Be Your Own Hero

i love you friendship and qprs and best friends and friends with benefits and mentorships and roommates and found family and surrogate parents and chosen siblings and rivalries every single specifically and actively nonromantic dynamic that exists

so embarrassing to watch yourself become obsessed with a character that feels tailor made for you specifically to become obsessed with. feels like i fell into a trap made just for me. like damn they got me. those are all the things i like and go crazy for

DPC and DPL.  Dead People’s Clothes and Dead People’s Leather. Their toys, their paintings of half naked, naked, screwing men.  The statues.  The leather.  The sling.  The posters.  The ... all of it. We’d literally Straighten homes.  Depending.  Some families knew and were fine. Or more ok.  But pictures of other guys on phones was the least of it. I have... leather that’s been passed through three or four men who’ve died before getting to me.  They’re the heirlooms now, passed down chosen families.   Sometimes there were crews.  We’d show up as soon as possible, as a unit.  We’d hit the bedrooms first.  Clear out closets, under beds, bedsides.  We’d donate, throw out, take mementos.  Pass on.  Secret lives and secret, us only treasures.   Then we’d leave.  For some family’s you never talked about it.  They never knew.  It was better all around.   I have vests, gloves.  A belt.  Arm bands.  Paintings.  T-shirts.  Photos, undeveloped film that’d I’m still somewhat terrified to try to get developed (lol).  We live on in the living rooms of others.

turns out i am gay

holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type

Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!

he was a llama

a llama?! he’s supposed to be dead!

Something neuroscience-y that helps with prose: attention is selective. A character will not notice everything in a room. They will notice what matters to their goal, fear, desire, training, wound, or obsession. A jealous character notices hands. a hungry character notices food. A soldier notices exits. A lonely character notices pairs. Description becomes character when attention has a bias.

Dont ask me whats up i have done nothing since we last talked 3 years ago

A non-writer asked me "but where do you get your ideas" and i genuinely did not know how to explain that it's not a place. it's not a website. it's not a folder. it's that i was on the bus and a woman was holding a paper bag very carefully and something about the way she held it made me need to know what was inside and then i needed to know why she was sad about it and then there was a whole person and then there was a whole story and the bus had already stopped and i missed my stop. that's where.

i do find the rules around clothes fascinating because of how made up it all is. we invented the idea of covering our bodies from the elements because we lack fur like other mammals and then made up all these rules around it and now people will unironically tell you "men cant wear skirts its unnatural" girl none of this is natural. we are born naked and made up the rest as we went along. hope this helps.

“You’re born naked and the rest is drag.” - Ru Paul

If the only thing that has kept you going was outliving Mitch McConnell, imma need yall to pick a new person to outlive and fast. Your mission is not over.

AMERICAN’T