when she heard the horn again looking towards the window. He spoke against her shoulder curled up to her back. “Sounds like a cruise ship.”

“Other ships sound different?”

“Mhm. You’ll learn after listening for a while. Cruise ships have a little bit of a higher pitch.”

Turning her head back towards him he still had his eyes closed nestled with the blankets up to his ear. “You want me to make coffee?”

“Not yet. I don’t even know if there’s a coffee maker.”

She giggled seeing him smirking. “We have a lot to do today. This place needs to be cleaned, we need real food, stuff for the bathroom..”

“I know. Why don’t you write a list of what we need and I’ll get whatever’s on it. You can stay here and clean while I go to the store. I’ll swing by this bar and check it out before I come back here.”

She paused. “That’s just because you don’t wanna clean huh?” He grinned and she laughed kissing his face before rolling onto her side wrapping her leg around him. “Okay. Next time I wanna go with you.”

Burying his face in her neck he held her rubbing her back. “You will, just wanna check everything out first.”

“But we’re in Alaska.”

“There’s bad places everywhere Genevieve, you know that.” Running her hand through his hair she ran her thumb over the back of his neck feeling how soft it was. “Just because we’re in a new place I’m still gonna keep you safe.”

She kissed his head with a grin. “You gotta do Lily’s job now. What rotten work.”

He lifted his head looking at her opening his eyes. “Don’t say that. It’s not work at all.”

She chuckled. “Okay.”

“I’m serious. I’d do it all again if I had to, I mean it. Don’t say that.”

She nodded seeing he found nothing humorous. “I won’t. I’m sorry baby.”

Resting his head back down after he kissed her cheek, he sighed not ready to get up so she laid with him until he was.

Together they put together a list and he took it after giving her a kiss when Jack came to pick him up. Letting Kaya stay here with her she had made herself comfortable on the couch as she opened the windows and used what cleaning products were under the sink. She wiped everything from the baseboards, window sills, to the kitchen floor before taking the curtains down to wash. Making sure the fridge was clean and completely wiped out after finishing the kitchen she did the bathroom next and the bedroom last. It was dusty, the dust that settles from not being used in a long while, but it was in good shape. Kaya didn’t seem to mind the vacuum at all whereas Lily was terrified. Wiping down the TV she opened the entertainment center it sat on and saw a turn table inside with records under the shelf it sat on. That explained the speakers that sat on the floor. She pulled out the records seeing old forties and fifties jazz, big band swing and a few blues records.

Smiling to herself she remembered having the privilege of watching a record spin for the first time when she was younger. Amelia, the one who introduced her to music, had a Glenn Miller album she would let her and Maddy listen to whenever Father Thorne wasn’t around. Sitting down Indian style she wondered if there was any Glenn Miller in the collection. When she saw one, she quietly gasped to herself took it out blowing the dust off. Carefully lowering the needle music came through the speakers. Brass horns, wind instruments, bass, and the rhythm section created a song called “Stairway to the Stars” that was beautiful.

Looking out the window to her left at the sky she remembered Maddy holding her hands as they skipped in circles on the carpet placed over the hardwood. They laughed and danced like little girls that were able to forget their place in the world for just a few moments. So long as that record played, they could pretend they weren’t being raised like livestock that would meet violent ends.

Realizing the cross between her fingers she held subconsciously didn’t always hang from her neck she was painfully reminded she hadn’t met her end. There were times she thought she would but ultimately didn’t, not like Maddy did. If she were alive now, she’d be thirty. Maybe in another life, if they were offered it, she was happy. Married, a mother, and a teacher like she always dreamed of being as a girl whispering to her late at night. Feeling her eyes well she pursed her lips and let go of her cross to shut the record player off with a sigh.

Kaya came down off the couch and nudged her hand with her nose the same way Lily used to. The grin that spread over her face made the moisture collecting in the corners of her eyes spill. “Thank you, Kaya. Sweet girl.”

Instead of going back to the couch she laid on the floor next to her thankful for the ear scratches so she stayed there for a while too.

Just having put the curtains in the dryer she heard them pull up so she went downstairs to help with the groceries. Taking what Jack had in his hands after he insisted he had it, she walked up to the apartment. “Was she good?”

“She likes the couch. Even napped when I vacuumed, don’t know how you pulled that off.”

Jack chuckled. “Nothing bothers her much.” Once they were all inside Jack looked around with a whistle. “Look at this place. Might needa have you up at my house to clean.”

She grinned. “I’d be happy to.”

Helping Rust put the groceries away Jack looked around. “Come winter time there’s more quilts in the bedroom closet. Nail em’ to the wall and it helps with the draft, keeps the warmth in.”

She paused. “Really? I never would’ve thought of that.”

“Oh yeah, Rust knows all about it.” Noticing he had gotten almost everything from the list while putting it all away Jack continued. “You can do whatever you want with the place. Decorate how you want, paint it, get new furniture.. I don’t care. Make it yours. This is your home.”

“There are some records under the TV. Did you want those?”

He shook his head. “You enjoy em. I ain’t got the room.”

Kaya came over to her licking her face making her giggle while she was knelt down putting stuff in the fridge. “Thank you, sweet girl. Thanks for keeping me company.”

“She likes you.”

She smiled and stood up. “She’s a good dog and she’ll be a good mama. When she has puppies, you have to let me know so I can come see them.”

Jack grinned. “Sure will.”

Rust finished putting everything away and looked over the living room. “Where the hell are the curtains?”

“Drying. They were dusty so I washed them.”

He offered her a little smirk and she smiled back walking into his chest so he could hug her. He did kissing her head speaking against her hair. “You alright?”

