the door clicked shut gently, almost silent.

sungchan came in without saying much, dragging his feet like the day had weighed him down. he looked at you with those tired, sad eyes he couldn’t quite hide.

he came straight from the outside world—the one that demands him to always shine, always smile. but now… he was just him.

you didn’t ask anything. you know there are days when he doesn’t need words—he just needs to be.

you sat on the bed and opened your arms, silently inviting him in.

he — nearly twenty centimeters taller than you — walked over slowly, like the exhaustion had sunk deep into his bones. and without a word, he collapsed face down on top of you, resting his head against your chest, arms loosely wrapping around your waist.

there was no rush. just that quiet warmth you both share when the world outside fades away.

you ran your fingers gently through his hair, drawing soft circles.

“it’s okay… i’m here now,” you whispered.

he sighed into you, letting his whole body relax, like he could finally drop that invisible armor he wore all day.

you noticed how he tried to hide his face a little, almost embarrassed to seek comfort like this. but you didn’t pull away. You held him closer instead.

“with you… i feel safe,” he mumbled, voice low and sleepy.

his breathing slowed, chest rising and falling against yours.

and that was it—you melted a little more.

because you know being strong is automatic for him.

but with you, he lets himself be just Sungchan.

not the tall guy, not the one who’s always smiling… just him.

for a while, nothing else happened. just the sound of his breath, your fingers in his hair, and that soft, quiet love that fills the air when someone finds home in another person.

then you felt his fingers tracing lazy shapes on your side, like he was trying to memorize you through touch.

he lifted his head just a little, resting on one elbow to look at you better. His hair fell messily across his forehead and his expression…

“can i stay like this… a little longer?” he asked, like even the thought of moving away might break him a little.

it was the perfect mix of tenderness and something else.

something that made your heart skip.

you could only nod. your voice was lost in the fullness of the moment.

then, with the gentleness of someone holding the most precious thing they’ve ever had, he leaned closer.

sungchan smiled. that shy little smile you love so much.

he reached for your hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed it—long and soft—like sealing a secret promise into your skin.

your noses brushed first—so delicate it felt more intimate than any kiss.

he looked into your eyes, seeking permission.

and when all he found was love—and a hint of adorable nervousness—

he closed the distance.

when he pulled back just a little, he whispered against your lips:

the kiss was so, so sweet it made your chest ache.

slow, unhurried… as if he wanted to tell you everything words couldn’t:

"thank you for being here. thank you for being you."

“i don’t want tonight to ever end…”

he mumbled something against your collarbone—half a word, maybe your name. you weren’t sure. but you kissed the top of his head and whispered: “sleep, baby. i’ve got you now.”

he settled back down, this time hugging you like his life depended on it.

you stroked his back in slow, calming motions.

and there you stayed—

with soft kisses, quiet touches, and little i love you’s whispered between barely-there giggles.

nothing else happened that night.

it didn’t have to.

it was like his body knew the way to you by heart. no matter how late, no matter how quiet he came home—you always left a space for him in bed. a soft, unspoken promise: “you can always come back.”

you were so connected, so tangled up in one another,

love hanging in the air—warm and real.

you reached for the blanket and tucked it around the two of you. his hand found yours beneath the covers, fingers threading together as if to say: “don’t let go.”

and that was the night Sungchan realized...

Chapter 1: Raised in Shadows, Told to Shine. 

Comparison. 

The core of all insecurities. The onset of overthinking. The path to self loathing. 

That’s what comparison does to a person—drive them to the edge of insanity in hopes of turning into something; into someone the others will look up to, compare themselves to. 

It was a bad thing per se, but it was motivation enough for Jeno to work harder in order to leave the country, to get away from his family. 

The reason? His mother ever so conveniently happened to have fallen in love with a rich guy, someone who never knew what struggle meant, and Jeno was just four back then. It didn’t take much time for him to settle into the lifestyle, however, no matter how much he could have prepared to face his step-brother, he simply couldn’t bother looking him in the eye. 

Why? Because he was known to be the epitome of perfection. Jung Jaehyun was the son every parent wanted, the student every teacher was fond of, the doctor every nurse wanted to work with. 

The sweet dimple on his cheek was a great asset in melting the hearts of everyone in his proximity or afar. 

Jeno on the other hand, wasn’t quite sure why he wasn’t considered to be enough, especially when he got decent grades throughout his school life, he wasn’t a bother, kind to those who were around them, but it changed. 

It changed when he got daily reminders of how he wasn’t even close to how amazing and successful his step brother was. 

That’s when things started looking down for Jeno. He stopped caring about the grades, he wasn’t sure why he was supposed to put up a I’m so good, so smart act in front of others when there was no reason for him to do that. 

Others didn’t bother doing the same for him. 

Rather, he tried to work upon the only thing he was passionate about, the only thing that mattered to him—football. 

Despite winning several trophies for playing the sport, his parents labelled it to be useless, which broke the last fragment of his heart, shattering it to the point of no return. 

Which would explain his current demeanor—moody, permanent scowl on his perfectly sculpted face and no care for the others around him. His sole focus being football, which is also the reason behind his current dilemma. 

“Being an excellent player in the sports team does not guarantee you your scholarship, Mr. Lee,” Jeno’s teacher incharge spoke up, taking off her specs right after reviewing his annual grade report, “you’re failing three out of five modules, and if you don’t start getting back on track soon, then I’m afraid you won’t be able to play in the team anymore.” 

Fuck. 

Jeno had been neglecting his studies, he admits, yet he never thought that he’d reach this point. It’s not that he wasn’t smart, he simply had no motivation to go on with his studies. His parents could easily pay the university to keep him around, however, he wanted nothing from them, which also explains why he got himself a scholarship in the first place. 

“I’m sorry if I’m late.” Jeno’s eyes snapped wide open, turning back to see his step brother entering the teacher’s cabin. 

“Why are you here?” Jeno asked, a muscle in his jaw twitching but Jaehyun only smiled. 

Jeno’s professor was equally stunned, probably even more with her jaw wide open at the appearance of such a handsome young man. 

“I called him in since your parents were busy,” his professor said, handling Jeno a letter, “go and find your tutor in the council room, she’ll be helping you with the upliftment of your grades, Mr. Lee, and now if you’ll excuse us, I’ve got to fill in your brother with your current situation,” she said the last part awfully sweetly as Jaehyun sat down in one of the vacant chairs, smiling at her kind tone. 

Jeno scoffed, the demeanor change around Jaehyun went crazy and he wasn’t a fan of it, especially when he was called in to complain about his mistakes. 

He simply wanted to leave the university and never come back. 

He waited, taking deep breaths before punching the wall, not being able to contain his anger. The impact did hurt, yet he paid no heed to it, the blood dripping as he walked towards the council room to get over with the day. 

The name written on the sheet wasn’t unfamiliar to him, rather it only wearied the already infuriated boy as he knocked on the door of the student council room, which was empty except for you sitting there, working on a few papers which appeared to be the newsletter for the month. 

“Come in,” you allowed, not looking up as Jeno made his way inside the room, observing the surroundings where he’s never been before. 

Then he looked your way, taking in your appearance. You looked cozy in your university varsity jacket, your specs sitting on your nose as you buried yourself in reading whatever it was that you were reading. He couldn’t deny you looked pretty in a way that’s comforting to eyes. 

With no words exchanged, he pushed the letter towards you, which finally made you look up at the source of disturbance, your eyebrows raising slightly as you most certainly did not expect the star football player to visit you in the council room, which he’s never been to before. 

He simply stood there, hands shoved into his pockets while still looking around, and you took a second to grab the letter, skimming over to read and understand that the letter was given by Mrs. Kim, the teacher in charge of your department, requesting you to take up the few teaching sessions you had applied for, Jeno being the student you’ll have to teach for the same. 

You clicked your tongue, folding the letter exactly as it was before pushing it his way, your arms folding across your chest as you finally spoke up, “I reject. I don’t wish to teach you.”

His eyes were quick to snap towards you, finally staring right into your own eyes, irritation clear as he pushed his tongue on his inner cheek, eyebrow raised. 

“Aren’t you supposed to kiss your professor’s feet, given that you’re in student council? And here I thought you’d be a good girl.” Jeno rasped, resting his arms on your table, leaning down to your level. 

You chuckled, expecting the exact response from him, “this is exactly why I don’t want to waste my time on you—you athletes don’t wish to study, you just require a passing grade, for which I don’t have time to spare.” 

“What the fuck do you mean waste your time?” 

“Lee Jeno, you’ve got more money with you than your bank account can handle, so I’m sure losing your scholarship won’t do you much harm,” you said with a sickening smile, “you’ve got no interest in studying, your attendance record states that oh so proudly.” 

“You don’t know shit about me,” Jeno seethed out, messy hair strands falling over his eyes. 

“I know everything I need to know about you. Now excuse me, unlike you, I actually have work to do,” you said, passing him a tight lipped smile, not letting the proximity faze you. 

“You—” 

Jeno’s sentence was cut short with two sharp knocks on the slightly ajar door, a head peeking in, successfully garnering your attention. You could feel your mood doing one eighty with the sudden intrusion of this stranger—whom you didn’t wish to be a stranger around anymore, your eyes softening, lips parting as you stared at him in awe. 

