wildfl0wersss @wildfl0werssslr - Tumblr Blog

I've been crying seeing and feeling my left leg. i feel like i don't see any slightest progress. i see that it's just the same as before surgery. i dunno what's wrong. i feel like the answer from my doctor and therapist belittling what i suffer.

i hope that I'm like na heedo who stopped progressing at some point but then improved like a rocket. i still hold onto my hope that my left knee will heal and go back to normal again, even healthier, like hee do who held onto her hope to be #1 fencer and beat ko yurim.

i still have a long journey with my physical therapy but I'm already exhausted. next doctor's appointment i must be able to move my leg fully but i get frustrated not seeing progress. i really wanna go back to do everything soon. i feel like my patience is draining.

wildfl0werssslr

ella, you did great. you can do everything with your both legs now. you can walk, run, squat, even lift weights. your patience and efforts paid off. thank you for not giving up.

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and the waves ravethey can't brake, as we rake

we've been drowning, carried away

couldn't stay in the midst of fray

the moon lights upon

us in your chimney, gray

won't take that name away

its memories flow

breaking bleak

you're my beautiful wildflower

but now's my adieu

sorry dear

can't stay here, let go.

— e.c., drown

#writeblr #poetry #e.c.#writing

wildfl0werssslr

ada kalanya kita harus berjuang mati-matian, mengorbankan apapun, berusaha sampai akhir, sampai tidak ada lagi yang bisa diusahakan.

namun ada kalanya, kita harus berhenti berjuang. bukan menyerah. tapi menerima takdir yang telah digariskan. lalu—

evaluasi. muhasabah. belajar dari kesalahan. belajar dari yang telah terjadi. memetik hikmah. mempersiapkan diri untuk perjuangan berikutnya.

wildfl0werssslr

gak nyangka ini msh relate sama masalah skrg

he's probably okay, right? he might have a pretty girlfriend now who's not annoying like me, and who loves him and cares for him. i miss you but i can't reach you, i choose not to.

i feel like the kdramas i watch is my escape from reality, things that i can't do or find in the real life.

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do you even know how it feels when the feeling is mutual but you both can't say anything about it?

i know. it hurts.

sometimes when i look at my cats doing their things, i wonder:

"what's going on inside their head now?"

"what are they wondering?"

"are they thinking of me?"

"what do they think of me?"

"do they feel happy? or sad?"

i have blocked and deleted everything.

must i do to that extent?

yes.

I've been crying seeing and feeling my left leg. i feel like i don't see any slightest progress. i see that it's just the same as before surgery. i dunno what's wrong. i feel like the answer from my doctor and therapist belittling what i suffer.

i hope that I'm like na heedo who stopped progressing at some point but then improved like a rocket. i still hold onto my hope that my left knee will heal and go back to normal again, even healthier, like hee do who held onto her hope to be #1 fencer and beat ko yurim.

i still have a long journey with my physical therapy but I'm already exhausted. next doctor's appointment i must be able to move my leg fully but i get frustrated not seeing progress. i really wanna go back to do everything soon. i feel like my patience is draining.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You're already asking!"

"Hahaha, okay. What?"

"Now, you're the one who's asking."

"Hahaha. Let's be serious now. Ask your question."

"Do you think of me as your friend?"

"Of course."

"Do you think of me as your close friend?"

"Hmm... I think you belong into that category."

"Do you think of me as a man?"

"Absolutely. You're not a woman, are you?"

"Do you think of me as more than a friend?"

"As... what?"

"More than a friend."

"Like... what?"

"Like... boyfriend?"

"Uhh.. that will need consent."

"And if I allow you to?"

"...."

"....to think of me as your boyfriend... what will you say?"

"I'll say... I do... want to think of you as more than a friend... as my boyfriend."

"Okay, you're allowed."

"..."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You're already asking!"

"So, we're officially dating now?"

"I think so..."

"I think so!"

#writing #e.c.

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do you know what I'm most worried about at the moment?

is that after what i was going through, the surgery and all physical therapy sessions for months, my left knee still can't go back to normal. of course i don't wish for that to happen. it's just I'm scared of seeing that i fail to go back to normal, I'm scared of being seen as a disabled person that people always pity me when they look at me, the way i stand, the way i walk, that i can't live my life normally as a healthy person as before, that i can't reach my dreams going on adventures because of my limp left leg.

i write you poems

you will never find out

#spilled ink #poem #writing #e.c.

i did block you out of my life

i won't let you creep into my head anymore

#spilled ink #writing #poem #e.c.

it's been five months since we last met.

do i ever cross your mind?

you,

have been spinning around in my head

almost every day.

#spilled ink #writing #poem #e.c.

you said you don't like your birthday being celebrated. you don't like people remember your birthday. you said that's because your birthday falls on august. and on august it's only second month the new academic year started, of new class, of new friends. you hadn't got along really well with your classmates. you hadn't known each other well. your classmates hadn't known yet your birthday. so that's why you used to people neglecting your birthday. you don't think your birthday is important anymore. but once in a while, your mom got you birthday presents. it's not always every year you get birthday present. and once in a while your old friends remember your birthday and celebrate it with you and even give you present. and now it crosses your mind, that even though it's not every year your mom celebrate your birthday and give you present, did she always celebrate it and give you birthday presents when you still hadn't known when is your birthday? maybe yes. you remembered that you sometimes got new clothes. you even remembered that mom asked your god grandmother to sew clothes for you. were those your birthday presents? maybe. but the most important thing is you're still given more time to live and to be with your mom. and that's enough.

#spilled ink #writing #e.c.

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i hope you're okay.

힘내

i love you and i don't want you to feel worthless.

i want you to know that you're worth it and loved.

#spilled ink #writing #e.c.

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