Creampie Diaries

this fucker here

had a fucking attack while his mistress (it wasn’t his fucking wife imagine the scandal) was giving him surely the best blowjob he ever experienced and he died when he reached orgasm

His Mistress Marguerite Stenheil was soon after given a nickname who was also a pun “pompe funèbre” which usually mean mortician I think, but can be understood here as “mortal vacuum” okay I’ll never get over this fact I’m always fucking pissing myself 

google the shit if you don’t believe me

how do I know this ? oh freaking simple I just happen to share the same fucking surname as this classy dude

Rape Escape

Easy and very effective

Requires nothing but your body

I don’t think I made it very clear but last month I was sexually assaulted by someone who I thought was my friend (I don’t want to talk about it don’t ask), and it’s… really fucked with my head. 

Had I known this a month ago I would have been able to get away. 

So, essentially, I’m really pleading with you to reblog this so everyone who follows you doesn’t get stuck in the same position I was with no way out. 

You want your balls emptied inside a tight, wet pussy

Or

watching cartoons

watch disney movies

watch musicals

put on disney movie soundtracks and dance around

color!

especially in coloring books

bath time. bonus points if your caregiver washes you

story time

nap time

taking a walk

holding hands as you cross the street

going out for ice cream

the ice cream truck

go on rides

go to a carnival

go to the circus

caregivers, tie your littles shoe

baby talk

“you’re too little to do that by yourself”

tea party

stuffie time

playing outside

going to the park

go to a local animal shelter or pet shop to play with animals

go to the zoo

mcdonald’s happy meal

caregivers, help your littles get dressed

tucking them in

setting a bed time

choosing their clothes for them

dress up

sippy cups

warm milk

dinosaur chicken nuggets

fun shaped cookies

watching disney channel or nick

nose kisses

blowing rasberries

tickle fights

pillow fights

the floor is lava

going to dave and busters or chuckie cheese’s

going to an arcade

wining your little a stuffie

heating your blankie up in the dryer

forehead kisses

cuddle time

peek-a-boo

burritoing

being pushed a swing

not wearing any pants but complaining your cold

painting your caregivers nails

braiding hair

asking your caregiver for help

secrets time with stuffies

the time out rug

spankies

being taken for milkshakes

drive ins

seeing the new disney movie in theaters

getting a new costume to play in

getting a new toy

playing with dolls

playing with toy cars

playing board games with your caregiver

finger painting

doodling

homework

stickers

especially smelly stickers

and smelly markers

going to garden

new stuffies

going to see a magician

play dates

pouting

tying a blanket around your neck and pretending to be a hero

stomping around pretending to be a monster

playing pretend in general

checking the closet for monsters

dressing super cute

bringing your stuffie with you everywhere

eskimo kisses

making up stories with your caregiver

getting a new binky

making sure you are seat belted in

being check on throughout the day

crying uncontrollably without regret

enjoying life’s pleasures easier

acting like you did not do something bad

gold star stickers

playing video games together like mario party

picking flowers

making flower crowns

poking your caregiver till they pay attention to you

“poopy head”

feeling super cute

diapers if you are into that

bibs if you are into it as well

collecting sea shells