Whumpy Soup for the Soul

Of course, this was all preceded by a period of discernment and prayer. I had even felt anxious the night before, wondering whether this was truly my vocation, wondering whether I would make a good nun. I’d lived with the sisters for ten years at that point, yet satan was still tormenting me with fears and doubts. Sometimes even through the sisters themselves; several times I received letters under my door asking me to reconsider and leave. Never maliciously, of course, more with sisterly love and a wish for me to find a life I enjoyed living.

But that day when I took the black veil, I knew I arrived home. I knew I was right where I belonged.

Giving up one’s voice and social life to live in an isolated convent up North, where it was always cold and the time not spent praying was spent ploughing the snow might’ve seemed drastic for some. Personally, I didn’t mind any of it. My voice was best used glorifying the Lord and the Blessed Virgin; if I only used it for that, that would be the most certain way to avoid falling into sins of the tongue. As for my friends and family, they might never fully understand. I must live with that. Hopefully, through my joyful letters describing my life in the convent, one day they would accept my decision.

There were many rules in the convent. A strict routine with multiple daily prayers, singing, two hours of contemplation, and mindless physical labour that allowed for even more silent prayer. The more I worked, the more I noticed it wasn’t all that different from lying in my bed and contemplating the mysteries of the rosary. The saints were right in that every act performed during the day could be a hymn to God with the right intentions.

So I spent my days settling even more comfortably into my routine. The sisters and I got on well, and the well-intentioned letters trying to deter me stopped with my perpetual vows. I let the silence fill my very soul, recognising more and more that chatter only served to drown out the voice of the Spirit. I loathed the times I had to open my mouth at all outside of prayer, but of course, some talking was inevitable. Still, I tried my best to keep it to a minimum.

I was 32 when Mother Superior pulled me aside after our morning prayers, into the small room where she did administrative work for the convent. I had not a clue what she might’ve wanted, I only hoped she wasn’t dissatisfied with the way I carried out my duties. 

“It’s been a year since you’ve taken your perpetual vows,” she told me. Time flew by, I thought. It had already been a year. Eleven years in the convent. “It’s time I introduce you to a new and quite special duty. It is a duty only the sisters who have taken their perpetual vows know of, and it must stay that way. Talking about it is strictly forbidden.”

I must admit, I was almost giddy at the prospect. Delving even deeper into religious life and serving the convent even better sounded just perfect. “I will not talk about it to anyone,” I said seriously, concealing the childlike excitement in my heart.

“Good. Please, then, follow me, Sister Therese.”

Mother Superior gave me a pile of neatly folded clothes that I didn’t recognise as a habit and led me out of the room and down a flight of stairs. We stopped in front of a door I’d never seen opened before and she took out a large key. I’d never asked what was behind the door; I felt like God would eventually show me if it was my place to know. And that day was the day my curiosity was finally going to be sated.

The door opened to reveal even more stairs, leading down and disappearing in the darkness. Mother Superior took a lantern from the side and lit it, — electricity was unreliable so far out and in such cold weather — leading me deeper into the heart and core of the convent. 

As she asked me to close the door behind the two of us, blocking out all natural light, I attempted to stay as close to her as possible. The light of the lantern wasn’t all that much, and I was quite afraid of tripping and tumbling down the seemingly infinite staircase, breaking bones and embarrassing myself in front of Mother Superior. Thankfully, that didn’t happen, and we reached the bottom without issue.

“I must tell you once more,” she said, coming to a stop, “whatever happens down here stays down here. If you talk about it to anyone, even to sisters who have taken their perpetual vows, you’ll be breaking your vow of holy obedience. Is that perfectly clear?”

“Yes, Reverend Mother,” I said, more and more eager to see what secrets lurked in the shadows. 

“Good.” She began walking once again and I followed close behind. 

“A new one, is she?” someone said from the darkness, and my blood turned to ice in my veins. 

“Is— Is there someone else here?” I asked, deciding this was an emergency worthy of talking. 

Mother Superior raised her lantern, illuminating more of the room, and there I saw her for the first time. She was sitting with her knees pulled up against her chest, her long, black hair covering half her face. Her eye, the one I could see, appeared glowing red — but that must’ve just been an illusion of the fire. She was fitted with what looked like a dog muzzle.

“Hello, sister,” she said, raising a hand to greet me. Her… chains rattled. She was chained by both wrists and ankles, and upon further inspection, I could see there was a collar around her neck as well. 

“Who is this?” I asked, completely taken aback and filled with terror and pity. “Reverend Mother, we must help her! Quick, I’ll—”

“There is no helping her,” Mother Superior said solemnly. I begged to differ.

“We just have to find something to break the chains with!” I insisted. 

“Sister Therese,” she said, her eyes boring into me. “This woman is a vampire.”

The world seemed to stop spinning entirely. My breath caught in my throat. “What?” I asked stupidly. Vampires didn’t exist. Vampires were nothing but folklore, demons made up to scare little children into obeying and not staying out too late. 

