Forever Alone

loyalty, and how not to run.

So I kept reshaping my heart

into someone you could keep—

only to realize I may have been

the side story that got too real,

never the future you could bring home.

Maybe loving you was my cruelest mistake:

you asked me to trust you,

then locked me out—

and now you’re describing my escape

I could survive heartbreak. I could survive disappointment. But I don't know how to teach my heart to rest beside someone who made me question whether the pieces of me I love most would always be seen as too much.

My children are not chapters I can skip. They are the story.

So tell me— how does a mother feel safe in the arms of someone who made her wonder if the little hands she holds would ever truly belong there too?

There is a grief unlike any other in watching the person who holds your heart look at the people who are your heart and hesitate. To feel as though your children are not the light that guides you, but the weight someone wishes you didn't carry.

How lonely it is to stand beside the one you love while quietly wondering if they're ashamed of the life that made you who you are.

A mother's love is not baggage. It is sacrifice, sleepless nights, scraped knees, bedtime stories, and fierce devotion wrapped in imperfect hands.

So when the person you love makes you feel ashamed of your family, they don't just wound your heart—they cast a shadow over the very place where your love burns brightest.

I'll never be the free-spirited girl in their stories.

I'll always be the woman whose hands are full—

small fingers intertwined with hers,

a heart divided only because it learned

how to love more than itself.

Some will see children

before they'll ever see me.

They'll mistake my motherhood

for baggage instead of bravery,

forgetting that the strongest women

are often the ones who kept loving

when life asked everything of them.

If that means I'll never fit

inside someone else's idea of freedom,

then let me be remembered

as the woman who became a home,

even when no one stayed long enough

I welcome healing.

I welcome peace.

I welcome joy.

I welcome abundance.

I welcome love that is patient, honest, and freely given.

This home is no longer defined by what it has been through.

It is defined by what we choose to become.

Today is a new beginning.

And from this day forward, may our home be filled with light, love, and the quiet reminder that even after the darkest seasons, beautiful things can still grow.

I'm asking to stop feeling like an option.

Every time I reach for you, it feels like I'm reaching for someone with one foot beside me and the other already halfway out the door.

Do you know how lonely that is?

To love someone with your whole heart while they love you with whatever time is left over.

I don't want love that feels borrowed.

I don't want to keep convincing someone to choose me.

I don't want to force a place in a life that should already have room for me.

The cruelest part is...

There are people in this world who pray for a love like mine.

A love that stays. A love that forgives. A love that waits. A love that keeps believing.

And here I am...

Is that really what someone says to the person they love?

Then came, 'You're such a dumb bitch.' You say it so often that I wonder if you even hear yourself anymore. Maybe you've forgotten that words don't disappear after they're spoken. They stay. They bruise.

You say you're tired.

I am too.

I'm tired of only existing when it's convenient for you. I'm tired of being your midnight comfort while the daylight, the holidays, the moments that actually matter, somehow never have room for me. Every time those moments come around, you're conveniently unavailable.

Do you know what that feels like?

It feels like being emotionally stabbed by someone who's supposed to be protecting your heart.

I don't want to beg for love anymore. I don't want to feel like I'm forcing someone to choose me, to see me, to make space for me. Love shouldn't feel like convincing someone you're worth showing up for.

The hardest part is knowing how deeply I love you. So many people spend their lives searching for someone who would love them the way I have loved you—with loyalty, patience, forgiveness, and my whole heart.

And yet somehow, I'm the one left wondering if I was ever enough.

It feels like you've always had one foot in my world while the other was pointed toward an exit only you could see.