H O W L .

𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗛’𝗦 𝗧𝗘𝗡𝗦𝗘 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘 𝗗𝗢𝗘𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗟𝗘𝗧 𝗨𝗣 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡 𝗔𝗙𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗔𝗣𝗢𝗟𝗢𝗚𝗬. apologies are just words to leah, they don’t really matter at the end of the day. for her, it’s hard to consider anything matters at this stage, but that’s beside the point. ❝ if i was going to attack you you wouldn’t be talking right now, ❞ leah states. over confidence at it’s best. ❝ what are you doing here? ❞

               eyes  burn  into  his  back,  but  he  doesn’t  say  a  word,  continuing  to  sort  through  the  ingredients  he’d  just  pulled  from  the  pantry.  as  the  burning  moves  from  his  back  head  turns  and  he  glances  over.  just  to  make  sure  she’s  okay,  he  tells  himself  but  deep  down  paranoia  still  is  rearing  its  ugly  head.  movements  are  graceful  as  he  moves  to  the  refrigerator,  pulling  out  the  meat  for  burgers,  she’d  like  burgers  right?    ❝    burgers  are  fine  right?  you  like  them?    ❞    and  a  pause,  leaning  against  the  counter  and  grabbing  dish  towel  to  clean  his  hands,  dark  eyes  focusing  on  his  hands.    ❝  ––  and  I’ve  lost  enough…. I’ve  lost  enough  people  who  meant  a  lot  to  me  to  tell  you  that ‘s  bullshit.  complete  bullshit.  if  you  love  someone,  if  you  care  for  someone,  wolf  or  not,  you’d  do  anything  for  them…  fuck  this  structure  that’s  set  up,  fuck  alphas  and  betas  and  omegas  and  all  that  shit.  you  love  with  your  whole  heart  and  you  look  after  the  people  you  care  about.    ❞

           his words are a balm , slowly dripping through the poison - lined holes she carried inside of her . places where they’d tried to plant hatred , anger , strife , now clinging to the notion of good , of compassion and solidarity — fiona stares at the fire a little longer , and thinks perhaps she was meant to end up here so her soul could be warmed , too , after being frozen for so long . “ burgers sound great ” . she smiles , though he can’t see her — a shy , eloquent hint of a smile as she slowly lets his words resonate in her ears , gently filling the spaces where she refused to let her father’s teachings stick . “ you’re right . fuck that ” . curling up , arms wrapped around her legs , fiona lets her chin rest against her knees and her gaze wander , remembering , summoning forgotten images through the half - sunken cities in her mind . “ i’ve always wondered how it would feel to have — something , or someone , you can actually look after . to have a — ” family is the word that hangs at the bottom of her throat , but it’s sharp , it cuts her words in pieces . she swallows instead , gaze drifting away . “ you know . to belong somewhere . ”

          ❝    you  needed  help.   ❞    the  answer  is  simple.  he  saw  her  struggling  and  his  caring  nature  was  too  strong  to  just  leave  her  there  to  die.  so  he  didn’t.  no  matter  what,  the  fresh  claw  marks  across his  shoulder  was  proof  of  that.  adam  didn’t  blame  her  though.  he  knew  he  was  intimidating,  especially  in  wolf  form.  back  stays  turned  to  her  as  he  searches  the  pantry  for  something  she  might  like.    ❝    you  needed  help  and  I  helped  you.  it’s  as  simple  as  that.  I  wasn’t  going  to  leave  you  there  to  die.  what  kind  of  person  does   that  make  me?    ❞

     still she’s staring , coaxing her mind into accepting the truth in his words — into trusting him , as best as she can . she has no notion of kindness , of solidarity : life , for her , has only ever been a stretched out winter , begging for scraps . and yet he’s giving her a hint of spring , of something warm , and true : and she’s melting , just a little more with every passing second . she lets her eyes rest on the fire , while past demons silently haunt her thoughts . “ my father used to say wolves should kneel for no one — wolf or man ” . the fire crackles , echoing in the small cabin and filling the silence before she speaks again . “ i always hated that ” .

