angelbaby

i move out of the house i got w my husband and that i thought i'd have kids in on the 1st, that's literally in 8 days almost 7, and so this week like everything i've been doing i just wanna cry over cause its likely the last time i ever will. like i vacuumed the living room upstairs and got sad cause now it wont be my living room to vacuum anymore :/ and this sunday is my last day off in the house, every time one of the two cats i have to leave behind rub against me or meow at me or sit with me while i'm crying it just makes it worse cause wdym one day i'll never see you again im sick

i do not believe its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. i'd take it all back to get rid of this feeling

at couples counseling my husband just told our counselor that on a scale of 1 to 10 he's a four happiness-wise in/with this relationship. even though he's the one who's been consistently lying to me for almost a year, had a secret porn phase looking at women naked on reddit, developed a substance abuse issue, told me he felt one way about me then talked shit and wished for divorce to his siblings behind my back, has me begging for basic (below) bare minimum shit like time, consideration, acknowledgement, and honesty whereas i've done or worked on EVERY last thing he's asked of me including going backward in my life goal by joining the work force again (i want to be a housewife then SAHM; and i was happily for two years). he wanted more sex, done. he needed me to work on communication and control my temper, doing it-- and i'm in individual therapy. he needed me to get better at apologizing, done. i read so many self-help books and do so much internal work and reflection and try to better myself in every way and none of it ever means anything to him

tomorrow my first love gets married. we were together nine years, he's been with this girl 4-5 months. i don't have feelings for him still or anything its just an odd mix of emotions, idk