I Am My Own {AP}

With Todoroki failing to continue speaking quickly after Shinsou finished talking, Shinsou looked down and away. Maybe he’d said the wrong thing. He was good with words when it came to pissing people off, but speaking to someone from the heart was new. Shinsou had always been so careful to avoid showing people his heart that having it exposed like this… It made Shinsou want to run and hide. 

But as he glanced up and saw that smile, Shinsou knew it was worth it. He knew he’d probably fuck up and fail to open up as much as he should. That didn’t mean Shinsou wasn’t going to try out whatever was happening between them. He would try not to run away. There were no promises to be made on that though. He would try. He would do his best. 

Chuckling a little at the other’s teasing, Shinsou nodded. “You can also call me Hitoshi. Or whatever fun nicknames you want to come up with.” Shinsou offered his own small smile. There was a nervousness to it, but he did his best to push that feeling back down. The idea of calling Todoroki by his given name… it was thrilling. Without thinking about it, Shinsou quietly whispered, “Shouto,” just to test how it felt rolling off his tongue. It was nice. It felt right. 

Looking back at Todoroki with the hand on his jaw, Shinsou blushed lightly and averted his eyes. It was embarrassing to be so open and vulnerable. Then, it was even more embarrassing with how he was blushing. He did his best to keep up a facade of being calm and collected, but Todoroki seemed to have some magical power of breaking that facade down. It made him nervous. It made him feel flighty. 

And it was only worse once Todorki commented on his hair. Hand coming up to toy with the ponytail, Shinsou shrugged. “It’s not anything special though.” I’m not anything special though. The thought came suddenly, without any warning. Shinsou didn’t know what to do with it or how to deal with that sudden feeling.

Nervousness alighted once more in his chest. He wasn’t perfect. Shinsou knew that well. How was he supposed to keep up a relationship with all his flaws? He wasn’t an open book and he got frustrated and upset far too easily. There were too many things Shinsou could name that would get in the way of him and Todoroki. He was damaged. He knew that well from his flightiness and fear of getting close to people. Hell, the first time they spoke, Shinsou had practically yelled at him for almost no reason. 

Looking down, Shinsou pulled away from the other’s hand a little, just enough so it was no longer cupping his face. “Are… are you sure you want to do this though? I’m not…” Shinsou scratched furiously at the back of his neck. “I’m not the best person.”

The expressions that Shinsou cycled through were mildly concerning, but the concern didn't show on his face at the very least. For now, he listened closely, his head tipping to the side as he considered the questions that were proposed. While the other's soft murmuring test of his name had caused him to smile still, it began to falter as he really came to mull over those questions. Of course he had similar thoughts moments earlier, but Shinsou had voiced them so he really had to think.

"Am I sure...? I don't pursue anything I'm unsure of, I think you're underestimating me just a bit." His hand slowly lowered into his lap, as he considered it. "While my certainty has lead to mistakes in the past, my behavior, my personality, my goals -- I've never been so certain of something in my life, to be honest with you. Besides my path to be a hero, there is nothing I could be more certain of."

Eyes raising to Shinsou again, he slipped himself closer, side pressed to the others as he continued. "You're doubting yourself too much, and in turn, doubting me. Trust me in this, after all, relationships are born of trust... Right? I've seen how you can be, I've seen so many of your faults and I've seen your good sides... If neither have made me flinch, wouldn't that mean something?" One hand rose then, to gently catch the one scratching anxiously away.

"Shins-- ... " He caught himself, closing his eyes for a moment, before he would lean in. "Hitoshi... I care about you, and I care about your cause, and your persistence, and your defiance for the hand you've been dealt... And even if a relationship isn't meant for us in the end, I would never leave your side, you know. You're too good of a friend to ever do that to, and I'm too stubborn of a person to be shafted so easily."

Now, he offered an unwarranted smile before finally leaning in all the way. Shouto's lips would press to Shinsou's cheek without warning, and after a moment when he would break contact, he would speak close to himsoft and low. "I haven't regretted a single moment with you, good or bad... I'm willing to see your ugliest sides, because my own are just as ugly... And I want to be the one to stand with you through those moments others might turn away. Don't doubt my resolve, please... I've never doubted yours..."

It was hard to look away with Todoroki laying out his feeling so plainly. Shinsou could tell, could sense a nervousness in the other. Or, maybe Shinsou was just projecting his own feelings onto Todoroki. Still, with the other speaking about being closer and a crush, Shinsou didn’t know what to do. Of course, the feelings were reciprocated, but that didn’t mean Shinsou knew what to do with them. 

Shinsou didn’t know whether to follow his feelings and take a metaphorical leap with trusting Todoroki or to keep up trying to push away people. Though… really, it was too late to even pretend like he wasn’t attached to Todoroki. The issue was, saying his feelings out loud would make them real. It would put him in a vulnerable position that Shinsou didn’t know if he was ready to be in. 

But… he liked Todoroki a lot. He wanted to be able to hold hands with him and hang out with him whenever he wanted to. Shinsou wanted to not feel confused by why Todoroki would want to hang out with him. Shinsou wanted to let that crush blossom into something better, but still, it was uncharted territory for Shinsou. Uncharted territory Shinsou wasn’t sure he could venture into. 

Then, Shinsou looked at Todoroki, really looked at him. Then Shinsou’s eyes turned towards their hands and he squeezed the other’s hand lightly. He could feel his heart swelling and could feel the hope pushing its way out of his chest. It would be worth it. It would be worth the risk. Shinsou decided that. He knew that after a moment of thought, after recognizing just how comforting merely holding Todoroki’s hand was. It made him feel better. Todoroki made him feel better. Todoroki made him feel safe. 

Maybe it was a bad call. Maybe he would only end up getting burned. But, Shinsou was going to open up his heart to Todoroki too. Pulling up their hands so Todoroki’s hand was facing him, Shinsou pressed a delicate kiss to it. His face was blazing red and he found himself unable to look up at Todoroki. “I trust you Todoroki so… I’d like to open my heart to you too because you make me feel safe and genuinely happy. Which is a lot more than most. I care about you a lot too.”