She nodded pulling back turning to Jack. “Thank you for everything you’ve done. I mean it.”

He smiled. “I’ll let ya’ll settle in. I’ll give y’all a call tomorrow.”

She paused. “Do you wanna stay for dinner?”

He chuckled. “I’ll have y’all down the house before you start working, I promise.” She gave him a hug and leaned down to give Kaya a kiss.

Rust looked at Jack with a grin. “Thanks. I’ll talk to ya alright?”

Once they left, she turned to Rust who was looking around the kitchen. “Looks good in here.”

She smiled stretching her arms up over his shoulders standing on the tips of her toes. Picking her up he set her on the counter which she didn’t mind, she could hug him better. He hugged her back kissing the side of her head before her shoulder speaking against it. “You sure you’re alright?”

She nodded letting out a quiet sigh. “I think so.”

“Talk to me.”

“Just had a memory pop up I wasn’t expecting is all.”

Rubbing between her shoulder blades he kissed her shoulder again. “Good or bad?”

“It was good at first, Maddy was in it. I guess it turned bad when I realized I’ll never see her again.” She paused feeling herself get emotional as she shook her head. “I miss her.”

He held her tighter whispering. “I know baby, I know you do.” Resting her forehead against his chest she took a deep breath and he just held her letting her hold the silence for a while before breaking it. “You wanna go for a ride later? Watch the sun go down over the bay?”

Lifting her head she looked at him. “The people down the bar aren’t expecting us till tomorrow at ten before they open at twelve.” He brushed her hair back and ran his fingertips over her face looking at her. “We can go down to the harbor, watch the sunset on the water.”

She nodded with a grin. “Okay.”

“You sure?”

“No, I want to. Think we’ll see any animals?”

He chuckled. “I know we’ll see fish.” Her grin turned to a smile. “So that’s what we’ll do. I’ll finish up here.”

“Want me to nail them quilts up on the wall in the living room?”

“If it makes your terrarium more comfortable lizard man, by all means.”

He looked at her with lips parted in a surprised smile. “Oh, she’s got jokes huh?” Putting his hands on her ribs pulling her close she giggled. “You think that’s funny??”

Laughing the same time he did he picked her up and slapped her ass lowering her down taking her chin between the knuckle on his index finger and thumb. “Fuckin’ smart ass.”

She giggled as he kissed her smacking her ass again as she went to check on the curtains.

Pulling the truck which reminded her of Rusts just a little older and not as in good condition up to the harbor she saw all the boats docked. As she walked around the front end, she couldn’t help but stop and look at the mountains with snow on them. The water in contrast with the blue sky reminded her of his eyes. Glacier blue unlike the brown water in Louisiana.

He whistled at her. “C’mon angel.”

He stood and waited holding out his hand which she grabbed with a smile at his newfound nickname for her. “It’s so pretty.”

“Not as pretty as you. Watch your step.”

Helping her down the ramp watching her feet they walked down the dock slowly watching a boat make its way out. “The air smells cleaner here. Maddy always said the air in Missouri smelled like dust at the farm. In the motel she said it smelled like mold. To me it just smelled heavy.. thick almost, like it was harder to breathe. It’s not like that here.”

Walking as he held her hand, he moved his thumb back and forth. “I put a record on that reminded me of her. If she was alive, she’d be thirty. I wondered what she’d look like now, if she’d be married and have babies.. she always wanted to be a teacher. I don’t know it just hit me I’ll never see her again.”

He only let go of her hand to put his arm around her kissing her head. “She really loved you. I could see by what I saw on the tapes and in the pictures.”

She grinned looking at the mountains wishing there was a way to share what she was seeing but couldn’t help but wonder. “What did you see on those tapes?”

He exhaled heavily and she stopped looking at him. “Tell me.”

He shook his head. “No.”

“Why?”

“Because if you forgot it, you were supposed to. Same as if you remember it, you were supposed to. There are things I’ve seen I won’t ever forget.”

She frowned. “I told you I didn’t want you to see. I didn’t want you to see any of that.”

He put his hand on her face running his thumb over her cheek. “I needed to. Those five years of not knowing ate me alive.. every day I wondered what it was like for you.”

Kissing her forehead, he pulled her into a hug. She rested there thankful she could before he lifted his head and spoke next to her ear. “You got some visitors. Turn around very slow.”

In his arms she turned looking where she saw two creatures she’d never seen before swimming in the water. “Know what they are?”

She shook her head.

“They’re sea otters.”

“Are-are they friendly?”

He nodded. “Mhm.”

One took notice to her and she knelt down on the dock wanting to get closer. It swam over floating on its back gracefully with something in its hands. She smiled watching as it came right over setting whatever it was on the wood at her knees. “Wow.. what a beautiful rock.”

Looking at it in her hands she looked back at the sea otter watching it roll, flip, and turn. She laughed at how carefree it was and when it came back over, she leaned down handing the rock back to it. “Here you go baby, that’s yours. You keep it.”

Tiny hands touched her fingers as it took it back before disappearing under the water and she smiled standing back up looking at him. “They’re so fucking cute.”

He chuckled grabbing her hand again walking further down the dock. As the sun went down the otters made their way back to where they stopped. Leaning against his arm she watched them dance in the water. He kissed her temple which only made her want to do the same thing to her lips so she tilted her head up.

Smiling at him after he kissed her, she spoke. “I love you.”

He grinned. “I love you.”

She looked back at the otters floating on their backs holding hands. “Maybe if we’re lucky we’ll get to know what it feels like to be them one day. See? They’re holding hands just like us.”