The woman burst out laughing so abruptly that I flinched. The sound was high-pitched and eerie. “This never gets old. No matter how many generations of sisters I see, that first time is always priceless.” She grinned at me, baring what was undoubtedly a pair of needle-sharp fangs. I just stood there, frozen, unable to respond. “What is it, Sister Therese? Are you scared?”

“I— I don’t understand,” I stammered. “How— How long has she— How long has this been kept a secret?”

“For centuries,” Mother Superior said. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the smirking woman to look at her as she talked. She didn’t look a day older than maybe thirty. “The convent was founded with the express purpose of keeping her here. The Sisters of the Sorrowful Mother have always taken care of her to the best of their abilities—”

“Hah!” She kicked her feet a little, like she was wildly amused by the explanation, then she settled into a cross-legged position. “Centuries of taking care of me and I still don’t even get an introduction when a new sister is brought down here.”

“Silence,” Mother Superior boomed. “You are clothed, fed, and kept out of the sun. You are the last vampire on this earth, kept safe only by our secretive convent. If anyone knew of your whereabouts or very existence, you would be staked and burned. Show some gratitude.”

The woman’s grin turned into a grimace of hatred. “A stake through the heart would be more merciful than whatever your convent is doing to me,” she hissed.

“What… what’s her name?” I asked sheepishly.

“Victoria,” the vampire cut in before Mother Superior could’ve answered. “My name is Victoria de Villiers.” The way she said it felt defiant, like she only did so to spite the Reverend Mother. There was some pride to it, too. She must’ve been important at some point. Maybe even of noble descent, if there was such a thing among vampires. 

“Her name matters little to us,” Mother Superior said. “As I said, we clothe and feed her. That is the bulk of your duties down here in her cell, along with washing her body and hair.”

“Feed… as in…”

“With blood.”

I must’ve gone noticeably pale, because Victoria let out another shrill laugh. “She’s scared, Catherine. But you have never been one for subtlety or nuance. You just rip the bandaid off, as one says.”

“There’s no need to coddle them. Sister Therese, hold the lantern for me. I’ll show you what you must do when it’s your turn down here.”

I took the lantern with a shaking hand, watching wide-eyed as Mother Superior approached the chained woman. If she was as much of a monster as the folktales and those restraints suggested, she must’ve been one of the bravest women on the planet. And I was expected to follow in her footsteps? All the sisters who had taken their perpetual vows were? 

The Reverend Mother took a blade from her pocket, raising it to the palm of her left hand. I suddenly understood why she and so many of the sisters had jagged scars across them. She slit the skin with ease, not even flinching, and I could soon see blood bubbling up to the surface. I glanced at Victoria; her eyes darkened as she followed the movement of Mother Superior, angling her head so her open mouth was right below where she squeezed the wound and let blood drip down onto her tongue. 

“Your blood tastes like ash,” Victoria said once she swallowed and Mother Superior stepped back. “You’re getting way too old for this, Catherine.”

“I don’t do it much anymore, do I?” she responded gruffly. “But I must show the sister what to do, or else you’ll be stuck down here without any food. You’d soon beg to be allowed a drop of my ashy blood.”

Victoria’s red eyes snapped to me, and I stilled entirely under her gaze. “I can’t wait to taste you, sister. You look young — about the same age as I was when I was turned.”

I swallowed thickly. The lump in my throat didn’t budge.

Mother Superior took the lantern from my trembling hand and brought it closer to the vampire. “You can see that her clothing is held together by straps. You’ll be able to remove it and give her new ones without taking off the shackles.” She set the lantern on the ground and moved close to Victoria once more. “She cooperates, for the most part,” she explained as she began undoing the straps. “She doesn’t want to live in filth either.”

“And there’s no way for me to drain you dry with this muzzle on me, is there?” Victoria added.

“Besides, if anything happened to me, the next sister who came down here would likely stake her. She talks about wanting to die, but if that were the case, a sister would’ve already ended up with a broken neck. Those chains aren’t that short.”

Victoria scoffed. I watched with bated breath as Mother Superior removed all her clothing. I was so stunned I didn’t even think to turn away to preserve the poor woman’s dignity. I’d taken care of older sisters before, sick ones, I’d helped them change, this somehow felt no different… maybe with an air of underlying terror.

“There is a tap off to the side here,” she went on, bringing the lantern over to a tap in the wall with a large bucket underneath. She turned it on and let the water fill some of it. “There is soap and a sponge. The sponge, of course, needs to be changed regularly.” She threw both of those things in the bucket and turned the tap off, then brought them back to the vampire. Then she began bathing her. “I assume you don’t need instructions on how to do this part.”

“No, Reverend Mother,” I said without thinking. It was all so surreal. Some part of my brain must’ve turned off, I must’ve only been held up by the power of the Spirit and holy obedience. 

