r u ok?

I just really need to get this off my chest, so here it goes…

So I’ve done some rude things to this particular person.. I’ve done shitty/bitchy things to basically turn her off and realize that I’m no better, that I am not worthy to become her friend.

Ive tried to push her away the least monstrous as possible but no, it doesnt work that way.. I even let myself reach the point wherein I was taking her for granted cause she’s letting me to, and to tell you honestly I dont like it that way.

I dont want any beneficial friendship from anybody… I dont want people to be there for me when I need something, I dont want the kind of friendship wherein they are my friends cause I need them, cause I dont want to reach the point wherein my existence is basically existing because they were there for me.. I just dont want to become a burden you know..

I want to become the person they “have” when they got no one…

So, I want the other way around… So back to her.. So yeah apparently, yes I took her for granted cause she let me to. I even told my friends that thing about this I think a year ago? cause I dont want them to get the idea that I’m enjoying it cause Im getting something from it.. The least I could do is to be honest about it.. I think she kinda knows it…

Before me, she got a group of friends whom I thought that they were taking her for granted, its not only me who have notice this, me and my other friends kinda notice this.. If she’s present, the setting and the environment is the same even without her..

I mean when someone is not around You would know the difference between how a group of people reacts, it turns out that whether she’s there or not, nothing is change.. Its like the way they care/behave is based on their ability to realize how severe a situation is..

There is this one time wherein she got into some medical thingy and a friend of mine over heard her friends asking whether they should go see her or not. I mean they have a choice? An option? Then I told my friend to come with me and see her, And I just stood there mocking and saying rude things to her cause I dont want people to get the Idea that I’m nice cause I’m not.. So to turn things around I just teased her.. And of course to soothe and kill the silence of awkwardness..

So yeah I think her friends havent reach the point wherein they will realize how important she was..

That I think was my turning point wherein I got interested why she kept on hanging with this people, (ps I got nothing against them, tbh they are not bad at all, they are not rude at all, its just that this particular group of chalice is not suitable for her..) so base on my findings and research, it turned out that she doesn’t have a friend… A Real Close Best Friend.. (I wont tell you if she had a boyfriend or none, if I tell you, you might know who Im talking about but yeah She does have one) so yeah she doesn’t have anyone to tell her deepest darkest secrets..

Unlike me, I have plenty of people in my list whom I trust, like really I have like different bestfriends.. Whom I considered as bestfriends cause they just are.. I got 4 boy best friends.. Not including those who were just close.. On girls I got like 6 of them. Not including those who were as Ive said just close to me. But If there is a _______ on the questionaire I’ll just put Dalyn there. You know her? Tell her I missed her. HAHAHA

So yeah.. I got a lot of friends so I’m fortunate about this kind of thing and to return the favor People need friends too right? Like real friends.. Real real real friends.. So she doesnt have one.. Im not doing this to return the favor and Im not saying here that I’ll be that fella but before she acquired one I want to help her.. I’m gonna release the best of her.. There is something about her that is irritating though something that is not her.. I can tell that, and I’m gonna do something about it.

I’m not gonna be nice for her cause I tell you, I’m not nice, I’m rude. And lastly I’m a bitch in real life.. This is just who I am but this is not about me, its about this particular thing in me that I need to shout into the world cause its bothering me.. I’m a bitch dude but not the kind of bitch who takes people for granted for benefits..

I use swear/curse words a lot but that doesn’t change the fact that those swear/curse words are just an ignition when Im happy, excited, mad, angry.. I dont use them for telling people “HEY YOURE A BITCH” cause literally in life they are bitch… I use them like telling people that… “HEY YOURE A BITCH” cause you use the exit door of the building to enter instead of using the entrance..I just hope you know what I mean..

Now people might get the Idea that there is something wrong with her (yes there is, there are flaws in everyone, but that is not what I meant) the only thing wrong about here is the people around her, like me. I admit it, I am really irritated with her like really irritated, and because of that hamartia I became blind sided, wherein I am only seeing what’s wrong with her, and the more you see this kind of stuff, The more you will dislike a person.. Its like having a Salad and all you see is the bland taste of the salad, the boring part of the salad.. You were too blind to see the positive side of the salad, same as her and me.

I was too busy picking up her flaws that I didnt even realize how fortunate I am that she is there for me [although I said earlier that I dont like this thing were people are there for me(just ignore that for a minute or two)] how lucky I am to have her as a friend.

And I dont want to say this to her face though cause she might get the idea that I’m a Good friend cause I’m not. I dont like people affirming me and pointing how humane I am, just let me do my thing that would be enough.

if you thought your dog came quickly when you called? Well, wait till you see Pickle…