Meanwhile, if Jeno thought that the day was done being a bitch to him, then he was wrong because the level of irritation that bubbled up in him the moment he saw the change in your expressions. 

“Sorry to interrupt, may I get in?” Jaehyun asked, smiling his usual dimpled smile, which had you swooning in record time. 

You could practically see veins of frustration popping out on Jeno’s neck, “no. Your work is done, you should head back home,” he groaned, but Jaehyun only looked you way, continuing to get in, looking your way. 

“I’m Jaehyun, Jeno’s elder brother. I can’t thank you enough for agreeing on giving him tutoring lessons, especially with how busy you must be with council duties,” he spoke up, shaking your hand, which was smaller in his warm, big hands. 

Jeno scoffed, “she’s not—”

“Of course, Jaehyun! It’s my pleasure to help him out, and it’ll only help me better with my extracurricular credits! It’s no problem,” you nodded, a gentle smile on your face as your eyes practically twinkled with excitement, taking in the beauty that Jaehyun beheld. 

It was ridiculous. 

It was absurd how just two sentences; paired with a sweet smile from his brother, were enough for you to change your decision, in the span of two seconds at that. 

He tightened the hold he had on the strap of his black bag, “no fucking need. I’ll find another tutor,” Jeno deadpanned, walking out of the room, not paying attention to Jaehyun who called out his name in the background. 

He wouldn’t let you use him to get to his brother. 

With that thought, he decided to detour and make his way to the gym, trying to blow off steam by practicing punching, each one getting progressively stronger as his mind replayed the difference in your behaviour when it came to him and his brother. 

It didn’t bother him that his knuckles were bruising, he knew he needed this extrinsic pain to get rid of the obvious hurt he felt each day. 

And he couldn’t understand why he felt so affected by your actions, especially when it was the first time you had met. 

Jealousy was indeed a bitch. 

you and jungwon had entered this college together, being study buddies bloomed into something deeper and now you both were each other's treasure— best friends. 

jungwon never once wanted to stay just friends, in fact, he used to have a crush on you when you first became friends. but you were dating someone— someone shitty, who could never treat you the way he could.

but it didn’t matter now that you both were adults, and in college.

he’d watch as you pranced around from boy to boy with a smile, acting as if it never bothered him. he’s moved on from his silly crush. but the feelings linger deep inside of him.

but it’s only gotten worse for jungwon. 

you became confident when it came to him. he was your best friend, the closest friend you had, so of course you came to him when you needed help with boys. when you asked what type of girls his friend jake liked, or if sunghoon had ever talked about you before.

everything went downhill when you accidentally sent him a picture of you in your tiniest bikini, “hows this?” he tried to ignore it, he really did. but it was hard. every time he closed his eyes, he saw your tits squished together and barely covered by the black bikini top. jungwon almost drove himself to the nearest church after he shoved his right hand in his pants while his phone sat in his left.

jungwon was losing his mind.

his feelings grew along with your own popularity. you became a trending name within the university and the parties that were thrown. people started to adore you, they seeked you out in a crowd of people. you were sweet and charming, a rather large friend group but of course—only one best friend. 

the male has been avoiding you since you sent that picture. of course you bugged him, asking if you did something wrong or begged him to just talk to you. even though jungwon was avoiding you, he couldn’t deny the burst of pride he felt in his chest when he knew you seeked him out the most out of everyone.

he avoided you so much that he lost track of your daily routine, he had no idea you were coming to this party tonight.

when jungwon saw you skip around in the living room of the large house, he almost started choking on the drink he was ingesting. the small skirt you were wearing was a centimeter away from revealing the panties you were wearing. 

he was torn between throwing a jacket around your hips or lowering his chair to catch a good glimpse. both would surely get his ass kicked.

and so he escaped, barely noticing the glance you threw in his direction.

he jogged down to the basement of his friend's ridiculously large house, plopping down on the couch with his head in his hands. 

he was fucked, so fucked. jungwon had told you last week that he’d be stuck at the library all night tonight, which is why he turned down your invitation to hang out. he didn’t want to be alone with you on a friday night. 

his phone dings, once or twice. your contact name flashed on his screens for a few moments before it turned off, only showing jungwons reflection. 

all he can hear is charlie xcx vibrating through the upper floorboards of the basement. he’s never felt this confused in his life. he was sure he was over the small crush he had on you, so sure. he went almost three years without a single romantic thought. now his mind was flashing with images of your lips, plush tits and your thighs.

jungwon’s feelings only confused him more when he found himself getting irritated the more he thought about you. he truly did not know if he hated you or if he was in love with you. 

every thought consumes him as he leans back into the couch cushions. your parents loved him, it took awhile for him to gain their trust but he finally did. but now they see jungwon as your protector, a brotherly love, someone who could cherish you but never cross any lines. he wasn’t good enough to be a boyfriend nor a husband like they want, and he was sure that sleeping with you and breaking your heart would result him to be shunned away leaving behind a broken relationship that could never be fixed.

reaching over the coffee table with a huff, jungwon picks up a pre-rolled joint from an unlabeled container. he wastes no time before lighting it and deeply inhaling. 

just to pause his mind.

he closes his eyes, listening to the muffled music as he holds the joint to his lips. soft thuds coming from the staircase rips jungwon from his short meditation session. as soon as his eyes open he’s greeted by you skipping down the stairs, turning your head differently directions as if you were searching for something.

when your eyes land on his lazy figure, they widen and you let out an excited “oh!”

jungwon clears his throat, trying not to choke on the last hit he took and attempts to sit up but you had already appeared directly in front of him.

“jake said you were down here?” you start, slightly out of breath. “i didn’t know you’d be here? didn’t you hear me call for you upstairs?”

he shakes his head, blowing the smoke from his mouth away from you. you quickly take a seat next to him, your legs resting against his. it takes everything in him not to push your legs off of his and run away. 

“do you hate me?” he might. you take a deep breath, toying with the string sticking out from the seam of his pants. “did i do something, won?”

you’ve never really sat down and figured out your feelings for jungwon until he started avoiding you. it started out as a tiny crush on the guy you used to study with, but when he started hanging around more often, your stomach would flutter. 

there was an attempt to get rid of the foolish feelings you had for him. it just would never work between the two of you. your best friend has a smile brighter than the sun, he has aspirations bigger than the both of you  and a pure heart—surely he was interested in someone else.

and the way he looks at you now just hurts. and it hurts worse than the ways he tried so hard to avoid you.

you tried going for his friends, ones that you knew were good guys, cute boys that could easily take your mind off your best friend turned love interest. but if anything, it all got worse. 

every person you turned to had talked about jungwon. it was like you couldn’t escape and you were forced to face your true feelings for him.

so when you saw him tonight, after days of radio silence, you were excited. not just because of your feelings, but because to you—he’s still your best friend.

“you didn’t do anything.” his voice is monotone, dry and weak of any emotion. yet it drives a stake straight through your heart.

“you’re not mad at me?”

he shakes his head.

“were you busy?” 

you only wished he told you yes.

“i wasn’t busy.” jungwon sighs, exhaling the smoke from his mouth. and for the first time tonight, he really looked at you. 

your hair looked softer than usual, it’s probably the new hair product you showed him in a message he never responded to. he can smell it along with your perfume—one that he picked out. he thinks the scents are too strong but he likes them on you.

“are we still friends?” his heart almost breaks in half when he sees the pout forming on your face. the fact that your glossy eyes and downturned lips were because of him, made him hate all of this even more. what was he even doing?

he can feel the high take effect, it’s subtle yet the room still spins around him as he studies your sad expression.

“i could never hate you.”

you glance up at him, locking eyes. 

“but i don’t think i can be friends with you anymore.”

your heartbeat quickens and you feel your hands get clammy. the regret of showing up tonight was starting to sink in, by now, you were wishing he really was stuck at the library for the night. “what?”

“no, don’t say anything.” he sighs and leans forward, stubbing the joint in the ashtray. “i like you. it’s getting to a point where it’s too much for me to handle.” jungwon practically vomits up that sentence, feeling the weight be lifted from his shoulder. “i can’t be around you. it’s like, you control my body and emotions when you’re near me and i just— i can’t pretend to be your friend when you make me feel like an entirely new person.”

you swallow hard at the sudden confession. you want to say something but you feel stuck in your spot.

“i don’t expect you to return my feelings but i need to be honest with you and myself,” he continues, facing away from you because god, he would rather die than see you reject him face to face. “i want you in ways you can’t imagine and i want to be the only one you look at. and you have a right to know this.”

“jungwon, please look at me.” you sigh, pleading with him.

“i literally can’t.”

you roll your eyes and grab his arm, tugging it closer to you which forces him to turn his head. he feels his heart stop when he sees the gummy smile on your face. “i want to ask you to be my boyfriend but only if you’re looking at me.”

“excuse me?” jungwons voice is full of disbelief. 

