Rancid Piles of Garbage

Spin the wheel again. That’s who’s trying to protect you.

(If you have zero idea about a name you got, spin until you see someone you recognize.)

I’m just curious how many people at some point in their lives have played/learned to play an instrument of any kind.

I included a nuance button bc I know there might be some folks who might be like “well I played the recorder in grade school but idk if that counts” — count it if you want or hit nuance if you’re unsure! 😊

To be clear, if you studied an instrument to any level of proficiency, even if you’re out of practice now, please select yes!

A Pokemon only counts for itself, not its evolution line.

A Pokemon with multiple forms (like Zygarde) will only be counted for the specified form. A Pokemon with multiple appearances (like Spinda, Vivillon, Sylvally, etc.) count for all their appearances.

The world wide spider, ye say? Yeah, I know the tales. Started a few o’ ‘em meself.

I ‘eard some say she’s a shelob. Eyes hungry an’ many. Dark, course hair. Legs like iron an’ pincers that can drive straight through a man, eat ‘is ‘eart right out o’ ‘is chest. She spins ‘er web through the night, lurin’ good an’ bad men alike into deep, dark corners of the internet. Trappin’ ‘em like flies an’ suckin’ ‘em dry to let the maggots feast on their bones, never to be seen again.

Others say she’s an orb weaver. Eyes bright. Hair fine an’ abdomen of purest white. Legs stained red an’ delicate an’ pincers gentle as she spins ‘er web into intricate patterns the likes o’ which ye ain’t never seen. Patterns of love an’ art an’ story an’ pure, unadulterated creativity. Patterns so fine an’ so lovely that if ye ever looked upon ‘em with yer own two eyes ye’d weep fer the beauty o’ ‘em.

Others say she’s a wanderer. Eyes eager. Hair thick. Legs strong and fast and pincers sturdy as she makes ‘er unendin’ journey. An’ that where’er she goes ‘er web follows. Through deep valleys an’ across open canyons an’ around an’ o’er high mountains, connectin’ people an’ discoverin’ knowledge an’ safekeepin’ history an’ occasionally gettin’ lost along the way. An’ to find ‘er is both a blessin’ an’ a curse ‘cause ye never know whether it be fortune or damnation that she bring ye.

I’ve been chasin’ ‘er these past twenty-five year.

Ye say yer scared? Scared?

Are ye scared of the open sky? The vast sea? The terrible an’ endless beauty o’ the stars in the firmament?

I swear to ye, one day I’ll find ‘er, I will. And be she hungry demon or beauteous weaver or wild wanderer or somethin’ else entire, I will weep for the wonder o’ ‘er, I will. And I will thank ‘er fer ‘er spinnin’ all the same. For she is a goddess, a titan, she takes the threads of humanity and weaves ‘em across the four corners o’ this fine Earth. Without ‘er we’d be lost.

I will find ‘er. This great beauty. This goddess of the internet.

I swear it.

With the very last beat o’ me ‘eart.

With the last twitch o’ me muscle.

With last breath o’ me long-weary lungs.

An’ I pray to every god I know that when I do, she do be down to fuck.

Like they’re also discussing how bad they feel for (and kind of dunking on) this guy who they all, at time of recording, think is some random actor who got his career hopes fucked over by how bad this movie was. And it’s like, if you had recorded this mere months later you’d be talking about one of the most currently culturally relevant celebrities on the planet.

Connor Storrie they have seen this movie ten times in five days and your performance is still one of the only good things they consistently have to say about it.

Oh fuck RIGHT off