This IS the Life!

Kinda over the bot deluge…

Gonna take a break…

Ok, so not on break any more. But getting way more practice blocking bots than I wanna!!!

Friday, my dad was moved to memory care. My parents have been married since 1962. And now, they’ll probably sleep together again.

Dad has dementia and for the most part is very pleasant. He’s had some bad moments, but I think taking the thousand mile look, it was him getting scared by his own mind and lashing out. Understandable when you look at it that way.

Mom has always been about control. That’s what drove me away for sure. Not long, just 6 months. But when you’re only a 30 minute drive away and deliberately don’t make contact, not ideal.

So she’s been struggling with this time a lot. She’d get frustrated with him and fuss. Pretty much her usual habit. But now, with dementia, dad’s reactions were bigger. Hell, he’d actually answer back. Previously he’d just tuck his head and shut his mouth.

Mom was pisssssssed about this move. Certain more could be done to get him back to normal. Certain they’re doping her at Assisted Living, they’re not, she’s getting her heart, cholesterol medicine and stuff for her potassium levels. I’ve seen the full print out of what she gets. She turns 83 this year. She’s stressed and tired and those two things alone are enough to make you feel like you’re in a fog. But she WILL NOT hear it. Anything outside of what she says is received as turning against her, turning against family.

Yesterday, I took mom to find chairs for each of their rooms and other goodies. By close to the end of our day, she quietly said, “I miss him.” The only acknowledgment I’ve heard that dad isn’t entirely there from her. She quickly recovered to keep telling me about all the people not treating them well and taking advantage of them. But there was a moment.

Dad I was expecting to have a real issue. Fortunately, he was very calm. He was showing more of his outgoing self. I’d like to believe, there’s a part of him that understands this is for the best.

Dad’s dementia has been an adjustment. It’s not a linear progression though. There are times he seems almost normal. Then you realize he’s covering. Other times it’s pretty obvious as he babbles along. When I visit, for the most part, he’s pleasant and wants to have conversation.

Mom has had the biggest struggle. Her rock has been deteriorating before her eyes. I can’t imagine how painful that’s been. Especially as she ages and her own health declines. It doesn’t help that her baseline mood is a step away from anger at all times. Plus sprinkle in some paranoia, which plays very well with dementia.

The rough part of this trip is, the ALF wants to separate my parents. Dad needs more attention than assisted living can give because he keeps trying to walk when he can’t any more, so he falls. They need to move him to memory care.

And mom is going to meltdown.

And she’s going to blame me.

It doesn’t matter where any fault lies. I’m going to blame me too. I’ve been trained well.