“Give me those,” the Reverend Mother ordered, and I obeyed without a second thought, handing her the garments. She secured them around Victoria’s body, one strap at a time. Once my head felt a little clearer, all I could think was how such clothing had to be way too breezy for the low temperature in the cell; not to mention the fact she was still wet.

“Isn’t she cold?” I asked.

“She’s dead,” Mother Superior replied like it was obvious. And it should’ve been, I just couldn’t think my questions through in the chaotic situation I’d found myself in. “Her body stays cold no matter what.”

“And my comfort is of no priority,” Victoria chimed in cheerily, but with a pointed glare towards the Reverend Mother. 

“You’re plenty comfortable,” she said simply, then turned to me. “Is everything clear? If you have any questions, ask them now.”

My mind was reeling. I had too many questions and none at the same time. The tasks were clear, I knew how to clothe and bathe people. Cutting my own palm seemed straightforward enough. I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I was in the same room as a vampire, a real vampire, one that had spent the last centuries down here in the dark.

“How often is she visited?” I settled on.

“Daily. But you won’t have to see her more than once a week.”

“Where… where can I find the… the schedule? If we’re not allowed to talk about her… And if the novitiate sisters aren’t even allowed to know…”

“The schedule is on the wall with all the other duties. You will find it under ‘cleaning the basement’. We had to get a little creative to keep the secret.”

“Oh, I already forgot about that part,” Victoria said with a chuckle. “‘Cleaning the basement.’ How could I forget?” 

I wanted to ask more. I wanted to know the answers to questions I couldn’t even formulate. “Why?” I ended up with.

Mother Superior raised an eyebrow. “Why what?”

“Why? Why is she here? Why are we doing this?”

“It is an act of mercy, Sister Therese. We’re called to love all of God’s creation. Even if it is beyond saving, like this one. Think of it as helping a dying sister; you’ve done that before, haven’t you? Except she’s in a perpetual limbo between life and death.”

“But— But you’re not merciful. This is not how we would treat a dying sister. This—”

“Perhaps I misspoke,” she interrupted. “That comparison was not fair to the sisters. It wouldn’t even be fair to compare the vampire to a murderer or wild beast, though she is both. She is sin incarnate. Demonic.”

So why not kill her? The question died on my tongue. I couldn’t say it. Even thinking it felt evil. But to spend so much time in the darkness, all alone save for about half an hour of visitation by silent sisters, for centuries… It felt cruel. It felt like torture. 

But as Mother Superior had said, no matter how bad it was, Victoria seemed to want to live. So who was I to deny her that? 

“I don’t have any more questions,” I said quietly. The Reverend Mother nodded. 

“We’ll go back upstairs.”

“Goodbye, sister. God bless,” Victoria said mockingly, and her voice sent chills down my spine. It was strange, to be so unnerved by someone while pitying her at the same time. I followed Mother Superior up the stairs and back to the main building of the convent. As agreed upon previously, I never mentioned what I saw to anyone, going back to observing the holy silence. 

I couldn’t see my sisters in the same light anymore. I could only categorise them one way: those who knew, and those who didn’t. Not yet. And those who knew… I couldn’t decide on what to think of them. To think that everyone I looked up to and loved was part of some crazy conspiracy was beyond me. Some of them gave me knowing glances once my name made it onto the basement cleaners list, but other than that, I was alone with my thoughts. Not one letter made it under my door about the situation.

What had happened in the basement truly stayed in the basement.

—

I didn’t know whether to be excited or terrified the first time I was on basement cleaning duty. I grabbed the freshly washed garments and headed down to the basement door, fumbling with the key to open it. I couldn’t help but wonder; were the sisters gentle with Victoria? Or were they just as scared as I was, wanting to get it over as quickly as possible? Did they see Victoria as demonic?

I lit and grabbed the lantern on my way down, holding it out like a shield. The darkness in front of me seemed to stretch on forever, and my brain wouldn’t stop making up scenarios in which the vampire had escaped her chains and was only waiting for me to get to the bottom before sucking me dry, devouring me whole. It was silly. Those restraints seemed sturdy. If she’d had a way out, she would’ve gotten out long ago.

“Who is it?” came the voice from the dark as I reached the bottom of the stairs. “Oh, don’t answer. I know you can’t.”

I walked over, illuminating the woman’s figure. She was leaning against the wall, half-sitting, half-lying down. Recognition sparked in her eyes as she looked at me.

“Sister Therese. The new girl. Your first time down here alone. It must be terribly scary.”

For the millionth time, I was glad that my vow of silence saved me from smalltalk. I wouldn’t have known what to say to a chained vampire. Instead of talking, I resorted to what I’d always resorted to — focusing on the task at hand. 

I set down the lantern and took the knife from my pocket, trying to ignore the way Victoria’s eyes lit up at the prospect of food. I wondered if she might need more blood than what we were giving her. Was she starving? She would’ve said something about it, then, wouldn’t she? 