“what? you just confessed to me as if i’m dying or something,” you giggle, studying his furrowed eyebrows. you could tell this was tearing him up inside. “i want you to be my boyfriend but not if you’re gonna be all gloomy about it. i like you too, stupid.”

jungwon couldn’t even hide the smile growing on his face. it’s take everything inside of you to not lunge at him and kiss every inch of his face. the way his dimples are on display and his eyes crinkle as he smiles makes you melt into the couch. 

you lean forward onto your knees and cup his face in your hands. “you’re the bravest person i know yet you couldn’t even tell a girl that you liked her?”

“not when that girl is you.” his voice is soft and his face is flushed. 

“i’m nothing special,” you respond, leaning close enough so that your lips are ghosting over the tip of his nose. “and i like you a lot.”

jungwon wastes no time pulling you into his lap, earning a giggle from you. it was music to his ears. “and what do you like about me?” 

“well, for one, you’re hot.” he laughs, shaking his head at your response. you smack his shoulder lightly. “i’m serious. and, you’ve got such a broad personality—you’re comforting to be around. i can be myself and not feel bad about it.”

“really? all i do is smoke weed and study.”

“shut up and let me finish,” you cut him off, poking his forehead. he reaches up and grabs your wrist, bringing it down and interlocking his hand with yours. “you make me feel so good about myself, you protect me even when i think i can handle myself and you’ve just always been there when i needed someone. you make me feel safe, won.” 

this was not what jungwon had in mind for the night. never did he think he would be confessing to his best friend at some random college party after a few hits of a blunt. nor did he think she would be the one to ask him out instead.

“so yeah, i fucking like you a lot. and if you ever ignore me again like that, i’m going to tell my mom because that really hurt, won.” 

he lets out a nervous chuckle, “i’m not usually like this.” you nod in agreement, causing him to roll his eyes. “seriously, you know this. i just… didn’t know what to do.”

“well, it doesn’t matter now.” you hum, wrapping your arms loosely around his neck. “okay, boyfriend?”

“mhm… girlfriend.” the room has stopped spinning for jungwon. now, all he could hear was the soft bump of the music upstairs and your breath. he glances up at your eyes but quickly realizes you were focused on his lips. a small smile forms on his face. 

“but what about jake? 

“seriously? i’m about to kiss you and you’re asking about jake…?” 

jungwons eyebrows raise, “i’m just wondering beca-“

you slam your lips onto his, effectively cutting him off. he immediately falls into the kiss, letting his hands wrap around your hips to pull you closer. months of tension had built of to this moment, and it dissipates with every needy pull at his lips.

he starts to regret every minute he spent avoiding you as he holds your body close to his, feeling the warmth against his own. jungwon could lose himself in you, and he wouldn’t mind that at all.

and he’s not sure if it’s the lingering high that's making his stomach flutter as you deepen this kiss or his pure longing for you, but what he does know is that he needs you now.

jungwon pulls back slightly to say something but you peck his lips again, “stop talking.”

“i just wanted to say how pretty you look right now.”

you blush at his words. it was finally sinking in that your best friend returned your feelings, and that you were here in his lap, kissing him as if it were your last night on earth. “are you high?”

he gives you a lazy smile, “a little bit. but that’s not the reason for any of this.”

you purse your lips and shrug. his hands were tight on your hips, rubbing slow lazy circles into your skirt with his thumbs. it sent shivers down your spine. the moodiness of the room plus how good jungwon looked under you was pulling you into a trance.

he looked mesmerizing.

“can you kiss me again?”

his question makes you melt. you nod your head before gently placing your lips on his again. it turns more passionate with every passing second. his tongue brushes against your lips, seeking entrance to your mouth and you let him in.

“‘m so lucky,” he mutters into the kiss. you smile, gripping his hair in your hands as you suck the words out of his mouth. “you’re so pretty… and all mine now.”

you pull back, slightly out of breath. “i’m all yours, so act like it.”

“i promise.” he lifts one hand and pulls you against him once more, this time taking charge of the kiss.

jungwon trails his hand slowly down your side, reaching your lower back. you arch in his touch, rolling your hips against his lap in the process. he lets out a soft groan that makes your ears perk and your heart flutter. 

you release his lips and plant soft kisses around the corners of his mouth, against his cheek and down his jawline. giving soft kitten licks against his jawline as you trail down his neck. he leans back and lifts his head, giving you full access. jungwon takes this as a sign and begins gently moving your hips with his hands, guiding you into grinding against the crotch of his sweats.

you pull back, grabbing his hands as you rut against him, just like he wants. “you’re so cute, won.”

“cute?” his voice is breathy, on the verge of breaking. “you think this is cute?”

“i think you’re very cute when you want something,” you whisper, your lips ghosting over his. he nods his head, his breath hitching as you grind against his hardening length. 

“i told you earlier how badly i wanted you. i wasn’t lying.”

you giggle, pecking at the corners of his mouth. you’re grateful he wore sweatpants to a house party. “i can tell.”

he groans and leans his head back against the cushions. his cock is twitching against the fabric of his sweats, and the fact that your only wearing panties under your skirt isn’t helping him at all. jungwon could practically feel your warmth and it was killing him that he couldn’t be inside you right now. 

“you’re killing me.” his voice is strained, and you can see his jaw tighten with every roll of your hips. 

you situate your position in his lap, making sure you’re directly on top of his length. he sucks his breath in and lifts his head, staring down between both of your laps, wishing he could just move your skirt from his view. 

“but you don’t want me to stop, do you?” 

jungwon shakes his head, gripping your hips tighter and lifting the fabric of your skirt up just enough to see the lace you were hiding beneath them. 

“fuck…” he practically moans out. “please don’t stop.”

you bite back a whimper, every word caught in your throat now. “g-good… because i really don’t want to.”

he lifts your skirt higher, bunching it at your hips so he could watch as you grind down onto his clothed dick. the view is mesmerizing, and the sight of it makes him want to bust right there, especially when his eyes catch the damp patch you were leaving behind on the grey material. 

“just couldn’t wait, could you?” 

you let out a deep exhale, hips stuttering when you hear his voice, deeper and strained. “no… couldn’t wait for this.” 

“baby…” 

“you think that bikini picture was an accident?”

upon hearing those words leave your mouth, he can’t help the way his hips jolt upwards against you, causing you both to let out some form of whimper. 

he lets out a dry laugh and looks up at you, “you’re kind of a brat. all of that was on purpose?”

“i don’t think you know how badly i’ve been wanting you, won.” you admit through breathy whines. “it was all for you.”

“fuck—don’t say that to me, i might cum.”

you lean closer, resting your forehead against his as you quicken the pace of your hips. it was tiring, but hearing that made you gain a burst of stamina. 

jungwon groans loudly, trying to hold your hips still but you push against him. “did—did you not hear me?”

“please jungwon.”

it was pathetic how easily he gave into your pleas. it wasn’t an exaggeration when he says he would do anything for you. but when he hears that whiney voice paired with his name, it wasn’t hard to give up anything. so what if he cums in his pants like he’s never been touched before.

that’s how you made him feel. 

“i-i missed you so much,” you whine against his lips, feeling his hips meet yours, his cock perfectly nested against your cunt despite the fabric of his sweatpants restricting you from completely feeling him.

“i know, i’m sorry, baby,” jungwon responds, voice breaking as he inches closer and closer. his stomach is tense, holding back his oncoming orgasm just for you. it was hard, he shouldn’t have smoked beforehand knowing how sensitive he gets. but god, this was everything he wanted and he did not want to stop. “i won’t do it again, i promise you.” 

you slam your lips against his, eating up every groan and whimper he gives you as you rut against him desperately. and he lets you. jungwon lets you completely take over, he lets you get yourself off—dry humping him with pure need and desire.

his hips stutter and his stomach tenses up, “baby… please s-slow..” his cock is throbbing, begging for release. 

“just let go…” you purr, grinding downwards, feeling his cock practically jump at the action.

and he does. he cums embarrassingly quickly just from your words. 

jungwon holds you against him, burying his face in your chest as he cums against the fabric of his sweats. the throbbing never goes away and the sounds he lets out are no less than pathetic but neither of you care, both desperate for release. 

your own hips stutter when you feel the warm liquid seep through, soaking your thighs and ass. 

“won…” you softly cry out, fingers gripping his hair tightly. this wasn’t at all what you planned for the night, but you aren’t disappointed. even as your own orgasm washes over your body, all you can think about was getting back to his apartment for more. 

his hips jolt in sensitivity, he pulls back and lifts your hips from his lap. “god, please stop…” 

you watch as he throws his head back, eyes shut from the pleasure. a smile takes over your face when you see his chest rise and fall, watching as he tries to recompose himself.

“it’s not funny,” he lifts his head ever so slightly, squinting at you. “just wait… when we get back.”

“don’t over exert yourself, wonnie.” 

your giggles only spur him on. 

“you might be pretty but you’re a fucking brat.”

jungwon lifts his head and lets you fall back to your original position, wincing when you don’t even try to land softly on his crotch. you lean forward and kiss him once, then twice, traveling to his ear. “don’t talk to your girlfriend like that.” you whisper before nibbling on his earlobe. 

“yeah?” goosebumps spread across his skin and he squeezes your ass in response, causing you to pull back and smile widely. 

