* like a restless fire.

MAGNOLIA CASTILLO SENTENCE STARTERS / @whirledskies .

almost immediately does her attentive gaze snap away from him. and in the brief moments after watching him for what seemed like hours as they rested side-by-side in their infirmary beds, it's only silence that follows. a silence that hums. a silence that shivers with nerves. she considers their state of affairs with a surprising amount of diligence, or perhaps neurosis, for somebody so badly injured. now, it's undeniable that he knows, and that she knows, and that he knows she knows, and that she knows he knows --- but speaking it so plainly, or as plainly as either of the two of them can manage, is rather unexpected.

as she lies in a tense, contemplative silence, avoidant eyes staring at the grey ceiling, she can't help but consider the weight of his words, and what it means for him to be the one saying these things to her after she's kept them to herself for this long. to think that even he, somebody who seems to know everything, doesn't know what love feels like, but somehow finds a way to ascribe it to her; as much as her heart swells in this moment, it sinks twofold at the thought of reciprocating with something even more heartfelt than he did --- even if she did have so much more to say about it. her hesitation is unfairly prompted:

what good is your love in a war like this? a recently familiar voice echos something she remembers from within the memory of a dream. what good is it to love someone who won't ever love you in return?

the recollection of this all tugs almost immediately at the delicate, but worn features of her face: lips fall into a tight frown, eyes squinting the burn of tears back from breaching --- and for as much as the shock of the movement hurts, the pain doesn't seem to be enough to stop her from hiding as she limply curls her arms and bunched blanket up into her chest, her body rolling to the side facing away from him in order to keep him from seeing her fight against getting emotional. though, she already knows he'd notice regardless of how much she tried to hide it.

" sounds like head nurse might've missed a concussion ... or something. " she pretty miraculously fumbles this offering of a ribbing while trying to level her voice. now, the flesh of her cheeks feel as though they're as hot as the sections of burned skin across her arms and chest hiding beneath her bandages, the warmth of her flush heating up her body and making her already disturbed burns throb. for as much as she wants to sink entirely into the warm plush of his words and disappear into them, for now, it feels too soon. for now, a return to what's most familiar to them is something she assumes would help them both anchor each other back down from the ark.

❝  what does ‘happy’ feel like?  ❞

❝  i think the real ‘monsters’ are the ones who create the monstrous things.  ❞

❝  broken things aren’t always ruined.  ❞

❝  healing isn’t always about putting yourself back together the way you were.  it’s about making something new out of the pieces that are left.  ❞

❝  they stole my voice.  this is me taking it back.  ❞

❝  dying isn’t so bad…it’s the leaving.  going away when you haven’t really even gotten to do anything yet.  ❞

❝  quiet.  the ghosts are talking.  ❞

❝  i think sometimes,  some people are just meant to carry pain.  ❞

❝  i’m not sure what love is supposed to feel like.  i’ve never really had it before…but i know i feel good with you.  warm.  like home.  ❞

❝  there are some things worse than death.  would you like to see them?  ❞

❝  you can get used to any pain.  but loneliness,   that’s what makes you break.  ❞

❝  the only thing that saved me was me.  ❞

❝  i didn’t survive…i just didn’t die.  there’s a difference.  ❞

❝  please stop lying i’m trying to think.  ❞

❝  i’ve always been at home among the haunted things.  ❞

❝  the world is too big.  and i don’t know how to be in it anymore.  ❞

❝  i’ve seen what ‘bad’ looks like.  you’re one of the good ones,  trust me.  ❞

❝  i think i’m afraid to heal,  because that means i can be broken again.  ❞

❝  there is good in the world.  i know there is.  i just don’t think i get to have it in my life.  ❞

❝  you have to hold on to the little joys when you find them.  ❞

❝  everything in nature is about balance.  i think the spiritual world is like that too.  maybe,  if my life is so filled with darkness and hurt,  someone else out there is getting nothing but light and warmth.  someone who deserves it.  ❞

❝  i don’t want to hide anymore.  ❞

❝  sometimes it’s easier to believe there’s something wrong with me.  it’s easier than if i didn’t deserve all those things and people knew that and chose to hurt me anyway.  that just seems worse somehow.  ❞

❝  you have a very messy brain.  ❞

❝  do you think the moon gets lonely?  ❞

❝  when i was little i used to believe fairies made it rain.  i think i just wanted the world to feel magical.  ❞

❝  people always go away.  even if they don’t mean to.  no one stays.  ❞

❝  anything can be a cage.  ❞

❝  at least,  no one can touch my soul.  that’s mine.  that will always be mine.  ❞

❝  time doesn’t speak to me.  ❞

❝  embrace your chaos…hug your demons.  ❞

❝  there are things you can never forget once you know them.  ❞

❝  don’t go poking around this stuff…it pokes back.  ❞

❝  i just live in each second as it comes.  that’s all i have.  ❞

❝  the only thing we can really control is ourselves.  but there’s a power in that.  only you get to decide what kind of person all the hard things turn you into.  ❞

❝  i feel like i don’t know much of anything anymore.  ❞

❝  a body is just something you’re stuck inside.  it’s not really you.  just a place to stay for a little while.  ❞

❝  i don’t know why people like to hurt me.  they just do.  ❞

❝  i killed him but,  now there’s a mess.  ❞

❝  i want to help.  please?  i just want to do something good.  ❞

❝  i’m not very brave.  or strong.  i broke.  they broke me…but i’m still here.  ❞

❝  i got blood on my dress.  i really like that dress.  ❞

❝  there are so many secrets in my head i never asked for.  ❞

❝  i’m in here.  i’m inside this body.  there’s still a person in here and it’s mine.   it’s my body.  i’m tired of so many people acting like it isn’t.  ❞

❝  i don’t really sleep much anymore.  but it’s okay,  someone has to keep the moon company.  ❞

❝  i’m so angry.  it’s always there.  but if i let it out i’m afraid i’ll never stop.  ❞

❝  i didn’t think i’d still be alive by now.  i’m not really sure what to do now that i am.  ❞

❝  everyone’s a little bit broken.  but it’s okay.  broken things can be pretty too.  that’s how mosaics are made.  ❞

❝  i don’t want anyone to hurt the way i’ve hurt.  no one deserves that kind of pain.  ❞

❝  i’ll be gentle with your heart.  ❞

❝  i like your soul.  it’s beautiful.  ❞

❝  you have a pretty brain.  ❞

❝  the pain gets better.  it won’t go away completely but.  you get used to it.  it will get easier to breathe,  bit by bit until you don’t really notice it anymore.  ❞

❝  let me make it better.  please?  ❞

❝  you’re hurting.  i can tell.  you don’t have to hide it.  ❞

❝  you can’t hurt me in a way i haven’t already survived.  ❞

❝  the thing about being broken,  is it’s already done.  you know you can get through anything after that.  ❞

❝  people are kind of like art.  everyone is going to see something different when they look at you.  ❞

❝  i choose to help people because no one helped me.  i want to be that person for others that i needed.  ❞

❝  fucking dumbasshole.  ❞