it took me a minute to figure out how to reply to this one, bc it is incredibly sweet and extremely flattering!! thank you for saying it. i am bewildered to hear i have had an impact on anyone at all, let alone about something so important and beautiful as this.

and, accepting this ask made me feel like some kind of super-mega-gigantic imposter.

after my bday in june, i updated my age in my bio, and quietly deleted the 'she', from the 'she/they/he' that was displayed there too. and i was SOOOOO scared. literally had a lump in my throat. even though only a few people from my life even follow me, and a lot of them aren't active anymore. even though she/her pronouns don't even feel offensive or painful to me, he/they pronouns just feel... better? more right? even though it's literally The Pronouns website. i was so so so so scared. my gender is mostly something i just talk abt with myself, in my own brain, or with my gf, very occasionally. sometimes i do make a personal post about it here, and promptly delete it in a panic.

not that it's a secret. it's visible, and i like that. actually, i love that. i really struggled trying to force myself to be feminine when i was younger, and i just don't anymore, not for years. i can't help it. so i guess in that way im unapologetic. ish.

but for some reason, the idea of changing my name and asking people to use the pronouns that feel nice? fills me with absolute terror. makes me sick to my fucking stomach. LOL. like im asking the largest imaginable favor, or like i'm correcting them, embarrassing them for being wrong, or like i'm inflicting a terrible burden. i honestly feel immensely apologetic, and i am really fighting myself to do it anyways.

all this is to say, the internet is deceiving, gender is difficult, and i was really taken aback by this ask. it kinda blew my mind that i could be perceived as somebody unapologetic and confident, and i guess i just felt i should come clean.