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@wiishingthiin
I really am below worthless. Nobody cares about me at all. Like not a single human being. I throw myself at everybody and beg for attention and even that doesnât work on the grimiest of men because of how repulsive I actually am lol I will never find actual love. Iâm going to be alone for the rest of my miserable life. And the best part is itâs all my fault. Iâm a bad person. This is exactly what I deserve.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I starved myself for you today
I put on my prettiest dress and sat in the sun
I felt the turning in my stomach
My insides being consumed
I smiled
You held my face in your hands and told me I was lovely
I felt faint
I wondered silently if youâd still think so If I had just one bite
I decided no
The birds sang from the trees
You waved goodbye
I laid in the dirt and felt the ground breathe with me
I asked my mother once what it means to be loved
All those kids and 30 years she certainly must be the expert
She didnât think for a second
âitâs to be beautiful.â
I repeated this in my head while I watched the clouds move in the sky
In the evening I thought of you but you didnât think of me
Moonlight poured through the windows
You sighed into her neck across town
My reward growled in my stomach
I curled into bed
I couldnât wait to be beautiful
I couldnât wait to be loved
Been crying a lot lately for the things that I will never have. Children Iâll never raise. Love Iâll never have. Friends I wonât make. Iâm repulsive and Iâm going to rot alone.
Idk how to exist when how much I hate myself feels like itâs bursting from the inside.
It sucks just knowing like in a world of incredible beautiful skinny smart kind women why the fuck would anyone ever pick me lol
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
If I could I would literally surgically remove u from my brain lol
Forgetting u!! Bye!!
Richie Hofmann, from "Breed Me"
The person I used to be
Is holding onto love for you
She begs me to see what she did
In another universe
Sometimes I remember the way I used to love you
I still donât know what love is
And maybe thatâs the problem
I mistook indifference for passion
How could I know if you love me
When I donât know what that means
I was still shocked
It started when her name started to drip out of your mouth
With such ease
You didnât care if it hurt me anymore
The old you had restraint about such things
The old you handled me with care
Like I was valuable and made of glass
Maybe the old you loved me
But I wouldnât know
I wish you took me seriously. Like at all. Do I even mean anything to you??? It doesnât feel like it most of the time. You used to make me feel like I mattered.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Does anybody see me as a whole person????
I wish i knew why I love you and I wish I knew how to stop. I wish I could come to terms with the fact that I donât mean anything to you. I donât know why I torture myself by believing that you could ever love someone like me. I donât deserve to have love. I donât exist to anyone and certainly not to you. I hate that I miss you. I wish I knew how to respect myself to leave you behind. I wish you respected me enough to leave me behind and not pretend to care. If you knew the real me you would hate me.
Erika L. SĂĄnchez, from âLa Cuevaâ, Lessons on Expulsion
Today was ok. Lonely. Talked on the phone for like an hour. I feel kind of like a shell of the person I used to be. I also feel like Iâm annoying everybody all the time. I wish I didnât come across so weird and irritating all the time. I feel like most people donât like me. Especially at work. I am extra polite to everyone. I think itâs a thing you learn to cope when youâre fat. Now Iâm ânormalâ sized but being formerly morbidly obese everything is a weird transition. Itâs sad and scary to see how differently everyone treats you when youâre smaller. And it only encourages me to keep eating less. Even my own friends and family treat me different. Someone also told me I have chubby cheeks today and I wanted to cry lol.
When Iâm beautiful I will respect myself
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
I want to be worthy of something. I want to exist for someone as an entire person. I want to be myself and still be loved in spite of me.
I want to tell my old self she didnât deserve it
I want to hold 7 year old me in my arms and make her feel like she matters
I want to look her in the eyes and tell her I never meant all those things I said about her
To hold her hand and remind her she is a person too
That she is brave
That she exists and is loved
I want to tell her iâm sorry
That if we change how things can be different
I want to show her the love she puts in to all things
To keep her safe
To encourage her
I want to tell my old self she is deserving of all the love and kindness she needs
