havoc's space

Once you reached him, you let out a sigh of relief before plopping down next to him. Joshua recoils slightly, seeming to adjust his position from where he sat and establish distance between your bodies; you noticed this, but you did not say anything. As you’ve learned, the deity was not fond of physical touch; whether it be accidental or intentional.

You glance at him, observing the way he sits a bit more upright; his body not poised, as before. “I assure you, royals are not lazy. Everyone is just always doing it for us, that’s why.” You say with a shrug, trying to save some bits of pride for being part of a royal family; although, you never wanted to become a royal, you still have a pride to protect!

“Cowards.” Joshua plainly states, a small smirk playing at his lips; oh, a given that he is trying to press one of your buttons. You roll your eyes, “For a God, you really are so mean!” You huff, deciding to act childish in hopes of changing the topic. Despite your childish complaint, Joshua hums in reply, glancing up at the sky once more. The night sky remains dark, empty of stars and only a void of complete darkness.

A silence overtakes the two of you, one that is heavy and you are sometimes unsure on how to speak to him. After all, he is a God, an infamous one at that; though his own reputation never scared you away, it only drew you closer to him like a reckless fool attracted to any signs of danger.

“Why are you here?” Joshua asks suddenly, showing hints of curiosity breaking through the aloof nature he had. You shrugged, “I have no idea.” You said, a lie leaving your lips; you do know why you are here. You have snuck away from the kingdom itself for a reason, and it was apparent to Joshua. His purple gaze had a slight glow, possibly from amusement, at your lie.

Joshua lets out a low hum, “You know how dangerous it is at night.”

Although his words seemed caring, it had no intention of sounding gentle or showing concern for your well-being; it was completely lacking any regards to your personal safety. You sigh, a heavy one that made your shoulders rise then fall - “I just couldn’t sleep that’s all.” You say, a half truth this time. Joshua looks towards you, “Being out here in the cold will help you sleep instead?” He questions, eyeing at you with skepticism.

Maybe as a God of War, he holds a strong sense of nosiness.

Rolling your eyes, you fall back on the soft grass, your back resting against the cold yet soft greenery. You place an arm over your eyes whilst Joshua watches your reaction carefully. With a momentary pause, you finally answered - “I wanted to get away from the kingdom.”

Joshua looks at you, his eyes softening and he slowly turns his head away - “I understand. I think.” He says, a tenderness replacing the tone he held before when you first arrived. “Was today not a good day?” He asks once more, glancing at the sky. Oddly enough, the clouds are beginning to drift apart, revealing the moon that hid behind it.

“It was not good nor was it bad. But, maybe I just felt overwhelmed.” You admit, removing your arm from your eyes. Beyond you, the stars hidden away were revealed and you sit up to point at the star littered sky - “The night is bright, after all!” You exclaim with a grin, a finger pointing towards the stars displayed. Joshua rolls his eyes, already staring at the stars.

“They are just stars.” Joshua said, detached from the sight he has been accustomed to for centuries. Nothing changes within the sky, but his gaze did not fall away; he was captivated and maybe those clouds had drifted him along, away from reality itself. You chuckle at his reply, looking at him to see his expression; as you’ve learned, Joshua is someone who expresses when he thinks no one is looking.

For a moment, the mask melts away and a longing expresses from his round eyes. His amethyst-like gaze only became dull, as those the jewelry embedded had lost its richness; the firm press of his lips, showing how deep in thought he was. Rarely you ever see this side of him, but when you do - an ache resonates in your heart, as he holds a burden of loneliness upon his shoulders.

After knowing Joshua, you learned that it was lonely being a God.

Joshua notices your staring, looking towards you with furrowed brows of confusion. The vulnerability is long gone, as he scowls - “What is it?”

You watched how his eyes hardened, his violet eyes holding a coldness that is always used to push you away. You smile at him, however.

“You are beautiful.”

Confusion expresses from his beautiful face again, but slowly dissipates into embarrassment. Joshua lets out a small laugh of disbelief, his head turning away to avoid looking at you directly; a hint of pink dusting his cheeks. “What are you talking about?” Joshua asks, his voice low…No, small like a mouse. It was endearing to see him so flustered, but you meant it.

“Way more beautiful than the stars above,” You add with a chuckle. You look away, giving him time to compose himself; you glance up at the stars again, sitting back on your hands with a stupid smile on your face. Joshua tenses slightly at your words, your words seeming to clear the haze in his mind; the usual haze he found comfort in, suddenly diminishing and bringing a realization that made his stomach churn.

He is unsure whether to feel disgusted by your words…Or accept it.

But, how could someone like him hold a beauty for anyone to admire?

“You always speak of nonsense.” Joshua says barely above a whisper, glancing down at his hands on his lap. The same hands that hold evidence of the violence he possesses deep within, he is not created to be admired or loved.

You shake your head, looking at him and ready to give your reply; but, you stopped. Anger…No, resentment flares within his eyes, creating an intense glow of violet. You’ve always seen the deity holding a look of arrogance or sometimes joy, but you have never seen this expression. Not even once.

To you, he looked like he was burning; flames of hatred burning him alive at that very moment, and he looked much brighter than the stars above. But, you realized those flames weren’t directed to your words - it was the flames that Joshua always held as the God of War, a showcase of a war that never ended for him.

Joshua, the God of War, hates himself.

Slowly, you reach out towards him, placing a hand on one of his hands. Underneath your touch, he shook and he looked towards you; looking frightened, as though he feared that with one touch you would burn away. But, you did not withdraw, instead you sat still with your hand over his. Your fingers curl around his, grasping onto him with a gentle squeeze surrounding them.

A gentleness that surprised him, one that made his own body tremble slightly; a swirl of emotions whirring inside, his own heart twisting painfully - seeming to punish him for the way things had turned out. Joshua wasn’t supposed to reveal this side to you, he is a God, he needs no pity from a human like you.

“Why?” He sputters out amongst his emotional turmoil, sounding hurt and…Heartbroken. The very question only made you squeeze his hand tighter, realizing the shatter of his own heart; the feared God with a reputation of being the source of chaos - was revealed to be a lonesome God, who was ruined by what he was.

Unexpectedly, tears stream down Joshua’s face, the warmth contrasting his cold skin and falling onto your hand as droplets of his own sorrow. Instantly, you raise your hand to place upon his cheek, your thumb wiping away his tears. Surprised, Joshua moves away from your touch and wipes them away with the back of his hand; he hasn’t cried for centuries, why now? He needed to get away.

Although, his mind tells him to, his own heart desperately craved the tenderness you gave him. The way you looked at him with concern, a look that seems to convey how much you cared for him; he didn’t understand.

Quietly, you watch how he takes shaky breaths, the tears continuing to fall from his delicate eyes - no matter how many times he wipes them away. Leaning forward, you wrap your arms around him, the warmth of your embrace only making him freeze. You held onto him tightly, fingers grasping onto the coat he wore, your head buried in the crook of his neck to hopefully take away his sadness.

His pain.

His hatred.

Gradually, his body relaxes into your touch, a hesitant hand rising to place on the back of your neck. The same hands that handled many things roughly, held a gentleness that contrasts the reputation he held as a God; his fingers warm against your skin, fingertips caressing the back of your neck.

Underneath the stars, Joshua holds onto you, welcoming you into his own embrace.

“Thank you.” Joshua whispers, his arms wrapping around you to alleviate the emotions embedded inside him. After so many centuries, he finally recalled the familiarity of acceptance from you.