you’ll catch a jpg to the head

mutuals if you were a video game character I would do every step of your questline and get your good ending

What would you do with non mutuals? Cause speedrunners are always killing me for my crystal scythe before doing my quest

Well now that I know you have a crystal scythe I'm definitely killing you for your crystal scythe

so i hauve covid rn and i must say, American cold medicine is the absolute bees knees. You go to a UK pharmacy and they tenderly press like eight (8) paracetamol into the palm of your hand... God FORBID you're sick in France, i had to scour every pharmacy in Paris for something that wasn't HOMEOPATHIC PASTILLES. meanwhile last night i took the last of my stash of Nyquil that expired in 2019 and it was like getting hit by a fucking baseball bat (affectionate). press X to timeskip. LOVE me a cheeky little medically induced coma. you can really feel that it's a precursor to meth. i know that everything is fucking awful over there my friedns and my heart goes out to every one of you but if you need one small bright light of national pride in this time of strife please know that i envy you your cold medicine every day

i once took an american antihistamine pill just a basic one for seasonal allergies and i had to immediately lay down and while doing so i vividly hallucinated that i was a steerage passenger on the titanic resigned to my death as my cabin filled up rapidly with water. then i blacked out and when i woke up again my allergies were gone for the entire season.

The Hat Man is our greatest export

Say it with me! Wheelchairs aren’t sad! Mobility aids aren’t sad! Mobility aids are instruments of freedom!

it's not natural for candy to be $3.49. candy is supposed to be one dollar

candy should cost a nickel and we should all wear little propeller hats when we eat it

I love in science fiction when something’s an array. The sensor array. The navigational array. Weapons array. Goddamn, yes. Get that shit in an array.

i am transfem ralsei’s #1 supporter however as a brazilian i cannot take people calling her transei seriously i am so sorry

the mexican football team has a 17 yrs old player and one of the funniest outcomes of this is that he cannot appear in any ad for gambling or drinking so he only appears in candy and milk advertisements. his first world cup and he's not even legally allowed to drive. his nickname is "morita" (little berry). he's three apples tall.

[ID. A beer advertisement with a row of cans, each with the face of a player from Mexico's men's football team, except for the aforementioned morita. There is a small pile of berries beside the last of the beer cans, which has been highlighted with a red circle. End ID.]

when i add ........... to the end of my sentence im leaving room for curiosity. i'm encouraging you to get comfortable with the unknown.......

duuuuuude you have GOT to come out tonight we're enacting cruelty upon those who have transgressed so badly that we can justify any act against them... and you KNOW we're interpreting our delight as moral righteousness... Yeah it's fucking crazyyyyyyy get an Uber