Shinsou glanced up at Todoroki nervously. He pulled his hand away to scratch at the back of his neck and looked back down, uncertain of where to go from there.

Todoroki was particularly blown away when things finally came down to their conclusion. At first, he expected a rejection, if only because his own demeanor compared to Hitoshi's were both comparably closed off. Neither of them wanted to open themselves half the time, and yet with how open they had become with one another... It was still a question of things. Would Hitoshi be willing to put up with him? Or rather, would he be willing to put up with them as a concept -- was it something they could handle together?

And yet Hitoshi took his hand, and he kissed his palm. A flush took to Todoroki's cheeks as he looked up a moment to Hitoshi's face, eyes quickly turning away as his own emotions got the best of him. His stomach was alive with butterflies, and his veins on fire with the heat that flourished through his chest. He was really falling for this boy, and it only got worse with every moment that they spent together, with every moment that the other indulged him.

So now... They were boyfriends.

That in itself caused a brighter almost immovable smile to grace his face as his other hand lifted, arm crossing his chest to cup his own neck. This was a development he never expected, and he was enjoying every second of it, how could he not? "I... I'd like to say that... instead of this Todo-chan business..." Almost a soft tease to his voice as he spoke, he looked back up to his newly found partner. "You can call me Shouto, if you'd like... Or  any silly nickname you'd wish to pull from that. I wouldn't mind and... Obviously, you're more than privileged to now."

Sitting, Shinsou watched the other. It seemed like Todoroki was hesitant to do whatever it was he was trying to do. Shinsou trusted him enough to not move or question anything though. Now that he could see the other grabbing for him, Shinsou didn’t flinch at the hand on his wrist. Instead, he let his hand be guided to the other’s palm. Smiling lightly, Shinsou took comfort in the temperature created between the two palms pressing to his hand. 

Looking back to Todoroki, Shinsou quirked up an eyebrow. “Why did you want to hold my hand?” Shinsou remembered the other kissing his forehead under the mistletoe and giving some strange reason for it. Maybe the other holding his hand was the same thing. It was just supposed to mean something more than just holding hangs. Still, despite that conviction, Shinsou didn’t move his hand away at all.

The hand against the top of Shinsou's would brush a calloused thumb delicately across the smooth skin there. A gentle caress as he calculated his thoughts once more. Everything had to be said a certain way, approached a certain way, because he didn't want Shinsou to mistake a single ounce of his intentions.

This was something he had intended to cage, after all he didn't have the time or energy for a relationship in the slightest. He was getting more and more busy, and it wasn't that Shinsou was a burden but... He felt his friend deserved far more than what he himself could offer on a timely basis.

He deserved time, care, affecion -- Things that he seemed so far from actually receiving on a daily basis, if he ever received that sort of attention.

Todoroki would turn to face Shinsou more fully, pulling one leg up to tuck beneath himself as his gaze would lock on the others and refuse to break away. This was the moment of truth, of honesty, of the  expression of emotions he had never been prepared for. He was brave enough to face this, even if it could end in rejection. Hitoshi was dear to him, and he would respect how he felt in the end.

"Because... I want to be closer with you." His brows arched, his eyes attempting to stay locked despite a desire to turn away. "I've felt a lot of things because of you,  a lot of things I'm not used to, things I never considered outside of our friendship now... I would like to open my heart to you, if you'll open yours to me."

Finally, his eyes would fall, unable to keep it up, but his fingers squeezed that hand again. He would be certain to tack on one more bit. "And if you don't feel for me the way I feel for you, that's okay as well. I won't be upset, and I won't stop being your friend... It's better to address this now than to just wait and let it stew and become something painful. If my crush is unrequited -- I'll be okay with that, I promise.... I just want you to know that I do.... Really care deeply for you, Shinsou."

Shinsou kept his eyes off of Todoroki given his awkwardness. His hand had found its familiar place rubbing the back of his neck. Eyes locking with the Eraserhead figurine he’d failed to hide, Shinsou felt his face heat up a little more. Oh good. Not only had he embarrassed himself by reacting so sharply to the other almost grabbing his hand, but now he was reminded that he hadn’t covered up all of the embarrassing stuff in his room. 

Though, the nerves were calmed, at least a little, when Todoroki asked him to sit back down. Shinsou looked back to him, hand dropping back to his side. The other’s calmer demeanor helped quell Shinsou’s anxieties. Well… a little. Still, Shinsou sat down next to Todoroki, despite his confusion as to what Todoroki wanted to do. 

“Alright. I trust you.”

Todoroki followed Shinsou's gaze during that moment, to what seemed to add some embarrassment to the situation, only to find his gaze fell on that Eraserhead figure. He hadn't even noticed it at first, so used to the collection in Midoriya's room that it just barely even... stood out. It brought a smile to his face however, at least for the moment, as his gaze would return to Shinsou.

Once his friend sat himself back down on the bed, Todoroki would stare at his lap a moment more. A slow deep breath was all he needed in preparation, as his hand lifted to take Shinsou's by the wrist. "I hope this is okay..." He spoke low, soft, before his opposite palm would press to Shinsou's, promptly lacing their fingers together as he grasped his hand. The fingers that had gripped at his wrist moved down, palm pressing over the top of his hand, turning himself slightly as he held that hand between a slight warmth and a slight chill.

"You shouldn't apologize for our hands touching, because... I tried to hold your hand on purpose... I had simply hoped to do it a bit more subtly than this."

“Our little secret.” It felt weird saying that. It made it seem like the little nickname was some kind of special thing when really all it was was a mockery of a joke Shinsou had made. Still, the idea of Todoroki being willing to keep that kind of nickname between the two of them was heartwarming. Especially when Todoroki said that Shinsou could call him a lot of things. 

Looking at him, Shinsou wondered if that was Todoroki giving him permission to use his given name. Shinsou waited for a moment, a kindling of hope in his chest. He was ready if Todoroki decided to tell him to use Shouto instead. The favor wold be returned in kind and Todoroki would be the first out of his family to call him Hitoshi. Then, the other didn’t continue on that train of thought, but obviously moved to something else. 

