I’m in a rut. Working from home sucks. My home used to be my sanctuary, which is why I always spend so much time curating it. And now that I’m in it 24/7 I’m almost sick of it, even though it’s only been a month. I miss Atlanta.

god I just realized the worst thing about potentially moving back to Florida is everyone trying to talk to me about the gators in job interviews

One day I’ll get drunk and just start a group chat with everyone I’ve ever hated and just text “fuck you” and then leave the group

I just posted a cute drawing that I worked so many hours on and I’m really proud of and a girl from college commented, “I love this! So marketable” IN WHAT WORLD Marketable is the weirdest compliment to say about someone’s craft This is the shit I can’t deal with. I love doing work on my own time for the people I love because thats what makes it worth it. I’m not naturally an artist. I have a good eye but I’m teaching myself the technical basics I never learned like sketching and shading. And that’s taken so fucking long to strip almost everything I learned about art digitally from my brain and starting from scratch. Downgrading the things I do for joy to something that’s “marketable” is so gross.

Not a religious person, but I’m prayin to someone tonight

It’s really nice that people like the things I make. But I wish they’d stop asking me to open a shop. I do this to make me happy and the pressure of pleasing someone else while doing crafts that I do solely to keep me from ripping my hair out seems to defeat the point I like money. But I know I’ll drown so quickly if that happens

I’m so tired all the time and I’m on a shitty version of autopilot and I’m finding it so hard to get out of bed. I was supposed to go home on Monday and now it’s Thursday and I keep making excuses as to why I can’t make the drive that day. I’m feeling so rundown and I want to just sleep without disappointing anyone.

Tonight I heard the letters from multiple A-list celebrities defending our work and our jobs and I want to cry????

I switched hair stylists for the first time in 3 years and I’m only like 40% sure I won’t be murdered in my sleep

The app I’ve been working on since I started my job is being shut down. Because of that, they’ve laid off a significant # of people, including some people I really really love. I truly have no fucking clue why I still have a job. I have so much “survivors guilt.” Everyone I work with is so talented and they love movies so so so much and I feel like I’m taking up the spot of someone who deserves much more to be here.

I really wish I had more time for tumblr. It truly made me grow up to not be douchebag trash. Thankful for such diverse voices. It’s a weird intimacy for a collection of strangers. But it made me so much more empathetic to believing in strangers’ struggles even if I couldn’t relate. And it’s a quality that Ive grown to be happy with. I’m not really sure why people require receipts to value people’s pain. Challenging someone to prove their grievances seems like a lot more work than just being empathetic without trying to correlate it with something you can relate to.

My boyfriend’s biggest dream is to be a pilot. Not a commercial one. The tiny ass rinky dink ones that you always see crashing on the news with no survivors. He flies about twice a week. And I know I can’t tell him no and I don’t want to because the way he lights up about planes is the way I wish I had had a passion for literally anything. But I just have a constant underlying anxiety of him getting hurt. It was different when we were long distance and it was out of sight and out of mind. But now every late text response is just me assuming the worst.

Craig’s dog just died and they’re out of the country on vacation. The vet gave the news over the phone. I’ve never lost a personal pet before, but I loved this dog too. We bonded when we first met because both of our dogs were dachshunds and ended up being only 5 months apart. She was so feisty and loud and barked at me whenever I touched Craig but god, she was the cutest and most loyal thing. I can’t stop crying and my heart just hurts so much and she wasn’t even mine. Most of my deceased relatives passed when I was too young to understand and so I don’t have a lot of experience grieving loss as an adult. I’m just so worried my world will feel like it’s collapsing and I won’t be able to get up again.

Do I need to change my url to littlegirlbigmouth. Because I literally need no excuse to be belligerent