I winced as I dragged the blade across my palm. I didn’t cut deep enough. I gritted my teeth and did it again, deeper this time, relieved to see my blood gushing to the surface. It felt horribly rude to be standing over Victoria like that, so I crouched down, bringing my hand closer to her mouth as I let my blood drip down through the muzzle.

“Sweet as red wine,” she purred once I was finished. “Sister Therese, you and I will be very good friends.”

Whether to feel proud or disgusted, I didn’t know. All I knew was that I had to undress her, and I didn’t feel like I was up for the task. But it was my duty, and so I started as soon as my hand was bandaged. 

“Do you want to know whether the sisters break their vow of silence down here with me?” she asked me as I undid the straps and pulled off her garments. “It would be the perfect crime, wouldn’t it? No one would know. No one can talk about what happens down here. I can’t go upstairs to rat them out.”

So I wasn’t safe from gossiping just because I was taking care of a vampire. But then again, what else was there in her life other than gossiping? And it must not have been too fruitful, given our vow of silence. 

“Sister Lucy uses her time here as a sort of second confessional. Sister Bernadette won’t stop complaining about the food and convent life in general.”

My eyebrows shot up. Oh dear, was this a sin? I could feel in my heart that I was judging them. Sister Bernadette had always been particularly lax when it came to how she carried out her duties, but I never thought she resented her vocation. Maybe becoming a nun wasn’t her vocation at all. Why she had decided to take her perpetual vows, then, I had no way of knowing.

No, it was silly to judge them. We were all just sinners trying our best. My face softened as I looked Victoria over. She was also just that, wasn’t she? A sinner trying her best. No matter what crimes she had committed before someone chained her to that wall, no matter how heinous, she was deserving of forgiveness. Of gentle care. 

No matter what my sinful nature craved — which was to turn around and run back upstairs — I decided I would care for her as though she really was a dying sister. I bathed her gently, letting her rant on and on as I worked. Sister Lucy might’ve treated her duty to care for Victoria as a second confessional, but she was no less chatty herself. No wonder.

“They never break the vow on the first day,” she said when I was already dressing her. “I didn’t expect you to, either. ‘Only talk when it is necessary to carry out your duties’, yada yada. And it’s not necessary to talk to me. Some never break it. Some take this whole thing seriously. Being a nun and all.” She suddenly grabbed my hand to stop me from working, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. Was this it? Was this the moment she hurt me? “You’re different. You’re different to the ones who resent being nuns, and you’re different to the ones who take themselves too seriously.”

I yanked my hand out of her hold, cradling it against my chest. Her hold would leave a bruise, no doubt. We stared at each other for a long moment, and I tried to remind myself once again that this pitiful creature was a prisoner, a dead woman in need of care. I went back to strapping the garments onto her.

“You’re gentle,” she said quietly. “I just have this feeling that if you were to talk… you would call me by name. You would call me Victoria.”

I would, I wanted to say. I would call you anything if it made you more comfortable. I would bring you a blanket to keep out the chill. I would like to do so much for you, no matter how afraid I am. 

Victoria sighed and leaned back against the wall once I was done dressing her. “Maybe I’m dreaming too much. I’ve thought that and been wrong many times before. At the end of the day, you’re all the same: you’re here to do your job and never talk about it again. All those sisters who have been tasked with taking care of me… Not one of them ever thought to help. Not one of them ever leaked the secret.”

Before I knew it, I had reached out to place a gentle hand on her shoulder. She looked at it, then looked back at me. She seemed confused for a moment. Speechless. 

I took my hand away and grabbed the dirty clothes and my lantern. I had other duties to attend to, I couldn’t afford to stay and let her talk more. I just hoped that brief, comforting touch would convey how I felt about taking care of her, how I longed to make her feel more like a person instead of a monster. 

“Come back soon,” she called as I was leaving, “Sister Therese.”

—

The second time I went downstairs, I felt a little braver. Victoria hadn’t hurt me that first time, and I felt it was unlikely she would this time. Mother Superior must’ve been correct about her wanting to live more than she wanted to kill us all for doing this to her. Keeping her captive.

When I shone the light on her, she was curled up against the wall, visibly shivering. “Sister Therese,” she said softly. “It’s the dead of winter by now, isn’t it? It rarely gets so unbearably cold in here. I’m usually… okay with the clothing I receive.”

I nodded, pity filling my heart once more. I knelt down in front of her and grabbed my knife, slicing the flesh open to feed her. She drank hungrily. 

“Some of the sisters don’t feed me at all,” she admitted quietly, and I could feel my heart shatter at the tone. “Can I have more? More of your blood?”

I moved my hand back above her muzzle, letting more blood drip down into her mouth. She lapped it up like a starving dog. What a miserable existence, and to think some of the sisters would make it even harder on her. 

Not that I could necessarily blame them. It was painful and scary, feeding a vampire. But there were thirty of us and only one of her, surely, we could stand to spare some of our blood every week. Jesus had called us to feed the hungry. What use was our becoming nuns if we couldn’t even live the Gospel?