“yeah. especially when you were so mean to her by ignoring her like she didn’t exist for weeks.”

jungwon tilts your head. you weren’t wrong, but he knew why you kept bringing it up. 

“then i guess i should take you home and make up for all that time missed, huh? as an apology?”

you tap your finger against your chin, humming as you pretend to be deep in thought. “hmm… i guess you could. just don’t cum in your pants before we get home again.”

“Why is my sister on your back?”

Shotaro’s words replayed on a permanent loop in Sungchan's head. You sounded like you were sound asleep when he said it, snores raking through your chest vibrating against Sungchan’s back. 

At first, Sungchan refused to turn around. For a moment he thought about the cold weather and how he tended to hear things when he was tired and agitated. Shotaro wasn’t actually there. When Sungchan closed his eyes and took in a deep breath everything else was a figment of his imagination. Sungchan was able to ignore the presence behind him. The figure behind him was just a shadow and the voice he heard was only the wind. He continued looking forward to his car that he almost made it to.

“Sungchan?” Shotaro called out to him again.

In hindsight, you bringing up Shotaro’s name made sense. His name was always used as a weapon between the two of you in moments like this. Sungchan moving too fast because he was mad at you was a perfect time to use it. He never thought it was a warning, never something to save you both from this position. Shotaro liked going to parties, Shotaro liked coming into town on the weekends when he was done with classes and didn't have work. He also texted Sungchan earlier in the week asking if he could crash at his place. He never got around to answering him, and now his friend was asking him another question.

"What are you doing here?"

This was all just punishment, Sungchan cutting you off and forcing you to walk in those heels led to this moment. He should've helped you when you were teetering from side to side and wincing with each step. Now you stiffened against his back as you woke you up from your drunken nap. Sungchan couldn’t bare to accept his fate as he turned to face his friend.

Instead of playing the role of the mediator like Shotaro always did, seeing him only made everything exponentially worse. He was the concerned and confused older brother, cocking his head to the side.

Sungchan felt you go slack against his body and he instinctually moved his hands further down your leg to keep you in place. Shotaro instantly locked in on Sungchan’s hand grabbing your thigh. The two of you were conveniently underneath one of the only buzzing lampposts, giving Shotaro complete sight of his friend betraying him. Sungchan watches his friends eyes go to your arms lazily draped over his shoulders one hand holding onto him for stability. His blood ran cold, and the thought of dropping you to the ground crossed his mind. He would’ve raised his hands in defense like he was caught by the police. If he was lucky you’d yell at him, showing Shotaro this was nothing more than another case of angry bickering between the two of you. 

But that was an impossible story to spin, Sungchan was a terrible liar and your head rested in the crook of his neck like it had been there a million times before. He could tell Shotaro saw it too, the way his hands instinctually held onto you with anything but contempt despite years of you two saying you couldn’t stand to be in eachothers presence. 

“What are you doing here?” Shotaro asked again.

He should really drop you. Maybe if you woke up and started slurring insults and tipping in your heels you would’ve taken Shotaro’s attention away from him so he could focus on tending to you instead. Maybe you would illicit laughter and defuse the bomb that was getting closer and closer to nuclear. But Sungchan kept his hands securely on your thighs, even when Shotaro’s eyes went back to his.

The rest of the night was a blur. Sungchan remembers not speaking for awhile, opening his mouth and closing it again. he knew that lying was no use. If it wasn’t him avoiding eye contact, it was the sweaty palms, and if wasn’t the sweaty palms it would be the stuttering. Shotaro had also known Sungchan his whole life. Lying was pointless.

Sungchan readjusted you on his back as he tried to come up with the answer. Shotaro’s eyes darted to your head that lulled to the crook of Sungchan’s neck before going back to look at his friend.

“She called me.” Sungchan said quietly.

“Why would she call you?” He asked.

Now seemed like a better time than any to reveal your relationship. Sungchan could tell Shotaro that you two have been dating and he’s been lying about it up to this point. While he’s at it he should tell Shotaro that he’s the one who has been taking pictures for your Instagram, the reason why Shotaro can never get you to talk about the men you’re dating, and why you’re reckless. He’s been doing everything for you since he met you, that’s why he’s here in the middle of the night with his night clothes still on. He could give him an abridged version on everything that led up to you two becoming a couple. Sungchan pulled in a breath to stop himself from a long winded explanation.

“I live on campus.” Sungchan said.

Saying useless facts to avoid telling the truth made the real reason even more obvious, but he couldn’t help it. Shotaro furrowed his eyebrows for a second, seeing right through everything. He put him through another bout of silence just to see him sway on his feet. 

Your bag dropped from your hand to the ground and Sungchan and Shotaro’s eyes both snapped down. When Shotaro leaned forward Sungchan did the same. He recoiled instantly, the momentum jolting you awake. Sungchan heard you groan against his neck and he felt heat across his face. He almost dropped you again thinking about all the things drunk you could say. You could’ve drunkenly recalled your last conversation, muttering something like why won’t you kiss me not knowing Shotaro was right there. Sungchan purposefully shook his back and squeezed his hands around your thighs a little tighter, hoping that you could have a moment of sobriety to get him out of this mess. But you kept your eyes closed and your head tucked into the crook of his neck as you spoke.

“Aren’t we going to your place?” You said groggily.

Sungchan closed his eyes the same time Shotaro’s widened in surprise. He laughed like he couldn’t believe what he just heard while Sungchan shook his head profusely.

“I don’t have my keys.” You straightened your head before you let it lull to the side again, letting out an annoyed huff. “Giselle has the keys and she’s going home with Shotaro tonight.” You said.

Your words were a drunken babble, but Sungchan and Shotaro understood it the same. Both of their eyes went wide again as they processed what was said. Now it was Shotaro shaking his head.

“Are you seeing Giselle?” Sungchan asked, his eyes still wide.

He knew he was in no position to feel the slight sting of betrayal not knowing who Shotaro was seeing. Sungchan thought that he was the only one who had secrets between the two of them. At his question Shotaro cocked his head to the side and motioned to the scene in front of him.

“Are you seeing my sister?” He asked.

At the time, Sungchan didn’t know standing outside of the party that Shotaro already knew. He didn’t think about how compromising everything looked. Sungchan had obviously come here in the middle of the night to help you because he was the first person you called. So Sungchan foolishly stood in front of his friend underneath the light post with your weight resting on his back and shook his head slowly.

“No.” Sungchan readjusted your body to try and ignore the shift of your body against his. You no longer leaned against him fully. You pulled some of your weight back, and slightly loosened your arms around his shoulders. “I’m not dating her.”

Sungchan knew he messed up when you stiffened against his back. You picked your head from the crook of his neck, and between your stares and Shotaro’s, he thought he was going to burn up. The rage he could feel dissipated, and then you were sliding off his back. Sungchan tried to hold your thighs in place but you continued sliding off. He could not keep you with him, he let Shotaro pick your bag off the ground and then you teetered to him on your bare tiptoes. 

“Be careful.” Sungchan whispered.

Sungchan extended his hand towards you but you ignored him. Shotaro eyed his friend carefully, only focusing on you when you reached out a hand to be steadied. You held onto Shotaro’s arm as you put on your heels. Sungchan watched you smooth out your dress, not sparing another glance towards him as you looked towards the other side of the parking lot.

“Where’d you park?” You asked Shotaro clear as day, leaving Sungchan underneath the buzzing lamppost. He caught his friend’s eye again, just to see him shake his head when he opened his mouth. You were already walking away, somewhere in a general direction opposite of Sungchan. Both him and Shotaro took a step towards you and Sungchan only stopped when Shotaro blocked his path. There was silence between the two of them and then wordlessly Shotaro left him there. He was there by himself, watching his bestfriend catch up to you, grabbing your bag and helping guide you where the car was. Sungchan watched you both go over the hill, frozen in place. 

When Sungchan got in his car he texted you immediately. He didn’t even close the door, half his body still outside when he sent you the initial i’m sorry text. He sent another one when he closed the door saying we need to talk and then i didn’t know what to do. When his car rolled onto the main road he finally called you. The phone rang all the way to voicemail, and when he called a second time it all repeated. On the third time when Sungchan called underneath a red light and got to the third ring. He was prepared to hear the sound of your automated voicemail but the call connected.

“Hello?” Sungchan pulled the phone away from his face to make sure he was seeing things correct. The time the call was lasting was counting up and he pulled the phone to his face quickly.

“Sungchan?” When Sungchan brought the phone back to his face Shotaro answered instead. He paused, pulling the phone away from his face again to make sure he called you. Your contact name was at the top of his phone, but when he put it back to his ear it was Shotaro talking to him. “Are you there?” He asked.

“Yeah sorry. I just,” The light turned green. Sungchan waited underneath for a moment, sputtering right into the receiver. “Is your sister there?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Sungchan heard something over the line. Curse words, Shotaro covering the speaker with his hand and his hushed voice. Even when he took his hand away from the receiver Sungchan could still hear something muffled on the other end of the line. “But she’s sleeping right now.” Shotaro said quickly. “Is it all right if she calls you back later?”