He smirked. “I see that.”

“You think you’re the one with the rock or without?”

“You’re the one with the rock.”

She giggled. “Why me?”

“Because you have something to share with the world. I’m just the lucky one that gets to hold your hand.”

Looking at him, she paused. “You have something to share with the world too Rust. You just don’t see it in yourself like I do but you will.”

He pulled her against his chest kissing the top of her head as they both sat there in silence watching the sun disappear behind the mountains. In this small Alaskan town surrounded by nature so vast she assumed that most people would feel trapped in this harbor but despite the heaviness and nerves that sat in her stomach, she had never felt so free.

April 26th 2002. Friday.

They had both gotten up early so they could take their time gathering their stuff to leave. Chris had paid her a week's pay plus tips and agreed to keep in touch since he agreed to look over the house until it sold. They would take the last load of stuff to the storage unit in both trucks, leave them there, and take a cab to the airport. She was a little nervous but being with him made it easier. The walls in the house were bare, the shelves emptied of books and decorations that were Maria's, not even blankets were out anymore leaving only the furniture. It felt so hallow and empty. He was loading the truck up for the last time while she wandered in the spare bedroom that was once hers where the piano was. Setting the box that Lily was in on top of the piano since she'd be riding with her, she sat down opening the key cover. Fingertips over the ivory were familiar and she felt an overwhelming sadness that they had to leave it here. Playing a few notes, she paused trying not to get emotional, there was so many memories in those notes. She grinned to herself closing the key cover running her hands over it. He spoke from the doorframe making her jump slightly because she wasn't expecting it.

"I'll get you another one I promise."

She shook her head standing. "You don't have to do that. Just gonna miss the house is all."

He looked at her. "You wanna take a minute?"

She sighed. "No. That'll just make it harder. You ready?"

He nodded and she picked up Lily carrying her under her arm. Walking down the hallway looking in the bedroom she paused for a minute before going in the living room. He put his hand on the back of her neck kissing the top of her head. "Sure you don't want a second?"

She shook her head. He opened the door for her and she walked out where he opened her truck door for her as well. "I'll follow you there."

He nodded with a grin leaning in to kiss her before closing the door. She cried quietly the whole way to the storage unit driving away from the first home she ever knew, the first place where kindness was embedded in the walls, and she started to form good memories that weren't spoiled by violence. Only looking at the red truck in front of her and the man driving it she reminded herself that home was with him. Things would change, some for the better and maybe some for the worse, but she had a constant in him. Love didn't make life easy or fair but it made it easier to go through knowing she had him. He accepted her fear, her hurt, and the rest of the storm of emotions that churned within her never fully calmed. Realizing she was clutching at Maddy's cross around her neck like she usually did when she was nervous, she sighed heavily letting it go wiping her face. She put her hand on Lily's box in the passenger seat rubbing her thumb over it following him to the storage unit.

He backed the truck up and she got out watching him do the same popping the tailgate down. Helping him move what was left inside she was quiet but not on purpose. She knew they were on a schedule and so did he. When he exhaled heavily making sure everything was where it needed to be he looked at her. "All we gotta do now is park the trucks where they belong and call a cab to go to the airport." She nodded and he slightly tilted his head. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head forcing a grin. "Nothing."

He simply stared. "Don't lie to me Genevieve." She bit her bottom lip briefly before exhaling forcibly not wanting to cry. "Hey. Talk to me."

Shrugging her shoulders she looked at him. "I'm scared. And I feel bad that I'm scared because I have nothing to be scared of since I'm with you but.." He cut her off pulling her against his chest holding her resting his chin on top of her head. Wrapping her arms around him she closed her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm scared too."

She paused looking up at him. "Really?"

He nodded pushing her hair back. "Terrified. And that's alright. I know it's hard for you to leave everything. This is the first place you settled, the first place you really got to feel safe, I'd be worried if you weren't scared." She smirked halfway laughing quietly. "It's alright baby. I'm right here with you I promise. Okay?"

She nodded pursing her lips while he used both hands to gently tilt her head back slightly, she held his wrists. Kissing her forehead, he lingered whispering to her. "I love you, Genevieve."

As she always would hearing that she smiled. "I love you too."

He smiled back. "C'mon. Let's go put the trucks up."

After parking them where they needed to, he was persistent on carrying her duffle bag and guitar case along with his own luggage but she fought him when it came to her suitcase. "Rust stop! You're not a fucking pack mule, let me carry something."

He chuckled as she took it from him holding his free hand up in surrender. Walking from where they parked the trucks he spoke. "There's a pizza place next store. You wanna grab somethin'?"

She shook her head with a scoff. "No, I feel like I'm gonna puke."

"Why?"

She sighed. "Unfortunately, my nerves and emotions have a direct link to my stomach. Who knows maybe five years of hunger strike fucked up my brain."

He smirked putting his arm around her kissing her temple. "Think it's cause you're nervous?"

"I guess."

"You'll be alright, I gotcha."

"You're not nervous at all?"

He shook his head. "Well.. I'm a little curious to see how the airports are now after September of last year but not really nervous, no. Used to be gettin' on a plane was easy, doubt it is now."

Sitting down on a bench outside the pizza place she lit a cigarette while he called a cab. She looked at him after he hung up. "So, we get to the airport get on one plane that leaves a little after twelve. That plane lands in.."

"Dallas Fort Worth." He was smirking at her having gone over their plan several times.

"Quit laughing at me. Dallas Fort Worth Texas. That flight is an hour and a half and when we get there we wait for an hour and a half. That's a.."

He nodded. "Hour and a half layover."