Shinsou shifted his gaze away from the other. There was a little disappointment at not being given that special permission, but Shinsou wasn’t going to let that disappointment linger. After all, they weren’t that close were they? And even if Todoroki had told Shinsou to use his name it wouldn’t have mattered all that much. From what Shinsou knew Shouto was Todoroki’s hero name too. 

With his focus going the other direction, Shinsou didn’t notice Todoroki fidgeting or glancing at his hand placed between them. “That’s true. Neither one of us seem particularly great at talking to people.” Shinsou knew that was extremely true on his side. The majority of Shinsou’s initial interactions with people ended with him doing something abrasive and driving them away. Though, weirdly enough it seemed like most of 1-A was resistant to that. Midoriya, Bakugou, Kaminari, and Todoroki didn’t seem to mind his abrasiveness that much. Well, kind of. 

Still focused on looking at the patterns in his floor, Shinsou failed to notice Todoroki moving. He didn’t see the other slowly moving to place his hand on top of his. Which, was why when the hand was on top of his, Shinsou jumped and pulled away quickly. Looking to Todoroki, Shinsou was quick to mutter a ‘sorry.’ He assumed Todoroki had wanted to put his hand down and that Shinsou’s hand had just happened to be in the way. 

Shifting so they were no longer touching, Shinsou tried to quell the hammering of his heart. He wished that he hadn’t been so quick to jump and pull away because maybe then he would have been able to feel Todoroki hand on his longer, but… No Todoroki had just accidentally touched him. That was it. 

Standing up to try and alleviate the awkwardness he felt, Shinsou pulled out his phone. “Do you want to watch something on my laptop or just go to sleep? It’s not that late but I don’t know how early you normally try to sleep.”

Even now this all seemed so strangely childish in a comforting way. Keeping a silly little joke nickname secret? Really, it was far from something either of them should even worry about as far as 'secrets' went. The way their conversation petered out was most likely his own fault, but his newly blossomed determination in this scenario was something to be seen.

Shinsou's hand had been so close to being within his own, but it seemed he'd startled him. At first, Todoroki was worried that maybe he had offended or even grossed him out by trying something like that but -- No, the look on Shinsou's face as he quickly stood... It told a different story, one that gave him a greater confidence.

When asked about sleeping or watching something , however, he would give it a moment of thought before his own idea of something else entirely blossomed. Reaching out, he would pat the bed beside him instead. "Sit back down a moment, Shinsou. Please."

He could only hope this wouldn't backfire. "I'd like to do something before either of those, if you'll trust me for a second."

Shinsou let out an amused huff of air with the other’s reaction to the nickname. He hadn’t expected much but man the way Todoroki snorted and covered half his face. Well, it spoke leagues to Shinsou. It made him feel like Todoroki genuinely enjoyed being around him and found his antics at least somewhat amusing. It was nice. Few people found his rather dry sense of humor funny. Most thought it was annoying. Shinsou would have assumed that Todoroki would find it annoying. He was very pleased that he was wrong. 

Plus, well, the whole Baku-chan thing was discarded in Shinsou’s mind in favor of focusing on Todo-chan, both the nickname and the actual person. “I mean you emoted so that’s about as much of a rise out of you as an explosion from Bakugou, right?” Shinsou chuckled. “Both happen the same amount so why not. Plus… with you it’s less about your reaction to being called Todo-chan and more about your classmates reactions. I know you don’t care all that much.”

Thinking on calling Todoroki Todo-chan around his classmates, Shinsou knew that he wouldn’t do it. If Shinsou called Todoroki ‘Todo-chan’ around his classmates then nearly all of 1-A was likely to pick up on the habit. Shinsou didn’t want to listen to that happen. The Baku-chan thing was actually a joke, but hearing someone call Todoroki a cutesy nickname in a serious way sounded… painful. Shinsou knew he’d never end up calling Todoroki something like that out loud without it being a joke and well… that was almost upsetting. It wasn’t that Shinsou wanted to give Todoroki a cheesy nickname per se, but he didn’t want someone else to give him a nickname like that. With those thoughts entering his mind, Shinsou found himself wanting to drive his head through a wall. This was why he’d rather shove his emotions down than deal with them. “I’ll probably just keep Todo-chan between you and me though.”

A light blush made its way onto Shinsou’s face when the other started talking about why he wanted to spend his time with Shinsou rather than he other friends. Shinsou had never really been anyone’s first choice and being Todoroki’s first choice felt all the better. All Shinsou could hope was that Todoroki knew the feeling was mutual. Shinsou would have chosen Todoroki first too. Though, Todoroki did have more people to choose from. 

“Sorry that I was such an ass to you the first time we talked…” Shinsou mumbled the words and looked down. He knew he was abrasive typically and Todoroki had just happened to rub him the wrong way. Still, Shinsou felt bad for shoving his frustration onto the other. It was a good thing that Todoroki had forgiven him for it though. And the amnesia had probably only made things worse. Still, Shinsou was glad that they were friends despite all that. 

Shinsou was glad that he could relish in the warm in his chest when the other talked about relaxing. Acting like a child and just messing around, that was how Shinsou had felt too. It was the first time in a long time Shinsou wasn’t obsessing over his future or worrying about what other people thought of him. Sure the snow was cold and wet and Shinsou had gotten sick, but it was fun. Shinsou hoped that maybe before the winter ended they could play in the snow again. Even if Shinsou hated the snow, being in it with Todoroki wasn’t bad. 

Snickering at the returned nickname, Shinsou shifted when the other bumped into his shoulder. Leaning back, Shinsou found himself leaning against Todoroki a little. Yawning, Shinsou convinced himself that he was just leaning against Todoroki because he was tired and not because the other was warm and comforting. “I’m glad you liked all the stupid stuff we did together. It was pretty fun. I hate and I mean hate the snow but being out there with you wasn’t bad.”

The other talking about what he wanted for his birthday made Shinsou smirk. In his head formed a wonderfully sarcastic quip and maybe some kind of actual idea. “Well there goes my plan to force you to listen to interviews of your father all day.” Alright with the sarcasm out of the way came the real response. “You’ve already got my forgiveness so I guess all you need now is my time.”