“Thank you, sister,” she said as I was bandaging my hand. She wasn’t in her usual playful mood. Hunger must’ve made her weary. “I know it’s not fair of me to ask, but I’m so cold. Is there any way you could bring a blanket with you on your next visit? Something warm. I’m so terribly cold.”

The sisters would immediately know it was me who brought an extra blanket downstairs. Would Mother Superior punish me privately for it? Would I break my solemn vow of obedience by bringing the blanket? I was never instructed against it. 

I decided I would try my luck the next time. Until then, there was not much I could do, except…

“What are you doing?” Victoria asked as I took her chained hands in mine, still kneeling before her. I rubbed them gently, trying to create some warmth. My hands weren’t awfully warm either, but my body heat must’ve counted for something. “Oh,” she breathed. 

She let me rub her hands until I felt some sort of warmth, and then she let me place the lantern next to her, allowing her to take it and hold it up to the parts of her body that felt coldest. I watched her press her cheek against the glass and wondered just how cruel we were for not allowing her more than a few scraps of clothing. 

But alas, I had to bathe her. I knew it would only serve to make her colder, but there was nothing I could do, unless I wanted to go against Mother Superior’s orders. 

“The water is always so cold,” she commented as I scrubbed her down with the sponge. “I know hot water is hard to come by even upstairs — I’ve heard about it from the sisters. But still, sometimes I just wish for a bit of warmth. From anywhere. From a blanket, from the bath, from anywhere. The lantern felt very nice against my skin. Thank you, Sister Therese. Can I keep it with me a bit longer, once you’re done bathing me?”

I nodded without thinking. It was just so heart-wrenching to listen to. I had other duties to attend to after basement cleaning, but I couldn’t bring myself to hurry along and not let her warm her hands on the lantern’s glass exterior. I sat on the ground with her, watching her desperately press her palms against the surface of it.

“Catherine doesn’t even know this,” she said suddenly, and I looked away from the light to look at her face. It was half-shrouded in darkness from where her fingers were blocking the flame. “But this hasn’t always been my life in the convent. By the time Mother Superior of Catherine’s came to show her the ropes, the tasks only included feeding, bathing, and clothing. That’s what she showed you as well. That’s what you’ll show the new sisters, if you ever become Mother Superior. I hope, at least. But there were sisters before her, and sisters before those sisters. Different ones. Ones who thought helping me and showing me mercy included a lot more than these three tasks.”

I listened intently. Maybe Victoria would answer more of my questions than Mother Superior had. Maybe she would answer the questions I knew I must’ve had in the back of my mind, but that I couldn’t put into words. Maybe I would receive answers I didn’t even want to hear.

“They performed many exorcisms on me,” she said. “With priests and everything. They burned me with crosses and splashed holy water on me. They did everything to break the curse that is vampirism. I was their little experiment; if they managed to break me somehow, they could communicate it to the rest of the church and have them wage a holy war against vampires. My body… It heals. It doesn’t bear the scars of those decades of constant torment. My voice is the same as it was back then, no matter how many times I’d screamed myself hoarse. Nobody knows. Nobody cares to know.”

Once again, it only felt appropriate to reach out and place a hand on her shoulder. I wanted her to know I was there for her. That I was listening, and I was horrified by what I heard. That I didn’t think it was right.

She huffed out a laugh. “Then the vampires slowly started disappearing. Humans stopped focusing on trying to turn us back, and they got good at killing us instead. The church decided it wouldn’t waste any more energy on this little experiment that I was. When the priests stopped coming, it was the best day of my life. I thought they might even let me go. Or even stake me, hell, I wouldn’t have objected. I was so broken down, I wanted nothing else but for it to end. But the sisters kept tending to me. I was still chained up. I realised there was no way out.”

I scooted a little closer, despite my fears. I embraced Victoria, letting her lean her head on my chest. She let go of the lantern and curled up in my arms, and I couldn’t decide whether it was the comfort or the warmth she seeked from me. I hoped I could provide both.

“You’re either brave or foolish,” she muttered against my habit. “Or maybe I’m just not the terrifying monster I once was.”

I don’t see a monster anymore. I see someone tormented and broken. I see someone in need of a friend. 

I held her for minutes on end. She didn’t say more about her captivity, and I got lost in my silent prayers for her. I knew I needed to do everything in my power to make her stay less miserable. 

When we finally parted, she handed me my lantern without another word. I knew this was likely the first hug she’d received in centuries, and I hoped it would help hold her over until I could next come visit her. 

—

The third time I embarked on the journey downstairs, I had with me not only the clean garments I would dress Victoria in, but a thick blanket. My legs weren’t shaking as I descended the stairs, and my lantern holding hand was steady. 