Sungchan hummed and finally pressed on the gas. He was mindlessly going down the road, listening to the silence between him and Shotaro’s end of the line. 

“I gotta go though, Sungchan.” 

More silence between the two of them. Sungchan’s lips were parted in pure shock. He’s never been lied to so obviously by Shotaro, or has he avoided a call with him. Sungchan can’t do anything else besides nod to himself, then tell Shotaro okay over the phone before the call disconnects. 

Sungchan didn’t call or text the rest of the way home. When spent an hour staring at the ceiling in his apartment replaying what happened over and over again, he called you one last time. He was banished to voicemail, and when he sent you a please talk to me it couldn’t be sent. When he called you again he realized for the first time in his life he was blocked, and he could no longer get through to you.

You forced him to go through his regular day. He would go to class and then work, then the places you frequented, then home. He was forced through radio silence, from you and Shotaro. Even though he knew Shotaro longer than you did, he thought it was the least he could do. He gave you space, even though he waited for you outside your class like he was making sure you made it there okay. 

Radio silence from you and Shotaro lasted too long. Giving someone the silent treatment must’ve been a family trait, because it came like second nature to you and Shotaro. 

By the end of that following week Sungchan found himself going insane. He gave you space, and then another week passed and he thought he was dying when the second week passed by. He debated on breaking through the forced no contact and seeing you in person. 

When Shotaro reached out to Sungchan and they met at the cafe near the campus, he found out that his friend already knew the truth. 

If the circumstances weren’t so grim, Sungchan would’ve smiled hearing all the little things Shotaro picked up on. He painted a very vivid picture of watching you two fall in love, constantly going back to how he was just waiting for someone to come clean. Shotaro even alluded to knowing before either of you did.

Just when Sungchan was starting to smile at Shotaro mentioning the abrupt end to phone calls, the lingering stares, and the softness you’d get in your voice when Shotaro would ask about his bestfriend his look became more pointed. Sungchan couldn’t mirror the intensity, focusing her nerves on the pastry in front of him.

“Now that I know, is there something you want to tell me Sungchan?” Shotaro asked. 

Sungchan couldn’t help but sputter again. He was reminding himself of that night, trying to think of a way around the situation before facing it head on. He thought about you at home right now, then the dejected look on your face when you went home with Shotaro instead of him. Sungchan had to fix the mess he made. He took a deep breath, stood a little taller and cleared his throat.

“We started dating a little after the semester started.” Shotaro nodded and went back to his drink. Sungchan hands started pressing deep into his thighs, he turned in his barstool to fully face Shotaro. “One day it just kinda happened.”

The truth finally slipped passed Sungchan’s lips, an unfiltered truth just like when they were kids. He doesn’t know why he even tried to lie outside of the party that night. Even as a child Sungchan could never control it, if there were any surprises or wrongdoings Shotaro was the one in charge of coming up with a cover story.

“Sungchan, I know you weren’t you know.” Shotaro gestures vaguely in the air, avoiding eye contact with Sungchan. “Like plotting on her or anything,”his friend is sincere when he looks him directly in the eye. “I just thought you two would have more respect for me as a person is all.” 

Sungchan hung on his every word and waited with baited breath. The mention of you two, of you made Sungchan selfishly want his friend to continue. The days without seeing you were catching up to Sungchan in a wicked way. He wanted to linger on the topic of you. 

“She wanted to tell you for a long time. I was the one that held it off.” He said truthfully. While Sungchan was reprimanded he pulled off a piece of his pastry to put it on the tiny plate in front of him. He nodded gratefully for while messing with the edge of the plate, turning it slightly with his finger.

Shotaro chuckled and nodded like he already knew. His smile made Sungchan feel less awful about the whole thing, and the way he sympathetically put his hand on his shoulder made him think everything was okay now.

“You’re a terrible liar and she’s can’t hide her feelings. You guys are perfect for eachother.” Shotaro said.

Sungchan couldn’t help but recoil at the use of the word perfect. He spent so long hiding everything from Shotaro that he gave his unfiltered reaction, his eyes went wide as he got the pseudo-blessing for his relationship with you, even if it was built on scandal and held in secret. For a second Sungchan was horrified at the thought of Shotaro recanting it at any moment, telling him that he didn’t deserve a second chance. He wasn’t sure if he even earned the right to extend a thank you, or anything beyond offering to pay for the drinks and food. 

“If it was any man but you, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.” Shotaro took another sip of his coffee. “But I know your heart. I know you meant well, even if you lied and embarrassed her.”

“Is she—”

“Mad? Of course she is.” Sungchan hangs his head and Shotaro laughs. “She’s so mad at you it somehow turned into her being mad at me.”

“I’m sorry.” Sungchan’s apology is cut short by the server saying they’re closing up the cafe soon. Shotaro turns in his barstool to acknowledge the server. 

“Sungchan. You know she tries to hide things well but she can’t.” Sungchan nods, leaning closer to his friend. “She misses you. She says she hates you but she doesn’t mean it. She’s just hurt. Months of you two dating and you just threw it all away.”

“I feel awful.”

“Giselle is staying at my place, so she’s there alone.” Shotaro shakes his head, like he still can’t believe he’s the mediator for you two after all these years. Ordering Sungchan to apologize for pulling your pigtails to telling him you’re probably sulking around your apartment with a broken heart. Everything about this situation is so juvenile it makes him laugh when he brings his hand to rest on Sungchan’s shoulder. “Go and apologize.”

Sungchan told himself that he was going to see you regardless of Shotaro’s blessing or not. But it was complicated, because he wasn’t sure if his friend would already be at your place for emotional support and you’d make Shotaro push him away. Having his friend here, telling him that you were alone in your apartment thinking of him gave him the strength to go. So he left a little too fast, taking his jacket off the back of the barstool and seeing himself out before Shotaro could even tell him to have a good day. 

Sungchan continued to drive as he went over the way Shotaro laid out the scene of your relationship. He talked about the bickering, and then the cordialness that transformed into doting that at some point blossomed into something more. Sungchan went over how he avoided using the world love as he made his way to your apartment, and he went over everything again and again as he knocked on your door.

Sungchan could hear you shuffling around your apartment. He waited in front of the peephole, going from one foot to the other. He knew you were looking at him, keeping him out here as some form of torture. He almost turned around to walk back to his car when he finally heard the door open. 

Sungchan watched the door open as far as the chain would allow. He tried to get closer to see. you between the crack of the door and the frame but you backed up. He gave you a smile, a small one to try and show you he was harmless. You continued to look unamused, staring forward right through him.

“What are you doing here?” You asked.

Sungchan saw right through your scowl, instead going to your teary eyes and the pajamas you never changed out of. His heart broke at seeing your state through the crack in the door. 

“I was in the area.” He answers.

You huff behind the door, bringing it closer to the frame.

“You really can’t expect me to believe you.” You say.

Sungchan sees that the door is closer to being closed. Saying what he needs to say now or forever hold his peace crosses his mind. He prepares his hand to stop you from closing the door all the way, hand splayed across the wood.

“I saw Shotaro.” He says quickly.

You scoff even louder, looking past Sungchan before you turn to him again.

“Glad to hear you worked things out with your boyfriend.” You say.

“I came to apologize.” When you try to close the door Sungchan puts his hand against it. He doesn’t push more than you’ve already opened it, he barely adds pressure. Still, it’s enough to keep the door open. You’re eyes are narrowed right through him, but atleast he can see you. “Can we just talk for a minute?”

You keep him outside for a long time. Sungchan watches you contemplate, shift around on your feet, then he feels the door press hard against his hand to close.

Sungchan stares at the closed crack in your doorframe. He holds his breath until he hears the sound of the metal chain that holds the door close loosen on the other side. He hears the door crack and then your full face—not through the crack of a door—but a fully open one. He tries not to show that he’s completely in the wrong because sometimes it feels like you can smell fear on him. You’re daunting enough, because you don’t even let Sungchan all the way into your apartment. He’s stuck in the entryway, staring at you with his hands clasped in front of him, trying to seem put together and confident in whatever he was going to say.

“Well?” You smelled the fear and it makes you even more impatient. You stand in place, then your arms leave your hips to settle at your sides. “Sungchan if you’re not going to say anything, I’m going to bed.” You point towards your bedroom behind you. He knows he caught you at a terrible time because you’re in your pajamas and your face looks soft from the moisturizer you use. 

At the urge to hold your face in his hands Sungchan takes a step forward. When you don’t take a step backwards he takes it as an invitation to take another step. He comes closer and closer until you have to look up to see him, and he’s slow reaching his hands forward to grab yours.

You fit so nicely in his hands and he takes up all of you. He clasps his hands over yours and sways them back and forth, trying to bask in the time you’re letting him touch you. He parts his lips but before he speaks he licks them, and he can feel your pliant hands turn to fists. You pull your hands from his, but the sides of your fist drag heavily against his palm. Sungchan takes in another deep breath.

“Baby.” Sungchan starts and instantly one of your eyebrows raise and you tilt your head to the side. “I’m sorry,” he clears his throat and goes back to holding his hands like he’s your harmless dog. “I just miss you so much.” Sungchan goes to scratching the back of his neck, his thick hair carding through his fingers. “I can’t stop thinking about you and that night. I know I should’ve told the truth then and there”

“Because you suck at lying?”