Looking over at the other, without shifting away from their brushed together shoulders, Shinsou watched Todoroki before speaking again. “I’m happy to hang out with you too so we can do whatever, but well, we could always go to the mall and do stuff around there. I’d say we can just hang out here, but there’s not much to do.”

"Then it's our little secret." He hummed, finding that almost... Cute. If Shinsou wanted to call him Todo-chan, he would allow it in full. There was no part of him annoyed by it in even the slightest, and something about a silly little nickname from the other just made him all the warmer. "You could call me a lot of things and I really wouldn't mind it, Shinsou..."

He could call him so many things, and as long as they weren't under the territory of something entirely negative, Todoroki wouldn't fuss it in the slightest. In fact, there were parts of him so close to insisting Shinsou call him Shouto, but he didn't quite go there yet. He would when he felt they were close enough for it but he didn't want his dear friend to feel too pressured within their friendship.

Though now with Shinsou leaning on him how he was, a spark would run up his spine and that heat in his face rekindled. Shinsou's weight was barely against him, but the contact was nice... And as Todoroki's eyes wandered for a moment, noting the other's hand holding himself up -- Well... Something rather daring came to mind.  

"I wasn't exactly the best at expressing myself -- And we got caught in a bad situation... I honestly didn't expect much else from you, and I wouldn't. The high stress of it didn't make for warm beginnings." His fingers twitched in his lap, still mulling over the idea as it came and went. He could lace his fingers through the other's so easily, cradle that hand in his own but --

Would that be a bad idea?

What if Shinsou freaked out? What if he wasn't interested in him -- or even boys in general, for that matter? He hardly understood his own sexuality or romantic interests to begin with. Hell, he thought he landed among the line of asexual and aromantic but here he was, with his heart thudding hard in his chest, hoping to hold his companions hand...

He heard everything Hitoshi had to say next, but as things fell silent, and he had no words coming to him, blocked out by all those thoughts he had welling up, he had to do something.  His hand would move, slow at first, hovering over Shinsou's before he would set it down overtop.

If he had the chance, his fingers would fill the spaces between Shinsou’s against the bed, not yet curling around his hand, but a purposeful motion in hopes to show it wasn't an accident -- But one never knew how another might react in such a sudden situation.

The smirk was still there at the other’s admission of confusion. “Thanks Todo-chan.” Shinsou figured since the other had been so curious about the Baku-chan thing, he might as well call him Todo-chan just to mess around too. Eyes on Todoroki, Shinsou was eager to see how Todoroki would react. Though, he did continue his thoughts anyway. “But imagine the confusion when I call him Baku-chan to his face and he doesn’t immediately try to murder me.” Shinsou would be lying if he said that he wasn’t eager to try to out. 

With the sigh and momentary eye contacted, Shinsou was ready to tell his friend to forget about it. He didn’t need to know if Todoroki didn’t want to say. Shinsou was just happy to have him for a day. Hanging out with the other was relaxing and fun. So, being able to hang out with him on one of his rare off days was great. It warmed Shinsou to know that it was some special day and Todoroki wanted to hang out with him and not anyone from class 1-A. 

Then again… there was that small, dark part of him that whispered it was only because Todoroki pitied him. 

That thought was a quick way to a downward spiral into embarrassing the shit out of himself by getting way too depression. Luckily it was quickly removed once Todoroki started speaking again. “Really?” Shinsou couldn’t keep the disbelief out of his voice. He wasn’t sure how much he believed that their friendship was anything more than what he had with those in 1-A. How could it be? They hardly saw each other other than passing by in the hallway and Todoroki saw 1-A nearly all day. Did that mean that he was Todoroki’s closest friend?  

Our friendship is maybe a little more than what I have with them. Shinsou stared at Todoroki, probably for a little too long, trying to process just those words. A little more. How much more though? Shinsou found himself hoping it was more than just a little, but he knew it wasn’t. Todoroki had always seemed the kind of guy to bluntly state something when he want to say it. Why would he be unspecific about their friendship? 

The second Shinsou noticed that flush though, he turned his gaze off to the side, blushing a little himself. He didn’t know why Todoroki looked like that but, seeing it made Shinsou feel embarrassed in turn. Better yet, he realized he’d been staring. Rubbing at the back of his neck, Shinsou looked off to the side, away from Todoroki. “I would’ve thought that the headbutting and amnesia would have made you want to be friends less.” People had stopped being friends with him for less. 

“I’ve never really done much for my birthday either, but it is an important detail, at least to me it is.” Shinsou flashed Todoroki a smirk. “It means I’m older than you, kid.” Shinsou understood not wanting to do much for his birthday, but already, Shinsou was trying to plan out what they could do that would be fun. He didn’t want to do anything extravagant, but maybe they could see a movie and Shinsou could pay for both of them. He didn’t have all the money in the world, but he had enough to do something simple like that. Shinsou smiled at Todoroki. “We can do whatever you want then. I don’t really care.”

Todo-chan? There was a mixed look of confusion and intrigue on his face when that particular name came out. There was something about it that made him give a soft snort of amusement, before lightly covering half of his face, ridiculous. "You won't get much of a rise out of me either, I'm afraid." He would sigh, but it was by no means an annoyed and disinterested thing. He sighed a lot around Shinsou, and he wasn't sure if it was because he simply felt short of breath,  or a little overwhelmed by his own emotions at this point.

"Chances are... The rest of the class will most likely chime in if they saw that. Then it would become an irritation, depending. I know that Midoriya calls him... Kacchan I believe? And he doesn't bat a single lash towards it, but if others were to, it might cause a storm. Though that is most likely much more dangerous than... Baku-chan." That felt odd to say, even if he was parroting it from Shinsou himself.

When the topic was once more on his birthday, and that 'really?' came out, Todoroki's eyes would fail to meet Shinsou's as his hands came to clasp in his lap. He was a little nervous saying all of that, but he had taken the chance to share it. Shinsou's lack in faith was apparent, but hearing what he had, what Shinsou would continue to say, and what he knew of the others... track record. Well, he wasn't entirely surprised at the sound of disbelief.