"Layover, right, so then that puts us on a new plane a little after three. And we'll get to Alaska at seven at night their time which is.."

"Ten in Louisiana. It's three hours ahead in Alaska."

"And why is that a thing again?"

He swallowed a chuckle. "The rotation of the earth. Twenty-four time zones, one hour apart, aligning local time with the suns position."

She nodded slowly looking up at the sun wondering how a giant star in the sky determined when humans should be doing certain things like sleeping or waking up. She was raised thinking the sun got taken back into Gods hands when it got dark. Looking at him, he was smirking and she tried to hide her grin looking forward at the railroad tracks. "You're laughing at me."

He did audibly chuckle that time. "I'm not!"

She rolled her eyes. "Shut up I know I'm sheltered. I grew up in a religiously crazed cult ya know?"

He raised his eyebrows feigning surprise. "Were you really?"

She nodded pulling on her cigarette. "Mhm. Just ask the FBI."

He chuckled putting his arm around her pulling her against him kissing her head. "Never had a girlfriend know what the inside of the FBI headquarters looks like let alone scold the special agent in charge of their criminal investigations."

She sat up straight looking at him with a surprised smile. "Girlfriend?"

The look he gave was halfway confused. "You want me to call you somethin' else?"

She paused. "I've never been anyone's girlfriend."

He chuckled and touched her cheek with the back of his knuckles where she closed her eyes leaning into his touch. "That alright with you? Hm?"

Opening her eyes she looked at him with a nod. "As long as I'm yours I don't care what you call me."

He smiled shaking his head grabbing her chin gently. "God you're so beautiful. C'mere gimme a kiss." Leaning over she did smiling at him when she pulled away.

She offered him her cigarette and he took it pulling on it looking out across the street. "I'll miss Louisiana. Not so much the sweltering heat but.."

"You'll miss that to come winter in Alaska, trust me."

Their cab pulled up and he insisted on loading all their things. He got in the back next to her and the driver spoke. "Y'all goin to Lafayette regional?"

Rust nodded. "Yes sir."

He was a nice man but Rust wasn't one for small talk so that left her to talk which she didn't mind. There wasn't anything threatening about him at all, he was what she imagined a kind grandfather would be like if she had one. "How long have you been driving folks around?"

The man chuckled. "Oh 'bout twenty some years now."

"Do you like it?"

"It has its ups and downs but I get to meet a lotta people. Some in a hurry, some lost, some just wanna sit back and enjoy the ride." The car came to a stop and she saw the railroad crossing lights were on. "Hope y'all ain't in a hurry."

She grinned. "No, not us."

Sitting back in her seat she heard the train blow its whistle and froze. For a moment she felt her body being transported back to that plain room where her body hurt all the time, hunger was the only pain she could control, and the devil was right in the other side of her door. Swallowing her hands got sweaty and the car felt too small.

Rust put his hand on her leg looking at her. "What's wrong?" All she could do was look at the train and try not to panic for the sake of not terrifying the driver. He didn't ask why, didn't make a scene, just pulled her closer against him letting her nestle her face next to his neck.

Turning his head he spoke next to her ear. "Breathe. Deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth."

She did it but it was shakey and ragged.

"Atta girl. Again."

Closing her eyes she could feel the vibration from the steel tracks rumbling even in the car. "C'mon, breathe with me."

He held her hand and she did what he asked. "There ya go. Look at me."

Opening her eyes she felt them tearing but she didn't want them to. "Tell me what you see."

"You. I see you, your eyes."

He nodded and she swallowed. "Tell me what you feel."

She exhaled heavily. "You. Your thumb rubbing my knuckles."

With his other hand he pushed her hair behind her ear cradling her head. "What do you hear?"

Taking a moment to listen she heard the train sounding further away. She looked and saw the crossing barriers had lifted and the lights were off. "It's gone. It's going away."

The car started to move again and she looked at him trying to keep her lip from trembling. Burying her face in his neck he held her whispering to her. "I got ya baby. You're alright just breathe. I'm here."

He offered her the safe space to calm down without asking and made small talk with the driver so it wasn't uncomfortable.

Getting to the airport she thanked the driver and told him to have a good day while Rust unloaded their things. Before they went inside, he paused pulling her to the side leaning against the wall putting the stuff he was carrying down. "Take a second. We're a little early." Lighting a cigarette, she exhaled like she was holding her breath.

He lit his own watching her. "I'm okay."

Pausing he exhaled before answering. "Was it the train?"

She didn't want to nod and admit defeat so she didn't. "I used to hear it all the time in Arkansas. It would always go by late at night. At first it was nice, soothing even, because whatever or whoever was on that train was leaving from where I was. Until he started to come in. I'd hear him unlocking the door and.." She shook her head. "He ruined it."

"C'mere."

She tried to grin. "I'm alright.." Not hearing it he pulled her into a hug resting his chin on top of her head putting a hand on the back of her neck. With her forehead on his chest, she sighed feeling defeated. "Moving to Alaska doesn't mean I leave it all behind, does it?"

It was his turn to sigh. "No. No it doesn't baby, I'm sorry."

"Tell me something."

"It won't always be as hard as it is now. And I love you."

Despite wanting to stay there all day she lifted her head wiping her face hoping before he noticed. It didn't work. He used his thumb swiping it under her eye but before he could take his hand away, she grabbed it kissing his knuckles. "I love you. Thank you."

Shaking his head he grinned winking at her. "You ain't gotta thank me, Genevieve." She sighed rolling her eyes and he chuckled. "Ready to go in?"

"No but let's go."

He smiled. "Atta girl."