He knows you only interjected at an attempt to get under his skin. He wishes he could be upset but you teased him the same way you did when you were kids, how you teased him before all of this happened. He thinks he’s going to sprout a tail that’ll start wagging and he’s embarrassed he’s so happy from your cruelty. What matters is that his sentiment breaks you down just enough to make you take a tiny step towards him.

“Yeah. I suck at lying,” Sungchan says it completely forgetting his previous train of thought. He nods to solidify the statement when he sees the smallest smile on your face. He would go even further, tearing himself completely down if it would bring any closer. “and I’m so terrible for what I did,” he continues, fighting the urge to go down to his knees. "I shouldn't avoid saying you're my girlfriend when you're the best thing that has ever happened to me."

You nod your head. He doesn’t have you figured out in the slightest because he’s confused why this is the first time he’s seen you smile in the longest and what brings you another step forward. He knows he loves you but he also knows you know he's lying. The best thing that's ever happened to him wouldn't constantly put him in these situations. But he also knows he's a terrible liar and when you pat his head he feels like he's done something right.

“You made me feel so awful that night, you know.” Sungchan feels your hands press flat to his chest and he knows you can feel his heart pound against your palm. “Taro knew the whole time, you lied for no reason.”

“He told me. I’m sorry.” 

He grabs your elbows and caresses the taut skin. Every part of you is soft, even when you scowl and try to be angry all he sees is how all of you is rounded off at the edges. Even the sharpest part of you is doughy. He’s spent too long away from you because he’s close to tears feeling your body warmth bleed through his clothes. If he spent another day away from you he would’ve turned into a puddle right in your entryway. He just knows he shouldn’t cry because he is the one at fault.

For a moment it’s just the two of you holding eachother in complete silence. Whatever it is isn't a hug, it's Sungchan holding onto you for dear life while you try summoning up the courage to play hard to get. Even if your waist is right there Sungchan doesn’t wrap his arm around it, even if that’s all he wants to do. He just takes in a deep breath and lets you lay your head against his chest. You take in a breath and press your head deeper into his heart. He reaches his hands up from your shoulders to hold the back of your tricep.

“Sungchan.” He looks down at the top of your head. You keep your head pressed to his chest, not looking up towards him. “Do you want to stay the night?”

Sungchan had to do everything to contain his expression when he nodded his head. You still didn’t look up from his chest when you turned around, and you let his hand drift down your arm until he could hold your hand. He was so stunned he was stuck in place for a moment, dragging his feet behind you when you gently tugged at him. 

He staggered through your apartment like it was the first time. He held your hand tight as you guys walked through the common area, then into the hallway through your open bedroom door.

He took the liberty to get into the bed first. You hesitated and before you had the chance to recant his invitation Sungchan made himself comfortable. He made himself look as welcoming as possible, laying on the bed and stretching himself out as far as he could go. Your twin bed could barely contain him, and you always found it comical the way his limbs would always hang over the edge. He was happy to see your smile and your eyes rake down his body. He took another chance by patting the small space next to him. 

The way he held out his arms after your laugh was a direct contradiction of how fast his heart was beating. You at any time could reject him, kick him out of your apartment. He knew that to some extent he deserved it, but he hoped his calm demeanor and how he held his arms open for you showed how much he needed you. 

When you crawled on the bed and sat on the corner he was grateful. He wanted to mention that you were wearing his shirt of his to bed, that it was so big on you it covered up the shorts you were wearing. He was so grateful he didn’t know what to do about it. Each time he moved you refocused on him. Being underneath your scrutiny was overwhelming, but he was doing this all because it was you. He let you stare, narrow your eyes, and fix your lips towards him. He was just waiting for what you were going to do next.

“You know I’m still mad at you right?” You said matter-of-factly.

Sungchan propped himself up against the headboard, letting his legs stretch in front of him. You knew what was coming when he positioned himself like this, but you stayed put in your spot on the bed as you continued rubbing your sleepy eyes. 

“I know. I feel awful for what I did.” Sungchan answered your question and tilted his head to the side. He reaches a hand to touch your face and then guides it down, lower and lower until his hand goes underneath his shirt your wearing. He didn’t even let himself bask in the view of you in his big shirt because he was so busy trying to fix the situation he found himself in.

He remembered the sunken look on your face, the way your body physically sagged against his when he lied to Shotaro that night. When his hand underneath your clothes pressed into your underwear pressed against your cunt he used his other hand to your arm and pulled you away from rubbing your eyes raw. He pulled you slightly towards him, making your body lean. He tugged you again when you stayed in your spot. There was no resistance against his pull on your arm, but you were adamant about staying in that spot in front of him. Sungchan looked at how his hand enveloped your entire wrist.

 “We are really going to talk about all of this in the morning,” Sungchan pulled at your body again, and you gave in completely. From sitting back on your haunches to leaning forward until your hands were pressed into the mattress. “But right now just let me make it up to you.” He said.

You stayed looking at him like he was a piece of meat. With you on all fours it made you look like a predator. Sungchan had the tendency to do terrible things under the guise of not knowing any better, but he was a prey animal at heart. A big one, but something that could be taken down easily.

When you finally gave in, Sungchan took his hands away. He liked watching you crawl towards him on the bed. The position was inherently demeaning, with him leaned nonchalantly against your headboard. He liked the suspense of it all, how it was finally quiet between the two of you. You still were upset, Sungchan believed it’d make you even more angry if you got the view of yourself now. His arms went back to his sides, one hand pushing his bangs out of his face while the other messed with the blanket beside him. 

You finally made your way to his stretched legs and sat back. You wanted him to give you instructions, Sungchan was sure of it. He still said nothing, only taking you in perched in front of him completely. He had to give it to you that you remained unnerved. Even when he looked at you so intensely you didn’t waiver. 

Sungchan knew that Shotaro sent him here under good faith, to apologize to you and fix whatever this was. He wasn’t sent here to fuck you, despite it becoming glaringly obvious that’s what you two were about to do. Sungchan let the thought that you guys were better off separate ran through his mind again. He was mean to you when you were drunk, he denied that you two were in a relationship, you were unnecessarily rude to him, too stubborn to do anything that would show you were ever wrong, and you both thought that sex was going to make everything better. You guys were so radioactive he was convinced that being gentle would only make you more upset. 

Instead of pulling at you roughly like he did outside of the party he hesitantly reached one hand to your shoulder and the other to your arm furthest away from him. He had to let out a tense breath, trying to show you that he meant no harm. He had been walking on a tightrope since he showed up outside your apartment, one wrong move and you were liable to pounce. He felt like a wolf in sheep’s clothing when he guided the top half of your body over his legs. 

Neither of you could complain because you were so willing to bend for him. He thinks you must’ve seen the fault in your behavior by the way you perked your ass perfectly in the air. He liked that you were purposefully obedient, letting him move your body a million different ways. He was still not satisfied, even when he pressed a hand to the small of your back to make your arch impossibly deeper and treated you like his living breathing doll. He kept burning eye contact with you as his hand pressed harshly again. You whined quietly, letting your legs slide on the soft sheets until Sungchan stopped pushing. 

Slowly Sungchan traced his finger down the line of your back, making you shiver from the contact. This was never the first position he went to. This was usually one of the last ones of the night, on the rare occasion he would be spent and you still needed more. He would finger you until your knees slid out completely from under you and you were reaching a panicked hand backwards to stop him. He liked being able to see you falling apart, coaxing out something arguably past your limit while he talked sweetly to you. Other times he was cruel in this position, looking down at you while he teased you relentlessly. This would’ve been the first position you two would have been in if Shotaro didn’t catch you two. 

But right now, this being the first position meant that it was body worship thinly masked as foreplay. Like your week apart was an eternity, Sungchan took time going over every single part of you. His lithe fingers went down the line of your back again, going down your leg all the way to your feet. When his hands went to your ass he heard you sigh contently. The moment was so tender, so desperate from the two of you. Your silent apologies were shared and accepted, but something about this couldn’t be put into words. Leaving the physical connection unsaid mended you both in some perverse way. Knowing that Sungchan was the only person that could have you like this was healing. You let him apply force behind his hand to cause your body to move, you let him spread your legs further apart. This was trust, ironically built on years of pigtail pulling and countless arguments. This was trust built around a lie and sneaking around. This was sentiment in such a raw form it bordered animalistic. This was push and pull. You broke your short streak of listening and being malleable to move your hips away form his hand. 

Sungchan’s eyes went from your back to your face. You kept the same pout, holding eye contact even if your face was pressed into the mattress. You looked ridiculous. But you didn’t falter, even if he had the same unforgiving stare he held with you outside the party. He half expected you to pucker your lips pitifully the same way you did that night.

“Don’t move.” He said sternly.

The authority left you nodding against the mattress, taking in a deep breath as you forced yourself to stay still. Sungchan kept his eyes on your face as he went back to playing with your ass. He held both of your cheeks in separate hands, moving you around with a force you couldn’t fight against. He liked feeling your body sway with his ministrations, you let him bring your ass close to his body. He palmed you against his splayed hand while he kept you close to his chest with the other. 

