â Â i told you, itâs not as magical as it sounds. Â â
â Â oh boy, did he not like his box and he spent years in his box not liking his box. Â â
â Â you have a habit for citing movies as evidence. Â â
â Â kids kind of all look the same. Â â
â Â when babies are born, everyone goes, âoh, what a cute babyâ eh, itâs a baby either your babyâs ugly or normal. Â â
â Â i was a very ugly baby. Â â
â Â i have the mind of a detective. Â â
â Â you donât have the mind of a detective, you just stumbled upon a good question for once that, you know, actually pertained to the story. Â â
â Â what do you have against pennsylvania? Â â
â Â itâs quite up there in pennsylvania, people to too much free time. you know what happens next. Â â
â Â howâd that turn out? do we have any pictures of that? Â â
â Â thatâs not something you really tell someone in passing. Â â
â Â who sold his son? he sold his son! Â â
â Â anytime you have to say âitâs not incest, technicallyâ â thatâs not great. Â â
â Â did you just realize something? what just happened? Â â
â Â did you not realize that until now? Â â
â Â did i just solve something? i may have just solved something! Â â
â Â the day you solve something, iâll give you $500. Â â
â Â $500 real dollars? i could go with disneyland on that kind of money. thatâll last me a couple days maybe. Â â
â Â iâm not a sick-o, iâm just interested inâ okay, maybe iâm a little weird. Â â
â Â i love this right off the bat. Â â
â  i love it when serial killers have a fun little thing. i donât approve of serial killers, but i think â if youâre gonna kill a bunch of people â you might as well have some fun with it. â
â Â they donât make serial killer baseball cards though, do they? Â â
â Â everybody had an axe back in the day, huh? Â â
â Â sometimes, even the most beautiful places, hold the darkest secrets. Â â
â Â iâm gonna look up a slouch hat because that sounds like something i need. Â â
â Â this guy sounds like a villain from rocky and bullwinkle. Â â
â Â jazz it! honey, you gotta jazz it. iâm not gonna throw out this axe, so we better jazz it. Â â
â Â letâs see how many of these fuckers i can make dance. Â â
â Â i think, just, how about donât kill people? Â â
â Â i thought we were here to get into the mind of a serial killer. Â â
â Â no, no, no, no. just a theory? itâs dumb. Â â
â Â he seems like a cool dude. Â â
â Â i think he just did it because heâs a badass. Â â
â Â whatâs so funny about that? he has a bomb. Â â
â Â âyou think james bond ever wore a clip-on bowtie? Â â
â  it seems like a bad idea to make your get-rich-quick scheme to be to impersonate a criminal  â
â Â which makes this, most likely, complete horseshit. Â â
â Â they just said âunidentified object or some stupid shit like that. Â â
â  thatâs interesting⊠if thatâs true, that is interesting.  â
â Â cool guy. coolest guy in history. nice sunglasses. wow! bourbonâs great. Â â
â Â and then he died? Â â
â Â and then he died. talk about a guy who appreciates a cliffhanger. Â â
â Â you donât wanna make enemies of the deep state. Â â
â Â heâs kinda starting to sound like an idiot. Â â
â Â heâs a big dumb-dumb. Â â
â Â thatâs a good point. i never thought about that! Â â
â Â in a lot of ways this dog is the real hero of this story, it seems like. Â â
â Â iâd like to have something happy about this story and the dog is a regular lassie. Â â
â Â oh. well, thatâs a weird childhood. Â â
â  i canât say i feel exhilarated right now. â
â Â just try to picture one of the most famous people in the world trying to sneak into the tsa with a glued-on mustache and thinking that itâs gonna work out. i canât believe he was even considering it. Â â
â Â thatâs avalanche of âhe-done-itâ right there. Â â
â  oh boy⊠thatâs uh⊠holy shit! is all i have to say.  â
â Â from my knucklehead perspective, this looks very bad. Â â
â Â he dr. seussâd his way out of a murder. Â â
â Â this episode is bumming me out. Â â
â Â youâre really hitting at their heart right now. keep going, keep going. maybe youâll make a difference. Â â
â Â i donât like this guy. Â â
â  people were murdered⊠and this guyâs playing dress up?  â
â Â i feel dirty. i feel like i need to take a shower and then a bath and then another shower. Â â
â Â i need a drink. Â â
â Â donât cite the internet. Â â
â Â i mean, could you even detect âfruity garlicâ if it came down to it? Â â
â  iâm⊠liâ if i were toâ what isâ what?  â
â Â shut up, you idiot. weâve already decided! Â â
â Â so you think this was all an elaborate hooky scheme. Â â
â Â yeah, i donât know, man. itâs just fucking weird. Â â
â  well, i think this theory is bullshit, but⊠anyways.  â
â Â itâs a real thing, pal. Â â
â Â the whole idea of hysteria is that you donât realize it. youâre not like âyeah, we all participated in a mass hysteria, it was a real riot. man, she got fucked up. she was having a great time. what a fun hysteria that was.â Â â
â  âŠand you donât believe this, because?  â
â Â oo, this goes all the way to the top! i donât know if we should be looking into this. some stones are best left unturned. Â â
â Â meanwhile, theyâre playing hot potato with a poison syringe. Â â
â Â okay! you just shut your mouth. iâm done. Â â
â  i mean⊠shut up, youâreâ i canât evenâ this is⊠i thought you were like, on the level on this one.  â
â Â can you say, definitively, that she was not abducted? Â â
â Â thatâs it? fuck you! that definitively did not happen. Â â