Inside the airport it was slightly busy but being in a place she'd never been before she had no basis for comparison. He was walking next to her when someone walked by forcing him to take a step ahead of her. Reaching a hand behind his back he wiggled his fingers wanting for her to grab his hand and she did happily. Just to be touching him made her feel more comfortable. They walked up to the counter but more so him she just followed. Their tickets were not cheap in the slightest and when she offered money he shook his head. "Absolutely not. Put that away I got it."

They handed over their suitcases and her guitar leaving them each with a duffle bag along with their tickets in hand. The woman behind the counter told them where to go through security, he grabbed her hand. "You should've let me pay for mine."

"No."

"Rust.."

"I don't wanna hear it."

She scoffed. "If we ever fly again, I'm paying and I don't wanna hear shit."

He smirked. "That's fine."

There was a line to get through security with multiple officers, at least they looked like officers, with dogs. Standing next to him he let go of her hand pulled her in front of him keeping her close. "What are those dogs?"

"Bomb sniffing dogs. They smell for traces of explosives."

"Well, that's mildly terrifying."

Draping his arms over her shoulders she rested against his chest and held onto his forearms quietly observing everything happening around them. As if he could hear her curiosity, he spoke quietly next to her ear. "See those things they're walkin' through with green and red lights on it? That's the metal detectors. Those wands are a smaller version of it."

All the signs about things that weren't allowed through security were impossible to ignore. "And it hasn't always been like this?"

He shook his head. "No. Looks like the only people allowed through security are people who have tickets. And I think those machines.."

"What machines?"

He pointed. "See where everyone's putting their bags up and they're going into that machine? I think it's an x-ray machine."

"For what?"

"It's quicker than searching through everyone's stuff." Exhaling he kissed her head. "You okay?"

She nodded holding onto him as they got closer to the chaos of the front of the line. When it was their turn, he let her go kissing her cheek. "I'm right in front of you alright? Just do what I do."

She nodded watching him hand his duffle bag over and step through the machine. It went off but she knew it wasn't his knife that he kept on his belt or his gun because they left them both in the storage unit. A man with a wand made him stand with his legs and arms spread where it was realized it was his belt buckle. He looked at her and she nodded telling him she was okay when it was her turn.

Putting her duffle bag up the man opened it and saw the box that Lily was in. "What's this ma'am?"

She paused. "My dog."

The look she gave her made her seem she didn't believe her. "Do you have cremation certificate?"

"It's in there in a white envelope."

Finding said envelope and opening it she looked up from the paper staring. "Are you wearing any jewelry?"

"Just my cross."

"Take it off please."

When she unclasped it, she noticed her hands were shaking but she handed it over. Being waved to by another person she stepped forward through the machine where it beeped the same way his did. A man with a wand looked at her like she did something wrong. "Spread your arms and legs for me."

Doing so it beeped around her bra and her jeans, when they saw she wasn't wearing a belt both the woman and man looked at each other. "Can you step over here ma'am?"

Listening very confused and very nervous she looked at Rust because where they told her to step aside was where one of the guards with dogs were. Someone in a suit grabbed her bag looking at her. "Come with me please."

Stammering she spoke motioning to Rust. "But he.."

"Come with me."

Rust went to follow but he was stopped leaving her to look over her shoulder as she was led away into a room with a man she didn't know. The door closed, the noise of the airport was muffled, and she was asked to sit. Her duffle bag was in front of them opened and he set her cross on the table. "Can I put that back on?"

"No."

She sighed as she watched everything being taken out of her bag and laid out on the table in front of her. "Why are you flying to Alaska?"

"To live there."

"Really. Why is that?"

Pausing she narrowed her eyes slightly feeling anger replace her anxiety little by little. "Is that any of your business?"

The man ignored her. "Are you traveling alone?"

"No, he's right outside. I was trying to tell you but.."

He cut her off. "That's enough."

Waiting while he searched all her things which humiliating on its own, he went to open Lily's box. "No. Absolutely not."

He looked at her shocked. "Excuse me?"

"You're not opening that box."

He leaned over the table at her. "If I wanted to, I can shift through this bullshit with my bare hands. I'm making the rules here not you."

She stared trying not to cower like her body was screaming at her to. "You're not doing shit with my dog."

There was a knock at the door and a female officer opened letting herself in looking right at her. "Stand up please."

"What? Why?"

"Turn around and put your hands against the wall."

"Wait why? I don't have anything.." The woman went to grab her arm and pull her out of the chair but she pulled away. "Don't fucking touch me."

Using more force, she was pulled from her chair and pushed against the wall. "I said hand ups."

Feeling herself start to tear up she was so frustrated, angry, and terrified. They were treating her like she did something wrong for bringing Lily and facing the wall she couldn't see if the man had opened her box. The woman ran her hands over her arms, down her back, and over her hips to her legs. Closing her eyes she tilted her chin town swearing she would never let a pair of hands that didn't belong to Rust touch her again but here she had no choice. These people wore badges and carried guns; she had no power here which was a feeling she was entirely too familiar with. "I don't have anything dangerous, please.."

"Turn around and face me."

Sighing she did as she asked keeping her eyes closed as foreign hands wandered over her again. When it was over she opened her eyes seeing the man grin at her as if he enjoyed her helplessness. She knew that look and it brought bile to the back of her throat.

"Take off your shirt please."

Looking at the woman, she stared. "What?"

"Remove your shirt."

Her bottom lip quivered. "Please.."

"This could go the easy way or the hard way ma'am."

Trying to keep her hands from shaking she took her t-shirt off leaving her in her bra and jeans attempting to cover herself with her arms. Tears rolled down her cheeks with rage, shame, fear, embarrassment, she felt weak. She wanted to look that woman and man right in the eyes but she couldn't.

