for Beyond Recovery

They are not dumb, these men, these people. Not dumb at all.  They’ve been lost, for sure, they’ve been in a battle in their mind, in their hearts, with life.

But they are not dumb.

And they are not broken.

They don’t need fixing.  I can hear their wisdom, I see it in their eyes.  They light up when they feel the unconditional love I offer.  They can taste it.

And each week, their warmth grows.  They are learning to trust again.  They are starting to trust me, trust what they hear and most of all

Trust themselves.

They have woken up to themselves, they have started to see that wisdom was there all along.

 And not in some far off place.

 Or unreachable God.

 But within them, and through them.

I could see their souls today as they left the room, their eyes sparkled and they looked straight into my soul.  They are alive. 

They have heard it for so long – how broken they are – sometimes they are vulnerable and scared and can’t quite believe it’s ok.

            But then they hear something else at a deeper level

So, I realised today that the struggle I’ve always had with my body doesn’t need to continue.

It’s big, the realisation (not my body).

Thoughts about my body, it’s size, it’s shape, how well it fits into clothes and into societies idea of beautiful, it’s fluctuations, it’s needs.... all these thoughts.... have plagued me from a very early age.

Never feeling good enough because I was slow at school; never feeling good enough because I was unwanted and tortured at home; I never wanted to be in this body.  I thought that somehow if I could change the body then I would be ok; I would be liked, loved even; I would improve.  

And so, ensued years of dieting and dying and drinking and trying to prove to everyone but myself that I was attractive; good enough to love; good enough.

And then today.  Today I suddenly had the realisation that it was never the body I had a problem with, but my thoughts about my body.  How many woman wish they had a different body?  A different colour skin?  A different colour hair?  Bigger eyes, a smaller mouth?  Never truly happy with their body.  It seemed normal to me that we would be unhappy.  

It’s a rainy, miserable day in Durham city. However, that hasn’t stemmed the feeling of hope and joy from people in recovery.

Durham Cathedral We are here today to celebrate recovery (from addictions, mental health issues, homelessness); to demonstrate that people CAN and DO recover; and to raise awareness and educate.

Some of us had a ‘sleep out’ at Durham Cathedral last night – 300 people, including the Bishop of Jarrow. We walked around Durham with our sleeping bags and carrier bags of essentials. I’ve been fortunate never to have experienced homelessness; but walking around with my home on my back yesterday I did see first hand the attitudes and stigma people experience on a daily basis.

The sleep out was incredible, big thanks to Durham for allowing us this special opportunity. The Bishop of Jarrow put on a special ‘recovery service’ where we were treated to stories from experts by experience; dance from Fallen Angels; a song from Henry Maybury and a beautiful speech and song from David McCullum.

Then the cyclists from Le Tour de Recovery turned up to see us – an 8 strong group who have ridden from Leamington to Durham (330 miles; 9 counties and a lot of buffets by the looks of it!) to raise funds for their communities and raise awareness of the joy of recovery. Along the way people in recovery in the different communities, sometimes 30-40 cyclists turning out to celebrate and ride with them before treating them to love, hospitality and inspiration to continue. I’m proud and honoured to know them.

After all that excitement we purchased our mugs of tea and hot bacon rolls and settled down for the night in this 900 year old cathedral; I think we outnumbered the spiders and mice!

This morning the Durham Premier Inn didn’t know what had hit them when 40 to so people turned up to partake in their special breakfast offer.  The community fee

ling was palpable – people who have never met, sat next to each other and shared tea and stories; people who have experienced extreme adversity were celebrating and making friends; heart warming and powerful.

The word ‘recovery’ is currently very topical. It is, after all, ‘International Recovery Month’ – where people celebrate freedom from the prison of addiction by showing that there is hope and life after chaos.

It’s a super idea, but for me, recovery is not just about addiction.

We are all ‘in recovery’ from something, how many of these have you experienced?

Alcohol or drug use Failed relationships Financial difficulties Homelessness or at least worry about keeping a home Redundancy or loss of a job Trauma Self doubt / insecurity Depression / stress / anxiety

Not many of us go through life without experiencing some sort of difficulty or challenge. We get through it, one way or another, and move on, sometimes with the scars to prove it. Sometimes we get stuck for a while in a prison of doubt and insecurity. Sometimes it seems as though the pressure of life is too much and we self medicate.

Whichever way, we all have things to recover from – or something to recover to.

I’m not in any formal recovery path. I don’t do 12 steps and I’ve been fortunate enough never been through treatment. However, I have experienced all 8 of the above life issues. I would consider myself in recovery from harmful thinking. I no longer drink, because one day it made no sense to drown life out through drink. I don’t smoke or do drugs – just because I never liked what I tried. I still overeat, I’m working on that one! I would probably fit the description of an alcoholic; I’ve certainly experienced deep depression and insecurity – I’ve used external things in an attempt to solve my problems and fix my needs.

Recovery to me is about the realisation that I’m ok. That everyone at their core is ok. That when we wake up to the solutions inside we stop needing the solutions outside. Recovery is a state of mind; a commitment to life; a purpose of being. It doesn’t have rules or a framework or one pathway; it comes about through an insight or a realisation that life is better when lived instead of half dead.

The tee shirt worn by the Bishop of Jarrow in this picture has the following phrase on the back “recovery looks like this”.

Since learning about the Three Principles (of Mind, Consciousness and Thought) my life has become easier and my business effortless, so I thought I would share my top tips with you today.

1. Forget the To Do list I always thought having a to do list was the way of making my head less busy. If you are anything like me you will have tried everything – manual notes, sometimes copying one list to another over several days; online lists like Wunderlist or Trello; calendar prompts; and even special notebooks specifically for list making! And yet, I still forgot things, I still didn’t get things done and I still had a busy head.

And then I had a realisation – of all the thoughts I have in a day (some estimate 80,000 plus) some of them are helpful; some of them are reminders about what I need to do or what I should do in that moment. The more present I get, the clearer my head, the more I remember what I need – or more importantly the more the very thing I need to do in that moment pops into my mind. Whether that be “remember to pick up my keys”; “call that client”; “submit that proposal” or “take some time out”.

2. Be present – Following on from the first tip is the ability to be present. Again, I had heard about what a good idea this was but could not reconcile the idea with my life, thinking of Zen like people blissing out on meditation every day but what about ‘busy’ folk like me with lots to do and lots more I want to do?

And then I found out the truth – being present just means being completely in the moment you are in. So, if you are writing a blog, then write the blog; don’t answer emails, check your phone, think about what to have for dinner. If you are with a client, be with that client, listen and engage; don’t think about the emails you have to answer later, wonder who the message is from when your phone vibrated, think about what to have for dinner.

3. Love what you do – Another thing I have heard many times – Love what you do – easier said than done I thought, when I have a home to run, bills to pay and people who rely on me.

Exciting updates from Beyond Recovery http://audioboom.com/boos/2948946-exciting-updates-from-beyond-recovery

Systems or People? http://audioboom.com/boos/2658284-systems-or-people