"I do care about you, and I worry about you frequently." He didn't hide the truth, being honest as far as that goes, stopping short of saying 'i think about you far too often and you give me butterflies’. Todoroki would once more look over, barely  managing to do so, but unable to keep down the smile that surfaced with the tease. It almost didn't come forth, the typical out of touch look at confusion lingering moments, but of course it melted.

"I've been through a lot with them, life or death, etcetera but... We've perhaps had more of an emotional connection than I've managed to attain with any of them. 'Bonding' is hard, but it came relatively easily with you, as difficult as it was at the start. Really, there were signs telling me to go the other way when you would snap back at me -- But there was a comfort there I couldn't shake. And the stupid things we've done -- Like in the snow..." He drawled off, growing quiet as he looked back down, would his face ever stop with this glowing heat he felt?

"I don't typically mess around, and no one has really pushed me to that point -- Yet we did. I was able to feel like a child, something I so desperately avoid because of my plans and goals but... My comfort with you let that wall come down -- " He would pause a moment, before a smirk of his own would begin. "Shin-chan." Another heaving sigh would escape him, as he would almost playfully bump his shoulder to Shinsou's, a rare form of contact, much like the leg nudge, but it was something nonetheless. "In all honesty, your time and forgiveness is more than enough for me when it comes to some sort of birthday celebration, the only thing I really wanted was to not have to listen to my fathers obnoxious crowing for a day, and you'll be giving me that as well."  Lightly kicking his feet off the floor, he gazed down at his socks, before he began to pluck an invisible fibres on his pants."I don't need much, I'm... Already happy like this." Could he drop many more hints? He wasn't sure, but he was trying even if it was mostly subconscious. Something, anything, to possibly relay what he felt in the relationship they had kindled between one another.

“Well it started as a joke.” Shinsou failed to notice the other’s discomfort with him talking about Bakugou. The sigh was passed off as more of a comment on Bakugou’s rather wild personality than on Shinsou’s interaction with him. “I told him that I find him interesting and he said something about proving it and so I decided to do a ‘fan-girl voice’ and he basically threatened me so I’d keep doing the voice. I figured calling him Baku-chan in the voice would piss him off. Though, I think I’m going to keep calling him that.” Shinsou looked over at Todoroki with a wide smirk. “Even if it fails to piss him off again at least it’ll confuse the shit out of everyone around him.” 

At the other mentioning training being a little less intense and less injury inducing, Shinsou felt a bit of worry in his chest uncoil. It was good knowing that the other had at least a little bit of a break. His lips pressed into a tight line at the mention of Todoroki’s back. He watched the other shift and move, probably to help stretched the injured section of his back. It really only served to make his concern grow. He was worried about his friend and whatever trials his father kept putting him through. Shinsou wanted to ask for more information or to try and help, but also didn’t want to overstep or put Todoroki in a bad spot. 

The smile on the other’s face eased some of that worry. Shinsou found himself smiling a tiny bit just at the other’s smile. It was nice given the other’s typically somber demeanor. Though, he wasn’t like that around Shinsou much anymore. A warm feeling bloomed in him at that thought. He was pleased that he got to see the other more relaxed than some people did. It felt special. Looking away, Shinsou stared over at his wall, trying to ignore that feeling. Todoroki probably loosened up around people pretty quickly after talking a few times. Shinsou bet that he was like this with everyone in class 1-A. 

Pushing that now depressing thought out of his mind, Shinsou nodded. “I can do that for you, but why did he let you have the day off tomorrow?”

Started as a joke, that had him feeling off as well, but the more he spoke, the more it sounded like it was simply... A way to egg the explosive blonde on. He would trust HItoshi would have his own reasons for doing such a thing, and leave it at that.  Shifting so that instead of having his arms over his head, he could ball his hands beneath the small of his back, eyes wandering the ceiling. "Well, you've certainly got me a bit confused on it."

Another soft snort, and Todoroki failed to see the potential concern from Hitoshi over what he spoke of. It was his normal day to day life for him at this point, but perhaps if Hitoshi knew his history in full, he would have quite the take on his father. Something more spiteful and hateful, something akin to his feelings, but that was certainly a story for another day, as that smile he himself held for the moment couldn't bare to falter into those darker territories.

Why did he have a day off??

Todoroki sighed softly, a little reluctant to divulge, but he supposed it was something that he could do considering their relationship thus far. There were parts of him that regretted his own creation if only in spite of that man, having to be a cog in his plans. Eyes moving to Hitoshi's a moment, Todoroki pushed himself to sit up, hands grasping the edge of the bed to ease the slight headrush.

"Well... It's my birthday." He began, trailing off as he looked towards the floor, over his bag and blanket, rubbing at his opposite arm, he would shrug. "Which is why I wanted to try and do something with you... While I am friends with some of the others in my class, something about our friendship is maybe... A little more than what I have with them? After the amnesia incident, our headbutting at the start -- I'm not sure... Not to mention we needed to catch up."

He wondered how much this would reveal about himself, if the infuriating flush that was beginning to burn into his cheeks would reveal just what his heart was realizing. Part of him wondered if Hitoshi could hear the horrifically hard thudding in his chest as he spoke. "I never did much for my birthday, save for a few things with my sister... And I don't really want something big and bustling like the others might create... But when I'm with you things are calm, and I'm at peace... So..."

“Maybe…” So Todoroki liked cats and soft things too. Maybe Shinsou would do something with that. He could gift the other something. He could claim that it was a thank you for the mittens and not because he had a crush on him. Though, Shinsou was almost certain he’d be found out with the way that they continually met eyes. He chose not to focus on that. Instead he directed his attention to how relaxed Todoroki seemed. It was nice. Plus, the other giving a soft snort was… adorable.

“It makes sense.” Shinsou’s smirk only grew at talking about Bakugou. “I don’t think he’ll actually do anything to me. I mean, he nearly punched me but then he tried to make me do something he thought would embarrass me and I challenged him to do it too…” Shinsou chuckled and actually smiled a bit. “He’s not good at backing down from a challenge. Though… It was a little weird calling him Baku-chan all day.”

