Wildly My Mind Beats

crisscrossed legs

upon worn carpet

head, meet shoulder

there you are

you feel like shelter

can I tell

if I’m

finally feeling

the thing

I’m supposed

to feel

if I have

never felt

the feeling

before

somewhere between

the fade of

midnight’s magic and

the 2am breakdown

feet found

the way to

your porch

knuckles tapped

—just

loud enough

to be heard

saw the tangled

dance of chaos

flicker alive

in my eyes

challenge, invitation

either, both

ever still

my favorite escape

in your arms I found magic in a lifetime of unbelief in your arms found the stuff of fairy tales and daytime TV in your arms found I’ve spent every lonely moment up until now missing you

days pass I forget lonely ones before, know I could so easily fall in step with you live lives in sync I’ll wash you dry you cook I’ll clean let’s make our home could be so easy second nature with you

please, please find a way to forgive the unforgivable please find even one single reason to love this mess once more

exhausted collapse fold into your arms lips touch my forehead fall back to sleep suddenly I’m okay

first thought when I wake prelude to each dream you permeate every moment solidify priority conscious and subconsciously

when you love me I’m capable driven, strong I want to be better make us both proud when you don’t I’m a mess can’t focus or eatsleepthinkstraight can’t even go through the motions they say never need anyone I’ll be damned if I don’t need you

nothing I try will soothe the raw and constant ache roaring anew without fail always ever in absence of you

I combed through every word stamped into worn pages it simply does not exist no adjective quite fits cannot capture

opened wide my world for you glazed look took it in in its entirety all I’ve known, all I’ve built and you unimpressed

I could never tire of this feeling off-kilter smile dimples and all as if built to make me weak the look you give seldom found outside a movie screen no, mark my words I could watch you watching me just like this for absolutely always

all that holds us back exists solely within the fabricated planet of our minds maybe let’s take back what belongs to us alone rewrite this our stolen tale of defeat

how can I not

be held captive

by the incessant

longing of this

in-between state