“Sister Therese,” she said before I even reached the bottom of the staircase. The fact that she could tell me apart now simply by my footsteps filled my heart with joy. I hoped she could sense the confidence in them. The eagerness to return.

When she saw me and saw the extra thing I was carrying, her mouth formed a little ‘o’. I set the lantern down and placed the blanket on the ground to her right. She reached out to feel the material, and her lips curled into a soft smile. It was nothing like the mocking ones she gave me when I first visited her with Mother Superior; it was innocent and childlike, betraying genuine happiness.

“You might get in trouble for this,” she said as she looked up at me. I shrugged, giving her a little smile in turn. She giggled. “Sister Therese, you’re getting reckless. What’s next? You’ll break your vow of silence to talk to me?”

Her tone made it seem like it was just a cheeky little joke, but her eyes told a different story. She really wanted me to talk to her, and my mind went back to the first time I’d visited her on my own. The way she told me she thought I would call her by name. 

But I could only shake my head in response. My solemn vow of silence was a vow made to God, and I felt like there was no way I could break it, even if it was to comfort Victoria. I hoped my other means of comfort would suffice.

“I can’t say I’m surprised,” she said with a sigh, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice. “You’re a good sister. I only wish— I only wish being a good sister wasn’t at odds with…” She trailed off, averting her eyes. I had a feeling I knew what she meant. I felt the same way. I wished there was a way for me to fulfil my duties that somehow included making her feel better.

I knelt down in front of her, but I didn’t take out my knife this time. Instead, I reached behind her head, feeling out the mechanism holding the muzzle in place. It was metal, which must’ve meant it was silver — that way, Victoria couldn’t remove it herself, even if she could reach it. I, on the other hand, had no trouble getting it to open and slowly removing it.

“What are you doing?” she asked, alarmed. “What are you doing? Why did you take that off? You realise I could bite you, right?”

I nodded and put the muzzle on the ground next to me. Without it blocking half of her face, Victoria looked quite beautiful in the dancing light of the lantern. But she looked frightened.

“You’ll get in so much trouble if someone finds out about this. You don’t understand! What if they find out? What if they bar you from ever coming back down here? Sister Therese, I—”

I held out my arm, pulling my sleeve up and exposing my wrist. I’d thought and prayed long and hard about this, and this was the conclusion I’d come to: the only way for Victoria to properly sate her hunger and for me to know that she’d done that was to let her have control over how much she drank. And I couldn’t do that through a dog muzzle. 

“What are you doing?” she asked in a small voice. She certainly didn’t look like a monster now. She looked lost. I didn’t budge. “You can’t possibly mean for me to… bite you?”

I pushed my wrist a little closer to her face. I knew what I wanted. If she really didn’t want it, she could tell me, but her concern about me getting in trouble wasn’t going to deter me. Some sisters were starving her, I needed to make sure she was well-fed.

She gingerly took my arm in her chained hands, and opened her mouth, fangs glistening in the light. She glanced at me one last time and I nodded my approval. 

It hurt when her fangs sank into the delicate flesh of my wrist. I could feel her sucking on the wounds and I winced, looking away instead so I at least wouldn’t pass out. Despite it having been my own offer, my heart was pounding in my chest, worst case scenarios running through my mind at a rapid speed. 

But soon, she stopped. I could feel her remove her fangs and she sat back, letting go of my arm. “I can’t remember the last time I fed normally,” she said wistfully. “I… I don’t even know what to say. I can’t believe you’d do this for me. You have a heart of gold, Sister Therese. Truly. Thank you.”

I smiled at her, though my wrist still ached. It would surely bruise by the next day. I held up the muzzle and she nodded.

“Yes, put it back. Quickly.”

I fastened it around her head and quickly bandaged both my wrist and my palm. It felt like lying, and I didn’t particularly feel good about it, but deception was apparently running rampant in the convent, given we had a whole vampire hidden underneath it. God wouldn’t look favourably on either side, I reckoned, so why not make it at least more bearable for the prisoner in our care?

Once I bathed and clothed her, I took great joy in seeing her bundle up under the thick blanket I’d brought for her. “It can’t trap any heat from me,” she said sadly, giving me a look I could only describe as longing. “If it’s possible… Would you consider…”

I got under the blanket with her without her needing to finish the request. I could feel how cold her body was as she pressed into mine, chasing warmth that was so elusive so far up North. It was truly a shame that it was our convent that decided to keep her captive. Maybe a convent down South would’ve been more humane, if there was even a humane way to keep someone prisoner.

“I was religious, once,” she said softly. “Back when I was human. I don’t remember much — my view of it is tainted by the priests and nuns that tortured me. It was a source of comfort, I believe, at one point. A source of safety. A source of community. Is that what it’s like for you? Is it safe?”

I couldn’t answer right away. It used to be safe before I learned of Victoria. It used to bring me immense joy and pride to be part of a religious order. Even with all the hardships I’d faced, I was someone who could say I’d found my vocation and was happy with it. 

