another one of my long ass posts about my life
well, it’s been awhile since i’ve actually done one of these. i don’t even know where to begin. i’m in the best spot i’ve ever been in my life. i’m happy, i’m in the best shape i’ve ever been in (both mentally and physically), my confidence growing by the day, i’m starting school soon, moving into a new place, it’s all great. i love everything that’s happening. it’s the reason why i moved here honestly, to better myself and my quality of life. mind you, i’m still trying to keep that on an incline since there’s a few things i need to rid of before i advance in my life.
one thing being my job, i’m sick of it. the people that come in just make my day worse and worse. i walk into my job dreading it and it’s always the worst experience, something new, something awful. my job expects way too much out of me for such a little wage. it’s nice to be in the position i’m in as a title, but otherwise it’s all garbage. the job itself comes pretty naturally to me, it’s just the customers, the product and some of my coworkers. i can’t deal with it anymore, it’s doing my head in. so, i’m looking around for serving jobs that i can get into and easily work when i’m in school since my availability at my current job requires me to work at least 24 hours a week which just seems a little to excessive when i want to mostly focus on school and advancing myself to get into a better career, not on my current job that i could give two shits about.Â
i moved to toronto to open new doors for myself and get further in my life in all aspects whether it be professionally, mentally, physically, socially, whatever. i didn’t move here to pretty much be a doormat and get stuck in a situation that i need to settle for. i did that when i lived in new brunswick, all i did was settle for situations that i felt i had no control over when in reality, life’s what you make it. my thoughts are financial stability during school and the fact that my current job has amazing benefits. but, then i think about how unhappy i am going into work every single day and how awful of a person i am when i’m actually at work. it’s just not a situation i imagined myself to be in and i refuse to let myself settle. so, i’m moving on. even though i just got promoted... 4 months ago now, i can’t do it anymore. i’ve worked at this place for 2 years and it got old after the 6th month.Â
there’s so much otherwise that i’m really excited for. i’m looking into a bachelor apartment and hopefully it all works out so i can live on my own which is something i’ve wanted for such a long time. i love my roommate to death, she’s like a sister to me, but it’s tough living with a roommate. so, i want to live under my own confinements and whatnot.Â
then, of course, there’s school. i’m so excited for school. i’ve never been this excited for school before. i remember when i actually used to be in school, i would always get really pumped up for school during the summer but then when i would actually get to school i would check out almost immediately, so hopefully now that i’m in a totally different environment and i’m in school under my own terms it’ll work out in my favour and i’ll have a little more motivation in the education department. i think when i was in school before it was such a different thing because i was kind of forced into school by my parents and i hadn’t figured out what i wanted to do. but now that i have zeroed in on something that i want to do, it’s really lit a fire under my ass. i’m so excited to finally start school and work towards the life i imagine for myself.Â
physically, my body is improving everyday. it’s insane how i look in the mirror now and i say to myself “damn, i look good”. that’s something that i never had. i would always look in the mirror and find SOMETHING, then feel like shit about it for the rest of the day. now i notice all of these little insecurities becoming my strengths and it’s really amazing to see my confidence continuously grow every day. i’m really happy with the progress i’ve made and the progress i will continue to make. it’s really cool thinking of what i can do to make myself look and feel better. i never thought i’d ever be that person to really go to the gym and such but here i am and i fucking love it, i gotta say it.
tying into that, mentally, i’m fantastic. i’m not a fucking maniac with how panicky i am anymore, it’s so nice to be able to live my life with a clear head. i have my flare ups every once in awhile when it comes to anxiety, but otherwise, i’m so much better than i was months ago. it’s amazing to see that progress also, not only the physical barriers i’ve been able to jump over but mentally too. i’ve put myself through so much shit mentally and it’s just so amazing that i’m able to say i have my shit together a little bit. i’m in a good place.
once i find a new job and settle in with that more, i think i’ll be blissful. just need to work on that and hopefully things will get even better.Â