3 pounds of love

You’re probably sick to death of me reblogging my GoFundMe post, trust me I’m sick of reblogging it too. So I’m making this one, which is an updated one, because a lot of thing have happened since I was admitted into the hospital with a mystery lung infection, the most important being I was discharged with a cancer diagnosis.

I have Stage IV Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

It’s spread to my lungs for sure, and I have a bone marrow biopsy next week as well as a PET scan to see where else it’s spread. It’s not looking super great for me, though I haven’t been given an expiration date and even if I do I’m going to ignore it because I refuse to be taken out by something called lymphoma. I have an expected chemo start date of 4/27, if not 4/20, in order to aggressively fight this. I’ve already shaved my head ahead of chemo because it’s important to me that I take charge and be active in my treatment and my recovery so I don’t just give up.

“Stage IV” is a scary phrase, and I’ll admit I had a bit of a breakdown after my oncology appointment because for all my nihilistic “just let me die lol” humor, being confronted with my own mortality is a heavy and hard thing to handle. I had another breakdown after taking the scissors to my hair to make shaving it easier, and yet another in the shower. It’s good to cry and scream and let it all out because this sucks! This sucks so much! I’m only 30, goddamn! Hodgkin’s Lymphoma is one of the most treatable cancers with a five year prognosis that’s at least above 50% so statistics are in my favor right now. Even knowing this, sometimes I think about what’s happening and I feel like I’m going to start screaming and never stop.

I’m not working; my funeral home made me redundant as the newest mortician on the seniority ladder, though I haven’t been officially laid off or let go. At least then I could collect unemployment, so being stuck in this “having a job but not having a job limbo” sucks. I still have health insurance, which I’m sure is a major contributing factor to why I haven’t been officially laid off, but it’s still $200 every two weeks and without an income, obviously this sucks. Even when the shelter-in-place orders end and businesses are able to reopen like they were before the pandemic, I’ll be in the full swing of aggressive chemotherapy and unable to work so the shittiness continues.

I’m asking for help, because I want to survive this.

Here’s how you can help:

I have a GoFundMe here. So many people have already generously given and all the money is going to bills, bills, groceries, bills, rent, and medications.

If you would rather send something physical, I have an Amazon wishlist specifically for dealing with this here. I didn’t actually know what to put on there so the first thing was cat food.

I also have a paypal.me

If you want to help but are broke as shit like me, reblogs are appreciated just as much.

1. you need to learn how to be secure in your interests, autism/adhd or not. its a life skill.

2. criticism shouldnt make you cry or get overwhelmingly defensive. worse things have happened then someone pointing out your interests have issues.

3. part of life is accepting not everyone likes what you like and move on. not for just everyone else's sake but your own.

Remember this viral post? Wanda and Jamal and her husband Lonnie are the most wholesome people, this story brought tears to my eyes originally and I am crying once more learning from Jamal's social media that Lonnie has sadly passed away.