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@onenicebugperday

#thinking about making this my pinned post

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strictlyquadrilateral

one time i went to the doctor and said "i think i have some sort of damage in my neck from hurting it on a trampoline as a teen" and the doctor said "no you don't." and i said, "well, the day after i hurt my neck, my bioparents tried to make me climb a mountain because they didn't believe i was hurt, and just a few minutes up the mountain i sat down on the side of the trail because i was in so much pain i couldn't keep walking, and they just left me there, and eventually i forced myself to climb the rest of the mountain because i was terrified they were going to legitimately abandon me on the side of the mountain forever. and i'm here today because it just recently occurred to me that when most people say 'i have a crick in my neck' they mean 'i slept funny and now i'm a little sore' and not 'i'm functionally bedbound at the moment due to severe neck pain'." and the doctor said "you have permanent nerve damage in your neck."

strictlyquadrilateral

#reminds me of the time i went to a surgeon because my shoulder kept dislocating by itself#and i was like “hey so my shoulder keeps dislocating. it does it in my sleep. help”#and he literally actually said the words “what?? no it doesn't!!” verbatim#so i rolled up my sleeve and calmly dislocated my shoulder at him#he was much more cooperative after that lol#did a solid surgery too. it still works great. *and* I'm in a medical textbook now#so anyway that's how i learned about hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome#disability (via @rudibranch)

oh my god

punkrorschach

same thing happened to me (i have EDS) but the doctor just moved my leg, felt it go back into joint, and went "your hip was dislocated. did you not feel that?"

locowolf-deactivated20250811

compared myself to people my age who are so much farther ahead in life than me

whetstonefires

I do have a piece of writing advice, actually.

See, the first time I grew parsnips, I fucked it up good. I hadn't seen parsnips sprouting before, right, and in my eagerness I was keeping a close eye on the row. And every time I saw some intruding grass coming up, I twitched it right out, and went back to anticipating the germination of my parsnips.

But it turns out parsnips take a bit longer than anything else I'd ever grown to distinguish themselves visually. It's just the two little split leaves, almost identical to a newly seeded bit of kentucky bluegrass when they first come up, and they take a good bit to establish themselves and spread out flat before the main stem with its first distinctive scallopy leaf gets going.

I didn't get any parsnips, not that year, because I'd weeded them all out as soon as they showed their faces, with my 'ugh no that's grass' twitchy horticulture finger.

The next year, having in retrospect come to suspect what had happened, I left the row alone and didn't weed anything until all the sprouts coming up had all had a bit to set in and show their colors, and I've grown lots of parsnips since. They're kind of a slow crop, not a huge return, but I like them and watching them grow and digging them up, and their papery little seeds in the second year, if you don't harvest one either on purpose or because you misjudged the frost, so it's worth it.

Anyway, whenever I see someone stuck and struggling with their writing who's gotten into that frustration loop of typing a few words, rejecting them, backspacing, and starting again, I find myself thinking, you gotta stop weeding your parsnips, man.

fairyysoup

reading this post be like

hersurvival

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asailororanightingale

has this been done.

kaban-bang

basi-boy

this video has been the last hinge holding me together for weeks now. I need to watch it once a day or I'll start disintegrating

dogpuppy

newporters

hairy armpit summerrrrr

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contemptible-scoundrel

enter my WAR ROOM.we can discuss such things as STRATAGEMS and TACTICAL MANEUVERS.. and girlsss

ozth

shamebats

Imo the best type of system for children to grow up in would be one that assumes the birth parents/primary guardians won't do shit and takes care of every aspect of childcare that's essential for their wellbeing and development, collectively.

shamebats

But I'm just a guy who only learned how to brush his teeth properly and got glasses as a child because we had both a dentist and a doctor come to school on a regular basis. The dentist would have us all stand in a circle with our little toothbrushes and show us how to brush and correct our technique. The doctors would give us general health assessments and then have the teachers contact our patents and essentially peer pressure them into getting us any health intervention we needed. My parents only reluctantly got me glasses because they knew the teachers would judge them if they kept seeing me sit in the very front row and still squint to see the chalkboard. So I'm biased.

shamebats

The only times I ever remember seeing a dentist or doctor as a child was at school. I'm quite healthy physically and I'm very grateful for all the care I got from the various professionals who cared about my well-being and development more than my actual parents did.

We had free healthcare including dental, mind you, my parents just couldn't be bothered. When my brother, as a teenager, asked our mother if she could take him to his orthodontist appointments (which he'd already arranged for on his own) she basically told him she didn't feel like it and he had to take the bus.

If I could improve anything about that system, I'd take it even further and make it so kids could see a doctor and get meds, treatments, therapy, tests, disability aids etc. without having to rely on their parents as well. I shouldn't have had to put up with being bullied and guilt-tripped about the family finances and the time investment needed to take me to the optometrist every time I needed new glasses.

shamebats

Some parents would not take care of their children even if they were given all the time and the resources. Mine are a great example of that — my mother stopped working and became a homemaker when I was in kindergarten, my father worked from the garage and was also always home. They had a car and our village even had a bus that would come once or twice an hour that would take you to the next two bigger cities.

Did that, plus the free healthcare, translate into them actually parenting and caring for us properly? It did not. They only ever did any of that reluctantly when not doing it would make them look bad, and most of the time they did a shitty job because they could never resist the urge to boost their egos by means of bullying literal children.

So I have to wonder: what did they actually contribute to our upbringing? Like they didn't teach us shit and mostly they just endangered our mental and physical health — but hey, at least they gave me cPTSD! That took some work too.

anarchistmemedistro

see also family abolition, and youth liberation .

applefae

A knee-jerk response to neglectful parenting I see a lot is “people should have to get licenses and take rigorous tests to PROVE that they should be ALLOWED to have kids” which is eugenics. That’s just the starting line for eugenics.

We are at a point in humanity where there is no meaningful reason why we shouldn’t be structuring our societies around wellbeing for all instead of wellbeing for the “deserving”.

Assume some parents will fail. Build social infrastructure that is designed to support failed kids rather than punish would-be parents.

queer-riot-dragon

Parents do not have to be neglectful to fail!

They can be busy, tired, stressed about finances, ignorant, etc. They can want to do the best for their kid and Fail Anyways.

The best thing is to support the children and give them the tools they need to succeed even if the parents are already giving them those tools. Because you can never learn something too much.

lessproblematical

Also sometimes parents become disabled or die and family can't always be counted on, and sometimes there isn't other family

lamine-19

The kindest thing that literature does is remind you that your little peculiar feelings have always existed. Someone, in some century, felt equally bewildered by love, bored by society, tired of pretending, and hungry for meaning.

lamine-19

“are you okay?” oh my god no but for the purposes of this conversation yes i’m fine

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justsomeguycore

but there actually are some social cues that can be taught. like the obvious one is when someone says “how are you” they usually mean “friendly noise” and are not actually asking how you are, although some people ARE genuinely asking how you are and it’s usually up to the context of your relationship to determine the difference

also that apparently “when you get a chance” usually means “when you take a break from the thing you’re immediately doing” and not “on a list among various other things you are doing today or tomorrow”

and when someone says “i’ll let you get going” they mean “please leave”

justsomeguycore

oh and you have to learn to weaponize “thank you for your understanding”. which means “there is nothing you can do about this so accept it”

theblackparadeisdead

Gave a gamer girl a hickey call me the Mark Applier

greatmagisterhexonic

no

theblackparadeisdead

Call this guy the Mark Denier

greatmagisterhexonic

no

theblackparadeisdead

Call this guy the Mark Replier

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