My life as a blonde

they weren’t lying when they said I had it easy, my life my be a shit show but I got that bread head and left

if you didn’t watch frosty the snowman as a child, you must be a communist. I don’t make the rules.

I just found out you can get high from a joint, joint what? custody?

when it’s 3am and i’m doing my skincare routine I sometimes have to sing the liv and maddie theme song to distract myself from the pure terror that is the alligator in my bath tub

ring ring it’s me please pick up the phone I want gormet cheese

My culture is me having me mental problems and not freaking out and being like it’s a me thing :) but absolutely fucking sobbing when I drop a cracker on the floor

I ate a blueberry that tasted SO MUCH like grape kool-aid that I instantly started zoning out for 15min with flashbacks of my childhood

hypothetically I am asleep

okok hear me, scary birds as prisons. owlcatraz.

if I were the boogeyman i’d be so sad because no one ever sacrifices their limbs for me anymore, everyone always sleeps with no limb off the bed :(

don’t call me femdom call me chef

I pollinated ur mom

I always feel bad for the end slices of bread. I would rather eat the middle slices, but I just feel bad. The butt breads get no love :(

I downloaded a math game for 4 year olds so I could beat all the levels and feel smart for the first time.

Girls call themselves rats like sis, Remy does not match your energy. You wish.

stwabrerry