Sungchan looked down at you again, trying to feel pity for the compromising state he had you in. He told your brother that you were dating, ignored your wishes to never see him again, came into your home, made you crawl to him on your hands and knees, and put you in a position that had you on complete display for him. There could’ve been a debate on if you were even comfortable in this position, or if he was a good person. But you told Sungchan yourself you liked when he was mean to you and you didn’t complain—you only closed your eyes in relief when he pressed a chaste kiss to the swell of your ass. 

He acted fast when your eyes were closed. One moment he felt the spit cool on your ass, then the next second his hand came down and the impact bounced off the walls. He was so fast you missed his hand raising in the air and it coming back down again. You could only react to the sting, jolting in Sungchan’s tight hold. His grip on you was so firm you barely moved, but he could not control your surprised yell that rang through the room. Your eyes jolted open in reaction to the impact. 

When you made eye contact again Sungchan could see your blown out pupils and the whites of your eyes becoming misty. Instantly he rubbed the warm imprint to lessen the pain. When your eyes became downcast he cooed, when you seethed from the aftershock he placed another gentle wet kiss over the place his hand came down on. 

“Only one.” Sungchan assured.

Despite the surprise you stayed still. He was amazed that you still didn’t complain, not even a whimper about how mean he was being.

“Only one.” Sungchan repeated.

When you sniffle Sungchan gathers your face in both of his hands. You bring your body up from the bed, hand pressed into the mattress to keep your body upright. He coos again and preemptively wipes a tear from under your eye.

“I don’t want you to cry,” Sungchan sees your eyes focus on him. He pauses, letting you look for something in his gaze. He likes having your complete attention like this, no talking back as you wait for the rest of his sentence. “I just want you to say you’re sorry.” He says.

If this were in any other context, you would’ve gotten indignant at him telling you to apologize. He can count the times you’ve genuinely apologized on one hand, half of which were when you were kids and it was an off chance you listened to Shotaro. But here now, you’re nodding your head before you can even think about what you’re apologizing for. 

“I’m sorry.” 

With a hand underneath your chin he tilts your face upwards, turning it like he’s inspecting you. You’re malleable, turning with his hand and looking at him with wide eyes. He’s satisfied enough with your desperate apology. He’ll replay it in his mind during the next petty argument, or hold it over your head until you have steam coming from your ears. He applies the apology to you sneaking off that night and getting irresponsibly drunk and then calling him and putting you two in the position that led to this. He absolves himself of guilt, even if he was the one who lied. But Sungchan is an adult, he can admit he was in the wrong, too. He should’ve never let your secret relationship drag on for as long as it did. He knows he’s wrong for it, which is why he brings your soft face to his and kisses you gently.

“I’m sorry, too.” Sungchan says.

You only let out a tiny sound to let him know you heard his apology. He guides you back down to the position you were in before. Even if you whine again you let him put you back in the same position as before, ass perked in the air. The only difference is that you spread your hands in front of you, preemptively finding a place on the soft sheets you can hold for support. 

Sungchan trailed his fingers down your back one last time, and he watched you shiver as he went over the curve of your ass. He went down again, and he could feel your body stiffen as his index and middle finger pressed harder into your skin. He continued down, lower and lower until he felt his fingers on your taint. This was a dirty act, between your two holes and he acted like he was debating on what to do. He looked at your face just to watch your gaze tear away from him, now you were too embarrassed. Sungchan pressed hard until you pushed forward against his hold. Sungchan wrapped his other hand around your waist and held you close, pressing against your squishy skin and dragging his fingers lower.

Your tight ring of muscle sucked his fingers in quick. He felt your walls tighten then loosen from the prospect of him fingering your ass. Unfortunately it only made him want to play in your ass even more, and how nervous you were at the thought of him doing that to you drove him to stick another finger inside of you. He was disgustingly turned on by the idea of taking you off guard, to have you squirm in his hands as you tried taking even one finger. But Sungchan was coming to you as someone trying to win your heart back again. He had the rest of your lives together to finger your ass, to make you whine and cry and twist in his arms. He was a freak, but he distracted himself by adding a third finger inside of you.

“Channie.” His name was dragged out, partially muffled through your face pressed in the mattress. He watched your hands grip at your sheets, before they finally found a way to his body. One of your hands desperately grasped his calf, he found feel your hand barely wrapping around the muscle. Your other hand goes over his hardened dick in his boxers. “Feels good.” You whimpered.

Sungchan coos and continues working his fingers in and out of your cunt. Even though he’s hard and you’re touching him, he knows nothing will come of it. You’re too consumed with pleasure to do anything besides periodically pulsing your hand around his tip. He knows you’re easily distracted, and he’s too apologetic to become undone just from a halfhearted handjob. Still though, he lets out a shaky breath when you squeeze him particularly hard, working your hand halfway up before you have to put all your energy in still pretending you’re upset. Your hand splays across his stomach, palm pressing hard into his abs. He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth to focus on digging his fingers deeper into you. He pulls his index finger out of you, trying to stretch you out by scissoring his middle and ring finger. You gasp and squirm underneath him, your nails scratching his stomach.

“You’re too tight.” He chides you and emphasizes his words by picking up the pace. 

“It’s been too long.” Sungchan sees you lose your form for a second before you’re pushing yourself up back into place. Instead of running away from his fingers you push your ass back to meet them. Around his fingers your soft walls close around them, and he swear he can feel your slick all the way to his wrist. “If you didn’t do what you did—“

“Atleast I know you weren’t fucking other guys.” Sungchan interrupts. He can’t bare to hear how he broke your heart that night or how upset he was with you. During times like this he has to force himself to focus on one thing and one thing only. He can hear your defiant hmph the wet sound between your cunt and his fingers. 

“Pussies don’t work like that.” Sungchan hums and brings his hand that was wrapped around your ass to your clit. He can feel your walls pulse just from a simple touch, and when he starts working small circles you start shaking. You plant your hands into the mattress and lift yourself, on your hands and knees. “I could’ve been fucking other people and you’d have no clue.” 

Your attempt at being nonchalant fails. He can visibly see you focus on getting the words out, having to close your eyes and look down to try and center yourself. Even when you get the words out you’re quiet.

“But you weren’t.” Sungchan leans down, getting into your line of sight. You turn your head and hold eye contact. Your pupils are blown out, your face looks hot to the touch. Sungchan pouts at you and for a moment your eyebrows furrow, but when he changes his fingers all of it melts away instantly. He puts his hand that was on your clit to between your shoulder blades. After adding the smallest bit of pressure you’re back to pressing your face into the mattress. “I know you weren’t.” He says quietly.

“I should’ve.” Your voice is soft, betraying your words and your anger. He can feel his heart break at how dejected you sound, even when your cunt squeezes around his fingers. “But I would’ve just been thinking about you the whole time.”

Sungchan loses all of his calm then. He’s taking his fingers out of your cunt and looking at your pulsing hole only for a second. In that second your body already starts sliding, and he almost feels cruel for needing more. He can’t help himself when he realizes how easy it is to disarm you. Sungchan has to stick his fingers into his mouth to be sated long enough to guide you off his lap. You help him blindly, following his guiding hands to lay on your back.

“Are you still with me?”

He can tell you’re barely aware of what’s happening, because you let something so tender slip from your lips when you’re supposed to be angry. He also knows you have no idea what he has in store for you because you just let your body be pulled to the edge of the bed and you only make a tiny yelp. He watches your hand grip the sheets and he quickly guides your legs propped on the mattress up until your ankles are on either side of his head.

“Look at me baby.” He pleads with you, splaying his hand across your legs to keep them straight. “Wanna see your face.” 

Sungchan uses his other hand that’s not holding your legs against his chest to your face. He grips your chin with just enough force to make your lips pucker. He turns you to face him, he keeps heavy eye contact. He doesn’t dare let his eyelids droop even from the anticipation. Of being inside of you. He keeps his eyes on you swimming in his shirt, turning your head each time you try to look away from him. 

You smack his wrist away and he pulls from you completely. He watches you scoot your body closer to the edge of the mattress to get closer to him. When you notice the motion your try your best to hide it. He knows he could tease you for your clear desperation. He decides to let you keep your pride, instead reaching his hand down to his sweats. He’s to impatient to take everything off. Both his boxers and his sweats are caught at his mid thigh, just enough to free his dick.

“You’re not gonna look at me?” He leans foward, until both of his hands are planted on the mattress next to your head. He leans closer to you, making you groan from the stretch. 

“I don’t wanna look at you.” You still avoid eye contact even when Sungchan casts a shadow on your face, keeping your hand on your chest. He can’t believe you’re stopping him from seeing all of you and looking at you in the eye. He knows he deserves the punishment, but watching you bite your lip to hold back a moan makes him want to go harder. “You don’t deserve it.”

Sungchan watches your breaths become short pants from how close he’s getting to your body. Your legs are draped over his shoulders, he can feel your ankles digging into his back despite you not looking him in the face. 