"Turn around."

When she did her hair was moved over her shoulder and she felt the room go silent free of movement. Neither of them said anything when they saw the scars all over her. A knock at the door came and another man cracked it open starting to speak but Rust pushed him inside following before shutting it behind him.

Looking at him, he saw what was happening and his face went still with rage. "What the fuck is going on here? Why is she standing without a shirt?"

"Sir. You need to.."

"No, I don't gotta do shit. What the fuck is going on here?? Give her clothes back."

The man who wanted to open Lily's box spoke. "We have probable cause to search her. The contents of this box alerted our machines."

"It's ashes. You have the god damn cremation certificate right there!"

"And inside there is.."

"It's a steel crematory tag you fucking moron! The wand went off around her waist and her ribs because she has buttons on her jeans and underwire in her bra!"

Snatching her shirt from the woman he handed it to her as she put it back on as quickly as she could. He started putting her things back into her duffle bag as he continued. "It y'alls first day? That's no probable cause you know it and if it was, this isn't an international flight outta here. Fourth amendment exists for a fuckin' reason."

"The wand also went off around her abdomen."

Rust paused and looked at the man who continued to argue with him. Taking their tickets, he slammed hers on the table pointing. "You see her name? Look it up and you'll see what happened February of last year, that might give you some fuckin' answers. You got any more questions get a hold of Mark Swenson down at FBI headquarters."

Putting the bag Lily was in back in her box he shut it and put it in her bag zipping it up slinging it over his shoulder. He grabbed her cross off the table pulling her against him where she shamefully buried her face like a child. "Or better yet I'll give him a call and let him know he should be expectin' to hear from you fuckin' assholes."

Shoving by the guy he barged in past he opened the door and walked them both out where no one dared to stop him.

He found them a quiet spot where she trusted they needed to be he sat her down where she hadn't said a word. Moving her hair gently he put her cross back on and put her hair back where it was. Touching her face gently he looked at her guiding her gaze to him. "Did they hurt you?"

She shook her head. He sighed pulling her against him sitting back in their chairs letting her hide in his chest. "Christ I'm sorry.. I'll call Mark and let him know."

She shook her head again. "It's not your fault any more than it's his. I'll be okay."

"That's not the point. That never should've happened."

Closing her eyes she felt herself calming down just from leaning against him. He grabbed her hand and she studied it running her fingers over his palm. The hands she felt most safe with, that would never hurt her, that would ruin themselves in order to protect her. Lifting it by his wrist she kissing the side of the base of his thumb looking up at him. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being the safest pair of hands that've ever touched me."

He paused kissing her forehead. "I love you."

She couldn't help her smile. "I love you too."

He looked around at what was in the airport. "You want anything to eat or drink?"

"Is there a bathroom here?"

He nodded and pointed across from where they were. "Right over there. Want me to walk you over?"

She chuckled. "No, I'll be okay lonestar."

Kissing him before she got up going to the bathroom wondering if she looked as disheveled as she felt. She splashed cool water on her face and wiped her eyes looking at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were a little red and her face was slightly flushed but that was it. Seeing the scars on her arms in the mirror, especially the deep ones around her wrists that would never be the same made her want to put a sweater on. Only she didn't want to feel like she had to hide from what she had gone through, she wished she could forget it entirely but there was a voice in the back of her head telling her that would never happen. She fixed her cross before using the bathroom and washing her hands.

Going back out to where they were sitting, he was on his cellphone talking to someone and when she sat down, he handed her a water bottle. She took a sip looking out the window where a plane was moving. Seeing them in the sky she didn't realize how big they were up close. When he hung up, he offered her some chips he got but she couldn't take her eyes off the plane. "How can something like that fly?"

He leaned over resting his chin on her shoulder after kissing it so he could see what she saw. "Amazing idnit?"

Said is his accent that liked to peak into his voice often she smiled turning to kiss his cheek. "I like hearing when Texas comes outta you."

He chuckled looking at her keeping his head where it was. "You okay?"

She nodded. "I am now."

He pointed out the window. "Look, one's about to take off."

Together they watched as it started to go faster down the strip of road before it started to lift off the ground. "It doesn't make sense how something so big can fly. Just like the big ships on the canals. How can something like that even work?"

He smirked. "Physics and aerodynamics."

She rolled her eyes. "I get it, you're fuckin' smart alright?"

He chuckled sitting back in his chair rubbing her back. "Sure you're not hungry?"

"I'm okay. If we survive our first flight, I'll see how I feel. Is there food on the plane?"

"They have snacks and stuff but since it's a long flight they'll have meals."

Over the loudspeaker someone from the airport spoke and she looked at him. "What's that?"

"Not us. We still got about twenty minutes."

Sitting back, she looked out the window holding his hand in her lap waiting.

When it was their turn, they both used the bathroom before getting in line to board. He held her hand while having the tickets in the other. The closer they got the more nervous she was. He noticed rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand which helped a bit. Going down the walkway, they stepped on the plane that was small for how big it looked on the outside. Finding their seats he put both their bags in the overhead compartment before looking at her. "You want the window seat?"

She looked at him. "I guess?"

He smirked leading her in. "If you don't like it, we can switch."

They sat there for a while and he looked out the window but she looked at him to try and forget she was on something that shouldn't be able to fly. His sharp jawline, the facial structure of his cheekbones, and his long eyelashes protecting those blue eyes he was absolutely stunning.

She traced her fingertips over his jaw and he looked at her. "You okay?" She nodded. "I should've punched those pieces of shit in the face."