The smile was quick to drop off of his face though as Todoroki talked about his father. First thing in the morning and now after school too? Shinsou didn’t know the full story of what was going on with Todoroki and his father, but he remembered Todoroki being as sick as a dog and saying that he’d still have to train with his father. It pissed Shinsou off in more ways than one. “Well… if you want a break in the morning or something I can always tell your dad to fuck off.” Shinsou knew he would use his quirk for the other’s benefit if asked to. Even if Shinsou was certain he’d get into a world of trouble for doing something like that to a pro hero. 

“And you know I can help with sleep right? If you want me to. I can always just stop by your room and help or… you could probably come over here and sleep. I’ll put you to sleep with my quirk if you want.” Shinsou wouldn’t use his quirk against Todoroki without his permission though. At least unless they were training or something. 

Looking over, Shinsou was ready to brush off the apology until the other said that he missed Shinsou quite a bit. Was there an extra weight to those words or was Shinsou imagining it? He was probably imagining it. Knowing Todoroki he probably meant it more in a way that it was weird to not have another presence around like Shinsou normally was. Not that it was specifically Shinsou that he missed. “It’s fine really. It’s my fault for jumping to conclusions. I’m just glad we’ve had a chance to talk now.”

Watching the way that smile would grow, as well as the mention of this Baku-chan thing, a part of him felt a chill. There was maybe a hint of concern in the back of his mind, perhaps Shinsou was interested in Bakugou? It was often said that most everyone thought he was gorgeous and attractive, but it was his personality that did him in -- Perhaps Shinsou was interested in that rambunctious personality?

Now that he considered it, perhaps it was more engaging, where his own could be relatively bland when things got as casual as this...

Todoroki found self doubt with this topic, and he didn't much like the feeling. It would garner a sigh from him, as he would nod his head. "Yes... He's pretty stubborn, especially with challenges. Was this Baku-chan thing part of said challenge, or is that an endearing nickname for him?" Might as well ask up front. Todoroki kept his concern off of his face, out of his eyes, shutting his more vulnerable emotions out.

When it came to his father, he would roll his eyes and look away again. "The trainings gone well, he's been less careless since the detective intervened. Sometimes he pushes me too far, but he hasn't injured me unlike the day he messed with the discs in my back." He paused then, realiziing he had never brought that up to Shinsou. Even mentioned it made him note the stiffness in his lower back, he had been skimping on the proper stretches for that.

Giving his back a bit of an arch before flattening to stretch his hips downwards each way, he would feel a pop and sigh. Good enough. The next bit about sleep had him smiling momentary in consideration, though his quirk could be unsettling in use... Perhaps it would be soothing to be put to sleep with it? "Maybe we can try that tonight...  I could use a little more solid sleep -- Plus I don't have to worry about anything tomorrow. My dad has allowed me to have the day off."

Fiddling with the hem of his sweater, Shinsou shrugged. He knew he was guarded about the things that he liked, but there was a prickle of anger when the other said it wasn’t something to be ashamed of. Shinsou was well aware of that. The problem came more from a disconnect from that thought and the emotions that came from getting picked on for his likes. “Yeah. I’m just used to people getting weird about me liking cats and soft things.”

Shinsou watched passively as the other sat next to him, but was inwardly pleased. He like being closer to the other. It felt safe. Especially after that incident of him forgetting everything, Shinsou knew he could trust Todoroki. So, he watched Todoroki as he laid back. What had he been up to? Shinsou was silent for a moment, trying to think of what to mention. It wasn’t until the other looked to him and Shinsou looked away that he could think of what to talk about. 

“Not much. Mostly just studying and doing my own training… I ran into one of your classmate. Bakugou- I think.” The nudge would have made Shinsou’s heart flutter if not for him snickering at the question. Looking back to the other student, a small smirk was once more plastered on his face. “I don’t think he likes me all that much.”

Nudging the other’s knee back, Shinsou’s smirk faded into his more passive look. “What were you so busy with?”

Todoroki listened pensively to everthing Shinsou had to say about the cat nonsense, eyes locked on the ceiling and brows slowly raising. People got weird? He supposed that made some bit of sense... It was a little strange, and for a boy like Shinsou who seemed so the opposite of 'cats and fluffy things', maybe that was why? Humming in thought, he would simply nod away, before adding one more note to the topic itself. "I like cats and soft things too, so maybe that's why we can get along so well."

He would allow a soft snort to pass as his eyes would meet with Shinsou's whenever the chance would arise, simply watching him, taking in every motion, every tick that he seemed to have. The fidgeting, almost a shyness to his ways, something that seemed so different from the front he had put up long before when they first had begun to know one another... It was nice, and it only served to add fuel to the warmth in his chest.

At the mention of Bakugou, he would snort again but more indignantly, lifting himself to set against his elbows as he took in the final details of what all he had missed. "Bakugou doesn't like much of anyone, and those he does appear to like -- Well, it also seems like he doesn't...? If that makes sense." Laying back against the bed once more, he would sigh. "Just be careful if you pick a fight with him... He's more likely to take things way too far."

With the following question, he would close his eyes and nod, as though confirming what he would add next. Ways to simplify and hopefully not overshare, that was what the goal was. "Training, mostly... I’ve lost all free time because of how much closer to my remedial trainings conclusion we are... I told you my father sees me first thing in morning --”

And, well, he has set it up to be after school as well. Any time I'm not training, I'm trying to do homework, or simply sleep, which hasn't been my best friend lately... I lost track of a lot, and most of my texts have gone unanswered. Though they haven't been as much as a problem because they were from people I regularly see..."

“It’s not a big deal.” It was a big deal. Todoroki was the first person to have even set foot inside his room other than himself. Shinsou didn’t really want Todoroki to know that though. It would probably make being in his room that much weirder. Plus, Shinsou wasn’t sure about revealing the fact that Todoroki was pretty special in that Shinsou cared a lot about him and his opinion of him. 