But now? How could I be proud of being a part of this? No matter which way I looked at it, no matter the angle or lens, I just couldn’t feel the same innocent joy. It wasn’t safe anymore. I was caught up in a web of lies and pain. There was no way God wanted this.

“I see,” she said, looking down at the lantern. “I’m sorry. I hoped it was different for you. Truly.”

We stayed there, under the blanket, for the next however many minutes in silence. She didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything. There was nothing to say, really. Nothing that would’ve made the situation any better. Unless I could stand up and tell her ‘up you go, I have the keys to your chains, you’re free now,’ there was nothing I could do. So we sat there, watching as the lantern burned. I tried to imagine what it would’ve been like for me to sit there in the darkness for days on end, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries. I could barely imagine a week.

“You should go,” she said eventually. Of course, I knew that. My tasks weren’t going to handle themselves. “Bring the blanket back up. I’m sorry I made you bring it downstairs. I don’t want you to get in trouble with Catherine.”

The wrath of Mother Superior was on my mind a lot, but not as much as the wrath of God if I denied a shivering prisoner her last bastion against the cold. I climbed out from under the blanket and left it with her, grabbing her dirty clothes and my lantern. 

“I told you to bring it back!” she insisted, but the way she was huddled up there told me something completely different. I smiled at her and shook my head. I was ready to accept punishment if this got back to Mother Superior. “Sister Therese, this is not going to end well.”

I’d known that for some time. Every visit I made down to the basement only strengthened my resolve in what I was going to do. 

Before I left, I set the clothes and the lantern back down and knelt in front of Victoria, taking her hands through the blanket. I leaned my head against her pulled up knees and prayed, silently, that my plan would work out in her favour. I begged God to give us just a crumb of His infinite mercy. If Victoria was sin incarnate, a fact I believed in less and less, then I was wrong, and God would find a way to sabotage me. But until then, I had to believe she was good. Worth saving.

“Sister…” she breathed. I looked up at her, determination in my eyes. “What are you planning on doing?”

I gently patted her hands and stood back up, grabbing the clothes and lantern once more. As I made my way to the staircase, she didn’t say a word. It was only when I started ascending that I heard her voice again.

“Will I see you again?” 

I wished so badly that I could answer. Instead, I continued on up, ready to finish my chores for the day.

—

Mother Superior never said anything about the blanket, but I could see it was back in its place just a day after my visit to Victoria. The sister after me must’ve taken it away from her, a thought that made my heart break. 

But I had bigger things to worry about. I looked at the schedule and planned my next moves carefully. From what Victoria had told me, the keys to her chains must’ve been in Mother Superior’s room or office. I prayed for guidance and help in finding them, and God seemed to be on my side — when I next talked to the Reverend Mother, I spotted a special little box on her desk that I had never even considered before. Maybe it was intuition, maybe it was the Spirit, but I knew that was the box that held the keys to Victoria’s freedom.

The next time I was instructed to fetch something for Mother Superior, I tried opening the box. It was locked. With a small, silent prayer for forgiveness, I grabbed the whole box and hoped Victoria would be strong enough to simply force it open. 

The fourth time I went down into the basement, I was shaking in fear again. I had the box in my pocket next to the knife. I didn’t hear about anyone searching for it, nor did Mother Superior summon me, but that didn’t stop the anxiety from consuming me. 

“Sister Therese,” Victoria said softly and affectionately as I approached the bottom of the staircase. “It’s you, isn’t it? They took away the blanket, but I don’t think that’s a surprise to either of us. I hope you weren’t foolish enough to bring it back.”

Oh, I wasn’t. I was much more foolish. 

“Good,” she said when I finally came into her line of sight. “Let’s just do everything the normal way, shall we? Like that first time. You don’t need to be my hero, Sister Therese. Nobody does. I don’t wish the possible consequences on anyone kind enough to try. Besides, where would I even go? What would I do? I’m a monster. I would do nothing but go back to hurting people until someone finally staked me.”

I swallowed and tried to regulate my breathing. Victoria must’ve seen something on my face, because her smile faltered.

“Sister? Is everything okay?”

I put down the garments and the lantern and pulled the box from my pocket. I walked over and pressed it into her shackled hands, urging her to open it. She furrowed her brows in confusion but tried regardless.

“It’s locked. What’s in it?”

I tapped the metal on her wrist, then gestured to the box. I gave her a look, hoping she would try again and break it open this time. She stared at me like I’d gone insane.

“It’s… No. There’s no way. This box— Does it really hold— But it’s locked, how would you even know? If you can’t even open it… But that’s why you need me to, isn’t it? You want me to break it open?” I nodded frantically. “I… Okay.”

Victoria tried again, this time with the entirety of her vampire strength. The lid of the box popped open and a set of keys fell out, hitting the concrete floor with a jingle. I quickly snatched them up and tried them on Victoria’s restraints, and they fit in the lock snugly. Soon enough, all her shackles were falling to the floor one by one. Lastly, I reached behind her head once more to undo the latch of the muzzle, freeing her from it hopefully forever. 