Even when he has you nearly folded in half and your lips are almost touching, you still refuse to look at him. He whines just to see the flicker in your eye as you take the quickest glance towards him. In the fraction of a second where he has your full attention he parts his lips, planting a wet kiss on the corner of your mouth. He feels you absentmindedly pucker up before you press your lips into a firm straight line.

“It was awful what you did to me at that party, you know.” You grunt out the words and Sungchan readjusts his body until his dick presses against the crack where your thighs are pressed together. 

He can feel his precum wet the back of your thigh. He wants to press forward until his dick peaks through your legs. 

But he’s understanding, nodding his head and running his tip along your thigh. The attempt to keep your voice steady makes Sungchan nod quickly to get you to keep going. He puts too much of his weight on your legs, he can tell instantly when you seize underneath him. 

“I would still do anything for you, you know.” Sungchan says it quietly, pulling his hand from beside your head to guide his dick to your entrance. He can feel you pulsing, you both know it will feel so good and he’ll be a tight fit because he’s made just for you, but you still won’t look at him. “Anything.” He repeats.

You don’t respond to Sungchan, instead letting your legs fall from his shoulder to the bends in his arm. He lets you spread out, already trying to accommodate to his tip that prods your entrance. He thinks about pressing further, but he lets you eyes that finally connect with his do all the talking. He keeps eye contact with you and continues pushing his hips forward, until he can finally feel himself push past your tight ring of muscle. He greedily pulls you closer to the edge of the bed, and he brings up one knee to prop up on the mattress. He sees you pulls in a deep breath then let it out, all the anticipation comes out and shakes your chest.

Sungchan stops for a moment when he can feel all of himself inside of you. You adjust and he squirms, knowing he has to hold himself together to not lose all of it right here. He knows he controls the pace but all of this is completely in your hands. He knows you’re extending the olive branch because you pull at his arms to get him to come onto the bed the rest of the way. 

Almost immediately when you make it to the center of the bed Sungchan is on top of you. He got on the bed the rest of the way too fast, desperate to feel you surround him again. He guides your legs to either side of his body, pulling you close by your thighs. He can’t control the urge to cover all of you, his hands are underneath your shirt feeling you up. He watches his hands move under the fabric, grabbing whatever he can until he makes it to your chest. His lips part seeing his knuckles make a dent. He feels your hardened nipple against his palm and he’s so distracted by the sight. Sungchan doesn’t refocus until your legs around his waist brings him closer to you. He leans back, using his hands one last time to gather the bottom of your shirt to pull it up to your neck. 

The first and last time he lets you do the work is when you take off your shirt the rest of the way. You pout the entire time while doing it, and he’s the one that pulls the shirt the rest of the way when it covers your face for too long. It’s discarded in the same place where the rest of your clothes are. You settle back into the bed again, his dick hard and wet and smacking your soft stomach. When you look up  Sungchan can feel the heat all across his body, and he comes close to press his chest to yours.

“I don’t deserve you.” He whimpers it in the crook of your neck before tenderly kissing your skin. “I’m so sorry for what I did.”

Sungchan knows he’s broken through more when your hands go to press into the plane of his back. You pull him close to you, the both of you sigh contently. You’ve welcomed him back in as if nothing has happened, the time you spent apart was too long. He drags his hand up your arms, massaging all the way up to your wrists.

He pulls away from your neck to look down at you. He hates that he can see how wet they are from incoming tears, and how you look away from him now as a form of self-preservation instead of punishment.

“I like when you’re mean to me sometimes,” You guide his hands to your face, Sungchan’s eyes flit down to the way he takes up so much of you. “But that was too mean.”

He thinks that if you keep going you’ll break his heart. He’s too emotional feeling your heart beat against his. He needs to make you feel good

“I know.” He draws his hips back until he can feel where he was before, then pushes back into you until he’s bottomed out. He looks at you arch your back and he can feel your heels dig into his back. “I know.”

“Please move.” You whine underneath him. 

Sungchan realizes it’s been too long since you told him what to do so he does it quick, pulling all the way out to push right back in. Your back arches and he watches you get used to his size all over again. He repeats the motion, faster and faster until his heavy body pressed to yours is the only thing keeping you in place.

“I missed you so much baby.” Sungchan looks down at you, fighting to keep your eyes open to continue looking at him. He has to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing. Just a few minutes ago you were doing everything to not look at him, now you’re fighting to keep eye contact. 

“I know.” Each word is pushed out by Sungchan’s hips. He feels your nails digging into his back, you get so tight around him it’s almost a struggle to move. 

Sungchan presses his bitten lips to yours. He swallows you whole like you might disappear to make up for lost time. He instantly pushes his tongue into your mouth and you suck on it for a moment, causing a terrible amount of spit to swap between the two of you and make a mess on the perimeter of your mouths. When your claws scratch his scalp Sungchan cups your chin again to keep you in place. 

His hair was unkempt because you put him through too much emotional distress. His long hair tickles your face and tangles in your fingers. He knows the moment before you pull that you’re going to do it, because you’ve always been equal parts the reason for his smile and the reason why he’s in constant pain. You smile when he whimpers, but you lift your hips to meet his because you feel bad about him doing all the work. You even take it a step further, clenching around him so much that Sungchan has to pull away from your lips and go to the crook of your neck to focus. 

He’s whimpering and letting off the beginning of profanities, because you’re doing so good he can’t get a full thought out. He laid you down on a mission to do something right by you, but he’s so overwhelmed that he can’t even remember what he was going to do. He presses his cheek into yours, knowing he’s close and needs as much of your skin against his as possible. 

Just when he feels he’s close he can tell you’ve run out of stamina. Your hips slow down and your grip loosens on his hair, and you let out a ragged breath. The thought of losing his high makes him grab onto your thigh. He’s exerting more strength than he ever has before, pulling your body while pushing his forward. He can hear your bed creak and he watches everything shake. Your chest, your hair, your voice. Now it’s you stringing together incoherent phrases. His hair sticks to his forehead when he leans back, making your legs straighten again until your ankles are on either side of his head. 

He smiles at you trying to control the situation. Your lips are parted, you grip the sheets so hard he can see your knuckles press through your skin.

“Are you still mad at me?” He teases and watches your eyes open. You can only nod because you can’t vocalize anything. Sungchan is fully holding your lower body off the mattress, just as a means to fuck you better. “Are you sure?” He presses your legs to straighten them. “Because it feels like you’ve forgiven me.”

To drive his point home Sungchan brings his hand that’s not holding your legs straight to your clit. Instantly his hand squeezes between your thighs and makes tight circles, causing you to squirm. You almost squirm out of his grip but he holds you tight, driven by your walls closing around him. He has to flick his hair to get it out of his view, and he’s fighting against your thighs pressing even tighter together.

“You’re close, right?” You nodded your head quickly and pulled your hand from the sheets. When grabbing his hand that was wedged between your legs didn’t work you went to his arm that was holding your legs straight instead. Sungchan carded his fingers between yours and squeezed when you held his hand tight. He let you pull and whine, letting how pathetic you were bounce off of the walls in your room. He nodded with fake sympathy and it made you only get louder. He let your legs do what they want, bending and sliding down his arms. “Are you still mad at me?” He asked again.

Instantly, your demeanor changed. When Sungchan slowed his hips he saw you shake your head profusely, straightening them on your own accord so he could keep going. 

“I’m not mad anymore,” all your bite was gone, instead replaced with fat tears in your big eyes and you pulling at his hand desperately. “please don’t stop Sungchan.” You begged.

Sungchan went from leaning back on his haunches to falling forward. He covered up all of you again, still holding your hand tight. He was able to go deeper, and the way your legs wrapped around him again made him closer to finishing. He wanted you in every way possible, the only thing that kept him from moving you again was your whimpers about how close you were. He was still holding your hand tight when he used his other hand to wrap around your body and lift you towards him. He felt you arch and press into him. His hips went from fast to deep and slow, making your bed frame collide with the wall. He was huffing into your neck, his hair moving in tandem with every thrust. He felt you tight around him and heard you moan right into his ear, you didn’t give him a chance to pull out when you wrapped your legs around his waist and told him that you forgave him and you needed him inside. 

Any remaining self control was out the window when Sungchan went deep inside of you and finally felt the relief. He kept going and he felt your walls clench around him, bringing more and more out of him. He was whimpering by the time you gave him a break. 

Your legs wrapped around his waist went to the bed, sliding down the same time Sungchan put his entire body weight on you. He would’ve fallen asleep like that, but your hands started hitting his shoulders.

“Too heavy.” You whined quietly.

With his remaining strength he rolled off you you completely, falling onto the bed next to you. He pushed his bangs out of his face. He watched you come up from the bed. Now it was you looking down at him, smile on your lips.

“You couldn’t wait,” you pinched the fabric of his wet shirt, letting it fall back on his clammy skin. “you didn’t even take your shirt off.” You said.

“I told you I missed you.” Sungchan squeezes your cheek, the same way he used to do when you were kids.

“I missed you too.” You let your cheeks be pinched, Sungchan purposefully did too much, moving your face side to side until you put your hand over his. "But I swear if that ever happens again I'll kill you."