Shinsou didn’t comment on the other pulling out pill bottles, but he did have something to say about the other sitting on the floor. “You know you can sit on my bed if you want. I figured you can sleep there and I’ll sleep on the floor.” He didn’t want to be a rude host and force the other to the uncomfortable floor. Especially after the other had risked getting caught while coming over. “That’s good that they didn’t. I’m guessing they’re only supposed to be alarmed if you’re leaving after curfew.”

The gloves were actually laying on his desk. Shinsou hadn’t thought to move them since Todoroki had already seen them. Plus, Shinsou didn’t want to forget about them before going out the next day. Nodding in response to the question, Shinsou shrugged. “Yeah I like them. they’re pretty soft and I do like cats.” Shinsou rubbed at the back of his neck lightly. He didn’t comment on the other calling them cutesy. 

Sitting down on his bed, Shinsou looked around his room. “I guess there’s not much to do. We can just chat if you want or like I said I’ve got my laptop. I’ve got some movies and shows on it.”

"You always seem so guarded about the things you like... It's nothing to be ashamed of.  I always wanted a kitten when I was little, but my dad always blew a gasket whenever I'd ask." Smoothing out his blanket where he'd set it, he considered Hitoshi's words for a moment. He'd sleep on the floor...? That hardly seemed fair, but he had no place saying anything. Not yet. At the offer for him to be anywhere but on the floor, he finally stood, carrying himself a bit tiredly to the bed.

Sitting himself next to Shinsou, he looked at him for a moment before he laid back on the bed, arms folding behind his head as he looked up at the ceiling. "Maybe we can watch something shortly... First, what have you been up to since I've been gone?" His eyes wandered to Shinsou again, watching him.

Shinsou took his time walking back to his dorm even after seeing the other speed off. Slipping didn’t sound great and Shinsou was already soaked. Once he got back to the building, no one seemed to be around and even if they were they likely wouldn’t have asked him any questions. He wasn’t exactly friends with any of them as none of them had tried to get past his sarcasm yet. It was okay with Shinsou though. He didn’t really want to get asked a bunch of personal questions. 

Shuffling up to his room, the first thing Shinsou did was change out of his wet clothes. He threw on a sweater that was probably way too big for him given the way it nearly covered his hands, but it was comfortable. He also threw on some new sweat pants. With that done, Shinsou went to the bathroom to wash his face and get rid of the stuff in his hair before returning to his room. With that done, Shinsou tied his hair up into a short ponytail before trying to clean up his room a bit. 

His room wasn’t messy, but there were certainly things he wasn’t sure he wanted Todoroki to see. He took the little cat stuffed animal he had and shoved it into a drawer before moving to his bed and pulling off a blanket he had resting on it. It had little cats printed all over it. He hesitated before shoving it in some hiding spot. It was his softest blanket and he didn’t really want to shove it somewhere. The soft fabric helped him sleep because it was soothing. Sighing, Shinsou opted for hiding it under the comforter that he had on his bed as well. Hopefully Todoroki wouldn’t notice it. 

There was nothing to be done with the stupid poster on his wall of a weird depiction of the Cheshire cat, but at least that wasn’t as embarrassing. Though, there were also some stickers on his laptop of a couple cats and a weird purple cloud, but that wasn’t too bad either. Shinsou did fail to remove the cat head pillow from his bed though.

The knock from his door distracted him from that and from removing the Eraserhead figurine that rested on his desk. Shinsou quickly moved to opened the door, not even having noticed that Todoroki was late. Taking a second, Shinsou paused before opening the door. He didn’t want the other to know how quickly he’d moved to open it. Gods, he was acting ridiculous because of some stupid crush. 

Either way, Shinsou opened the door and stepped back to let Todoroki into his rather plain room. “Hey.”

When the door opened there was a relaxation to his posture, and he bowed his head slightly. So he wasn't upset he had gotten there a bit later than he'd said, but perhaps he was the only one that was truly overthinking that aspect of things. Hiking his duffel a moment, he looked up at Shinsou with a weak smile showing itself once more. "Hey, thanks by the way...  For inviting me over."

Stepping in, he was quick to remove his sneakers at the door before padding into the room with a curious glance. Somehow he had expected a bit more by way of cat merch, with how he had shown so much interest hesitantly, but he wouldn't comment on it. It was... Cute. As was Shinsou, with the way his hair was tugged back like that, it looked nice on him. The first thing Todoroki did was pull open the bag, removing some pill bottles, which he set on Shinsou's desk, things he had to take before bed.

He pulled out one of his own blankets then, which he set folded on the floor before promptly sitting on it with a sigh as he removed his jacket. "I won't lie, I was a bit nervous walking here. I thought perhaps one of the security bots would recognize me leaving somewhere so late, but it looks like I lucked out." Rubbing his chilled side with his warmer palm, he looked back up to Shinsou again and that stupid smile had grown on his face into a rather sheepish one.

The other pulling his tracksuit up to above his nose was weird, but Shinsou dismissed it easily. He knew the other had some weird mannerisms so he assumed it was that. Or it could be the cold. Though, Shinsou thought the other didn’t get cold all that often. Still, he wasn’t going to question it. Shinsou, instead, almost found it endearing watching the other do something so out of place. 

“Sure. I’d hate for you to get in trouble for hanging out with me too long.” Shinsou scratched at the back of his neck. The excuse seemed weak to him, though it was partially true. It would suck if the other got in trouble on his behalf. Plus, that way they’d be able to hang out more. 

Though, at Todoroki saying that they could hang out and then in the morning leave for tea and the cafe cause Shinsou’s own blush to increase a little. they were going to have a sleep over and then still hang out the next day? That would be a lot of time spent together and Shinsou was surprised that the other was okay with that. He seemed like someone who would need to recharge after something like a sleep over. 

And yet, Shinsou nodded in agreement. “I think that would be alright. We can chat and uh- I’ve got a laptop actually so we could watch something maybe.”

Again he was smiling a bit, but it was hidden away in the neck of his track suit. He was certain then, he would be spending the night with Shinsou. "I'll try to be quick then. I'll be by your room as soon as I can  -- Okay?" One more look to Shinsou and he popped the neck of the jacket down off of his face and spun on his heel, he would make this fast and easy, jogging off towards the pathway away from the track, and the second he hit it, his ice was put to use, creating a slope for him to reach point b in less time than before as his heat was used to melt the evidence of it's use behind him.