          he  knew  that  was  coming.  it  always  did  with  her,  and  not  that  adam  minded,  it’s  who  she  was,  from  the  moment  she  saved  him  from  the  hunters  in  that  cave  they  were  practically  joined  at  the  hip——  an  unbreakable  bond  had  been  formed  and  he  was  hers  completely,  just  like  she  was  his.  face  turns  slightly,  nuzzling  back  into  her.  it’s  soft  and  gentle.  they’re  soft  and  gentle,  but  with  a  sigh  he  pulls  away.    ❝    you  know  I  can’t  let  you  come,  pup.    ❞    and  eyes  are  looking  for  hers.  there  is  a  lot  of  reasons  he  doesn’t  want  her  to  come,  he  worries  for  her  and  wants  to  protect  her  but  on  the  other  side  of  it  she’s  the  only  one  he  trusts  with  the  rest  of  the  pack.    ❝  you’re  the  only  other  one  i  trust  with  the  pack.  if  you  go  too,  we  come  back  and  it’ll  be  chaos….  here,  come  here.    ❞   easily,  he’s  shifting  so  she  can  find  a  seat  in  his  lap,  so  they  can  be  face  to  face,  discuss  it  like  it  should  be  discussed.    ❝    if  I  could,  i’d  bring  you  in  a  heart  beat,  you  know  you’re  my  go  to  baby,  I  just  can’t  leave  the  pack  unattended.    ❞

     she finds her place on his lap like it’s second nature to her , by now — folding herself to fit perfectly within his arms , facing him but her face so close that her nose almost brushes against his jaw . yet she turns her face away just slightly , eyes cast downward as she reflects on his words , gauging her own need to follow him and have tangible proof of his well - being . he is right , and she knows this : it doesn’t make this any easier to digest . “ i still don’t like it ” . truth be told , the responsibility weighs on her : so many lives to protect , so many factors to consider . she would gladly give her life for any member of their pack , but she wasn’t born to be an alpha : she’s not ready for this . but how can she explain this ? part of her still believes all her short - comings are implausible failures that will only anger , and disappoint him the way her father was angry , and disappointed . and she can’t disappoint him . fiona’s lips curl just slightly in a childish grimace , a jolt of long - forgotten sorrow shooting through her stomach — so she shifts just enough that she can rest her head against his shoulder , her nose gently grazing the skin of his neck . “ just be safe , please ? ” , a murmur . “ i’d go mad if something happened to you ” .

      rain’s soaking up her jeans , but it doesn’t look like she cares . sitting on the wet asphalt by the bar , wiping blood off her shoulder with the aid of onion skin - like napkins stolen from the afore mentioned bar — should be a recipe for disaster , and yet she’s barely aware of the gash on her arm . she becomes more so once she feels a stranger’s gaze fixate on it , and then she worries : what’s it she’s going to think , that she’s weak ? that she’s in danger ? that she was stupid ? —— yeah , perhaps . fiona glances at the woman , then back at the napkins in her hands . “ don’t worry ” , she whispers . “ it’s just a scratch ” .        

   it’s a game peter taught her , a million years ago , before he became what they’d always wanted him to be . the first one to spot something yellow would punch the other lightly , prompting wild chases of yellow - tinted anythings that their slice of the world severely lacked . it’s kind of poetic , that she should now be imposing the same silly game on this new adopted brother of sorts , though he looks nothing like peter ( and perhaps she finds comfort in this , too ) . fiona lands a badly weighed punch to perry’s shoulder the second she spots a yellow car drifting on the highway , barely even visible against the golden hues of sunset . a perfect setting to feeling something close to happy — she hides a smirk , then , chuckling under her breath . “ ah ! you lost ” .