what now sad cow?

– You got attached too quickly for my tastes.  I did like you but not as much as you liked me.  I didn’t deserve your feelings and felt bad that I couldn’t like you as much as you liked me.  You always offered me presents and gifts and I didn’t want to accept them.  It pained me to hurt you, but it was better in the end for both of us.  You were too emotional for me and I couldn’t handle it.

– I felt like I truly loved you.  We never became official but I was head over heels for you for a very long time.  You promised me that I would be your homecoming date, but it wasn’t me you took in the end.  The amount you hurt me reminds me of how much you probably didn’t care.  To this day, part of this relationship still affects me every once in a while.  After you I vowed to never like a guy more than he liked me.  I was foolishly blind.

– After some peer pressure, I gave in to dating you.  We grew up together but I don’t remember you.  Once things were “official” it quickly got awkward and uncomfortable.  And just as quickly I ended it.  I’m so glad you forgave me for it, I’m so glad that we are still pretty good friends in the end.  I’m so thankful for you for bringing me into your friends group, although I’m still not considered part of it.  

– You were so wrong for me in every way but I couldn’t get you out of my head.  You were the longest time I ever devoted to a guy and you broke me.  You taught me more about the world and you taught me to be less judgmental.  People thought you didn’t treat me right, and maybe you didn’t, but I know what I felt at that time.  You were my first “real” relationship and I am thankful for the time we spent together.  The timing and the way you broke it off was probably one of the most harsh ways you could have done it.  That was a dark period of time, but I made it through.  I want to be friends with you again but I know its probably better if I didn’t.

– After that I spiraled into a train of unknown and misconnection. I was lost and trying to find myself in the wrong way. The ones who I gave a chance to. The stupid decisions I made that caused unnecessary hurt. The ones that caused me to deserve what people say behind my back. The ones that formed the anxiety attacks I feel when the 1 month mark comes around. I got lost in turbulent waters for a while feeling the strain of needing a new location, a drastic change.

– And just like that I moved. I moved and I found myself in you. I discovered a new city, a new life, new people, career growth... and in a way you became the city to me.  All along I thought you were end game. You broke all the rules I made for myself. How could I have been so foolish? How could I have put so much into one person? How could I have been so happy one day, and torn to shreds the next? From you I learned that alignment and values don’t change. Listen to the nagging voice in your head that tells you no.  Listen to the lessons you learned previously. Your heart can only carry you so far. 

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