"And miss our flight because we get taken to jail?"

"Well, I did let Mark know."

She sighed quietly. "You shouldn't even waste your time."

He furrowed his brows. "Like hell I shouldn't. It was bullshit how they treated you, Genevieve."

She shrugged. "I guess the universe just isn't all the way done with me yet."

Pausing he just looked at her for a moment. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing Rust. It's not your fault."

Looking out the window waiting until someone started talking about safety procedures is when she really got nervous. Double checking her seatbelt looking around her knee started to bounce subconsciously. He put his hand on her leg. "Breathe baby. It's okay."

Before she knew it the plane started moving towards the paved runway and the feeling in her stomach grew. Closing her eyes leaning her head back he grabbed her hand. "Just breathe. You're alright I gotcha. Everything's gonna be just fine just keep breathing."

As they started to pick up speed she gripped his hand harder trying to control her breathing but her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest. Tears started to accumulate at the corners of her eyes as he leaned over talking softly in her ear. "Deep breath in and out. C'mon breathe with me." Doing her best she felt her stomach drop like she'd never felt before. Not having control over her body was so terrifying and the fact they were in a tube going into the sky didn't help.

"Atta girl. It's almost over I promise just keep breathin'."

That feeling in her stomach peaked and she shifted her eyes to look out the window seeing they were pitched up and leaving the ground. "Holy shit. Oh my god.."

"Almost there you're doin' good."

Closing her eyes slowly but surely, they leveled out but she was too afraid to open her eyes even after the feeling in her stomach disappeared. He kissed her temple. "Congratulations lil sure shot you're flying'."

Opening her eyes she looked out the window seeing them above the earth like she never imagined. To see the trees, buildings, grass, and roads from above, being closer to the clouds than the ground was overwhelming. That anxiety started to subside because she was seeing what the birds saw she wished she could be in her worst moments could see. It was amazing, it was terrifying, but it was absolutely beautiful. Never letting go of his hand she tapped his arm with her other. "Rust look. You can see the river." Pointing out the window, she turned to see if he was looking but he was looking at her with a grin. "Can you see?"

He nodded. "You're beautiful."

"Not me look outside we're in the fucking sky."

He chuckled shaking his head. "I'd rather look at you."

She grinned and rolled her eyes turning back towards the window completely enthralled by what she was seeing. When they were in the clouds, she told him but he seemed more interested in watching her. They climbed higher and higher, like some sort of miracle created by humans to be able to be so close to heaven, the clouds were so near if the window opened, she could touch them. She often wondered why God seemed to forget her the entirety of her life but if this is how He saw earth she didn't blame Him for never making himself known. Not realizing she was crying until the tears rolled down her cheeks, she wiped them.

Rust looked at her. "Hey. Look at me. What is it?"

She shook her head. "It's just really pretty."

Lifting the arm rest he unbuckled the belt around her waist and lifted his arm. "C'mere baby."

Facing him she curled into his chest and he held her letting her bend her knees. "Are we allowed to sit like this?"

"Who gives a shit, it's how we're sittin'." He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back.

She closed her eyes sighing before she spoke. "I love you."

He rested his head next to hers where she felt him smile. "I love you too Genevieve."

She didn't fall asleep but she stayed just how she was even as someone who worked on the plane offered them a drink or snacks. He declined resting his head back on the seat closing his eyes. With her nerves of the day so far being wired the calm of laying on him made an hour and a half feel like 20 minutes. Over the loudspeaker someone spoke announcing they were about to land in Texas. Getting back in her seat and buckled up she looked out the window as they dropped below the clouds. She grabbed his hand while they got lower and lower feeling the plane jolting around. "It's alright, it's just a little turbulence that's all."

Closing her eyes he leaned over shutting the window putting his other hand on top of hers. "We'll be on the ground before you know it. I'm right here."

Her entire body was tense until they did complete with more bumps and jolts that were more terrifying than she'd like to admit. The plane came to a slow stop when they approached the airport where everyone started to stir on the plane. Opening her eyes she let go of his hand looking at him. "You okay?"

She sighed rubbing her face before nodding. "I'm dying for a cigarette."

The hour and a half waiting around the airport they got to go outside to smoke, got a bite to eat at the bistro and waited to be called the board a new plane. His cellphone rang and he answered it. Not really paying attention to who it was she looked out the window at what she could see of Texas. She wondered if it felt strange for him to be in the same state his daughter was born in, rested in, if he even thought about it. Outside it was warm like Louisiana but a little less oppressive and thick. Hanging up his phone he looked at her with a grin. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"That was Mark. He had our seats upgraded to first class."

She paused. "I don't know what that means."

He chuckled. "Priority boarding, bigger seats, free food and drinks is what he said."

"Wait really? Why? Is that a good thing?"

"I told him what happened in Louisiana and it's the least they could do. It's still a 7-hour flight but we'll be a little bit more comfortable. He said the people that did that to you would be looked into."

Looking at him, she didn't really know what to say because no one had ever defended her the way he did. "You didn't have to call him about that you know."

"Yeah, I did so get over it."

She grinned. "Why're you so good to me?"

He paused. "You know why. Don't you?"

Touching her face with his knuckles she smiled leaning against his hand. He leaned forward kissing her gently smiling when he pulled away. Looking at his watch he looked up where they were supposed to go get on the plane. "We got time for one more smoke before it should be time for us to get on. You wanna go?" She nodded following him outside.

Looking at him as he leaned against the wall staring forward, she wondered what he was thinking about so she asked. "Can I ask you something?" His eyes returned to her and nodded. "What are you thinkin' about?"