She stared at her restraints like she couldn’t fully believe they weren’t attached to her anymore. After centuries of being chained up, I could only imagine the feeling. “I’m… free?”

I took a deep breath. “I will come back to open the basement door during the night,” I said, uneasy that I had to break my vow. Not like it mattered more than stealing from Mother Superior. 

“You spoke,” she said, awe-struck. “You spoke to me for the first time in… weeks. I forgot what your voice sounded like. You’ll really let me out? After I just told you I would have to go back to hurting people?”

“I’m coming with you,” I said, dropping yet another bomb that seemed to shake Victoria’s world in its foundations. “You’ll have my blood.”

“Sister Therese…”

“Let us sit. Just for a moment, before I go back up and prepare for the escape.”

Victoria was all jittery from the excitement of her possible escape, but she humoured me, sitting back down on the ground next to me. “What will happen when you… I mean, you’re only human. You can’t… stay with me forever.”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I just know that I don’t think this is right. I entrusted your case to God — if He wills it, we’ll make it out, and He’ll make us a path.”

“What if He doesn’t will it?” 

“Then we’ll likely both die. But I’d rather die trying to save someone than live knowing I’m torturing someone innocent.”

“I’m not innocent.”

“You have been for the past centuries. What crimes did you commit, trapped down here?”

Victoria fell silent. “Don’t get me wrong, I… I’m eager to see the moonlight again. To walk. To run. I just don’t want you to regret it.”

“Then don’t make me,” I said with a soft smile. “Victoria, I have trust in you. I’m well-aware of your nature, but many sinners have repented and changed before you. I have repented and changed.”

“Many priests have tried to make me repent.”

“They didn’t love you.”

Victoria stopped in her tracks, her red eyes widening. “What?”

“You cannot hate someone into repenting. You can only ever do that through love. It’s the greatest commandment, to love. And I love you, with all of my heart. I believe you can change.”

She looked away and squeezed her eyes shut, exhaling shakily. When she opened them again, I could see tears glistening in them. “You do have a heart of gold, don’t you?”

“Any good you see in me is the work of the Holy Spirit. Without His grace, I’m nothing.”

“I think I could learn to love God again,” she said, voice breaking. “Through you.”

“That would be the greatest gift and honour.”

“Sister Therese…”

“Yes?”

“I’m so sorry.”

Before I could process the words, Victoria had grabbed me by the face and slammed my head against the wall behind me. I fell to the floor in a dizzy haze, only half-comprehending that I could still see the light of the lantern and the way Victoria moved to grab it. Then she walked off with it, leaving me in the dark to pass out.

—

The next time I awoke, I found myself in a pitch black room. At first, I didn’t understand where I was. The memories from before came back in bits and pieces, and soon I was in a panic, wanting to crawl my way to the stairs and up to find Victoria.

Except I’d been chained to the wall. The same restraints I had helped to get off Victoria were now binding me, by the neck and both wrists and ankles. 

What had I done?

“Victoria!” I screamed into the darkness. I couldn’t help but imagine the early days of her own captivity, how she must’ve screamed and thrashed to be let out. “Victoria!”

The door at the top of the stairs opened, and soon I heard someone descending them. I’d wanted so badly for her to come back and explain herself, but now that she was, I suddenly felt like I couldn’t say a single word. I was afraid of what she would do once she reached me. I was as afraid as I’d been the first time we locked eyes.

I could see the light of the lantern as she neared the bottom of the stairs, and soon she turned the corner. She was wearing a habit instead of the clothes I helped put on her so many times. Her hair was dripping with water.

“Sister Therese,” she said with a smile as she walked over. “You’re awake.”

“What is this?” I demanded, though my voice came out more like a plea. “Victoria, what have you done?” 

“What have I done?” She let out a shrill laugh that made me press myself up against the wall even more. “I’ve done nothing but let them see divine justice while they were still here on earth. They’ve imprisoned me, tortured me, left me to rot—”

“What have you done to them?” I asked, increasingly anxious. “What have you done?”

She crouched down, just like I’d done many times when I visited her. She brought the lantern up to my face, drinking in whatever despair she saw on it. She looked like a different person to the one I’d admitted my foolish, naive love for. “What is it, Sister Therese? Are you scared?” 

“Has it all been a lie? Has it all been a lie to get me to let you out?”

Her face softened and she reached out her free hand to caress my face. I didn’t dare pull away. “No. No, I do think you’re lovely, sister. With a heart of gold. But you must understand, I could never be truly happy until I saw those wretched women die by my hands. I painted the snow red with their blood — it’s really quite pretty when the moon shines on it the right way.”

“I don’t know you,” I said shakily, not even beginning to comprehend the fact that so many of my sisters could be lying dead upstairs; all because of me and my foolish decision not to trust Mother Superior.