He would leave Shinsou in a flash, but the excitement that welled in the pit of his aching stomach couldn't be helped. He was usually rather blase about most interractions, and Shinsou was right -- Frankly most things like this drained him easily, but with this particular friend? He felt like he needed to try and spend as much as he could, especailly to make up for his absence.

When he reached heroics, a few of his classmates chirped after him, asking where he'd gone, and he didn't answer which was pretty typical of him anyways. He had a goal, and he was focused.  To his room he went, changing out of his clothes into a pair of comfier jeans and the sweater he had been wearing prior, he packed a second set of clothes into one of his duffel bags, as well as some other necessary items.

Getting there and packing had taken 10 minutes, he was behind on his calculations, but he'd be certain he would get to the others before curfew. Pulling a jacket on over his sweater, he flipped up the hood, slung his bag, and headed out again.

Another ten minutes passed as he walked himself this time, not trusting his sneakers not to slip in this chilled weather, so he found himself five minutes late with ten minutes to spare. Good enough. Slipping through the general studies doors, he found that most of the entrance and common area was empty, no one to ask him questions as he headed for Shinsou's floor, tuckering himself out by the time he reached it.

With a brisk knock, he waited, cheeks semi rosy from the cold as he hoped that Shinsou hadn't changed his mind in the extra five minutes he'd taken to get back there.

Shinsou fidgeted a little nervous as the other checked the time. He knew it was only maybe thirty minutes until curfew, but Shinsou wanted to hang out with the other. Now with the new realization of his feelings, Shinsou was painfully aware of just how much he had missed being around the other. Even for just thirty minutes, Shinsou would be happy to spend the time with him. 

As Todoroki nodded and stood, Shinsou felt a sense of relief. Hopefully the awkwardness between them would leave. Though, Shinsou doubted that. Sure, the old awkwardness had faded, but now he had to deal with his own emotions. He was never good at dealing with emotions. Shinsou doubted his feelings would ever be reciprocated so all he could do was hope to not making things awkward between them. It would be a good idea to maybe get a little space. They would hang out for a little bit and then Shinsou and Todoroki could just text and only occasionally hang out. It would be good for them. 

But… as the other spoke about getting around curfew, an idea popped into Shinsou’s head. Once the idea was there, it somehow wormed its way out of him. He blamed still being emotional from his earlier panic. “You could maybe spend the night in my room. That way you won’t get in trouble for being out after curfew.” What was wrong with him?

This new suggestion, this idea of a sleep over -- It had a weird rosiness dusting his cheeks, encouraging him to zip his track suit up so that he could pull the neck of it up over his nose.  He wanted him to stay? Certainly it was enough to think that they had missed out on a lot of time together but -- His heart was skipping about in his chest in a way that caused his stomach to twist in a way that had him sick.

He had never dealt with this before, it made him anxious, light headed but -- He wanted to indulge so badly. He couldn't find it in himself to say no to that either, he just wanted to be with Shinsou in this free time he had before he was far too busy again. He had missed the other boy dearly now, he didn't want to feel that ache again.

Suddenly stopping, he turned to Shinsou, fingers toying with the zipper that was now settled over his nose with how the neck had been pulled over a portion of his blushing face. "If you'd like to do that... Maybe I could go grab my bag and some spare clothing for tomorrow, then we could take our time come morning, pretend I came over early to hang out and then leave for tea and that cafe..."

The tightness in Shinsou’s chest slowly began to ease as the other spoke. It was true, that was right. Todoroki wasn’t the type of person to lead someone on. He was straightforward and direct which was honestly one of the many qualities that Shinsou admired about the other. Of course, he himself was pretty straightforward. Maybe that was why they got along. He stared at the hand for a bit before finally lifting his gaze to look back up at Todoroki finally. 

He licked his lips nervously, staring up at the other. A warmth seemed to spread over him when Todoroki added the ‘a lot’ to his words. Shinsou was incline to believe him and as a more pressing thought, Shinsou felt the sentiment returned to the other. Maybe returned even a little more than he would have liked. Staring up at the other, Shinsou felt the warmth intensify as he blushed a little. Hopefully the pink tint to his cheeks would be dismissed as a result of the cold. A realization had just dawned on Shinsou and he didn’t know how to feel about it. 

Shinsou felt his chest tighten and his stomach flip, but this time for very different reasons. Did he have a crush on the other? That had to be the answer to his sudden feelings. That had to be it. With that very sudden thought in mind, Shinsou scrambled to his feet without taking the offered hand, scared to even touch the other at the new development of feelings in his chest. 

“Right. Thanks.” That was a terrible thing to say after the words the other spoke. Todoroki had spoken from the heart and there Shinsou was acting like it was no big deal. “I’m sorry I doubted you.” Shinsou was sorry. Though, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be around the other with the feeling of his heart trying to beat its way out of his chest. 

Still, because he was an idiot or a masochist or probably both, Shinsou found himself asking, “Do you want to go back to my room and hang out? It’s almost curfew, but…” He shrugged to act like it didn’t matter either way. 

With how Shinsou stood away from him, he half expected that they would be parting ways here. It wouldn't surprise him, really, just because Todoroki had these feelings of unrest didn't mean that Shinsou would as well. It didn't mean that Shinsou would reach out to him at all, he never had, he was so closed off, so intent on remaining on his own in this regard and he couldn't blame him.

But with the question of going with him, Todoroki looked away from his own hands which had settled into his lap when Shinsou stood. Hang out with him a little? Pulling his phone from his pocket, he checked the time -- Curfew was incredibly soon but... With the warmth, the tightening in his chest and throat, there was no way he could possibly say no to this.

Standing, he nodded before dusting himself off. "I would like that, if you're sure... I'm not too worried about curfew, if I have to try and get around it... I will. I'd like to hang out somewhere less cold." Rubbing his own nose as he said that, with a slight sniffle, he turned on his heel and began the tread back.