Taking a drag off his cigarette he didn't answer until all the smoke was gone from his lungs. "Feels strange to be back here."

"In Texas?"

He nodded. "Last time I was here was when I told you I was off books in 95."

She paused. "Are you happy?" He didn't answer at first. "I mean are you happy with where you are now?"

He grinned with a nod. "I'm happy with you." Looking up at him he tucked her hair behind her ear. "You believe me?"

She nodded and he kissed her forehead. "C'mon. One more flight and we'll be there."

With a sigh she took the last drag off her cigarette. "Don't know how I'm gonna sit next to you for seven hours.."

The look he gave her made her laugh and he smiled grabbing her throat pulling her into his chest speaking against her mouth. "You're full of shit."

She giggled. "I know."

He chuckled kissing her slapping her ass before grabbing a handful of it. Reaching up sliding trying to slide her hand to his neck to kiss him again but he pulled back with that grin. "Un-uh."

"Why??"

"Because if I kiss you the way I want, we'll have to wait until tomorrow to fly because we'll miss our plane."

Raising her eyebrows she spoke through a smirk. "Why's that?"

Chuckling he shook his head grabbing her hand pulling her inside. "You're pushin' your luck woman."

When it came time to get on the plane, they were led to their seats that were bigger than the first ones and more comfortable. Take off was just as scary as it was the first time and he had to remind her how to breathe while holding her hand. The constant of him rubbing her back helped reminding her she couldn't do any of this without him. Climbing past the clouds everything looked so beautiful from up here which is what led her to take the window seat. He had relaxed putting his seat back with his eyes closed but not sleeping. She curled her legs and arms up resting on her side facing him.

"Is this what first class is usually like?"

"Don't know, never flown first class. Depending on how the food tastes I might thank you for comin'."

Opening her mouth, he opened one eye and laughed quietly, just hearing it she couldn't even fake being mad and smiled instead. Once he closed his eyes again, she looked with her own at everyone she could see from where she was. The plane was quieting down and it was darker with only a few people having their window shades up. Just like she used to do when she would share a bed with Maddy when she was younger, she whispered and she didn't really know why. "Can I tell you something?"

"Mmhmm."

"I feel stupid."

He opened his eyes and turned his head toward her. "Why do you feel stupid?"

She shrugged. "Because I feel like most people would just be normal if they tried to get searched or questioned like I did today. Like it wouldn't be a big deal for them because they're so used to existing in the real world. The only thing I could think of that whole time is wanting to curl up into a ball and hide under the table."

He paused and exhaled quietly; she watched his chest rise then fall with the big breath he took. "You're not stupid, Genevieve. With what you been through you can't expect just to wake up one day and be able to go out into the world like nothing ever happened."

For some reason that realization made her feel like she was going to cry because he was right and she desperately wished his wasn't. "But I want to.."

He reached over and rubbed down her arm speaking just as quietly as she was. "I know baby. You'll get there but it takes time. A part of you is still in survival mode and that's okay. It's only been a year you realize that right?"

She didn't say anything because if she was being honest, she didn't realize it at all. It felt longer than that.

"Since then, you've done a lot. The interview with the FBI, a new job, saying goodbye to Lily.. and you haven't given up. Not even after this bullshit I'm putting you through.."

She sat up on her elbow looking at him. "You're not putting me through anything Rust. I chose for myself to come with you, to be with you. Me, I made that decision."

He blinked giving himself and excuse to look away. "That ain't what I'm talkin' about."

"Rust look at me." He did. "That was not your fault. She took advantage of you. She used you. You made a mistake that you can't entirely be blamed for because you were drunk but.."

He shook his head. "No, don't do that. Don't give me a way-out Genevieve."

"But you're punishing yourself."

"Yeah, I am because it should've never come to that and you know it."

She paused looking at him. "Should I punish myself for what happened between me and Liam then?" He looked at her halfway confused. "He made me believe I could trust him and he took advantage of me because I thought that's what I should do since he was nice at one point. Should I punish myself for that?"

He shook his head. "No. But I know you did at one point."

"You're right I did because no one loved me enough to tell me I shouldn't. I love you and I'm telling you that you shouldn't." He went quiet because he knew she was right but that wasn't why she brought it up. When she first started to realize they were similar around the time they first met she would've never come to believe just how true that might be. "I'm on this plane because I want to be. So, when we land in Alaska you can't punish yourself when I get cold, if I have a hard time adjusting to the time change, or if I get eaten by a fucking bear because it isn't your fault. Okay?"

He nodded.

"And as much as I'd love to see a bear in real life don't let it eat me. Don't hurt it but don't let it eat me either."

He chuckled lifting the arm rest before his arm so she could cuddle up to him but she didn't rest her head down right away. Putting her hand on his face she looked at him touching his hairline with her fingertips. "I don't know what's gonna happen when we touch down. I don't know how hard it's gonna get or how easy it'll be but with our track record I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that's probably not going to be the case. Whatever happens I'll deal with it because I want to. We've both been punished enough, don't make it harder than it already is. I love you."

She kissed him gently and he looked up at her when she pulled back. "I don't deserve y.."

Covering his mouth with her hand she grinned when he chuckled because she knew what he was going to say. "Don't you fuckin' dare Rustin Cohle. Just tell me you love me and we'll call it even."

He grabbed her wrist smiling when he moved it from his mouth. "I love you."

She smiled back giving him another kiss before cuddling up against him resting her head on his chest. Given how much room they had in the seats she was thankful in a really morbid way for having met anyone in the FBI at all because one phone call awarded her seven hours to stay just like this with him comfortably.